Okay, now it gets weird. It is not a bootleg copy at all, right?
Furthermore, when I take it back to the store where I got it, they test it, and... it works. Even though the console has the same error, they managed to load the start screen, make a character, and get through the opening cinematic (they Alt+F4'd before actual gameplay started).
So, now I'm REALLY confused. The computer they were using, by their own admission, is several years older than mine, and inferior in every way. So why does it work on their computer, but not mine?