ajantic1987 Posted December 17, 2004 Share Posted December 17, 2004 Hey, I'm new here. I love the scummbar website and have been visiting it regularily for years. You probably get topics like this all the time, but I am in the process of writing a Monkey Island script. It's just for fun and it is not be taken seriously. I have just begon writing it so it is not more than 5-6 pages long. I just want you guys to have a look at it and tell me what you think. It is of course funny, but I also wanted to take a little more serious approach. Here it is: The Quest for Monkey Island *Fade from logo to black* *There is no music, only the sounds of waves splashing and seagulls are distinctly heard in the background.* *A man's voice is heard.* MAN "Sometimes, when it's quiet, I can still hear the monkeys.* *Monkey's are heard in the background.* MAN "Who am I? You sure you wanna know? The story of my life is not for the faint of heart. If someone told it was a happy tale. If someone told that I was just your average ordinary guy not a care in the world...somebody lied. But let me assure you, this story like any other worth telling is all about a girl. Well, it's also about vengeful, bloodthirsty pirates, but I'll get to that later. *Raises his voice* Let's start off with how I became the most feared and respected pirate in the caribbean. *Cut to exterior. night.* *Cannons are being fired at a small village. Men that appear to be pirates jump out of their boats and run towards the shore. They are badly dressed with ravaged clothes along with a frightening appearence. They shoot at bypassers and continue to spread through the village. We now follow two pirates that are making their way towards a cottage. They blast open the door and run inside. What they are met with is a young woman holding a baby in her arms. PIRATE 1 "Give me your finest jewerly, mrs, or I'll use your cottage for firewood!" *The woman tries to run away, but the pirates are too quick. She kicks one of them and runs out the door. The second pirate aims his gun at her and shoots. All we see is a close-up of the gun firing. There is much dust and debris. When the smoke disappears the woman is revealed laying lifeless on the ground. PIRATE 1 "What the blazes was that all about?" *He grabs the second pirate's gun.* PIRATE 2 "But...but, she was tryin' to run away." PIRATE 1 "Oh well, what's done is done. Let's plunder whatever treasure she might have before we leave for the ship." *The pirates are about to start searching the cottage when they are interrupted by someone crying. They slowly walk over to the doorway and see the little baby boy laying helpless on the ground." PIRATE 2 "Oh, he's so cute. Can we keep im'?" PIRATE 1 "Of course we can't keep im', you sorry excuse for a pirate!" PIRATE 2 "But we done killed his mother. It's our responsibillty. Have you forgotten the third rule of piracy? If you've killed the owner, he won't be needin' his possesions." PIRATE 1 "Aye, and we must honour the rules of piracy. I suppose you're right. The kid could be worth something one day. Let's take im' aboard the ship along with the rest of the plunder." *The pirates run out of the cottage. The camera is lifted up and reveals a majestic ship with pirate flags flapping in the wind. *The music builds up and the title appears on screen.* The Quest for Monkey Island *Exterior. Day.* *19 years later.* *We see the ship riding the waves. It is sircling a ship that appears to be of a more sophisticated class. Even though the ship is filled with gentlemen and aristocrats, it is fully able to defend itself. Cannons are fired from both ships. It is a sea battle like no other. A voice is suddenly heard yelling:* VOICE "Guybrush Threepwood!" *A tall and skinny man runs out on the deck. He wears a black vest over a white shirt. His long, blonde hair covers most of his back. He has a long nose and gullible eyes. He is rather goofy looking.* GUYBRUSH "Yes, captain." CAPTAIN "We're in trouble. Make sure that no man is able to board my ship. GUYBRUSH "I'll get right on it, captain." CAPTAIN "And try not to mess this one up. Don't make me regret making you a part of my crew." GUYBRUSH "I won't let you down, captain." *The captain shakes his head and hopes for the best.* *Immediately after, the other ship start throwing hooks with rope attached to them towards the ship. They are attempting to board it. Guybrush runs over to cut the ropes. The camera pans down to his belt and reveals a long sword holder. He grips the handle and draws it out. It appeared to be a sword, but it turns out to be a small dagger. He starts cutting away at the ropes, but the blade isn't sharp enough.* CAPTAIN "Guybrush, ye no good pirate. Cut that rope before you condem us all." GUYBRUSH "I'm trying captain, but the blade isn't sharp enough." *He continues to cut away at the rope. Suddenly he feels someone pricking his shoulder. He looks up and sees a soldier right infront of him. SOLDIER "Having trouble, are we?" *The soldier kicks Guybrush and he lands firmly on his butt. He gets to his feet and points his dagger at the pirate.* GUYBRUSH "Ye will have nightmares about the day when you crossed swords with the mightiest pirate in the caribbean." *We see that the rope is slowly giving away.* SOLDIER "There's only one problem. My weapon's bigger than yours, and I mean that every way possible." *Guybrush looks insulted.* GUYBRUSH "Oh yeah? Well, you probably fight like a cow!" *The soldier rushes towards him, but just as he is about to thrust his sword into Guybrush, the rope gives away and the hook flies towards the soldier, sending him into the water.* *The battle is won, and the crew screams in happiness over the victory.* CAPTAIN "Today, me lads. We will drink fine wine and eat the sweetest of fruit. And you..." *The captain looks down at Guybrush. He gulps nerviously.* *We cut to Guybrush washing the deck.* CAPTAIN "I want every part of my ship to shine like a silver coin." GUYBRUSH "Yes, captain." *Guybrush looks at the captain in dismay.* *We fade to the ship docked at a town. A sign dangling from a palm tree says: "Melee island: Where every pirate is welcome." *Guybrush has a stick with a bag attached to it over his shoulder.* CAPTAIN "I'm sorry you can't join us for any more adventures, Guybrush." GUYBRUSH "No, you're not. You're glad to be rid of me. But I'll start my own life. A life worthy of my enormous potential.* *The crew giggle* GUYBRUSH "I will steal from the wealthiest, duel with the mightiest, and marry the most beautiful woman in the caribban!" CAPTAIN "Well, I hope you find what you're looking for, matey. Raise the sails! 'Tis a great day to plunder!" *The ship turns and diseappears into the horizon. Guybrush looks as the ship turns into a little dot on the high waves." *He walks towards a building with a sign that says: "Scumm Bar." GUYBRUSH NARRATES "So there I was. A man with nothing to his name but a sack of food and a goal to become the most feared pirate in the caribbean. I was ready for the world, but I don't think the world was ready for me..." *He opens the door. People laugh at him. An older man glanses over at Guybrush. He has long red hair, a black hat and an eyepatch covering his left eye.* OLD MAN "Hey, come over here, me heartie!" *Guybrush approaches the old man. He drops his sack to the floor and sits down on a chair beside the pirate. Music is playing cheerfully in the background.* OLD MAN "So, what brings ye to this part of the island?" GUYBRUSH "I want to become the most feared pirate in the Caribbean....as less strained and easy as possible." *The old man laughs at him* OLD MAN "You've got yourself a good spirit there, boy. But getting is not always about wanting. You must also make yourself worthy." GUYBRUSH "Hah! I don't need a stinky old man to tell me how to become a successful pirate. I've already got some experience sailing the high sea's and plundering vessels." OLD MAN "Ah, yes. We've been hearing about your little adventures, Mr. Threepwood. They were not exactly as successful as you claim them to be." *Guybrush looks shocked.* GUYBRUSH "How do you know my name?" OLD MAN "Us pirates know a lot of things about what occurs in the world of piracy. Plus, it's written on that badge on your jacket." *Guybrush tears off a badge that says: "Will work on pirate ship for free."* GUYBRUSH "I was meaning to get rid of that. *Pause* Wait a minute? You're a pirate?" OLD MAN "Aye, matey. I be the fearsome pirate Bloodnose. But I've gotten old. Plundering towns and killin' innocent people just isn't as fun as it used to be." GUYBRUSH Teach me how to become a pirate. You will not regret it. I shall make your name legendary." *The old pirate looks suspiciously at Guybrush. Suddenly he jumps at him and aims his sword at Guybrush's throat.* BLOODNOSE "Make Bloodnose legendary? I am legendary! I was commandering ships before your mother ever saw the light of day!" GUYBRUSH "I am sorry if I offended you, mr. pirate sir. All the family I ever had just sailed away." *¨Bloodnose slowly pulls his sword away. He sits down back again in his chair.* BLOODNOSE "Ah, 'tis alright. The problem is that nobody cares about pirates anymore. We were legendary because we were feared. Now a days, people only hear about pirates in stories. Now that we are no longer respected we are no longer excistent. There are not many pirates left in the world." GUYBRUSH "Why is that so?" *Bloodnose slowly sinks into his chair.* BLOODNOSE "Well, rumour has it that a pirate captain long ago was betrayed by his shipmates. He was shot in the back while glotting over his treasure. Shoting someone in the back is the worst sign of cowardness and disrespect. Any pirate who shoots someone in the back is not worthy of the title. Anyways, this pirate was said to have been resurrected from his grave by an evil voodoo lady. He made a pact with her that every year he would be able to rise from his grave and kill the pirates and their kin so that he could fulfill his vengenance. And now the pirates are all but extinct." GUYBRUSH "Why doesn't someone kill this pirate." BLOODNOSE "Oh, he cannot be killed. It is said that only after he has killed all those who betrayed him will he rest. But over time he wanted more and more power. He now aims to become a living dead for all eternity, bound to kill all those who oppose him... a lone pirate to rule the seven seas." *Guybrush looks wide-eyed at Bloodnose.* GUYBRUSH "Man, that was scary." *Bloodnose winks.* BLOODNOSE "I know." GUYBRUSH "But I am not afraid of him. I shall kill this undead, sorry excuse for a pirate and restore piracy to the caribbean." *Guybrush looks at Bloodnose.* GUYBRUSH "But I will need your guidance." *Bloodnose is deep in thought. He eventually looks up at Guybrush.* BLOODNOSE "Will you finish what you begin?" GUYBRUSH "I won't fail you...I'm not afraid." BLOODNOSE "You will be...you will be." *Guybrush looks curiously at the camera.* GUYBRUSH "This sounds familiar somehow." BLOODNOSE "Are you ready to begin?" GUYBRUSH "Yes, but this calls for a celebration." *Guybrush walks over to the counter.* GUYBRUSH "Grog me, barkeep!" BARKEEP "I'd love to. But first, let me see some ID." GUYBRUSH "What? I don't need to show no stinkin' ID. I don't need to stand here listen to this no good, filthy excu..." *Bloodnose grabs Guybrush's arm and pulls him with him.* BLOODNOSE "We'd better leave." *We cut to a shot of a sword.* BLOODNOSE "The only thing more important than a sword is your wits. If you do not know how to behave in combat, you will lose." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
omloflump Posted December 18, 2004 Share Posted December 18, 2004 Honestly, I didn't like it. Your portrayal of Guybrush didn't seem accurate. And why was Guybrush on that ship if he's not a pirate yet? Presumdely Guybrush just left home before the events of the first game. I understand that you probably didn't just want to make a blind adaption of the game but this is the sort of thing that would piss off fans. The beginning of the film, where the pirates kill the mother and take the baby, is the oldest cliché in the book! In fact the whole set up reminded me of a cheap Hollywood B-Movie. Sorry to be so harsh, but the humour was also weak and lacking, especially that Spiderman bit, while it would work for 5 minute sketch, it's not a good way to introduce a character in a feature film, more subtle references would be more appropriate. In my opinion, it didn't seem to capture the spirit of the games at all. I also think it would benefit from having a variation of the three trials in there, they would have great potential and would be an enjoyable set up for the film before the actual plot sets in. Oh and the Bloodnose charater is also a B-Movie cliché, they always use the wise old master to teach the protagonist. I can just picture the training sequences with Guybrush now I also thought that, despite the jokes, it still took itself to seriously. The plot is just lame! I doubt that anyone could make a good film of Monkey Island though. It would make an better book with a good writer, but which self respecting author would adapt a video game to a book? You could even make it a choose your own adventure book Anyway, it seems a futile task to adapt Monkey Island to other mediums but at least it keeps the fanboys off the streets. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajantic1987 Posted December 19, 2004 Author Share Posted December 19, 2004 Thanks for the feedback Like I said, the script is not to be taken seriously. I'm just a 17 year old kid who's trying to have some fun. The beginning of the film, where the pirates kill the mother and take the baby, is the oldest cliché in the book! Yup, I realize that, but the script(as it is right now) was written in an hour, so I'm not really trying to be inventive, just entertaining. BTW, the script's not really that clear at the moment(haven't really looked over it), but Guybrush is not technically a pirate. He's on the pirate ship because he was adopted by the pirates, but he wants to get better at it. Anyway, thanks for the feedback, and I do agree with you on all points. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
omloflump Posted December 20, 2004 Share Posted December 20, 2004 I wish you luck then! Also, unless you already are (and probably are), I think you should write creative original fiction as well, just to even out the balance and so you can have something that you can call your own, no matter how crap it is. And I should know, I've got mounds of that rubbish! Jeez I sound patronising, sorry;) Anyway, I hope you make a no budget feature-length adaption of your script. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpiffyTheDog Posted January 8, 2005 Share Posted January 8, 2005 Originally posted by ajantic1987 MAN "Who am I? You sure you wanna know? The story of my life is not for the faint of heart. If someone told it was a happy tale. If someone told that I was just your average ordinary guy not a care in the world...somebody lied. yeah that's from spider-man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samnmax221 Posted January 9, 2005 Share Posted January 9, 2005 KInd of an effective use of reverse physcology though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpiffyTheDog Posted January 9, 2005 Share Posted January 9, 2005 Originally posted by Samnmax221 KInd of an effective use of reverse physcology though it's still from spider-man, and not this fan script. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samnmax221 Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 Should probebly be noted in a bibliography or just forgotten about Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshi Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 I think he was trying for a parody which didn't quite work because it was exactly the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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