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The Official "Joke" Thread


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Okay I was originally going to make this on April Fools Day thats a couple months away...


Post any Joke you like and we can make a big list, and don't be ashamed if you stole them :D



heres one from a site my freind showed me:


Rejected Children's Book Titles


1. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy


2. Strangers Have the Best Candy


3. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way


4. You Were an Accident


5. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will


6. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School


7. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things


8. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

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So a duck walks into a butcher's shop, goes up to the counter, and asks the guy behind the counter "Hey, got any fruit?"


The guy gives him a strange look and says, "Uh, no."


So the duck leaves.


The next day, the duck comes back to the store, walks up to the counter, and again, asks the guy "Got any fruit?"


The guy quickly retorts, "No."


And the duck leaves.


The next day, the duck is back yet again. He walks up to the counter, with the same demeanor as before, and asks, "Got any fruit?"


The frustrated guy behind the counter screams "If you come in here one more time and ask for fruit, I'll nail you to the wall!"


And so the duck leaves.


The next day, the duck is back. He walks up to the counter, approaches the same guy as before, and asks, "Got any nails?"


The guy, confused, says, "No?"


"Got any fruit?"

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Me Chinese me play Joke! Me go pee in Barneys Coke!



Why did the Chicken cross the road?


Captain Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before!




A wee bit of cursing


A guy who was in a war lost one of his eyes. He decided to act like a Pirate and get a parrot.


He went to the pet store and bought a parrot. He brought him home.


"Okay Parrot say AHOY MATE!" Said the Man

"Fu** you one eye!" Replied the Parrot

"No say AHOY MATE!" Said the Man again


The Parrot kept saying his insult until the man shoved him in his birdcage. The Man got mad and got drunk. He opened the birdcage and said for the last time to say Ahoy Mate. The Parrot did not. The Man shoved the parrot into the freezer. He then fell asleep. He woke up the next morning.


"Oh NO!" Yelled the Man.


He ran to the freezer, opened it, and the parrot was standing there frozen solid, holding one eye and flipping off the man at the same time.

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I've got a few new books to add to your list.


9. Mr.Fork and Mrs. Outlet CAN get along


10. Daddy's New Wife, Robert


11. The Boy That Died from Eating All of his Vegetables


12. The Children's Guide to Hitch-hiking


13. Fun Four-Letter Words to Know and Share


14. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence


@ Jed- Rofl ! :p




I've got one.



A man is ship-wrecked on a deserted island, and only he, a pig, and a dog survives. After a while, the man starts to feel lonely and strange. You see, a man has desires and needs. You know what I mean.


Anyway, he has to decide on the pig or the dog, and he chooses the pig. He sneaks up behind the pig to grab him, but the dog quickly runs up and bites his ankles. The man ran off.


Later, he tries throwing a stick so the dog will chase it. The dog runs off, and the man goes to grab the pig. To his surprise, the dog was very quick and was back in time to stop him from getting to the pig. He runs off again.


"I have to get that stupid dog....." the man thought. His thoughts were interupted when he heard a woman shouting from the water.


"HELP! HELP! I'M DROWNING!" she said. He went out and saved her, and brought her to the beach. She looked at him, touched his chest, and said "I owe you my life. If there is anything I can do to repay you, tell me...." The man looks at her and says...























"Ok, hold this dog for me."

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(I made these two up myself).


Q: How do you describe the bathroom of a sinful custodian?



A: Satanitary.



Q: Where do the condemed crazy people go when they die?



A: A Satanitarium.



This is someone else's:


Did you hear about the guy who died? Well, they loaded him in his coffin and they were takin' him to the cemetary- you know, from the funeral home. They were going up a really steep hill, and apparently the door on the back of the van wasn't shut completely.


So, the coffin falls out the back and starts sliding away. Now, the dude in the back figures he'll be in real trouble if that coffin gets away. So, he chases it. He runs down the hill, then he runs down Main Street. He runs about a half a mile, still chasing the coffin, and he sees a little drugstore. Desperately, he dashes in and asks the manager:


"Can you get me something to stop this coffin?"



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Originally posted by Pie™

Jesus Christ walks into a hotel. He hands the innkeeper three nails, and he asks:

"Can you put me up for the night?"





I have seen The Crow WAAAAAAAAAAAAY too many times, and shall refrain from quoting lines from the movie, and shall cut back on my times watching the movie. I also realise that I am not Brandon Lee, or Eric Draven. Sorry swampies!

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Originally posted by ET Warrior

Why do girls wear makeup and perfume?









Because they're ugly and they smell bad!!!


I searched up soem old joke threads (thank god the search is working again) and it seems ET warrior has a habit of posting that joke in these threads ;)


Here are the threads.






Those aughtta keep ya busy for a while...

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