The Critic's 2 cents

[Ztalker]

Thanks for the review, machievelli!

[machievelli]

A bit about statistical analysis:

 

Every now and then I feel a bit depressed. With all of the fiction I have written here (Six) I have always felt a little, I don't know, depressed. Bear with me, I have been drinking (Not a lot.) and I was wondering why so few comment on my work. So I went back, and today I did the following analysis:

Assuming the same number of people per week, I came up with an average of:

What We Die For: 4

Acceptance: 9

Star Wars the Beginning: 48

Star Wars Kotor Exerepts(OBviously misnamed, since this is the only forum that has it in it's entireity: 52

Star Wars: Republic Dawn: 63

 

Now to tell you the truth those numbers did not fill my heart with joy. After all some have been here since March of last year. But the next two bothered me because I had to wonder:

Was I becoming a better writer, or were people just reading my stuff because I was the nasty person critiquing them?

Those last two numbers were:

 

The critic's column. 147 per week and;

Return of the Exile: 419.

 

All I can say for myself is that my popularity with you, the people I have been flogging to make you better had yet to drop below 70 percent. At least something is working.

 

All right enough angst. I'm back to normal.

[JediMaster12]

Mach, as a person who has been subjected to your unrelenting scrutiny in the world of fan fics, I aim to point out that your angtsy self is valued here. True you do criticize us but out of the people who have read my stuff in the past before I joined here, your opinion is one of few that I value the most. I am not talking about grammar police or anything but things concerning plot and the like, you give what I need and in turn I try to improve. I have read bits of your work and I believe I have commented on your unique style. I understand the occassional depression at the viewings and the like but I try not to let that bother me. Keep up what you're doing mach. I enjoy your reviews and I have actually read what you critique so that expands my horizions. Ok I'll stop now because I am rambling.

[Jae Onasi]

A bit about statistical analysis:

 

Every now and then I feel a bit depressed. With all of the fiction I have written here (Six) I have always felt a little, I don't know, depressed. Bear with me, I have been drinking (Not a lot.) and I was wondering why so few comment on my work. So I went back, and today I did the following analysis:

Assuming the same number of people per week, I came up with an average of:

What We Die For: 4

Acceptance: 9

Star Wars the Beginning: 48

Star Wars Kotor Exerepts(OBviously misnamed, since this is the only forum that has it in it's entireity: 52

Star Wars: Republic Dawn: 63

 

Those last two numbers were:

 

The critic's column. 147 per week and;

Return of the Exile: 419.

 

All I can say for myself is that my popularity with you, the people I have been flogging to make you better had yet to drop below 70 percent. At least something is working.

 

All right enough angst. I'm back to normal.

 

More stats for you, because I'm a stats junkie: While I haven't taken a calculator to all this, the reply/view ratio is consistently somewhere around 1:10 to 1:20, or about 5-10% once the fic has gone more than 1 or 2 chapter posts. You're well in the ballpark on that one.

I think the popularity thing is probably 3 fold and completely unrelated to you personality-wise--it's 1. the fact that you, like me, fall into the 'slightly more mature than the teen years' category, even if we sometimes feel like kids at heart. Teens are more comfortable talking to other teens than to most adults (in general, not in specific cases), 2. you're the critic and until I got comfortable with your stuff and you, I felt uncomfortable offering criticism so I'm sure others do, too--no one was sure how you'd handle it, and 3. you tend to handle more complex themes. There's nothing wrong with that, but if you're asking why you don't get more comments, these are far more likely to be the reasons than dislike of your stories, because your fics are great.

Humor mode way on: So quit angsting, already! Your work doesn't suck!

[machievelli]

Humor mode way on: So quit angsting, already! Your work doesn't suck!

 

Guys, I will not be upset if you tell me I am effing up! If my work bothers you say so!

[Hallucination]

Last edited by machievelli : Today at 02:02 PM. Reason: stupid effing system posted before i was done!!!!!

 

If it makes you feel any better I've become more of a lurker in the CEC and I've lurked my way through your fics.

[Emperor Devon]

I've commented on your work who knows how many times, machievelli. I like it, and from the amount of views it gets, other people do too.

 

Teens here probably feel uncomftorable commenting on your work, because not only are you decades older than they are, you are, as my nemesis said, the critic. It probably feels awkward to criticize the critic.

 

I'm sure that if you found out who viewed your fics and sent each person a PM about what they thought, you would get some great feeback. People probably don't feel comftorable enough to comment, they don't have anything to say other than "good job" and don't feel like posting it, or they're just plain lazy.

 

If you're hoping for feedback other than "great work", there's not a lot that could go into that category. Granted, your works could use a little polishing in some areas, but for the most part, they're excellent. You are by no means f***ing up.

[machievelli]

The biggest problem every writer has here is none of you are willing to tell them when they're effing up. I am right there with all of them. TELL THEM when they don't do what you want.

 

I'm an old fart feeling my arteries harden and knowing the black camel will kneel for me soone enough. I can't do this forever!

[RaV™]

Eh, I do not worry about ages of someone to criticize their work, if they're legendary and their stories are garbage..they're garbage, though I can't say both of these things about Mach. Your work is good and I enjoy it a lot

[machievelli]

Eh, I do not worry about ages of someone to criticize their work, if they're legendary and their stories are garbage..they're garbage, though I can't say both of these things about Mach. Your work is good and I enjoy it a lot

 

alcohol talking: So why haven't you commented?

[Emperor Devon]

TELL THEM when they don't do what you want.

 

All right, grammar and spelling has been a bit of a problem for you in your chapters, mach. Nothing a little editing can't fix, though.

 

I'm an old fart feeling my arteries harden and knowing the black camel will kneel for me soone enough. I can't do this forever!

 

Your profile says you were born in '53. Hopefully that still gives you a while, unless there's something else. If so, (I feel like I've said this too often ) my sympathies.

 

One reason, again, for no comments is that it may seem unoriginal and pointless to say "good job". Apparently this isn't so.

[machievelli]

All right, grammar and spelling has been a bit of a problem for you in your chapters, mach. Nothing a little editing can't fix, though.

 

 

 

Your profile says you were born in '53. Hopefully that still gives you a while, unless there's something else. If so, (I feel like I've said this too often ) my sympathies.

 

One reason, again, for no comments is that it may seem unoriginal and

pointless to say "good job". Apparently this isn't so.

 

 

Sorry; ED. There is a point for every writer wherwe no comment is a negative.

 

LIke I said is an earlier post, alcohol talking. Let's just say that after a year with little or no comment, I need a hug, k?

[Emperor Devon]

[machievelli]

 

I could react as if I were happy, ED, but by the same token, people don't expect it of me. So all I I can say is;

No, I will not increase you allowance,

 

But thanks, I needed that

[JediMaster12]

Well at least you seem to feel better though I'm no sure if the alcohol is still talking. My confession is that I am a lazy reader with online fics. I read for this site and an other one so my mind nearly explodes at times. Still if you want to be an old fart, go ahead. I won't hold it against you. I live with one.

[machievelli]

Well at least you seem to feel better though I'm no sure if the alcohol is still talking. My confession is that I am a lazy reader with online fics. I read for this site and an other one so my mind nearly explodes at times. Still if you want to be an old fart, go ahead. I won't hold it against you. I live with one.

 

JM12, All I have to say is;

 

I resent that!

 

I don't deny it, but I resent it!

[Emperor Devon]

I could react as if I were happy, ED, but by the same token, people don't expect it of me. So all I I can say is;

No, I will not increase you allowance,

 

"You're just not used to company. Stop being such an old coot." - Revan

 

 

@Hall, already had one. He's a nice counterpart to what's in my sig.

[Emperor Devon]

You can discuss my sig with me via PM. This is unrelated to the two pennies the critic has.

[machievelli]

We're already grossly off-topic. No need to make it any further.

 

Also, that's a bit too large for my sig. If you can think of a smaller one, let me know and I'll try and see if I can squeeze it in.

 

Jae, could you use your momeratin' powers to trim these off-topic posts?

 

If Jae want's to momerate it I won't complain. As it is this is my party and as the song goes, I'll cry if I wanna

 

Now would I momerate you? Well, maybe only a smidgen. But you'd do me the favor in return. --Jae

 

 

If it makes you feel any better I've become more of a lurking in the CEC and I've lurked my way through your fics.

 

Thanks, kiddo. My thing, as a fellow lurker, is that too many of us don't say anything. As a political animal, I am reminded of the commercials they have done where hash browns or packaged ketchup it touted as a candidate. How much is ennui and how much is people who won't talk?

 

You can discuss my sig with me via PM. This is unrelated to the two pennies the critic has.

 

I have actually looked at your sig. I'm waiting for you to do something really disgusting. And yes, you can quote me.

[JediMaster12]

Sorry mach. I was trying to say that I relate to you in terms of feelings. My brain is on a different train. Still I lurk and occassionally I have glanced at your works. I'm just too lazy to post save for my own threads.

[machievelli]

Sorry mach. I was trying to say that I relate to you in terms of feelings. My brain is on a different train. Still I lurk and occassionally I have glanced at your works. I'm just too lazy to post save for my own threads.

 

Don't take it so bad, JM. You know how you call someone something and they say 'I resent that'? I came up with that comment to say 'you're right'. I didn't take it as a negative. My wife thinks I need to get another life beyond the keyboard, and if i had the money, you guys would have to put up with me less often. That's why I posted six of my books on Lulu.com hoping people would actually buy them.

[TruYuri]

Thanks for reviewing Squad Alpha. I know I never finished it, but I got really busy, and you know, one thing led to another.

 

But anyway, I have worked on the next chapter a bit. I plan on working on it a bunch more, seeing as people at my Star Wars Stories site are getting angry.

 

Nice review. Will take the suggestions into mind.

[machievelli]

Coruscant Entertainment Center

 

Historical Revelation

The Doctor

 

One of a series of three stories so far covering vignettes within and before KOTOR.

 

The style is good as always. Finding things to complain about can sometimes be really hard with him.

 

But I did find something (Pats self on back) When Malak orders Revan taken alive, he forgets Calo’s comments when he finds them, which is that only Bastila was to be returned. A minor little thing, but it made me happy.

 

Farewells

Pottsie

 

His take on Revan leaving for the unknown regions.

 

Actually, Pottsie, I’d define this as a short-short. Pretty well done.

Oh and Hallucination asked to borrow your muse;

 

Muse: One of the nine sister goddess born of Zeus and Menosyne. The Greek Gods of the arts.

 

(No name yet)...somewhat revised

Bruin86

 

Very short vignette, unfinished. No specific era given.

 

Pottsie hit you pretty hard already, so all I have to suggest is this;

 

Get a dictionary, and use it if your word processor doesn’t have a spell checker. You don’t have to sit with it every second, but use it before you post. Grammar needs work, but again, that is something you will learn in time, so don’t sweat it too much just yet kid.

 

Remember old guys like me used to do this on paper with typewriters, and the only ‘spell check’ we had was in our heads. Give it some time, and if you want to continue, do so.

 

The Jedi Archives

 

Ease of Darkness

The Doctor

 

Another short piece set in KOTOR: Juhani’s initial fall.

 

Only two things. It is ‘hole’ instead of whole and quiet rather than quite.

 

The piece is excellent, and the adaptation of the Jedi code using different phrasing makes it perfect. As much as the Jedi seem stultified, we always have to remember that the teaching must be adapted to people from a lot of different racial and societal backgrounds, and Doc did it very well here.

 

 

Galactic Senate Coruscant Theater

 

A Rogue's Environment

Admiral Daala

 

A round Robin story with the above author, TuskenRaider1, Vodo, and Jeianni adding their own sections. No specific era given, though inference is in the New Republic.

 

Like any such story, the strength of it is in the one directing the work. The primary downside is that like too many cooks, it can go very bad. But this one is actually quite good.

 

TSC: Fubar

Jarhead43

 

During the Imperial Period: A battle from both the bridge of the ship, and the Marines boarding parties.

 

Great! The only complaints I have are purely technical.

 

The era suggests that the Jedi had not been annihilated, and the ‘Rebels’ have gotten off the ground too quickly. Any rebellion starts small and spread out, then gets bigger. They might have a ‘fleet’ but it would have to be small and spread out, because the Empire has a lot more force to project. As an example, the US Navy in the American Revolution was less than a dozen ships, none of which were large enough to take on a frigate unless commanded by an excellent officer. Only one British Frigate (HMS Serapis) was taken during that war.

 

Second, the Nebulon B has enough cubage for 24 fighters, and that is two squadrons, not four.

 

The Stormtrooper Chronicles: FUBAR (cont'd)

Jarhead43

 

As the title states, continuation of FUBAR

 

The style is choppy, but since you’re fighting a boarding action, it is excellent. The author knows a good amount about combat from that point of view, and there is nothing I can say bad about it. Very well done.

 

 

kotorfanmedia

 

Last week I went to kotorfanmedia and found an entire series of stories in a pirate motif. What I didn’t know until afterward was that some of the people there were celebrating a ‘pirate’s day’ and they had used pirate style program which changed the stories. After lambasting the authors pretty bad, I was informed of this and apologized. But these next three stories require a proper review:

 

 

Last to the Battle

Grimrabbit

 

The events after KOTOR

 

The author has captured the biggest problem I foresaw for Revan. You were the worst monster in history, you slaughtered everyone like a malevolent child (GR’s own phrase) and now you’re not sure if you will ever be accepted. Extremely well done.

 

 

Easy Decisions, Harder Consequences

iisemily

 

The events after KOTOR: Revan decides the order is not for her.

 

This is an excellent work. The anger at the order because of her relationship with Carth is understated but that makes it even better. Her reaction, and the that of her crew is perfect, and the last scene is poignant. Very well done.

 

 

Prelude to Darkness

Grimrabbit

 

The events after KOTOR: On the outs with the Jedi, Revan starts her own Academy.

 

There were some problems, leaving out words, but that is something I do on occasion as well, so I can’t complain too much. You also stated the same thing two different ways (That they saved they bailed them out) which looks more like an accidental failure to remove it. Again no biggie.

 

The challenge here is to understand why this has occurred. The best suggestion historically I can come up with is the schism that broke the Sunni and Shi’a into different sects. Unlike the original break away which formed the Sith, this appeared to be an attempt to allow the members more lee-way in their emotional growth.

 

The discussion of love is reminiscent of my own commentary with Jolee talking instead of Revan as here. The Jedi’s ‘love everybody and no body’ has always been one of my biggest stumbling blocks.

 

Viva Bastila

mcfinnegan

 

Bastila faces her mother’s death.

 

The style is good, the scenes clean and crisp. As another reviewer above commented, it took a lot to break through the cool reserve the character always showed in the game, and this is well worth the read.

 

Revan in Xanadu

Joysweeper

 

An interesting convention...

 

The scenes are well done, and the switch from kids cosplaying to the real thing was abrupt enough that you are also caught unawares. The automatic melding of characters to the best possible link makes it perfect.

 

Definitely worth the read.

 

Chapter 1 - Crash

iisemily

 

The Battle of the Endar Spire and it’s aftermath with a twist. Trask lives.

 

The idea that Trask is only there to keep you going bothered me in the original story, just as all the faceless characters you lead into battle just sort of drop away as you go on. By concentrating on an ancillary character, and having it be from his view, makes the other regular characters reactions more understandable.

[Diego Varen]

Thanks for my first short Fic Review, mach. I look foward to more reviews. And thanks for telling me about muse.

[JediMaster12]

I've read some of Grimrabbit's work on kotorfanmedia and I found it an interesting take on things. Actually I've read quite a bit of it and what I truly have to say is that it was an eye opener but it made sense. I did find grammar and spelling issues but that's my job anyway. Great reviews mach and I hope you've come out of your blue spot.