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The Critic's 2 cents

have I been honest and not overly critical?  

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  1. 1. have I been honest and not overly critical?

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16 Dec


Rescue from Mustafar




65 Years after the Battle of Yavin, Three Jedi face the legendary HK47


The action is fast and furious, which is good, but the author is compressing it, making it more like a series of movie clips than a coherent story. Like watching just the commercials, and saying you saw the movie. A story must be coherent beyond the action sequences. There must be an underlying bed of created reality to keep the readers on track. This type of thing can work for a movie, but tends to fail in the written work.

The main problem with this work is the writer is trying to bridge a 4,000+ year gap and cannot do it seamlessly. There is no explanation why a robot over 4,000 years old is still running around, why a droid army which was shut down in Revenge of the Sith is still operational, and why they had to name a ship the II, when after 4,000 years I am sure a few others had been christened with that name.

It needs work, but it will work if it is cleaned up.


Fall of the Jedi




Very good. My only problem is there isn’t enough to keep me going. Write some more, kid.


The Plight of Darkness




After the destruction of the Star Forge.

Revan and Bastila start at loose ends.


I have been asked several times to review this, and have held back to allow all the other reviews below it.

It was worth the wait.

The style is hesitant, and the author is right when she said she misspelled some things. It needs editing, and that is pretty much all I can say about it in a negative vein.

You’re good kid. Really good.



From the Galactic Senate Coruscant Theater


Ben Skywalker: Father's Shadow

Obi Wan


46 years after A New Hope

A Young Jedi teeters on the edge of the dark side.

The style is good but the writer tends to merely let the story drag him along instead of guiding it. Like a lot of young writers this is not a really bad thing. It just means he has to spend more time polishing his craft.



Double Legacy

Princess Tranquility



Set four and a half years after A New Hope. Luke and Leia travel to Naboo to find out about their mother.


The basic story is good but the writer is buried in minutiae at the start. This I believe is because like a lot of the younger generation, she was raised with visual rather than written entertainment. This is not a bad thing, but it does show in the writing style. It needs to be smoothed out, but that is what editing and rewriting is for.

The only problem she has that really needs addressing is the political system on Naboo. Remember that while Padme was called Queen Amidala in Phantom Menace, the title seems to be what they call their president, rather than a title that is passed on to the children. She started with the idea that being Padme’s son automatically made him King.

Again, a minor problem, easily corrected.



Victory Quest: The Growing of the Shadows



A continuation of his earlier work Revelations


Like revelations, he tells the story with news clips followed by vignettes. Well done.




Coming to Terms




Between Kotor 1 and II.

There is a reason Jedi shouldn’t love...

Kotorfanmedia does what they call dueling circles, a round-robin story line. I have left them alone mostly because the stories, due to having other writers putting their oars in, in inconsistent.

However xenzen has outdone himself with this segment. The angst of a couple loving each other, yet arguing about something as simple as how to treat a young adult is excellent.


Carth Vs Revan




Set after the destruction of the Star Forge. Revan and Carth face the fact that they might not be together...


I’ve never been much for romance writing. The work is clean and workmanlike, with a deep understanding of the problems of having a forbidden relationship. It isn’t my cup of tea, but if you enjoy love scenes, I would suggest reading it all.






Set after KOTOR I

A redeemed Malak must prove Revan is innocent of a heinous crime.


There aren’t many stories out there where Malak was redeemed, and this was the first I have read. The style is excellent, and only needs editing to make it first class.

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I am posting a little early so I can start my Yule celebration. Those who are going to be reviewed next should be warned that I will probably have a hangover next week.

That isn't true, I never have hangovers. But hey, it's a good excuse.


24 December

First, Happy Yule to my fellow Pagans. Merry Christmas to the Christians, Happy Hanukkah to the Jews, Solemn Tet to the Buddists Happy Boxing Day to Canadians


From Lucas Forums Coruscant Entertainment Center


Triumph of the Republic




Continuation of story Rescue from Mustafar


The only complaints I have here are the same ones for Rescue from Mustafar..

Beyond that the action is excellent, storyline well done.


Path of Betrayal




Set 50 years after KOTOR II: The Sith Lords

A young man is sent on a spy mission to infiltrate the Mandalorians

In the third section you misspelled feigning. No biggie.

While I am surprised sometimes by how bad some writing can be, I am refreshed when I find excellent ideas done well. Rob except for some editing problems and some misspelling, I have nothing bad to say about it.

Well done!


Star Wars: Victim of Betrayal




Sequel to Invisible Hope, concurrent with Revenge of the Sith

When Order 66 was passed, some didn’t take it well..


The problem I have with Sabretooth’s work is it’s always good enough to keep me going, but he never writes it fast enough to keep me happy.


Very Well done. You mentioned the KOTOR prequel, let me know when it’s started.


From the Galactic Senate Coruscant Theater



In My Father's Shadow

Jedi Bounty



The unknown daughter of Obi Wan Kenobi seeks her father even as evil forms around her.


First, it’s great to have a story that suggests that even Obi Wan was a youngster. The writing is excellent, the idea superb, and like a lot of you kids, only marred by editing and spelling problems. Keep it up!



All That Matters




An alternate Universe version of Return of the Jedi.

Fighting a debilitating illness, Luke moves toward reconciliation with his father.


I don’t tend to like AU fiction but this is better than most I have read. As a possible outcome, it is well thought out. There was always the chance that Luke would either join his father, or the emperor. The writing style is a bit confusing, but not bad.


Jedi Outcast: Unlikely Heroes

Obi wan



A team of unlikely heros must save the galaxy


In writing there is the idea that you can take the story from a book and crossover into it from reality. The movie Galaxy Quest comes to mind.

This is one of those stories. The basis being that the entire Star Wars universe is real and just over there in the unfashionable end of the galaxy resides our own Earth. If he had left it at that, all well and good. But he also had the ship land, be found by George Lucas who stole the idea for a series of moneymaking movies and sent it back off into space where it crash-landed on Earth yet again to pick up a bunch of kids.

The style is pure Obi Wan Read my postings of his work from 5 November, 26 November and 16 December, needing polish more than anything else.



From kotorfanmedia


After the Star Forge



As the teaser says; “So what does the most famous heroine in the galaxy do after she’s defeated Darth Malak, destroyed the Star Forge and saved the Republic?”

“She goes on vacation,”

I thought it was horrible yet funny to have the Rakata homeworld suddenly become the most popular tourist trap in the galaxy. The writing is well done, and using the younger girl as the main character after Revan and Carth a good choice. Especially with the child’s attitude that the Jedi are an evil Elf like group that steals children. Worth a look.


Questions of Character



After the destruction of the Star Forge, Carth asks Revan to marry him. The result...


Jiara had a lot of fun mixing angst, romance, and humor in this one segment. Having HK47 straining and grinding trying to be nice was the perfect touch. 18 people gave this a thumbs up on the site. It deserved them.


Silence Is Copper-toned




listed as following ‘Future’s End” ”Slow Dissolve” and ”Lost and Found” by the same author, though it was posted before the last listed. With Katrina (Revan) going somewhere, her daughter by Carth Onasi reprograms HK47 with humorous results.


She’s done it again! I have yet to read anything of Rose’s that I have not liked. I just wish I was as prolific.

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Well, I rarely find the time to write, but heck this thread is a real motivator device. Expect the next chapter in a few days, people.


About my KotOR Prequel:

I'm going to start it when I'm done with VoB (Which is not going to be too long).


The prequel is set about a year before KotOR and is divided in two books: "The Rise of Ancete" and "The Fall of the Sith Lord". The first book focuses on Ancete as a strategist for an Exchange crime lord, and his rise from the lowly galactic mafia to the position of the Admiral of the Sith Fleet. The first book also looks at Revan's betrayal and Malak's grudges. The second book concentrates on the strategies and tactics employed by Revan and Ancete and the contradictory tactics of Malak and his grudges. It also features Bandon and sets up the ground for the situation of things in KotOR. The end of the second book will be just minutes before the beginning of KotOR.




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Actually, Triumph of the Republic isn't actually done yet, so could you wait until it is before reviewing it?


Let me know, and I will read it all and review it again if you want.


As for FFWM12, I apologize for changing her gender in my review. I have repaired the oversight,and she can put her skirt back on.

It's just rare when I write something like this that the one I'm reviewing doesn't complain first.


Bingle Jells

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How much do you know about history, kid? England was our mortal enemy through two wars, and a bosom budy from then on. Germany the same. Russia was friend, enemy, then friend again.

Considering when you have set it, a limited amount of working together made sense. I'm wondering if the alliance caused by the war between the Republic and Imperial Remnant will survive.

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