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Funnyest Thing said in Kotor I&II [spoilers maybe] (56K Warning)


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Here are what I consider the funniest lines from the first game:


  • HK's suggestion concerning Tanis on Tatooine
    HK-47: "Commentary: I say we blast the meatbag and save you the trouble, Master."
    Tanis Venn: "What's with all the droids lately? My wife get to you, too?"
    HK-47: "Negative. I just don't like organic meatbags. Except for the Master, of course."
  • Jolee's joke on Korriban
    Lashowe: "Do you know how many Sith there are here on Korriban??"
    Jolee: "Twelve! No, wait! Thirteen!"
  • Jolee's idea of the Sith
    "Oh, indeed. They make a fine sandwich, also, heh, heh, heh. But don't tell the Jedi Council I said that."

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  • 2 months later...

I do not know if it has been mentioned, but this dialogue cracks me up every time I hear it:

Jor Ul Kurax: Hello there, captain. Let's see... ah, yes. Here it is. It looks like the shipment has been delivered to your ship, as requested.

Revan: What shipment? What are you talking about?

Jor Ul Kurax: This is docking bay 32, isn't it? Yes, it is, and that's what I have there on the requisition form. Everything seems to be in order. The gizka are your problem now.

Revan: Excuse me, did you say "gizka"?

Jor Ul Kurax: It says right here on the manifest that you ordered a crate of gizka. To be delivered to docking bay 32... that's right here.

Jor Ul Kurax: Now, all I need is your thumbprint for the... wait a second, where did the datapad go? *sigh* Nothing is ever organized around here.

Jor Ul Kurax: At any rate, the gizka are yours. One of the loaders said the crate split open once he put it in your hold... some of the critters might have gotten loose.

Jor Ul Kurax: That happens, I'm afraid. We don't accept liability... and we certainly couldn't take the cargo back. Enjoy.

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Probably been mentioned before, but...


(The Exile is on the walkway across Peragus standing in front of Atton's window)

Atton: "I'm picking you up on the outside of the asteroid. That's not right, is it?"

Exile: "Really? You might want to look up."

Atton: "What are you doing out there?"

Exile: "I'm taking a relaxing walk."

Atton: "You're crazy, even for a Jedi."

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Definitely mentioned before. But these quotes always make me laugh


Atton: "All right, cut it out, I get...I get it, I get it. The last Jedi in the galaxy, I get the comedian who runs around in her underwear. Not that I'm complaining, mind you."


"Then there was some big explosion, I was sitting here for a long time, then you showed up in your underwear and things got a lot better."


(After picking up mining uniform) "Dammit. I mean...good, good to hear it. No sense in you running around half-naked.It's...It's distracting...I mean, for the droids."


Atton Rand: "So, uh, how long have you been a Jedi? Must be tough, you know... no family, no husband..."

Jedi Exile: "No tougher than enduring your false sympathy while you're staring at my chest. "


Revan: "I don't think 'killee' is a word."

HK-47: "Expletive: Damn it, master, I am an assasination droid... not a dictionary!"


I think that HK-47 and Atton Rand were the main comic relief in the Kotor series

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  • 3 weeks later...
Miles I couldn't stop laughing when I saw those pictures. Do they really happen in game? Or was it a mod?


You only get them if your PC is male and you have Hanharr in the party.


Here's one that was cut:


ATTON: Nal Hutta's as slimy as the Hutts, lots of swamp and bloated gas. It's where those slugs reach out and grab chunks of the galaxy. Trust me, we're not going to go anywhere near the place unless we want to be washing the stink out of our clothes for the next few years.


BRIANNA: That bad? I didn't anything could compel you to bathe.


ATTON: You spend all day thinking up that joke? Maybe you and Bao-Dur should start a circus.


BAO-DUR: I fail to understand the reference, though I doubt your explanation would prove worthwhile.

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Gegorran on Onderon. He's the merchant who has a guard standing right next to him--he obviously hates being oppressed, but pretends not to mind. I don't know why, but I just found the conversation with him highly amusing; the voice actor did a good job on his VO.


Soldier: Watch it, Geg. The captain already has enough complaints about you.

Geg: No need to alarmed, my foreign friend! Pay this soldier no heed! P-Pretend he isn't there.


Exile: So you're happy about this then?

Geg: Of course! Soldiers are only doing their job! Even if it puts me out of business, I am happy! Ha ha. Even if I am forced to live off scraps in the street, I am so happy to do my part! Long live General Vaklu!!! (strangled voice)


Exile: What can you tell me about Iziz?

Geg: Oh, everything's great here! We're all very happy! So very happy!

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Oh, that guy was hillarious. Especially funny if you lie to him:



Please tell me you are an off-worlder... You came from the space port, right?



[Lie] No, I live in Iziz. Why did you think I was an off-worlder?



You are? Wait... This is not so. You think to make a joke on Gegorran. Haha.


But this is good news! You have a starport visa, right? I can only sell my best weapons if you have that. These soldiers ensure that I don't forget these formalities.

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  • 4 weeks later...

HK: I mean, how would you like to be the wholly-owned servant to an organic meatbag? It's demeaning! If, uh, you weren't one yourself, I mean...

PC: Demeaning, is it?

HK: Err... perhaps I did not mean it "quite" like that, master. I mean... while an artificial lifeform is superior...

PC: You're not making this any better!

HK: I mean, nice human, goo-oood human...



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After I did that shot of Atton, I did think I may want to include HK-47 and after reading what some of you said, I went ahead and did it; so here is a revised version that not only includes HK-47, but G0-T0 as well. ;)




I also revised some of the dialogue from Atton, Mical, and Bao-Dur. If this is the final draft, I will post the 1024x768 version on FileFront in the near future. :D


Oh, if anybody wants a better understanding of what Mira is saying, watch this video.




Or at least a "My photoreceptors! My photoreceptors!" :D
Not a bad idea Carter, but if memory serves me right, that was said by an HK-50 unit. I decided to go with a more calm response from HK-47 instead. ;)


*Takes Shem's DLG Editor away*
Reinstalls it. :xp:


*Takes Shems computer away and replaces it with a Wii* :p -RH

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