CSI Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 Hi, Fellas. CSI series is back. This time it's not CSI: Nar Shaddaa, it's a new CSI Team: CSI: Coruscant. This is NOT an epic or adventure fiction. This is indeed a DETECTIVE fiction. If you feel don't like it, please don't read along. Special Thanks to JediMaster12 for her beta-reading for me. Also Jae Onasi for pointing out my inappropriate contents in my fic. And Pottsie, Dark_Lady, for their support. Of course, everyone in the forum deserves a sincere appreciation, too. Disclaimer: Includes, but not limited to, Star Wars, and its logo belongs to Lucas Arts Ltd. CSI and its logo belong to CBS Studios, Jerry Bruckheimer, and Atlantic Alliance. This fiction is not intended to be commercial use, just for fun. This story is originated from CSI, Episode 100, "Pilot". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CSI Posted October 13, 2006 Author Share Posted October 13, 2006 CSI: Coruscant During the peacetime of Galactic Republic, many planets showed peacefulness. But of course, during the darkness, many illegal events was occurring… Due to the more and more criminal activities occurred recently, the Galactic Republic Senate agrees to set up a special Crime Investigation group, Crime Scene Investigation, short for CSI. Master Vandar appointed Nihilus, who originally from Crime Lab in Nar Shaddaa, to be the Chief Command in newly established Crime Lab in Coruscant. New CSIs, new environment, what cases would Nihilus face? Prologue [Thanks to Pottsie, Sabretooth, and Jae to remind me this.] When Nihilus walked into the door of Crime lab, he felt hard. New people, new environment, and new mood. “Hi,” the receptionist greeted. “Hi,” Nihilus didn’t want to give other people impoliteness, “Excuse me, where is the Supervisor’s office?” “Oh, you must be the new supervisor other people talking about.” The receptionist smiled and revealed white teeth, “Go straight forward, and make a left turn, and the third door. You can’t miss it.” “Thank you.” Nihilus went straight, and prepared to make a left turn. “Ouch!” He crashed on a red-haired woman who walked around the corner. Her files on her hands fell on the floor. “Oh, I’m terribly sorry, lady, are you okay?” Nihilus used the force to help her pick up the files shattered on the floor. “Yeah, I’m fine. Thank you.” She smiled and hurried away. Nihilus smirked and headed to his office-Supervisor’s Office. Opening the door, he found a desk, a chair, a real collection of glass jars of animal exemplars, and a computer. On his desk, he found a short note and assignment sheets from previous supervisor: “Hi, Nihilus, welcome to CSI Coruscant branch. Hope you have a nice day here. The assignment sheets on the desk is for fellow CSIs: Mira, Visas Marr, Carth, and Malak. Here is their bio in their appropriate folders. Eh, that’s all. Have a great day.” He also took a quick glance to the folders on the desk: there were 4 CSIs and with their photo. After he finished, someone was knock the door. “Come in.” Nihilus didn’t even raise his head. “Eh, Lumiya, what’s our assignment today?” A lady in dark red dress asked, “Wait…You’re not Lumiya!” Looked up, he noticed the red-haired woman he crashed on was inside, too. She can’t cover her surprise. “Yeah, where is Lumiya?” A humanoid man with a red robe asked. Nihilus noticed he had a artificial jaw. “Oh, I recalled when I walked into here, all people are talking about the new supervisor, so you must be our new supervisor, right?” A mid-aged man with a good beard asked Nihilus. “Yeah, I’m the new supervisor, and…why don’t we go to the conference room and have a short meeting? I haven’t introduce myself yet.” Nihilus said. “Yeah, we’d like to know who you are.” Artifial jawed man said. The five people went to the conference room. When everybody sat down, Nihilus stood up and said: “Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Nihilus, I was transferred from Crime Lab Nar Shaddaa branch.” The red-haired woman said, “Isn’t that the crime lab that solved the sniper case?” The information passes so fast, Nihilus thought. “That’s correct.” Nihilus answered reluctantly. “That’s a great job. I like it.” The woman in red dress said. “Thank you. Eh…Why don’t you introduce yourselves? Let's start, eh, from you?” Nihilus nodded to the man with a good beard. “My name is Carth Onasi. I worked here…” His speech was interrupted by the ring of Nihilus’s holocron. “Excuse me,” Nihilus went outside to answer the intercom transmission. Through glass, all people can see Nihilus is nodding and talking. “Alright. Bye.” Nihilus hung up after some time. “We’ve got company. Let’s cut this short and just tell me your names then we’re off to go, OK?” Nihilus announced, “A suspected suicide occurred.” “Visas Marr, a Miraluka.” The woman in red robe said. “Mira.” The red-haired one said. “Malak,” the artificial jaw man said. “OK, let’s grab our gear and meet at garage. Let’s go, let’s go!” Nihilus announced. “He’s got an attitude. I like it.” Visas whispered to Mira. [Off Topic: Thanks to Dark_Lady for letting me know Holocron is for data storage.] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark_Lady Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 Woohoo! It's here already! -edit- There's more! Cool. Ringing holocron? Just wondering about that. I thought holocrons were data storage devices. I'm loving it so far. It looks like it's going to be as good as the other one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CSI Posted October 14, 2006 Author Share Posted October 14, 2006 Woohoo! It's here already! -edit- There's more! Cool. Ringing holocron? Just wondering about that. I thought holocrons were data storage devices. I'm loving it so far. It looks like it's going to be as good as the other one. Thank you for your compliments and I'm glad you like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted October 14, 2006 Share Posted October 14, 2006 Is the Epilogue for CSI Nar Shaddaa, because Prologues are shown at the beginning and Epilogue at the end. Anyway thanks for the credit in Post #1 and the Chapter is good. I'll proofread Nar Shaddaa for you and PM it to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sabretooth Posted October 14, 2006 Share Posted October 14, 2006 Ah, an interesting innovation in this forum! I'll take a look now and then, Nihilus! And believe me, that coming from me is big compliment! (You can ask the others) And uh, yeah, the Epilogue part is a little embarrassing, cause it is usually at the end of a literary work. You use a prologue at the beginning, or a preface, if you're writing out of the context. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CSI Posted October 14, 2006 Author Share Posted October 14, 2006 Firstly I want to thank Pottsie and Sabretooth for giving me the compliments. But I still have a question: And uh, yeah, the Epilogue part is a little embarrassing, cause it is usually at the end of a literary work. You use a prologue at the beginning, or a preface, if you're writing out of the context. Is the Epilogue for CSI Nar Shaddaa, because Prologues are shown at the beginning and Epilogue at the end. I don't follow what you guys are talking about, can you guys specify on this? A prologue is a short 'chapter' that comes before Chapter 1--usually it has some background material you want the reader to know before you start your main story. An epilogue is a short 'chapter' that follows the final chapter of your main story. It's used to tie up the rest of the loose ends of your story, but it's not really part of all the action in the chapters in the main story itself, nor is it essential to the main story. However, it's nice to have endings for all the little subplots. --Jae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CSI Posted October 16, 2006 Author Share Posted October 16, 2006 Chapter 0.5 At night. Coruscant night was charming, but if you were not careful, deadly would be more appropriate. One man loaded the last chemical chamber into his blaster. With a quiet “click”, he closed the chamber. “My name is Weric Elsiri. I reside at 7642 Carpenter Street, City of Coruscant.” He said to his recorder, “I am 41 standard years old, and…” He sobbed and continued, “I’m going to kill myself.” Holding the blaster, he walked slowly into the bathroom. The dimmed light rays from windows showed mysterious atmosphere. Walking, he said to the recorder: “I’d like to say ‘I love you’ to my mother Rakef and my sister Lumel. I’m so sorry. I never wanted to put you through this. I just can’t do it anymore. I love you, Mom…” Then the blaster shot echoed through the small bathroom. ---- The dark sky was cut into stripes by the squad-car’s lights. The CSIs’ speeder landed nearby. Nihilus disembarked the speeder. “Here comes the nerd squad.” The detective, Arren Kae, told another detective. “Lady and gentleman,” Nihilus greeted them after looked at the house for a while. Nihilus walked into the crime scene: the bathroom along with Arren. The victim lied in a bathtub, there was some blood spat on the wall beside him. Nihilus put down his kit, opened it, and took out a pair of gloves. “Suicide.” Arren said. “You think so, huh?” Nihilus replied. “You got the sleeping bag for easy clean up the bathtub to catch the trace, huh, open window so the stench alerts the neighbors…God bless him.” Then she turned on the light. “Oh, geez.” Arren coughed a little and sighed. Nihilus said nothing; he was concentrated on his work. He took out a pair of forceps and picked up a small larvae. “Pupa, stage three.” “Basic please. I’m not an entomologist.” Arren complained. “It’s the third stage of larvae metamorphosis.” Nihilus observed, “This guy’s been dead seven days.” “That’s a maggot, and he stinks.” Arren took a look at her watch, “Oh, good, it’s almost 11. Maybe if I’m lucky I can break out of here in time for a shot at the first rack in the Cantina.” Nihilus noted and saw a recorder in the victim’s hand; he took it out and said: “I think we may have our suicide note.” Arren just stood there and said nothing. “I never wanted to put you through this,” At Rakef Elsiri’s home, Nihilus pressed “Play” of the recorder, “I just can’t do it anymore. I’ve lost hope. I love you, mom…” After the short note, a blaster shot came from the speaker of the recorder. It was loud enough to shock her and vic’s sister, Lumel. “Oh, my god!” Lumel cried. “Go upstairs, Lumel,” Rakef comforted her, after she ran upstairs, she continued, “This can’t be happening.” “We’re so sorry about this, Ms. Elsiri,” Arren said sincerely, “I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you.” “No, you don’t understand.” Rakef replied, “This is his picture, but that’s not my son’s voice.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 Creepy. 0.5? Not 1? Anyway good Chapter and I'm looking foward to more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CSI Posted October 16, 2006 Author Share Posted October 16, 2006 No, not Chapter 1. The real chapter hasn't started yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CSI Posted October 17, 2006 Author Share Posted October 17, 2006 [Off topic: Beware! This is a long chapter.] Chapter 1 Exar Kun parked his speeder in front of the Crime Lab Coruscant Building. He entered the main gate and asked the receptionist: “Where is the supervisor’s room?” “Sorry, we already got a new supervisor.” The Receptionist mistaken him as the new supervisor. “No, I’m being hired here, so I think I’d better to see my new supervisor.” Exar explained. “Oh, you’re the new guy. Just go straight, and make a left turn, third door. By the way, welcome to CSI Coruscant.” She smiled and revealed her trademark white teeth. “Thank you.” He walked to Nihilus’s office, and knocked the door. No one answering. “I’m entering,” he announced. Still no one replied. He pushed the door open, and was surprised to see the shelves with lots of examples of animals and plants. Fetus pig, Dead flies, sheep skeleton, human skeleton, unknown plants and more, more were kept in the glass jar. “Hi.” A sound appeared behind Exar. Exar gasped and turned back by reflex. “Sorry.” Nihilus apologized, “Welcome to Forensics. Nihilus. I’m your supervisor on night shift.” “Exar Kun.” Exar shook hand with Nihilus, “Nice office.” “Thanks. Would you mind taking of your jacket and roll up your sleeves?” Nihilus asked politely. “What for?” Exar asked. “I need a pint of your blood. It’s customary for all new hires.” “Why?” Nihilus scoffed: “So many reasons.” And helped him to take off his jacket. “I haven’t clocked in yet,” Exar signed. ---- In the break room, Carth Onasi put a magnet marked “Solved” on a whiteboard full of cases. “One more, baby, one more.” He chuckled. “Hey. There he is. What’s up?” Malak appeared, and put another “Solved” magnet on another case, “99. You and me, dead heat.” He said amusedly. Carth only smiled. “Next crime solved gets promoted to CSI III, man.” “Yeah, yeah, choice of shift, $8000 raise, extra week vacation--” Malak nodded and smiled. “Oh, ho, it’s all about relaxing, bro.” Carth added. “Twenty bucks, by the end of shift, I’m the man.” Malak imitated the Bartender in the Cantina. “Is there anything you won’t bet on?” Carth frowned. “Nope.” Malak smiled, “It’s Swoop Race Reason, man. I won eight of ten this weekend. Kilt ‘em. Outside the Swoopers and them punk-a** Trandos, I’m about four G Reps.” Carth only smiled, “What the line on us?” “On us?” Malak chuckled, “I’m like tiger, man—I’m heavily favored.” “Come on, give me a winner for tomorrow.” “Ah, Flicker, minus seven and a half over niners.” Then he walked away. “Um-Huh.” Carth answered, “Cool. Hey, good luck tonight, man.” “Thanks. You, too, Carth. I hope you get that ‘trick roll’ noise. You’ll never crack that in a shift, never.” He gave Carth a warm handshake. Carth exploded out a laughter. “Yeah, well, we’ll see, and I hope the Pack win by seven.” He added. “We scrutinize the crime scene, collect the evidence, recreat what happened without ever having been there.” Nihilus said as he put the jar containing Exar’s blood, “Pretty cool, actually.” “I just got out of the Academy—I already know this.” “Of course you do.” Nihilus passed a piece of notepad and a pen, “Then if you’ll just sign these waivers for personal injury or becoming one with the Force in the line of duty, we can begin our shift.” When Exar was signing the paper, he felt a little dizzy. He moaned. Nihilus noticed: “What’s the matter?” “Um…I’m kind of light-headed.” “Sit down, sit down.” Nihilus had Exar a seat, “You’re probably low on blood sugar.” Then he opened the fridge and took out a jar, “I’ve got just the thing. Here, try one of these.” “No offense, but I don’t think I want to eat anything that’s been in this office.” Exar said. Nihilus said nothing and still holding the jar. Exar had to take one of the “food” out and examined it closely. Nihilus took one and put it in the mouth, chewing. “Is there a grasshopper in there?” Exar frowned. Nihilus only smiled. ---- “When we get some free time, try and catch up on your reports.” Nihilus said on a lab meeting, “I’m getting a lot of heat from the Security Force’s Office. There, I said it: Administration, not my favorite thing. Alright, here we go.” And he began to read the assignment sheets: “Carth Onasi, 414, trick roll.” Carth make a “Kill me” face when heard that, “Victim found drugged and robbed at the scene.” Malak smiled in a relief. “Malak, 407, home invasion, forced entry. Person reporting crime fired multiple rounds at the suspect. Suspect’s condition is unknown.” Nihilus paused, and asked, “Anyone seen Visas?” In front of the lab, Visas just got to the front door—the traffic had driven her crazy. --- In Nihilus’s office, Nihilus told Exar: “Well, congratulations. You’re now officially an CSI. I think you need some experience for the first night. But I have an autopsy for the case (Remember the Chapter 0.5? He’s mentioning that case) You coming?” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 A full Chapter. And it's good, well done. I'm looking foward to more. Also, is Exar Kun the same Exar who fell to the dark side? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CSI Posted October 17, 2006 Author Share Posted October 17, 2006 A full Chapter. And it's good, well done. I'm looking foward to more. Also, is Exar Kun the same Exar who fell to the dark side? Ah, I'll leave that for readers to imagine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RC-1162 Posted October 18, 2006 Share Posted October 18, 2006 well, there can't be 2 exar kuns, and thats a continuity error well, grammar was pretty off in this one, but the concept and the way the story plays out is good. i'd proof read it at least once if i were you overall, good job! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CSI Posted October 18, 2006 Author Share Posted October 18, 2006 well, there can't be 2 exar kuns, and thats a continuity error well, grammar was pretty off in this one, but the concept and the way the story plays out is good. i'd proof read it at least once if i were you overall, good job! You know, I'm not a native English writer, therefore some grammartical error is inevitable. But thank you for the compliments and glad you like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JediMaster12 Posted October 18, 2006 Share Posted October 18, 2006 I read chapter one and I noticed something very familiar. It falls along the lines of the pilot for the TV series CSI. I noticed that you put in the names Nick and Warrick which gave it further away and so did the dialogue. Nice job on it. I saw the title for NarShadda and thought it interesting that someone decided to under take the task of that. I like CSI and I own the entire first season so I kind of know what's up with it which was how I was able to guess. Anyway, I look forward to the next case. If you want, you can send me your segments before posting and I can help edit in terms of grammar and stuff. I do it for another person on a different site and it's my day job apart from school. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CSI Posted October 18, 2006 Author Share Posted October 18, 2006 I read chapter one and I noticed something very familiar. It falls along the lines of the pilot for the TV series CSI. I noticed that you put in the names Nick and Warrick which gave it further away and so did the dialogue. Nice job on it. I saw the title for NarShadda and thought it interesting that someone decided to under take the task of that. I like CSI and I own the entire first season so I kind of know what's up with it which was how I was able to guess. Anyway, I look forward to the next case. If you want, you can send me your segments before posting and I can help edit in terms of grammar and stuff. I do it for another person on a different site and it's my day job apart from school. Really? I didn't pay a full check on them...But however it's nice you have Season 1, but for me, I have all of them except CSI: NYC. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JediMaster12 Posted October 18, 2006 Share Posted October 18, 2006 Yeah, yeah. I'm a college student and a poor one to boot Still you did do a good job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CSI Posted October 19, 2006 Author Share Posted October 19, 2006 Announcement: Due to the Internet reason, which stated below, I'm very sorry to announce that starting Next week, CSI series will be DISCONTINUED... Don't be upset yet, I didn't say how long. For just one day due to Internet will not come up until tue. After that, you know what will happen... God speed. CSI: Nihilus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torthane Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 I like the fic so far, though you could use some help with your english (believe me, if I wasn't a native speaker I wouldn't be able to do half of what you have done). I look forward to seeing more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CSI Posted October 19, 2006 Author Share Posted October 19, 2006 Hi, what good wind bring you, the most underrated artist, here? I know, thank you for the compliments. Of course, If you don't mind, you can draw me a cover if you want. Eh, I'm eagerly to get any help, but unfortunately, nobody helps me so I have to improve it myself... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark_Lady Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 Hey, I'd help! I'm the speediest editor in the world... almost, anyway. And don't pay any attention to the remarks about Exar Kun. Keep him in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 I'm sad that you might be discontinuing this Fic. But it's your choice. I have the same problem constantly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CSI Posted October 19, 2006 Author Share Posted October 19, 2006 Did you fully read my announcements? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 Did you fully read my announcements? Oh yeah, sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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