Fredi Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 I know the dark side, I fight for darkness , I know the truth and who I am, I don’t have fear because I am fear itself. My master trained me to be a great warrior , I have killed many Jedi , Bounty Hunters , Soldiers and even royal guards…What is my destiny ? Will I die in, my trial against my master, or die in battle? Peace is a lie, there is only passion. Through passion, I gain strength. Through strength, I gain power. Through power, I gain victory. Through victory, my chains are broken. The Force shall free me. This is the code not that weak code of the Jedi, the strong rules and the weak die, this is the rule of life. I, Darth Wyyrlok II, will fight and die as a warrior like my master Darth Lohan taught me. The end of the beginning I saw him, yes, if I knew that he was Revan at that moment I would have killed him with my hand and with my other prosthetic hand I would have torture him , Revan killed my mother in Korriban , she was a Sith student…. And I just saw him with my two eyes …….. I even sensed him when he passed by my side. Before Tsl Part 1: I have my Sith troopers ready for combat , we are waiting for those republic soldiers to come out so we can kill them, but there’s something more I can see and I sense a Jedi Possibly a knight . “Soldiers prepare, today will have victory and revenge to what the have done to us , the Jedi’s and The Republic. Commander Dervy Yulsec take 20 man and send them to ambush them.” Darth Wyyrlok II said. “Yes my lord, Man fallow me!!” Dervy Yulsec said. “Sir, yes, sir!” The soldiers said. “You 12 soldiers come with me.” Darth Wyyrlok II said. “Yes sir!” The soldiers said. As we approached I allowed the Jedi sense my presence, he quickly commanded his soldiers to make a blockade so we couldn’t pass, but he is wrong, I know how to fight and command an army. As my men killed more and more of his soldiers I approach and struck six men, then he comes directly to me. “I will do what I must do, even if it means me dying!!!” The Jedi said. He came running directly to me , the duel began and he tried to use Force push to throw me to the floor and be able to kill me, but I am not so easily to kill, I quickly ended the fight by chocking him, he was able to escape by doing a Force push and was able to cut my left arm , but then I grabbed his hand, I broke it and with my lightsaber I cut his head off, it was a pain I must have resisted, because every cause has it consequences, his cause failed and his consequence was death. I returned to my flagship “The Aquino” to heal , put on a prosthetic hand and returned to Dxun where my master awaited me in the tomb of Freedon Nadd , As my flag ship got closer I left it hidden away, so no Onderon ship could see it, I tucked my starfighter into the jungle, and went to Dxun. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Inside Freedon Nadd’s Tomb…. “I have been waiting you apprentice, did you manage to “fix” the problem in Thule? It looks like you did, as your left arm is cut.” Darth Lohan said. “Yes my master, like all your wishes , I have accomplish them , My Lord.” Darth Wyyrlok II said. “Good, Good, You still need to learn more , let us begin my apprentice, follow me.” Darth Lohan said. Here at this tomb, the dark side was strong, I could sense all the dark energies flowing through the tomb, I could even sense Freedon Nadd’s spirit. There my master and I found a holocron. Inside the holocron, there were teachings of the Force…… ”Here it is, the holocron of Freedon Nadd, inside there the teachings of the dark side of the Force.” Darth Lohan said. “Master I will take this back to my ship.” Darth Wyyrlok II said. “Yes apprentice; take them, study them, and then go to Korriban, to the tomb of Darth Andeddu and find more knowledge of the dark side.” Darth Lohan said. I returned to my ship, there in my chambers, I studied the holocron. I learned more about our past, lightsaber combat and many other techniques. Now I had to go to Korriban, yes, my homeworld, it brought back memories of my dear beloved mother, but that is the past and I must continue with my assignment. As I neared Korriban, I could sense the dark side growing more powerful than that in the tomb of Freedon Nadd. Let see what my destiny awaits for me…………………….to be continued. By: KÕTØ®_Jƒ Special thanks: Anakin Skywalker Await every week a new part of Darth Wyyrlok II the Undead warrior Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin Skywalker Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 Special thanks: Anakin Skywalker That's a good thing about a beta-reader... you get to read it before anyone else.. oh and... eh.... no problem Anyhow good fic... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KotO[REvan] Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 I'm sorry but this was actually kind of hard to follow. Grammar was kind of the 'knock out' for me but I followed the story and the idea of it. I know the dark side, I fight for darkness , I know the truth and who I am, I don’t have fear because I am fear itself. My master trained me to be a great warrior , I have killed many Jedi , Bounty Hunters , Soldiers and even royal guards…What is my destiny ? Will I die in, my trial against my master, or die in battle? Peace is a lie, there is only passion. Through passion, I gain strength. Through strength, I gain power. Through power, I gain victory. Through victory, my chains are broken. The Force shall free me. This is the code not that weak code of the Jedi, the strong rules and the weak die, this is the rule of life. I, Darth Wyyrlok II, will fight and die as a warrior like my master Darth Lohan taught me. Okay, as I said before, this prologue is good. It was to the point and interesting as an opening. But as I read along it got a little harder to follow... I saw him, yes, if I knew that he was Revan at that moment I would have killed him with my hand and with my other prosthetic hand I would have torture him -- I had to read this sentence a few times over to fully understand, but I eventually got it. How about trying to put it like this: "I saw him, Revan. If I knew who he was I would've tortured and killed him with my two hands." Yes it's shorter than the original, but it really makes more sense. Hopefully you could try to edit that sentence up when/if you do a edited version later. we are waiting that dose republic soldier come out so we can kill them For this one you could've put instead: "we are waiting for those republic soldiers to come out so we can kill them." There's a few more mistakes like this but I don't want to 'bag' on you, but I hope I made my point that it was kind of difficult to read. If you need help with grammar or spelling or just anything about your future fics, don't hesitate to PM me for help, I'll try my best to help you. Re-look through your fiction and try to edit some of the mistakes you made. Hope this helped. - Evan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 Well at the moment, I can see one problem with this Fic, since I think Anakin has done a good job of beta. It is all written in the red coloured font. Some people might find reading in red hard to read, so I suggest to change the colour to the normal font colour and for any Chapter titles, keep them red. Anyway it is a good start and I'm looking foward to more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fredi Posted January 10, 2007 Author Share Posted January 10, 2007 Ok , thank you very much , koto[REvan] thank you for you’re advise , I have made the changes and if I have any problem I’ll talk to you , pottsie thank you too , I have changed the color too, thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grey Master Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 Nice good fic, I'm impressed that Anakin reviewed this, is pretty good Kotor_jf. Looking for the next chapter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin Skywalker Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 ^ And what is that supposed to mean? That I don't read other peoples stories? That's not true.... I only beta read, if I think it has the potental to become a good fic... not only that, but that's based off a mod I did for him, that I still don't know if I'm gonna release. I knew I missed something..... *Smacks head against Computer* Oh well, I fixed a lot of it... one minor mishap on my part... shame on me.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fredi Posted January 13, 2007 Author Share Posted January 13, 2007 Before Tsl Part 2: Here at the valley I can feel the pain Revan left here, I must continue my assignment, As I entered the tomb I fought many tuk’ata and I sensed like something had already been here, I founded the sarcophagus and I opened it. and just by his hands was his holocron, I didn’t want to take it because something was telling me not. Then I opened the holocron………. “ Here it is, my teachings to immortality, to do this you must have complete control over the Force, concentrate, let the mind take control, manipulate the Midi-chlorians, control them, alter them, now take the control! After you body dies use the Force to control your dead body and prevent it of dying or getting old.” Darth Andeddu’s holographic figure said. “Interesting, Now I have the key to prevent myself from dying or growing old, I can feel a great deal of dark energies in the academy, it is abandoned but I will take a look. “Darth Wyyrlok II said. I passed by the side of the Shyrrack cave, I saw the shyrrack they attack me and like all who I have fought, it failed and died I entered the academy and there was a Republic scavenger group…. “ Sir, it’s a Dark Jedi!!!!” a soldier said “I’m no Dark Jedi, I am Darth Wyyrlok II,” Darth Wyyrlok II exclaimed. In less than 30 seconds I struck them all, I entered a locked room and it looked like Uthar Wyyn’s room, the former master of the academy, there was nothing there, as I was leaving the room, I saw a holocron. It was the holocron of the mighty Tulak Hord … “This is Tulak Hord’s Holocron!” Darth Wyyrlok II exclaimed. ”This is, this is incredible, I have the holocron of the best lightsaber combatant in Sith history!“ I returned to my flagship “The Aquino,” when I arrived a Hammerhead-class capital ship of the Republic intersected us….. “ My lord a Hammerhead-class capital ship has intersected us” Dervy Yulsec said. “OK, Prepare for battle , send all the Sith fighter’s , and prepare the cannons,” Darth Wyyrlok II said. As the fight began, most of my Sith fighters quickly destroyed their ion engines, they couldn’t move, and then we stroked them hard with our cannons. When I sent out a team to scout the ship on the inside, we found 3 million Republic credits, and the body of a Jedi master named Yer Adym and his apprentice. “Lord we have some people here,” Commander Adrad said. “Bring them to me,” Darth Wyyrlok II said. There were two Zabraks and one Quarren kid , the Zabraks were mechanics and the Quarren was the son of the Republic admiral, this child was a very strong Force sensitive……. “The kid is a very strong Force sensitive,“ Darth Wyyrlok II said to his soldiers. “Kill the boy he is of no need to me. I returned to Dxun, when I arrived my master was already awaiting me. “Master I have learn everything I have to learn of Darth Andeddu, and I the teaching’s of Tulak Hord are mine too” Darth Wyyrlok II. “Good apprentice you are learning , I will go to Korriban something is coming here and we are not part of that destiny.” Darth Lohan said. “As you wish my master, and what is our next task, master?” Darth Wyyrlok II asked. “Go to Malachor V, learn all you can and then return.” Darth Lohan said assuming his apprentice would do as he commanded. “Yes milord.” Darth Wyyrlok II said “Go to Malachor V , learn all you have to learn there and return” Darth Lohan said “Yes my lord” Darth Wyyrlok II said Theres something not right , what dose he want? , as I arrive I sense the tremendous dark side energy , I left “ The Aquino” away , I went in my sith fighter , I arrived to the planet , there is a sith academy here………………. “Welcome , Sith lord” a Sith Assassin said “Take me to you’re leader” Darth Wyyrlok II said “Come , lord” The sith assassin said He taked me to the sith leader I sith named “Darth Traya”…………… “You are Darth Wyyrlok II , or I’m wrong? Drath Traya said “Yes, and you are Darth Traya “Darth Wyyrlok II said “Correct,You are very strong I can sense it” Darth Traya said “My master sended me here, to learn more” Darth Wyyrlok II said “Your master is a fool , he is weak and not intelligent enough to know that you will kill him soon” Darth Traya said “I don’t care , Take me to see the holocrons so I can leave fast”Darth Wyyrlok II said “Of course , Come this way” Darth Traya said She taked me to learn more , I learned all that was to learn in Malachor V and I even learned to focus my force and control 3 light saber at the saim time , Darth Traya teached me many thing’s , but she was not my master and I will not learn more. “You have learn much , even more than my apprentice’s , why don’t you come and learn all you need to become the greatest sith of all, I can become you’re new master and maybe take my position one day” Darth Traya said “I don’t have more to learn from you , I must now confront with my master, I already am the grates sith of all times and don’t worry no one will take you’re place one day” Darth Wyyrlok II said “ As you wish lord Wyyrlok II , let you’re master see of what you’re made of and I know my future , don’t worry” Darth Traya said It is the first time I felt like a was with my mother again , now I must return to Korriban to my master and take his place to become the master………. By:KÕTØ®_Jƒ Special Thanks:Anakin Skywalker Any problem or bad spelling send me a pm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KotO[REvan] Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 It was okay, there were still a lot of grammar problems but you're doing much better. If you are useing this fic in Darth Wyyrlok's first person, then you should put: "------" Darth Wyyrlok said. You should put: "-------" I said. It matches useing the first person view. Hope to see more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin Skywalker Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 I have disuaded him from that.... but occassionally he uses it, and my brain ignores it, it corrects it, and I see no error.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Catto Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 I can see no wrong with this Fic (although i do have bad eyesight so that may not be such a good thing, lol) But what ive read, as been great. Waiting eagerly for some more Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fredi Posted January 13, 2007 Author Share Posted January 13, 2007 Thank you Mr_BFA!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quanon Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 Cool Fic ! I grabbed my attention by the start . So I'll trie to check it often , curious where you will be taking this . ( Reminds me of my own unfinished fic " runs of to his computer" ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Relenzo2 Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 Ok, but write it a little more carefully. The second is worse than the first, but you can fix it. I think if you slow down it will turn out much nicer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fredi Posted March 13, 2007 Author Share Posted March 13, 2007 Part 3 I returned to my ship and left for Dxun, where my master had left his other apprentice, Darth Timor. He will be easy to manage, because he is weak and stupid. Since my master accepted him as an apprentice like me, I have been having troubles with him. He was a Jedi, not a full and complete Sith like me. I arrived at Dxun and entered the tomb. “You have come to kill me, right?” Timor asked, “You will not win Wyyrlok, I am more powerful.” “If you’re so powerful why are you so scared?” Wyyrlok asked, “I can sense your fear. Face me like a real Sith you idiot.” “Say you’re last words,” Darth Timor warned Wyyrlok. There I turned my double blade lightsaber on and the duel began. He tried to strike me down quickly, but he was not thoughtful like me. First, you must see what your enemy is doing and thinking, so you can then attack him. That’s what I did. He tried to keep hitting me, but I evaded his attack with my lightsaber, then I saw his mistake. His hand was in pain. I then used the Force to push him and shock him. He managed to fight back and also used the Force to push me. Luckily, I quickly struck at him, splitting him in half. The fight had ended fast. He was a weak opponent, he was a Jedi and died like a Jedi in my hands. His soldiers and ships were now under my command. I know that my master will be more fast and powerful, but I know that I can achieve my goal and kill him so that I can become the master. I must go to Manaan, because Darth Bandon had been defeated in battle and I know that he carried a holocron of his strange lightsaber technique. ***** I returned to my ship and I gave the command to my crew to take our ships close but not to close to the planet. If they know that we are here then the Republic and half of the galaxy will try to kill us. “Admiral Ragner, take the fleet close to Manaan but only if we’re out of their sensors,” Darth Wyyrlok told the Admiral. “Yes my lord,” Ragner obeyed, “All power on take us to point 3 section 5598.” While we were flying in hyperspace, I began to think. I needed an apprentice and if I get killed or captured by the Jedi, who will have my knowledge? At that time we arrived at the designated point. “Get me two soldiers, tell them to wear normal clothes and light blasters” Wyyrlok told Ragner. “Yes sir, bring commander Dervy Yulsec and his mayor soldier,” Ragner told the army. “Prepare the ship, we are leaving,” Wyyrlok told his army. “Here Commander Dervy Yulsec reporting along with Mayor Soldier Merl Kotta” Dervy said. "We are leaving" Wyyrlok said By:KÕTØ®_Jƒ Special Thanks:Topsite Beta Reading the next part ...... I will like to announce too my next fic coming soon "Rebel Master". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hallucination Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 This fic has a lot of potential, and I think it will be fantabulous if you continue working on it. A few things you may want to work on are grammar, punctuation, and the like; I've seen numerous spelling and homonym errors, as well as a few run-on sentences. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fredi Posted April 8, 2007 Author Share Posted April 8, 2007 Sorry , I have been to occupied , I will add the new part in a few days! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Catto Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 I liked the last addition. Hurry up and bring out the next chapter! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fredi Posted April 28, 2007 Author Share Posted April 28, 2007 Aboard the ship, the soldiers and I prepared to go to Manaan. There we would try to find the old Sith Base and descend to the old Republic kolto mine, find Darth Bandon, bring his body back and give him a Sith funeral so he could later be put in his tomb. I will create it on Korriban. Darth Bandon was a great Sith, I admire him equally or even more than Darth Malak. Darth Bandon would have been a great leader for the Sith. Even more, the galaxy probably would now be ours if he hadn't been killed by that foul Revan. We arrived in Manaan at Ahto’s Port. I knew where we could find all the information necessary and all that was happening here on Manaan, in Manaan’s Swoop Racing Office. It is more a cantina than an office, but it is a place where the news runs fast. As we entered the cantina I said, “Dervy and Merl, go ask the latest news arround here." “Yes, sir.” Dervy Yulsec said. Darth Wyyrlok II went to the bartender. “One please, and let me ask you something.” “Right away. Yes, sir, tell me, how can I help you?” the bartender said. “What is the latest news, you know, the last strange thing.” Darth Wyyrlok II said. “Well, Ahto city is a very calm place. The only big thing that happened here was the incident at the Sith base, which is abandoned right now, sir,” the bartender said. “Ok, here, 10 credits for all the info and 3 for the drink,” Darth Wyyrlok II said. “Have a pleasant day, sir," the Bartender said. I knew that the incident in the Sith base was the latest incident. There's no fighting here on Manaan and that was big news all around the galaxy. “Sir, I have something to tell you.” Dervy Yulsec said. “What is it? I already know it. He is following us. When we enter the base, I will kill him. We can't do it out here.” Darth Wyyrlok II said. “Sir, the Jedi is outside the office. When we leave he might attack us,” Dervy Yulsec said. “Jedi don’t do that, they do not disturb the peace like that. He will follow us, and then attack at a safe place for him. Now shut up and let's leave. Where's that foul of you’re Mayor”- Darth Wyyrlok II said. “Sorry, sir. He is there with the Twi'lek dancers.” Dervy Yulsec said. “Tell that foul to come. We are going to the base.” Darth Wyyrlok II said. We left the office and went directly to the base. The Jedi was following. I could feel him, and sensed that he was not calm: he was anxious and nervous. But there was something wrong. I could sense something that was going to happen, but I didn't know what it was. “Soldiers, get ready, because when we enter that door, something is going to happen.” Darth Wyyrlok II said. “Ok sir. We give our lives for you, my lord.” Dervy Yulsec said. When we arrived at the door there were two Republic guards standing guard, along with three Manaan police robots. “We are investigating and guarding this base, sir. You cannot pass,” the Republic Guard said. “You will let me pass, and you will give me permission to go to the base.” Darth Wyyrlok II said. “I will let you pass, and I will give you permission to go to the base,” the Guard said, mind tricked. I entered the base. I opened the file and watched the security cam records. I saw Revan for the second time in my life. He was looking for some kind of file inside a Republic robot that had been held here at the base…. That meant that Revan took the file to the Republic embassy. Now I had to go to the Republic Base and Embassy here on Manaan. But wait... I could take a submarine here and enter the Republic kolto mine. “I will go to the Kolto Mine. You two stay here at the base.” Darth Wyyrlok II said. “But sir, what will happen if you don’t return?" Merl Kotta said. “Don’t be a fool, the master is a Sith Lord. He will return.” Dervy Yulsec responded. Then I entered the submarine and went to the Republic Kolto Mine. When I arrived there where six of the Security Robots from Ahto Security in the Base, and five mercenaries. They looked like they were working for the Manaan government. “What in the two moons of Manaan are you doing here, civilian?” a mercenary said. “I am here looking for a Sith Lord’s body,” Darth Wyyrlok II said “Huh? What the?! Shoot!!!! He is a Sith!!” the mercenary said. At the same time, I Force Jumped, and cut two of the security droids. I deflected the blaster bolts that the mercenaries were shooting, then I Force Pushed them and Force Lightning destroyed the four Security droids that were still active. “Get up and shoot!! He can't live!” the mercenary said. “No, you won't live.” the other four mercenaries, mind tricked, said to the leader. “What?!?!?! NO!!” the mercenary said. As I tricked the mercenaries into killing themselves, I kept moving, trying to find Darth Bandon's body. Then, Darth Bandon spoke to me by mind communication. “Wyyrlok, you will find my body behind this door.” Darth Bandon said. “I will open it right now,” Darth Wyyrlok II said. I opened the door, and there was Darth Bandon. His body was in a transition between life and death. It was alive but dead. “Revan left me here for dead. He was wrong. I am alive, but I can't move. I am using the teachings of Darth Andeddu. Through the Force I can maintain life… But I haven't been able to move.” Darth Bandon said. “My Lord, do not worry. I have Darth Andeddu’s teachings, and they have the key for your problem. Lord, you are from the direct lineage. It will be an honor to serve you.” Darth Wyyrlok II said. “You are strong, and you are a real Sith. Let us both together rule the galaxy. You will become my apprentice when you kill your master, and you will become the heir of the direct lineage of the Sith.” Darth Bandon said. “Yes, my lord. I will take you with me." Darth Wyyrlok II said. By: KÕTØ®_Jƒ Special Thanks : Aurora Starfire. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fredi Posted May 28, 2007 Author Share Posted May 28, 2007 We then returned to the “The Aquino” and restored the complete body of Darth Bandon, his body was mainly intact but some parts of his body were replaced by prosthetics. One of his lungs, part of his intestinal organs, and his left foot was immovable. It was amputated and replaced by a prosthetic. My next mission is to kill my old master, but I wonder, what should I really do? Kill him or tell my master of Bandon's plans and then fake his death so I can learn from him and then kill him to later follow my master's orders? …..I don’t know what to do. “Soldiers.” –Darth Wyyrlok II called. “Sir?” – A soldier replied. “Bring me a ship. Stop at the closest planet and wait until I arrive back.” - Darth Wyyrlok II said. “Yes sir, as you wish.” -The soldier responded and did as commanded. We then stopped in a small planet in the Outer Rim. I got on board of my freighter and went to the planet that had an atmosphere that maintained life. “I need to meditate on everything.” - Darth Wyyrlok II said. I arrived at the planet. It was a farm planet very similar to Dantooine. I sensed life immediately: there were two kids, a Human and a Zabrak, and they stopped right beside my ship. “Who are you? and what are you doing on our farm?” -The Zabrak kid said. “You don’t care who I am, or what I do here, kid." -Darth Wyyrlok II replied. “Of course, you Sith."- the Human kid said. “Hmm, how do you know I’m a Sith?” -Darth Wyyrlok II replied. “Your freighter, you silly.” –The kid replied. “Ha-ha, stupid kid, and what if I killed a Sith and took his ship?” -Darth Wyyrlok II said. “A Sith is too strong and powerful to be killed like that. Not even the Jedi or the Republic can stand against the Sith, they are the best.” – that kid replied. “ Yeah! and I will join them when I grow up.” The Zabrak kid said. “You, human kid, what’s you’re name? -Darth Wyyrlok II asked. “My name is Friedreich, why? “ he told him. “I can sense you are strong in the Force.” -Darth Wyyrlok II said. “ Yo… yo … you are a sith lord???” Friedreich nervously said. “Yes , and I can feel you are scared. Ha-ha, I can feel your anger, too.” -Darth Wyyrlok II said. “My lord, take me with you, please, I would do anything to leave this rock. Please, anything.” – Friedreich said. “No, take me. He is weak, you said it yourself. He is scared, I'm not. I am way better than him!!” – the Zabrak kid said. “Well, I will only take one of you, and as I can sense, kid, the human is much stronger in the Force than you. And never underestimate the power of fear, because is a great ally. But I will be fair. Let a battle choose who is going to go with me.” – Darth Wyyrlok II said. The Zabrak kid then quickly jumped on top of the human and punched him in the face. The human punched the Zabrak and was able to take him off of him, then the Zabrak grabbed a rock on the floor. He tried to hit the human with it, but Friedreich was able to grab his hand and take it away from him. The human punched the Zabrak in the stomach and hit him in the head with the rock. The Zabrak was immediately dead. “Congratulations, kid." Darth Wyyrlok said. “What have I done!!” – Friedreich said. “You did as I asked, giving you the privilege to escape from this rock and giving you the power to become my apprentice as a Sith Lord.” -Darth Wyyrlok said. “Yes... yes, you’re right, he was not strong, and I was victorious." -Friedreich said. “Then let us depart. This was the reason the Force made me stop on this planet, to find you and train you. First things first, we will return to my flagship “The Aquino”. There I will kill a Sith Lord whose name is Darth Bandon. Then I will train you and after that we both will kill my master and turn you into a Sith Lord.” -Darth Wyyrlok II said. “As you wish, master" -Friedreich said. We then entered the freighter and returned to “The Aquino”. There I left him in the other flagship that belonged to Darth Timor, “The Shadow”. “Kid, stay here. When I finish with my master I will tell them to bring you aboard my ship.” -Darth Wyyrlok II said. “Yes, Master.” -Friedreich replied. Then I headed to “The Aquino” where Darth Bandon was. He was meditating. I entered the chamber while he was meditating. “Darth Bandon, may the Force be with you." -Said Darth Wyyrlok II as he struck Darth Bandon's head. By: KÕTØ®_Jƒ Special Thanks : Aurora Starfire. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weave Posted August 28, 2007 Share Posted August 28, 2007 Nice Padawan... nice... I like your combat sequences... I didn't skip them like I do with most people. Grammar is still a bit of an issue... but all-in-all... it's really goo. I can beta your stories too if you want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted November 9, 2010 Share Posted November 9, 2010 read Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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