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Top 10 Fun Things To Do In The Hoth System:


10. Playing high-stakes dodgeball with asteroids.


9. Seeing how bad things smell on the INSIDE.


8. Snowball fights.


7. Salvaging wreckage.


6. Watching your pee freeze before it hits the ground.


5. Pitching rocks into Space Slug's cave; running away when he comes out.


4. Hunting Wampas with a bowcaster.


3. Tauntaun tipping.


2. Leaving.


1. Reminding yourself, "At least this is better than Dagobah."

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It's not exactly a joke but i thought it was pretty funny:


Ahsoka: "If it isn't the hairless harpy."

Ventress: "If it isn't Skywalker's filthy, obnoxious little pet. Stand down, little girl, and I'll give you a cookie."

Ahsoka: "How nice of you. Tell you what. I'll give you a merciful death!"

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Chuck Norris doesnt sleep; he waits


Chuck Norris grinds his own coffee with his teeth and boils the water in his own rage


Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.


Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)


Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

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A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.


The Husband: "Just where the heck do you think you're going?"


The Wife: "I'm going to Las Vegas. I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free!"


The Husband: "Wait a minute!"


The husband then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.


The Wife: "Where the heck are you going?"


The Husband: "I want to see how you're gonna live on $800 a year!"

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^ That's a great one, Shem. :lol:


Three men, an elderly one, a middle-aged one and a young one are on a train in West Germany in the late nineteen-forties. They stare at each other for a long time.


Eventually, the young man speaks:

"Don't look at me that way. I was at Leningrad. I was in the Ardennes. I got the Iron Cross!"


The middle-aged man replies:

"Nice. I was at Verdun and Ypres. I was in the last unit to be pulled out from both. I got the Ritterkreuz!"


The elderly man says:

"Pah! I was at Sedan and the siege of Paris. I have no medals, but we won the bloody war!"

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"So I went on craig'slist the other day, just looking to see what kind of kooky **** they have up for sale. I came across this one ad that read, "Guitars for sale- low prices, no strings attached." "


One of my little transition jokes from my stand up routine, nothing special but I'm not giving you guys gold.

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Why did the squirrel swim on his back?


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To keep his nuts dry.


What's the difference between a snowman and a snow-woman?


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A snowman has snowballs


I'm all out of bad jokes now.

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A man comes home from a business trip a day earlier and he drives into his garage and parks the car. Entering the house he calls out "Honey, I'm home!" And when there's no response he walks upstairs, wondering if his wife was just sleeping in inordinately late.


He walks into the bedroom where he sees his wife, nude as a jaybird. "Why aren't you wearing anything?" He asks, incredulous.


"I don't have anything to wear." The wife declares.


The man throws open the closet, "you have a red dress, a blue dress, a green skirt, hi Frank, a black dress, a nice red cocktail dress..."


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A man is on a business trip and he's lonely so he grabs a telephone and dials in his home number.


"Hello?" His daughter picks up.


"Hello dear," he says. "Is your mother home?"


"Yes." The girl says. "She's in the bedroom with uncle Phil and I'm hearing noises."


Hmmmmm.... the man thinks. "Alright," he says. "I want you to go to the bedroom and yell out 'DADDY'S HOME!!!!' at the top of your lungs, barge into the room if you have to."


"Alright Daddy." The girl says. The man hears a muffle scream and a door slam before the girl picks up again, she's giggling.


"What's so funny?" The man asks.


"Uncle Phil was so scared that he jumped out the window -naked- into the pool..." the girl breaks into hysterical laughter again. "Only... only... only...."


"Only what?" the man asks, impatiently.


"Only the pool was empty!" The girl dissolved into laughter again.


"Is this 555-412-5262?" The man asks.


"No, this is 555-412-5622" The girl responds.


"Oh, I'm sorry, wrong number." And the man hung up.

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Have you ever heard about the Redneck Jedi? Do you know if your a Redneck Jedi? Here's how you can tell...




You might be a Redneck Jedi if......


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you ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."

your Jedi robe is camouflage. "Yeeeeh Haaw, those sithys will never see me coming."

you have ever used your lightsaber to open a bottle of beer.

at least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored.

you have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.

the worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.

wookies are offended by your B.O. "Get the hell back here...I don't care what you smell!"

you have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.

you have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.

your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the darkside....it'll be a hoot."

you have ever had your R-2 unit use it's self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.

you have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.

you ever fantasized about Princess Leia, Padme', Bastila, Mira, Mission, or any other SW females wearing Daisy Duke shorts.

you have the hatch door of your X-Wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.

you have cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca. "Yeeaaah, we call him cousin It."

you suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood decking.

if you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father......and your uncle."



That's all for now folks.

Edited by purifier
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