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SCUMM Newsletter #5 - "Too fast to last"


Artisa

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Blast from the past anyone? Was looking through some old emails and getting a good laugh! :lol:

 

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\___ \ | | | | | | / / |__/ | | / / |__/ | |

___| | | |___ | |_| | / / | | / / | |

/_____/ \_____| \_____/ /_/ |_| /_/ |_|

 

 

|\/| /¯\ |¯ /¯\ ¯/ | |\| |¯ N E W Y E A R

| | |¯| | | |¯| /_ | | | |¯ S P E C I A L

¯ ¯

 

######################################################################

 

The Official Newsletter for The Monkey Island SCUMM Bar -

http://www.scummbar.com. "The newsletter for snobs" Est. 2004

 

Issue 5, January 2005.

 

Special new year edition! We take a look back at 2004 and make crazy

predictions for the future!

 

######################################################################

 

-----------------------

THE MONTH IN BRIEF (December)

-----------------------

 

Too lazy to read The SCUMM Bar on a regular basis? Then grab these

bite-size titbits of the most important news this month:

 

SCUMM BAR FAN MUSIC

Two live-recorded mp3s that sound really rather nice.

http://www.scummbar.com/index.php?newssniffer=readcomment&news=786

 

DESERT ISLAND DISC

Emily Morganti was stranded on a house-boat with nowt but a laptop, a

half-eaten corn-dog and a copy of the Secret of Monkey Island. Read

her

 

diary of the account here - http://www.adventuregamers.com/article/id,459

 

MONKEY ISLAND: THE PLAY OF THE GAME OF THE MOVIE OF THE RIDE

Just in case you missed it first time, here's more information on a

play production of Monkey Island -

 

http://www.scummbar.com/index.php?newssniffer=readcomment&news=791

 

RON GILBERT IN SUPRISE CHRISTMAS GIVEAWAY

Gilbert set up a competition where he gave out ten copies of

Grossman's book, and Gabez forgot to enter. Blast.

 

RON GILBERT STARS IN HIS OWN GAME

As a special Christmas treat this year, The SCUMM Bar released Ron

Gilbert's Christmas Challenge. If you're still feeling festive you can

 

find out more here http://www.fangames.co.uk/V6/games/index.php?game=30

 

NIGHTLIGHT REOPENS

The bitch is back. Visit to find information on Lucas-fan radio shows:

http://nightlight.grimfandango.net

 

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MAILBAG

-----------------------

 

QUITE FUNNY

 

E-mail: I just got the Scumm newsletter today. Quite funny. It gave

me the idea to draw this comic. Out of all the punch-lines, I thought

this was the funniest. (Link: http://www.scummbar.com/temp/onme.gif)

- NoMan

 

Answer: That's the best thing ever! You've just won my e-mail of the

month. What do you win? A RESTRAINING ORDER! Hahahahaha. Seriously

though, you rock.

 

---

 

HO HO HO

 

E-mail: Merry Christmas you crazy man! ;)

(Your comic was cool by the way. Too cool to mention in one of our updates)

 

- Sir Paco Vink

 

 

Answer: We love you too ;-*

 

---

 

BONJOUR BONJOUR BONJOUR

 

E-mail: I understood all that french stuff.

 

Answer: That's nice.

 

-----------------------

HOT TOPIC OF THE MONTH

-----------------------

 

This month's HOT TOPIC is "Would you shag Elaine/Guybrush?"

 

All HOT TOPIC answers will get published here, and the best one may

even win a prize!*

 

Last month's HOT TOPIC was "What happens when you die?", and the

response(s) are listed below:

 

"They sell all your cool stuff and plant your ass in a box to rot with

all the other boxed up dead freakazoids. Oh yeah I dance on your

grave and we throw a cool ass party with everyone who ever hated you.

Then we dig you up and have a rousing game of "Weekend at Bernies"

then we leave your carcass flaming on an old man's porch like a bag of

dog doo." - Josh Yerby

 

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SPAM MAIL TOPICS OF THE MONTH

-----------------------

 

"YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS WON THE LOTTERY"

- That bitch.

 

"Do you love Penny Stox?"

- No?

 

"FROM DESMOND TAYLOR"

- My favourite spam mailer

 

"The magic of Chinese folk art - paper cutting!"

- Those Chinese folk artists are so advanced! They can even cut paper

these days!

 

"Hlf prce Wndows 98"

- Half-price? For a 6 year old peice of ****? What a rip-off!

 

"Happy Holidays Latisha!"

- I think this is a spam mails version of a wrong number

 

"Just for you View porn everyday and make money with your own site"

- So what's your job now? - Oh, I watch porn. It's just for me and I

somehow make money from my own site.

 

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NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS

-----------------------

 

* Post comments on The SCUMM Bar more often. It's like a ****ing

graveyard there some days!

* Say that thing to that person. You know what I mean.

* Write an article and send it to us. You may even win a prize!!11

* Be nicer to people you like and nastier to people you don't.

* Kiss and make up with LucasArts. What were we fighting about again?

* Take a gamble and go seeking a life of quiet contemplation and

tranquilety by living as a hermit on a desert island.

* Buy a really long extension cable and put your pc outside. Or get a laptop.

* Do something really Rock and Roll like throw your telly out of your

window or insult a Goth. Just don't apoligise for it.

* Keep a new years resolution.

 

-----------------------

NEW YEARS PREDICTIONS

-----------------------

 

* Remi will get the leading role in the musical "Annie".

* LucasArts will produce more Star Wars games. Which might not be

entirely a bad thing. Don't play it if you don't like it. ;

* Gabez will get his pen out again and write some more articles.

Suggestions, anyone?

* World Of MI will post so many fanfic updates that they'll in fact

turn into a fan fic. Only joking Paco!

* The SCUMM Bar will close again.

* The SCUMM Bar will return again.

* Benny will front-end himself into ScummVM and become a ghost in the

machine. Literally.

* MILegend will be turned into a site about "amazing weekends".

* Ron Gilbert will mysteriously stop updating his blog, leading to

everyone thinking that he's dead. When he comes back again we'll

probably have all forgotten about him.

* Jake will turn Mojo into a self-concious entity. It may take over the world.

* Tim Schafer will spawn a second head over night. And wings.

* LucasArts will reannounce Sam & Max 2 but then cancel it again a day

before the new release date for a cruel joke.

* Natty will finally twig on to the fact that I've been making fun of

her in these newsletters.

* Gabez will co-star in some freskish film.

http://www.knowitallvideo.com/showvideo.jsp?i=1104426314785

* Blaze will finally be fired from The SCUMM Bar. Gabez will give her

his infamous "has-been" speech.

* Dominic Armato will admit that he keeps your brain hooked up to a

super-computer, and that none of your life is actually real. Sorry,

but you must have guessed by now.

* Harison Ford will break his back when he tries to get out of his

chair moments before shooting Indiana Jones IV: My Life in the Old

Folks

 

Home

 

-----------------------

2004 SUM-UP

-----------------------

 

Gabez takes a look at 2004 and remembers the best parts - and the

worst parts. Enjoy!

 

Of course, because I'm only one person this list will hardly take into

account everything that's happened in 2004. Thus it won't be

definitive, it'll be just my opinion based on what I've seen. Send it

on your own opinions to gabrielschenk@gmail.com and I'll publish them

here.

 

Best TV Show: Peep Show

(http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/guide/articles/p/peepshow_999030919.shtml)

Best film: Probably House of Flying Daggers

Best book: Anything by Philip Pullman

Best game: I haven't played much this year, but I heard Half-life 2 is

good. The only game I really got into this year was Warcraft III,

though, so I'll pick that.

 

The internet:

Best web-site: Why, The SCUMM Bar of course. ;

Best blog: Remi1000.com ;-* Grumpygamer.com comes a close second

Best moment: When the anti-LEC movement was in full swing. That was a

bit of fun.

 

Hall of shame:

Worst peice of MI fan-art: http://hrm.xirr.com/hrm046.jpg

Most awkward moment: when PC Zone called Remi a "fan-boy". Oops!

 

Remember, send it on your own sum-ups to gabrielschenk@gmail.com! And

no time wasters. I'm too busy.

 

To see Remi's list, point your browser here -

http://remi1000.com/index.php?todo=readcomments&comment=303

 

-----------------------

CHRISTMAS POETRY COMPETITION

-----------------------

 

Unfortunately we didn't have *any* entries for our Christmas poetry

competition. This is a real shame as the prize was going to be a

evening at Pizza Hut with Ron Gilbert. Oh well, I guess Ronzo will be

dining alone tonight. :~

 

-----------------------

SCUMM COMIC

-----------------------

 

See the latest SCUMM comic, given exclusively to newsletter

subscribers, here! http://www.scummbar.com/images/comic/comic-5.jpg

 

This month's comic features the biggest in-joke ever as the

punch-line. Only a handful of people will get it. No change there,

then!

 

-----------------------

RON GILBERT QUOTE OF THE MONTH

-----------------------

 

"*sigh* If I win the lottery, I'll buy the rights to Monkey Island and

make Monkey Island 5, which I will call Monkey Island 3a: The Secret

Revealed or your Money Back." - in response to the legions of confused

fans who wondered why he had posted a picture of a lottery ticket with

the title "Monkey Island 5". One deranged person speculated that Ron

"spelt out Monkey Island with his numbers. 1, 10, 13, 20, 40 .11

Nope", whilst another was convinced that the numbers were somehow the

release date for Monkey Island 5. So mark the 1st of October 13204011

in your diaries guys!

 

Sorry Ron, it seems that your huge intelect is beyond the means of the

average fan to comprehend. Just as well actually, or we'd have sorted

out the Secret ages ago...

 

Oh wait, we did!

 

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UNSUBSCRIBE

-----------------------

 

To unsubsribe, simply e-mail gabrielschenk@gmail.com with the subject

"I'm a little **** who doesn't want to get your wonderful newsletter

anymore" using the e-mail address you want to unsubscribe with.

 

Sigh, those were the days! :rolleyes: Does Gabez still do this stuff? :D

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It didn't take long to write, and it went out to a fairly large audience so it was worth doing (that particular one went out to 100 people, including one of the writers on a popular UK PC Games magazine).

 

The news in brief could have been a good section, like a protoplasmic version of Twitter, if I had made the summaries easy to understand. Instead I tried to make them funny. Some jokes landed, but most did not. I quite like the idea of Ron Gilbert eating alone at Pizza Hut because nobody won the competition. The comic is quite funny but you have to know that the quotation was stolen from the World of Monkey Island's secret admin forum, and I didn't bother to explain that. I think I liked the idea of injokes too much.

 

The rest is very self-indulgent wank, but I was a seventeen-year-old trying to work out how to write! Ten years later and I'm still learning.

 

Glad you liked it.

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I was a seventeen-year-old

 

Woah! Gabez and I are the same age.

 

Holy **** me too! :eek: What are the odds? :rolleyes:

 

Btw I would never have DREAMED that newsletter was sent out by a teenager the same age as me at the time - in my head it was written by a guy at least ten years older than me (Mind. Blown.) so kudos to you and your writing skills! ;)

 

Glad you liked it.

 

That I did! :rofl:

I've got a few more issues in the recesses of my email if anyone's interested *sifts through mailbox* :xp: (Then again, Gabez probably has them too :rolleyes:)

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