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The One Year Thread 2015: The Forum Awakens


Keyan Farlander

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well it seems like the girl i was talking to ghosted on me. what else is new.

 

better part of today? my anti depressants show up at the door. God has a ****ed up sense of humor.

 

guess i'll go to the bar by myself and see what happens.

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Feeling like crap all day.

 

Didn't sleep well last night, still dealing with a cough, my stomach was upset all day, and work was deathly dull to the point i was falling asleep. Not to mention i am dealing with a severe depression

 

I swear I am going to lose my job by my supervisor finding me sleeping on the job.

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Feeling better, cause i got this today

 

core.jpg

 

6 Squadron of TIE fighters supporting a Victory-Class star Destroyer

vs

CR90A, Nebulon B, and 4 Squadrons of X-wing fighters

 

all the TIE fighters got swatted by the X-wings, with only one X-wing squadon being lost. By the End the VSD had lost all it's shields

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I'm starting to sincerely believe I am a compassionless, black hearted, genuinely evil person.

 

So my ex-girlfriend/roommate broke up with her boyfriend, and has isolated her self to her room, drinking (basically turning herself into an alcoholic) and crying.

 

I.... I don't care. I literally give zero ****s.

 

Either I'm a sociopath, or she has driven what remains of my compassion for other human beings from me fully.

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Welcome to that special non sh*t givery place in the human soul that I call 'she/they can't hurt me any more.'

 

:dozey: When in that place, the calm feelings one finds peaceful seem chilling to others. Be sure to use this to your advantage, so you are left alone instead of getting dragged in.

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saturday morning was interesting. guess i was kicked out of the bar i spent $150 at. ****.

 

wishing that my cousin didn't kill herself, which is what brought me to the bar....closest relative i had in the military. :( I'm still in shock over it. She was the only one i really looked forward to seeing at family reunions. :( ****.

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Got my taxes done today... I'm getting a little over 7-grand back.

 

BUT... I have to pay close to 9-thousand for my dad.

 

Fortunately for me, those are separate accounts... but it still feels like the government wins this time... and I cant say that I like it.

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feeling like blah...had a crappy run today...my back hurt, i probably ****ed something up. go ****in figure. going to try running with the dr scholls inserts and see what happens...that'll be on wednesday. i'm forced to take an apft, not enough time to play human centipede/guinea pig at the va falsepital. gotta make a call and schedule something after drill though...get some **** off my chest at the shrink...hopefully i get a different one this time, not one that doesn't seem like it gives a **** and wants to push meds on me. (even though i asked for them) i just want to know wtf my problem is why i have a struggle with wanting a relationship, why i failed to act when i saw that my cousin had suicidal symptoms before she offed herself, why i want to just isolate 90% of the time, and why i have a struggle communicating with others. idk i'll probably just be told to go **** myself. :(

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thanks, keyan. I'm going down to the memorial service this weekend...it's going to suck. what really pisses me off tho is like half the family didn't know/doesn't care...wish i was closer to her than i was...the only family member i know that has killed themself, and the fact she was a veteran makes it hit me even harder. never realized how much this would affect me, especially since i wasn't that close...the only other person i know that killed themselves was one of the guys i went to basic with, but he wasn't even in my platoon...

 

hoping the rest of the week goes good for me, i'm done with all but 1 of my assignments for school. these multiple choice exams are too ****ing easy. i laugh at the students who are doing ****ty...and are ****ing paying to go. i get paid to go, don't give much of a damn about my grades (havent really studied longer than 30 minutes for an exam yet)

 

went back to the gym tonight...very light workout...getting kind of tired of this 60 days to fit, it's so boring. probably going to switch back to my calisthenics deal, as i was actually losing weight pretty fast doing that workout.

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enjoying the gym this week with one of my best friends...exactly what i needed to help cope with depression. trying to stay away from the things that have been bringing me down lately. REALLY looking forward to the good weather and a wonderful summer. Hoping I can get faster at running and start getting in really good shape by july. need to do what i was doing last year...writing a list down of **** that i need to do that day, ie a schedule so i'm not just stuck on facebook...

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Just got home from the hospital. Dad was admitted. Super high fever, extreme pain.

 

Turns out, he has an infection, a pretty bad one. See, when he had his Gall Bladder removed about 15 years ago he had to go back in for some post-op stuff where they had to slice him open again and clean out some ****. Turns out, same thing happened, only it got infected. (They think anyway). He's staying overnight and they are pretty sure what they need to do to make it stop. Well, besides the nuclear war level of antibiotics they have him on right now.

 

And the drugs to dull the pain.

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Day off today. Saving money up to get a new car...so I entertained myself by building a model space ship for my BSG civilian fleet. I haven't built one since I started the new job, about a year ago, mostly because I'm working more hours there and also because I'm getting a regular outlet for my creativity now that I get to run daily soups and specials. Last summer I bought a stack of unfinished model kits from a neighbor (remember my Mayflower build?) and a bunch of new paints and decals, so it's an activity I've already spent the money on, so...

 

Asteroid prospector ship time. :dozey: Here is a shot of the chaos that becomes of my desk.

 

image.jpg1_zpsfplj1whx.jpg

 

Here is the ship, built in two halves for easy painting. All the different crazy colors betray all the different model kits used here. The main body of the top half is part of the motor housing taken from a stripped out electric razor.

 

image.jpg2_zps0amgbmr7.jpg

 

Finished with primer coat of paint (classic gray, gloss; krylon in a spray can) and must now dry for awhile before I paint the details.

 

image.jpg3_zpshcuumgpa.jpg

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