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Episode 2: Attack of the Noobs


Rad707_Pandaz
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The Panda Chronicles: Episode 2: Attack of the Noobs:

 

The Panda Brigade takes on Sabre, the leader of the noobs, and his noob army. They also battle the Iron Chefs(of, well, IRON CHEF!) before fighting the Noob army in a battle of near-large proportions. Guest appearances by Chairman Kaga, the Iron Chefs, Darien Fawkes, Bobby Hobbes, and Captain Kirk himself, William Shatner

 

Instead of the usual preview, I've decided to let everyone read Episode 2 in its entirety. This is one of my favorites in the series and I hope you'll enjoy it. With those words...uh...crap...I...I forget.

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Panda Chronicles: Episode II: Attack of the Noobs

 

(After overthrowing Sith-nAnO, The Panda Brigade had some R&R)

 

Ping-Pong= where is my panda biatch???!!!!

 

Pandawan= wtf are you talking about?!

 

Ping-Pong= Ling-Ling, where is my Ling-Ling!!!??

 

Pandawan= geez, she just hasn't joined the server yet

 

Ping-Pong= I must find Ling-Ling !!!! i need to give her some hardcore panda love, I must.......

 

Pandawan= Jerry Christ!!!!!! WILL YOU SHUT THE F-CK UP!!!!!!!!!

 

Insatiable Panda= hey guys! settle down!

 

Pandawan= Insatiable, will you tell ping-pong over there to shut the hell up or im gonna kick his ass

 

Insatiable Panda= um....pandawan....i think he read your message....

 

Pandawan= (looks around) Is anyone gonna join?

 

(at that moment, some one joined)

 

Todd [THEMAN] binkleman= yo guys!!! wassup, wassup!!

 

(everyone stares at him for a moment. Then ping-pong starts sniffing the air and starts to approach Todd [THEMAN] binkleman)

 

Ping-Pong= Ling-Ling! Is that you!!! (starts to walk behind Todd)

 

Todd [THEMAN] binkleman= Hey man!! what are you doing?

 

(Ping-Pong starts kneeling in front of Todd's buttocks area)

 

Todd [THEMAN] binkleman= Get the **** off me!!!

 

(Ping-Pong starts to grab Todd by the shoulders)

 

Ping-Pong= oh Ling-Ling!!! i knew it was you!!! (starts to move in a very suggestive manner)

 

Ping-Pong= have you ever been wrestled by a panda?

 

Todd [THEMAN] binkleman= ahhhhhhh!!!! noooOOOooooOOOo!!!!

 

Pandawan= Dude!!! Ping-Pong's like a wookie in heat or something!!!

 

Insatiable Panda= I knew this would happen! ok, pandawan....get the hose

 

Pandawan= Get the hose? SCREW the hose!! YOU get the hose!! i've seen this movie!! The Panda dies first!!!

 

Insatiable Panda= Your right...lets just kick him out of the server and end his misery

 

Todd [THEMAN] binkleman= HOLY $#!T !!!!!!!!! GET THE F------

 

(Todd's words are cut short. He was kicked just in time. Meanwhile...ping-pong starts humping air)

 

Insatiable Panda= Thank god!!

 

(the fact that ping-pong almost just ass-raped some guy does not begin to unsettle these guys. It was the fact that Todd's skin was that of an Ugnaught. That was what was unsettling. Seeing ping-pong with his panda skin, basically humping, an Ugnaught with a lunchbox shaking in the air was just an image that could make anyone envy the blind. It would give Insatiable and Pandawan nightmares for a week. but the events that would occur next....would make them forget about the image for 2.356 seconds (time approximate))

 

Pandawan= great,great, now no one's gonna join

 

Insatiable Panda= uh...i know your saying that now...but haven't you noticed the fact that when we say nothing could possibly happen it happens

 

(Just to prove Pandawan wrong, someone did indeed join)

 

Soundrider= so guys, anyone gonna fight or what?

 

(Soundrider sees Ping-Pong humping air. Looks at Ping-Pong in a face that could say "what the hell are you doing!". Soundrider powers up his saber.)

 

Soundrider= well...you can be the first to die by my hands!!!

 

Ping-Pong= oh yeah! give it to the panda!! who's your .....wait....is that guy trying to kill me? Hah!

 

(Soundrider switches to heavy stance and executes the cheap-ass lunge attack)

 

Ping-Pong= hah!! you freakin newbies!!

 

(Ping-Pong easily dodges the lunge attack)

 

Ping-Pong= c'mon!

 

(Soundrider does the same lunge attack over and over....and over. Ping-Pong is still dodging the attacks as easily as Soundrider can throw them.)

 

Ping-Pong= Stop trying to hit me and hit me!!!! (i.e. the matrix)

 

Ping-Pong= you noobs couldn't possibly understand the honor and complexity of the Old Code! Us veterans uphold it and YOU don't do crap with it!! and that pisses me---

 

(Ping-Pong is interrupted by Soundrider's saber cutting him in half vertically.)

 

Insatiable Panda= ironic, isn't it?

 

Pandawan= irony?! ... man, that's just messed up!

 

Soundrider= which one of you lame O's is next?!

 

Insatiable Panda= that little ****!!!

 

(Insatiable Panda charges at Soundrider with saber raised and anger in his eyes. The noob hasn't realized how slow heavy stance takes to swing a lightsaber.By the time he's started to swing, Insatiable has slashed him 3 times.)

 

Soundrider= Ok! here we go!!!!

 

(Soundrider starts his endless lunge attacks again. Insatiable starts dodging every single one of them.)

 

Insatiable Panda= big mistake!!!

 

(as Soundrider finishes his lunge and starts pulling his saber out of the ground, Insatiable launches himself into the air for the final attack. Insatiable Panda cuts Soundrider's head off.)

 

Insatiable Panda= gf

 

Soundrider= **** off

 

Insatiable Panda= why you little...

 

(It was then that the major noobs, known as Sabre, [bOB] Shadowkeeper, Darth Metallus, and Squishie, joined the server. Insatiable Panda and Pandawan look out in terror as the noobs start to surround them.)

 

Insatiable Panda= this isn't good is it?

 

Pandawan= what! are you stoned or something!....like freakin duh, it isn't good!!!!!

 

(this doesn't look good. 2 pandas against 5 noobs. The only other panda in the server is ping-pong....and ping-pong sucks!)

 

(2 pandas against 5 noobs. The pandas might have a fighting chance. Yeah.....right!!! Who am i kidding?! those guys are screwed!)

 

Insatiable Panda= I've got an idea!

 

Pandawan= what is it?

 

Insatiable Panda= don't you remember? Plan WTF !

 

Pandawan= oh yeah...wtf?

 

Pandawan= wtf?

 

(the noobs look at him in astonishment, like they just saw "the one" or something.)

 

[bOB] Shadowkeeper= is he....?

 

Darth Metallus= (in a really deep voice) could he be....?

 

Squishie= (in a really high pitch voice talks like Gungans) me no know if hey cood be dah one?

 

Sabre= (in a dark ominous voice) Bring him to me...he could be the one

 

Soundrider= the what?!

 

Sabre= (still in a dark ominous voice) the one....many years ago, in a galaxy far,far,away. there was a man born into ...video games. he could make and remake the video games as he saw fit. many years ago this man died in an unfortunate accident involving Half-Life and IRS agents. since then,Miss Cleo has prophesised his return. He...Pandawan...could be... "the one".

 

Soundrider= but how are you so sure?

 

Sabre= because...when "the one" was remaking a game...he always said wtf? until he was finished

 

Pandawan= wtf? ...no really..WTF?!!!

 

Insatiable Panda= dude! we gotta get outta here! are you done yet?

 

(the noobs start to close in on Pandawan and Insatiable Panda. But just as Squishie grabbed Pandawan, the 2 pandas dematerialized.)

 

Squishie= (still in the squeaky voice) aw no!!! waaahht ahr wee goin ta' doo now!!

 

Sabre= (looks at Ping-Pong) It seems that they left a comrade behind

 

Ping-Pong= I'll never talk!! do yah hear me!!! i'll never talk until i get my Ling-Ling!!!!!

 

Darth Metallus= (still has a really deep voice) Can i...give him a little...cavity search? i just love cavity searches! (said that in a really gay voice, but still deep)

 

Sabre= um..that won't be necessary (looks back at Ping-Pong) TELL ME! Who is your leader!!

 

Ping-Pong= (thinks for a second, looks confused) uh...George W....wait...um..Osama bin Laden...bitch!!!!

 

Sabre= [bOB] Shadowkeeper, find this ...(no clue who it is) Osama bin Laden person...and destroy him

 

[bOB] Shadowkeeper= aye, aye ,sir!

 

(Ping-Pong snickers. Sabre looks at him)

 

Sabre=(still in a dark ominous tone just like all the other lines) As for you...TELL me where your friends went!!!

 

Ping-Pong= Hah! you'll never get that outta me!!! HAH!! you'll never find them at Bespin Fight Club!!!!!! HAH! hA!ha!hah!ha!hah! ha.....wait a sec...oh crap!

 

Sabre= Ok boys, we're going to Bespin Fight Club!

 

Darth Metallus= what am i going to do with him....i mean...what are WE going to do with him?

 

Sabre= oh hell...let him wait for his Ling-Ling

 

Darth Metallus= but i wanna---

 

Sabre= Shut up !!! Your being very ....ambiguous...right now

 

Sabre= Squishie! Prepare the Noob army, send them to Bespin

 

Squishie= all righty then massa!! gots a nooobbb ahmy ta goo ta Be-spin!!

 

(Sabre and his noob army start the 2 hour flight to Bespin....wait...this is ridiculous. They are in a server...and the Pandas already transported to another...why can't they?! Oh...they had to because Pandawan is "the one" and only he can transport that fast....oh i get it!! Good One!!)

 

(Insatiable Panda and Pandawan are at the Carbon8 bar, in Bespin Fight Club, getting wasted)

 

Darien Fawkes= Yo hobbsy! our buddies are back

 

Bobby Hobbes= I don't know bro'...they don't look so good

 

(There is a three-breasted whore sitting next to Pandawan. She looks at him. He looks at her.)

 

Three-Breasted Whore= OOOO!! i want some panda---

 

(Pandawan pukes all over her three titties)

 

Three-Breasted Whore= AHHHHHHHHH!!!! Get AWAY from me!!!!

 

(Three Breasted Whore runs away and gets her third boob caught in a door.)

 

Pandawan= whoa, man!! that chick had like...a hundred boobs or somethin'.... and ---

 

Insatiable Panda= hey Pandawan! don't get drunk! you know how you get when your drunk

 

(Insatiable has a flashback of when Pandawan and Captain Kirk were really drunk and went out to PMS sector 321 looking for alien whores. The image of Kirk in his Trekking Undies saying "Well....bring on da' bitches!!" briefly enters his mind)

 

(To further add insult to embarrassment, Carrot Top appears suspiciously from behind the bar)

 

Carrot Top= (high strung and hyper) hey! lets!get! your! buddy! some ! Help!

 

Pandawan= uhhhhhhhh...... *hic* wtf?!

 

Insatiable Panda= Hey Carrot Top! Get your Gungan-liking-ass outta here, and take your AT&T commercials with you!!

 

Carrot Top= wha--- meesa not thinks they're so bad!

 

(Everybody in the Carbon8 bar power up their sabers...except for Pandawan, who is trying to find his ass)

 

Pandawan= (running in circles) Hah! *hic* i got ya! *hic* ....ohhhh!! BILLY!!! Whered it go!!! come back ass , come back!!

 

Insatiable Panda= omg...

 

(Sabre enters through the Carbon8 doors)

 

Sabre=(in sinister voice) well, well,well.... if it isn't my panda buddies

 

(the bartender steps back from behind the bar. He looks like the bartender from the single-player JK2)

 

Bartender= whatssssss the problemssss heresssss?

 

Sabre= no prob...just the fact that your speech impedemented ass is in my way!!!

 

(Sabre force grips the bartender and tosses him out the window...badass style.)

 

Darien Fawkes= Aw crap!

 

Darth Silent Bob= ....

 

(Sabre looks at Darth Silent Bob funny)

 

Sabre= what the hell are you saying?!

 

Darth Silent Bob= ....

 

(Sabre looks agitated)

 

Sabre= wtf are you saying ! you silent *******!!!!

 

(Darth Silent Bob makes a donut hole with the fingers in his left hand, then takes his right hand's finger and rams it through the donut hole)

 

Sabre= Why don't you just freakin' TALK!!!!

 

(Darth Silent Bob looks pissed. He walks up to Sabre and starts to say something in his ear)

 

Darth Silent Bob= (starts to whisper) i was saying.... (yells very loud) FOR YOU TO SHOVE YOUR LIGHTSABER UP YOUR ASS!! YOU DUMB****!!!!!!!!

 

Sabre= (very calmly) well... no need to get personal about it....

 

(Sabre looks around the bar. Insatiable Panda and Pandawan are missing)

 

Sabre= Somebody better tell me where they are! or im gonna order my noob army to destroy this place!

 

(Everybody is silent. then Sabre looks at Bobby Hobbes)

 

Bobby Hobbes= Fawkes!!!

 

Darien Fawkes= This is where i go invisible

 

(Sabre closes in on Bobby)

 

Bobby Hobbes= aw crap, Fawkes!! do something!!

 

(Darien quicksilvers Bobby)

 

Darien Fawkes= you didn't think i'd leave my brother hangin did ya

 

Sabre= NO! I'm gonna tear this place apart!!!!!

 

(Darien and Bobby exit the Carbon8 bar, where they see Pandawan puking)

 

Darien Fawkes= Pandawan! man, you better get outta here, pal!

 

(Darien notices the location where Pandawan just threw up)

 

Darien Fawkes= MAN! you just puked all over Lando!!!!

 

Pandawan= aw yeah...he..he...was...gonna lend me...some...uhhh.. Big Pimp Lando....heh heh heh....ho's R Us...heh heh...

 

(Just then a huge group of dropships descended onto the roof of Bespin Fight Club)

 

Commander= so...how much are we getting paid anyway...?

 

Commander2= i don't know...but it better be higher than what we got paid for that wedding

 

Commander= and that dumb geek convention...

 

Commander2= and at that Chippendales place...

 

Commander= um...we didn't go to Chippendales...

 

(Commander2 looks around to see if anyone else was around, then he tries to play it off)

 

Commander2= um..i didn't say Chippendales, i said...uh...Chip n' Dale's...uh...Bar n' Grill..yeah...Chip n' Dale's Bar n' Grill

 

Commander=...uh..ok...if you say so...but i coulda sworn you said Chippendales

 

Commander2= no no i said Chip n' Dale's Bar n'....NEVERMIND...go away!!!

 

Commander= but...i have to land the dropship

 

Commander2= I"LL land the stupid dropship... get the f--- outta here!!!

 

Commander= but im the only one who knows how to land it!

 

Commander2= who gives a damn...get the f--- outta here!!!

 

Commander= well...okay, its no skin off my ass...

 

(Commander leaves. meanwhile...Commander2 tries to land the dropship. He starts to lose control. he see's a button that reads , Emergency Self-Destruct- DO NOT TOUCH)

 

Commander2= what does that say?.DO NOT TOUCH, hey what harm could it do...oh well, ill push it anyway!

 

(Commander2 pushes the button, and the dropship explodes)

 

Sabre= those noob dummies!!!!!!!

 

(mean while, Insatiable Panda, a drunk Pandawan, Darien Fawkes, and Bobby Hobbes join another server)

 

Insatiable Panda= that was getting a little too weird for me!

 

Pandawan= well..bring on da' bitches!!!

 

(Insatiable Panda, a drunk Pandawan, Darien Fawkes, and Bobby Hobbes join another server)

 

Pandawan= heh heh....wait..im not drunk anymore am i?

 

Insatiable Panda= yeah, thats right, your condition resets when you join a server

 

Pandawan= oh yeah...

 

Darien Fawkes= so...what are we going to do guys...c'mon Hobbes, i know you got a plan

 

Bobby Hobbes= i don't have a clue bro'

 

Insatiable Panda= hey, does anyone know where we are?

 

Bobby Hobbes= looks like a kitchen of some sort...Fawkes?

 

Darien Fawkes= It looks like a clandestined kitchen used for complicated and culinary arts of engineering

 

(Everybody stares at Darien)

 

Darien Fawkes= What?! I watch Iron Chef!

 

Pandawan= oh...wait..this DOES look like the Iron Chef's kitchen

 

Insatiable Panda= its called the Kitchen Stadium....like duh!!

 

Bobby Hobbes=If we are in Kitchen Stadium from the show Iron Chef...then where are the Iron Chefs?

 

(Just then, Chairman Kaga marched in with his army of Chef Trainees)

 

(Iron Chef theme music kicks in)

 

Chairman Kaga= (he takes a bite out of a green pepper) yo ****o caman IRON CHEF !!! yoto gooma happa vericho shima ho...

 

(Translation: Welcome to IRON CHEF!!! This is a very special episode...)

 

Chairman Kaga= ...gotto rei Iron Chef yo chiko dell naki saka ero foigras en yako!!!!!

 

(Translation: ...for all the Iron Chefs will compete against the 4 challengers with new knives and a taste for foigras tonight!!!!)

 

Insatiable Panda= um...what the hell is going on?

 

Darien Fawkes= I think the Iron Chefs are going to challenge us....aw-

 

Everybody= WE KNOW ,WE KNOW...AW CRAP!!!!!

 

Darien Fawkes= ok ok....

 

Chairman Kaga= yo****o bacharouso gooma dehi kenshi...IRON CHEF!!!!!!!

 

(Translation: I present to you the Masters of the Culinary Arts...i give you the IRON CHEFS!!!!!!!!!)

 

(Iron Chef Chinese rises)

 

Narrator= Iron Chef Chinese, Chin Kenichi!!!!!

 

(anonymous Japanese crowd cheers)

 

(Iron Chef French rises)

 

Narrator= Iron Chef French, Hiroyuki Sakai!!!!!!!

 

(anonymous Japanese crowd cheers)

 

(Iron Chef Japenese rises)

 

Narrator= Iron Chef Japanese, Masaharu Morimoto!!!!!!!!

 

(anonymous Japanese crowd cheers)

 

(Iron Chef Italian rises)

 

Narrator=...oh..and Iron Chef...uh...Italian, Masahiko Kobe....i think...*whispers* this guy still around?!

 

(no one cheers)

 

Fuka-san= Y'know..i think the Iron Chefs are going to show their new knives..i really want to see them...how bout you?

 

Anonymous Japanese Actress=(sounds like a ditz) yeah...me too!

 

(The Iron Chefs whip out their saber hilts. The Iron Chef music reaches the climax and the Iron Chefs power up their lightsabers)

 

Insatiable Panda= this cannot be good...

 

Pandawan= dude!! its Iron Chef Sakai!!!! YOUR THE BOMB MAN!!!!!! SAKAI!!! SAKAI!!!!!

 

Darien Fawkes= if their saber skills are anything like their cooking...we're screwed!!

 

Bobby Hobbes= looks like there is only one thing to do my friends

 

(Bobby Hobbes powers up his lightsaber)

 

Bobby Hobbes= make instant macroni and cheese!!!!!!!!!!

 

(Insatiable Panda, Pandawan, and Darien Fawkes power up their sabers)

 

Iron Chef Chinese= you no have da' skillz to take on da iyon chef...wait..iron chef!! yah!!!

 

Fuka-san= Y'know...i always liked to see cooking matches...but a lightsaber match?! What is the Chairman up to?

 

(Darien and Bobby take on Iron Chef Chinese)

 

Bobby Hobbes= okay Fawkes! tag-team time!!!!

 

(Darien and Bobby tag-team Iron Chef Chinese. The Iron Chef is just toying with them. He blocks every attack they attempt. He parries Darien's attack and counter attacks...he kicks Darien with superhuman strength, sending Darien flying across Kitchen Stadium and crashing into a tray of Truffles and Fuigras. Then the Iron Chef sets his sights on Bobby. He starts to fight one-handed...just to show how superior the Iron Chef's skill is compared to Bobby's. Then the Iron Chef moves with superhuman speed and slashes Bobby Hobbes' shoulder)

 

Bobby Hobbes= Aaaaarrrgggghhh!!!!

 

(Then Iron Chef Chinese slices a sliver of ham and eats it)

 

Fuka-san= What the hell is going on here!!!!??? Has the Chairman gone crazy!!

 

(the little guy who gives Fuka-san info appears out of nowhere)

 

The Guy= FUKA-SAN!!!

 

Fuka-san= Yes?

 

The Guy= The chairman was found knocked out in his dressing room, whomever that other chairman is....he's an impostor!!

 

(Fuka-san looks at Chairman Kaga. He starts to walk towards the Chairman)

 

Iron Chef French= hey yo'..Pandawan!!! i get yo' now!!! come on!!!

 

Pandawan= b-but...im a really big fan of you Sakai!! it'd be a pleasure to parry with you

 

Iron Chef French= you stoned? yo' know im gonna slice yo'r ass up!!!

 

(Pandawan starts to fight Iron Chef French. Pandawan's attacks go nowhere. The Iron Chef dodges every one of his attacks. Then Iron Chef French slaps Pandawan across the room. Pandawan lands on top of Darien Fawkes)

 

Darien Fawkes= ....ow...Keep..ya' gotta give some Counteragent..im not gonna...make it.. AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

 

(Darien Fawkes' tatoo turns bright red. Then Darien opens his eyes. His eyes are blood red, Darien has Quicksilver Madness. He tosses Pandawan off him with one hand and makes a beeline for Iron Chef Chinese)

 

Darien Fawkes= That wasn't very nice...

 

Iron Chef Chinese= yo' back fo' more!!!

 

(The Iron Chef starts toying with Darien. Darien gets serious and starts to attack with all his strength. The Iron Chef starts to get a little more serious and uses the Art of Czechwan cooking against Darien. Darien dodges all the attacks with superhuman speed. Then the Iron Chef attacks with the speed and force he used before against Bobby and Darien. Surprisingly, Darien matches the Iron Chef's speed and strength. Both attacks connect and they engage in a saber lock)

 

Iron Chef Chinese= Yo' good...but your style is weak! you no have no chance of beating me!!

 

Darien Fawkes= (very calmly) We'll see about that...

 

(Darien pushes and the Iron Chef pushes. Darien pushes his saber with rage and intensity never surpassed. The Iron Chef falls flat on his back. He slices the Iron Chef's head off)

 

Darien Fawkes= looks like YOUR style was lacking you....aaaarrrggggh!!!!

 

Bobby Hobbes= Fawkes!

 

(Darien collapses on the floor. Meanwhile, Iron Chef French walks over to Pandawan to finish him.)

 

Pandawan= No! Sakai! you have to listen to me! your not being yourself! what ever mindwarp they put you into...you gotta fight it!!

 

(Iron Chef French drags Pandawan by his ankle over to one of the Kitchen Stadium's ...uh..kitchens. He slams Pandawan onto the cutting board with superhuman force. The Iron Chef is about to swing his lightsaber down. The hum of Insatiable Panda's lightsaber is heard from behind the Iron Chef)

 

(The Iron Chef looks behind himself)

 

Iron Chef French= ah...insatiable...tis' yo' turn to fight?

 

Insatiable Panda= The Panda Brigade isn't going down that easy...

 

(Meanwhile, Fuka-san is standing over the Chairman Kaga impostor)

 

Fuka-san= uh...Chairman?

 

Chairman Kaga= shoe miso whattato?

 

Fuka-san= what is your favorite dish?

 

Chairman Kaga= ...chicken alfredo in bean paste with curry of ginger...

 

Fuka-san= aha! you are NOT the Chairman!! the real Chairman's favorite dish is Ramen noodles!!

 

(The Chairman stands up. He looks Fuka-san dead in the eye and reaches to his neck. He rips the mask of Chairman Kaga off his face to reveal...)

 

Fuka-san= William Shatner?! the chairman of Iron Chef USA?!

 

William Shatner=well...my Iron Chef USA wasn't doing too well... so it thought i would try it out in Japan.

 

Fuka-san= how'd you learn to speak japanese?

 

William Shatner= shoo shoo mi mi..um...kooma matata...well..where are my bitches?

 

(Meanwhile, Darien Fawkes lies on the ground suffering from Stage 3 Quicksilver Madness.)

 

Darien Fawkes= arrrggghh!!

 

Bobby Hobbes= Fawkes! Your metabolism must work different in the digital world...and i don't know where to find virtual Counteragent. If you hold out here any longer, you could go Stage 5 in the next few minutes.

 

(Bobby Hobbes attempts to get himself and Fawkes outta the server. But then William Shatner sees them and snaps his finger. The whole server locks down)

 

William Shatner= i don't think you'll be leaving anytime soon...

 

Fuka-san= you can't do this!!! you monster!!

 

William Shatner= do i look like Godzilla to you? why...im canadian!! Kobe? Morimoto? (Iron chefs japanese and italien appear behind him) FINISH HIM...

 

(Fuka-san is sliced and diced)

 

(Meanwhile, Insatiable Panda and Iron Chef French are dueling. The Iron Chef is dodging every attack Insatiable makes. Insatiable flips over the Iron Chef and stabs backward. The Iron Chef simply moves back a little. He then swings around and taps Insatiable on the back with his saber)

 

Insatiable Panda= ack!!

 

(The Iron Chef continues to toy with Insatiable. The Iron Chef dodges Insatiable's attacks and taps him every time he dodges)

 

Insatiable Panda= ack! (tap) ow! (tap) you sonofa- (tap) argh!!

 

(Insatiable Panda looks like crap. His Panda robes are tattered and beaten. He's bleeding from numerous cuts and saber gashes. Then...as the Iron Chef closes in for the kill, Insatiable repeats his mantra)

 

Insatiable Panda= I...am..insatiable...i can never be satisfied..it is my gift...it is ..my curse...

 

Iron Chef French= My cooking WILL satisfy even YOU!!!!!!!

 

(The Iron Chef swings his saber at Insatiable's head. At the last second, Insatiable Panda ducks and lunges upward, slicing off the Iron Chef's left arm and cutting a long saber gash from the Iron Chef's shoulder to his Chef hat. To Insatiable's surprise, the Iron Chef didn't scream in pain. In fact, the arm that went flying was sparking...but not from the saber hit. It was circuitry)

 

Insatiable Panda= you bastards are bots!! your not even the real Iron Chefs!!

 

William Shatner= Bravo! Bravo! but unfortunately...the judges say the Iron Chefs win..

 

(The remaining Iron Chefs surround Insatiable Panda. In the corner of his eye, Insatiable thought he saw Pandawan saying "wtf!". Just then, the REAL Iron Chefs popped into the server. Pandawan had done it again)

 

Pandawan= hah! it worked!

 

William Shatner=(in classic kirk fashion) what!? what is happening? My Iron Chefs!!! the lockdown was disabled...but how?

 

(Then Sabre and his Noob army popped into the server)

 

Sabre= it was Pandawan of course...he IS the one..

 

Pandawan= yep! all me! ...wait, what? The one??

 

Sabre= yes. it is true. Pandawan is the one. he can manipulate video games as he sees fit

 

(The noob dropships hover above Kitchen Stadium. They release hundreds of noobs into the surrounding area)

 

Sabre=(dark, ominous voice) Pandawan. Join Me...and together we can rule all JK2 servers!

 

(Pandawan looks around him. He can see Insatiable Panda tattered and battle-damaged. He can see his fate being sealed as he stands there. He can see that Darien and Bobby are trying to get out of the server. He looks back at Sabre. Pandawan's face shows the first signs of temptation)

 

Bobby Hobbes= c'mon Fawkes! its time to get you outta here!

 

(Just as Darien and Bobby make an exit, he locks down the server. Darien and Bobby are still trapped in the server. Pandawan has succumbed to the noobs)

 

Pandawan= I'll join you!

 

Sabre= GOOD!!! hahahahahahahaha!!!! No one can stop me now!!

 

(Then the familiar hand of Iron Chef French, Hiroyuki Sakai, rested on Pandawan's shoulders)

 

Iron Chef Sakai= you know the teachings of the Panda. you know right from wrong. But you have chosen the wrong path, young panda. Maybe...you must teach yourself a "new way"

 

(Pandawan's eyes light up with rage)

 

Pandawan= NO!! i wont join you, Sabre! Even if i have to bring you down MYSELF!!!

 

Sabre=Fool! my NooB style is stronger than your Panda style. you might as well give up!

 

Pandawan= NO...im teaching myself a new way!!

 

(Pandawan makes the first strike. Sabre blocks it perfectly. Then the Noob army march towards the other duelists. The three Iron Chefs power up their lightsabers and dash towards the incoming wave of Noobs)

 

Bobby Hobbes= Fawkes! you feelin okay!!? we'll get you out of...oh-no..

 

(Darien opens his eyes. His eyes are now silver. Darien has reached Stage 5 Quicksilver Madness)

 

Darien Fawkes= I'll be okay after i finish with these noobs...

 

(Darien pushes Bobby off him. Bobby goes flying across the stadium. Darien turns on his lightsaber and dashes at quicksilver speeds towards the noobs)

 

(With the combined power of three Iron Chefs and a Stage 5 Quicksilver Madness induced Darien Fawkes, the noobs have lost a fourth of their army in the first 30 seconds)

 

Sabre= Give up Pandawan!! even with your gifts, you still cannot defeat me!!

 

(Pandawan dodges another slash and counterattacks with his fist. He knocks Sabre with all his strength, but Sabre is only knocked back one inch. Sabre attacks Pandawan. Pandawan blocks but is knocked across the floor)

 

Insatiable Panda= c'mon Pandawan...find your focus. Take this!

 

(Insatiable Panda throws Pandawan another lightsaber. Pandawan gets back up and starts attacking Sabre again. Sabre becomes even quicker than before. Meanwhile, the noob army's numbers are dwindling. there is only 1/6 of the army left)

 

(Pandawan uses both sabers for offense but Sabre just dodges everything. Sabre knocks Pandawan's saber out of his left hand. Pandawan starts to focus. He starts to match Sabre hit after hit. Sabre Force Chokes Pandawan and throws him across a kitchen table. With the noob army gone, the three Iron Chefs and Darien surround Sabre)

 

Sabre= my...noob army, how?!

 

Darien Fawkes= looks like thats just bad luck buddy...

 

(Darien attacks Sabre. But Sabre easily parries Darien's attack and cuts Darien's chest. Sabre Force Pushes Darien out of the way and begins to concentrate on the three Iron Chefs)

 

Sabre= hah! my Art of NooB tactics can quadruple my power.

 

William Shatner= this is some crazy ****!

 

(The three Iron Chefs attack Sabre all at once. Sabre moves faster than the Iron Chefs can see and disables their sabers, making them defenseless. Sabre moves in for the kill, but just at that very moment...)

 

Sabre= now...prepare to ...aaaarrrrrgggghh!!!!!!!!!

 

(Sabre's player model begins to morph. He shrinks then enlarges and back again. His arms change color and shape. He starts looking like one of those weird things from..uh..the Thing)

 

Sabre= AAAAAHHHH!! whats happening to me!!!!!!!

 

(Sabre sees Pandawan saying wtf...he now knows what happened)

 

Pandawan= okay guys! he's open for the kill!!

 

(The Iron Chefs grab the dead noobs' sabers and slice and dice Sabre's right arm, left leg, some kidneys, a few misc. body parts, etc.)

 

(Sabre is then kicked)

 

Insatiable Panda= is it over?

 

(His answer was answered when numerous clans around the world joined the server)

 

Head Clan Guy Ambassador Dude= Thanks to the Panda Brigade and their friends, the Noobs have been wiped out, or at least crippled to some degree. On behalf of all the clans here today, we thank the Panda Brigade!!!!!!!

 

(everybody cheers)

 

Pandawan= woot woot

 

Head Clan Guy Ambassador Dude= Now, my clan and other clans will fight to the death since there are no noobs to bother us. OUR CLANS WILL PROCEED TO BEAT THE **** OUT OF EACH OTHER UNTIL THERE IS ONLY ONE!!!!!!!

 

Anonymous Mexican Soccer Announcer= GGGGOOOOOOOOAAAAAALLLLLL!!!!!!!

 

Insatiable Panda= i think ive had enough of this clan war BS...im gonna chill out in Bespin Fight Club.

 

Pandawan= yeah, this clan thing is just messed up man!!

 

William Shatner=(in classic kirk fashion)um...uh..begun.This..Clan..War..has...well, where are da' bitches?!

 

(THE END)

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Sometimes that is true. I really wish someone would tell me why. I got an idea, why don't YOU tell me why. You explain to me why some dude can talk about donuts and I can't even share this stuff. You explain to me why some guy can talk about their birthday and another guy can't talk about his 1,000th post. Explain to me why some posts are closed without explanation. They don't break the rules. I read the rules, so has most everybody else.

 

I want you to give me a reasonable answer. And I don't want any moronic, bull****, retard answer. Just give a straight answer. Yeah, straight. As in more than three words and some truth to back it up.

 

I just want to know why.

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Originally posted by Rad707_Pandaz

Sometimes that is true. I really wish someone would tell me why. I got an idea, why don't YOU tell me why. You explain to me why some dude can talk about donuts and I can't even share this stuff. You explain to me why some guy can talk about their birthday and another guy can't talk about his 1,000th post. Explain to me why some posts are closed without explanation. They don't break the rules. I read the rules, so has most everybody else.

 

I want you to give me a reasonable answer. And I don't want any moronic, bull****, retard answer. Just give a straight answer. Yeah, straight. As in more than three words and some truth to back it up.

 

I just want to know why.

 

1 Thing, the admins/mods have respect for people that where here a long time. Whitedragon has been here for awhile, so that could be one thing.

2. They don't want people advertising their websites. This one probably didn't get closed because there is no link to your website.

3. The only reason I made that remark is because it seems rather foolish to keep making threads after admins and mods closed them, espicially on the same thing. Just put a link to your website in your sig like the rest of us.

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Finally...an honest answer. Thanks ZBomber. The mods never gave me a reason, they just did it and said crap. I've been around for awhile, well, since late last year. I just haven't posted alot because I've been on other forums.

 

It's cool that you told me, I'll keep what you said in mind.

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Originally posted by Rad707_Pandaz

Finally...an honest answer. Thanks ZBomber. The mods never gave me a reason, they just did it and said crap. I've been around for awhile, well, since late last year. I just haven't posted alot because I've been on other forums.

 

It's cool that you told me, I'll keep what you said in mind.

 

You've been here awhile, its just you don't come around much. Thats what I meant by number 1. :)

Oh, and your welcome. :D

*shrugs* I don't think it says you can't advertise in the rukes, I guess the mods are just greedy and want all the people here. :D;)

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