HELLO?

[Guest Imladil]

This thing is brand new to me, and my very first computer experience since the Commodore computers we had in highschool. Yes, I hate the thing already--in fact, I'm still using my roommate's computer to get on the web for now.

 

I got this computer absolutely free. My mom responded to the Y2K bug panic by buying herself a new Macintosh (one of the gay-looking candy-*** ones )...then it turned out that she could've fixed the old one by downloading a fix on the Internet. She paid to have the hard drive wiped (my birthday present), then I got it hooked up and running. It isn't connected to an Internet provider yet--will be soon, though.

 

So, if this computer annoys me too badly, I can blast it with my six-gun and not be out any money. You hear that, you digitial b***h?

 

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"The entire universe is simply the fractal chaos boundary between intersecting domains of high and low energy."

 

--Imladil the Fragmentary

 

"Is this my hand?"

 

--Little Jimmy

 

 

 

[Guest Shootist]

What's that you told me once? "Have a nice swig of Jack Daniels," I think it was. Do what most of us did in our beginnings...bug the begeesis out of HELP DESKS til they fear your name and screen their caller IDs. I bet some of MY questions are in their Goofy Hall of Fame.

 

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ACK...Phht!!

Bill the Cat

 

[Guest Imladil]

"Dear jerkweasels:

 

'what the hell kind of a ridiculously over-sophisticated ultra high-tech pork barrel piece of crap have you successfully sold the consuming public at large--on a WORLD-wide basis--this time? The cigarettes weren't bad enough? Televised political election propaganda and wartime mass public moralizing weren't enough? You have to design this thing that doesn't just plug in and run, oh no...it's this friggin' electronic primma donna contraption that is actually so fundamentally stupid that you have to tell it how to communicate with its own parts! Ridiculous! And then, hooking up to the world at large isn't as simple as plugging in a phone line--you have to get the help of a corporation to get the access and information you need to tell your computer how to even do it in the first place!"

 

*Gulp!* "Yum." *Glug, glug, glug. Gulp!*

 

"I give up on this psychotic post-industrial hogmuncher. Can I hook the monitor up to my VCR and use it as a teevee? Maybe I can stick the printer and keyboard together and use them as a typewriter. Naw, that would make too much sense.

 

'So anyway: fruitcake brightboy rocket scientist computer hacks! Come pick up this ridiculous beast and bring me something reasonable, like web teevee..."

 

 

 

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"The entire universe is simply the fractal chaos boundary between intersecting domains of high and low energy."

 

--Imladil the Fragmentary

 

"Is this my hand?"

 

--Little Jimmy