The Inevitable Eva Filk

[Flying Beastie]

Remember that question I posed about which of the two Evangelion DVDs would be worth my while? Well, it turned out to be moot. When mom saw how cheap they were, she got me both of them as part of my grad gift (as I've said before, in my family we buy gifts for each other only when the recipient is present to pick it out --it saves us from actually needing to know anything about one another).

 

So, Death and Rebirth didn't contain the last episode; it just ended with the pouty-lipped mass production Evas circling Asuka in the Geofront. The whole thing was snipped into incoherency. No, it wasn't the subject matter (or not just the subject), there was seriously no narrative thread. They could've made a series of 3-4 minute AMVs (one for each ep) with more narrative continuity than that. And the dub voices were horrible. Asuka should be a tough-ass b*tch, not a spoiled diva brat! And Rei's actor was standing way too far away from the mic, and mumbling. And Misato sounded like a kid. I've heard that Shinji was an annoying loser, but geez! He makes Heero look sane and well-adjusted. OTOH, it was almost worth it to hear Asuka naming Shinji as an "animated turnip" (when they were doing that DDR-like training sequence).

 

In fact, the nickname that I have subsequently dubbed Shinji with has inspired this Avril filk:

 

TURNIP BOY

An ode to Shinji, the "animated turnip," as sung by Asuka Langly Sohryu.

 

Shinji's the boy.

I am the girl.

could he make it any more obvious?

He is a tool,

Just wants a quick lay,

what more can I say?

 

He will get hurt,

This won't go well, and then we will all end up in Hell.

If he gets me killed,

I will come back;

And I will person'ly kick his ass.

 

Shinji's a turnip-boy,

Prob'ly an Angel ploy

Just keep him far away from me.

The fate of the human race,

In which he can barely place,

How much more worthless could he be?

 

Three years ago

He's still at home,

crying his eyes out there, all alone.

He gets summoned here,

Thinks he's found a peer,

Rei's out there, showing the world no fear!

He cries for daddy,

But he doesn't care

Thinks he can just

Throw Shinji right out there.

He plays along,

Climbs in Zero-One.

Lucks out and thinks he's the star of this show!

 

He's just a turnip-boy,

Prob'ly an Angel ploy,

Just keep him far away from me.

Just a pervy little toad,

And he should just hit the road.

He is just worthless, don't you see?

 

(repeat)

 

(music)

 

Boy did our luck bottom out,

If this twerp's the best we've got.

If on him our fate depends,

This is how the world will end.

 

Too bad that he couldn't be,

All the things Misato sees.

Tell me why can't he just die,

Or at least lose an eye?

 

He's all f_cked up,

It's the end of the world,

The hell did I do to earn this curse?

I hate his guts,

He's just a turd.

He'll just end up making it worse.

 

(sing 2X)

 

Shinji's a turnip-boy,

Oughtta be unemploy'd.

How he survives I'll never know.

I wish that I could go,

'Cause this idea really blows,

But somebody's got to save this show!