Crocodile Hunter does DBZ

[Flying Beastie]

Just poppin' in to post this, as I promised.

 

I found this on rec.arts.anime.misc (by way of alt.humor.best-of-usenet), and thought you DBZ fans might get a kick out of it.

 

It's a collaboration between Catherine ("Fish Eye no Miko") Johnson, and Sea Wasp, with a little snippage from me.

 

(Crocodile Hunter, for those who don't get it, is a nature show that runs on the Discovery Channel, with an idiotic Aussie Jack Hannah wannabe. He's like the Super Dave Osborn of nature shows. )

 

NARRATOR: Today on The Crocodile Hunter, join Steve Irwin in the wilds of the planet Quizbane, searching for rare and dangerous animals!

 

*We see Steve Irwin, aka The Crocodile Hunter, in his usual khaki outfit, walking around between the caverns and craters of Quizbane. He's looking around and commenting on various flora. As always, he sounds like he's just chugged about 10 espressos with a Mountain Dew chaser.*

 

CROCHUNTER: Crikey! Look over here!

 

*He points, and the camera spins over to show a rock in the distance. We see Vegita lying on it, apparently asleep. Steve quietly walks over, whispering as he goes. The camera moves with them, keeping both Steve and Vegita in the frame.*

 

CROCHUNTER: This is amazing! If I'm not mistaken, this is the rare oozaru toriyama, more commonly known as a Saiyajin! There's only about half a dozen of these creatures left in the entire universe, and this ones a beaut!

 

*Steve has now gotten up to Vegita. Vegita stirs a bit, rolling over. He's now facing towards the camera. Steve walks around so he's standing behind Vegita, and leans over, pointing to Vegita's tail, which is around his waist.*

 

CROCHUNTER: See this? This is his tail. . . Saiyajin may look like apes, but they're actually monkeys, and they still have their tails. You'll notice that this one's got his tail wrapped around his waist. . . They do that to keep predators from grabbing them. Their tails are very sensitive, as you'll soon see. . . Now, Saiyajin can be very dangerous when riled, so don't try this at home.

 

*He reaches down and takes hold of Vegita's tail. Vegita wakes up, and turns toward Steve, scowling.*

 

VEGITA: Excuse me? Let go of my tail!

 

CROCHUNTER: *pretty much ignoring everything Vegita says* See how sensitive their tails are. . . Just touching it lightly can get these creatures *very* angry, so you should never do this. . .

 

VEGITA: Damn right you shouldn't! Let go of me, you b@stard!

 

CROCHUNTER: By the way, Saiyajin's tails are prehensile, which means they can use them like a humans might use their arm, or elephants might use their trunks!

 

VEGITA: *glaring* Yes, and I'm going to use mine to choke the life out of you if you don't LET GO!

 

CROCHUNTER: Now, these tails are very strong, but they're also very soft.

 

*he runs his hand along Vegita's tail*

 

VEGITA: *blushing* Hey! Cut that out, you pervert!

 

CROCHUNTER: He's an absolutely magnificent specimen!

 

VEGITA: Well, thank y-- hey! I am not a "specimen!"

 

*Steve finally lets go of Vegita's tail and picks up a stick. He pokes at Vegita's hair.*

 

CROCHUNTER: Also, notice how stiff his hair is. . .

 

*poke, poke*

 

VEGITA: Oh, here we go. . . now we start in on my hair. . .

 

CROCHUNTER: Now, no one's really sure why Saiyajin have this feature, but it might be to make themselves look bigger and scare off predators.

 

VEGITA: *peeved* Are you calling me short?

 

*Steve drops his stick and moves around to the front. He starts pointing. . . er, down.*

 

CROCHUNTER: Now, we can tell that this particular specimen is a male. . . As you can see--

 

VEGITA: Ok, THAT'S IT!

 

*lifting his hand, Vegita fires a ki blast*

 

CROCHUNTER: *missing part of his costume and looking a bit scorched* See that! Gorgeous! These creatures have evolved one of the most incredible defenses in nature: the ability to use the body's own energies as a weapon!

 

VEGITA: B... bakana! *goes Super-Saiyajin*

 

CROCHUNTER: Ooo! Crikey, there's something amazin'! I never thought we'd get this lucky! That's the Super-Saiyajin transformation. These magnificent creatures build their territory by taking it away from other creatures that can't defend it, and when they're sufficiently balked by some opposition, they can become angry enough to trigger a full-scale physiological change! Look at this hair! No, it's not really gold, just looks like it. The hair is actually the same black we saw before. . . *grabs Vegita, yanks him towards the camera*See? . . . It's the light that does it. . . Every fiber of his being is literally blazing with the power of the soul.

 

VEGITA: Let. . . ME. . . GO!

 

CROCHUNTER: Now he's getting really mad. . . I shouldn't be taunting him much more --these creatures are really more delicate than they look, an' it takes a lot out of them to do this change. So let's return him to his natural habitat. . . *ducks down just as Vegita fires a huge blast that just misses him, grabs the tail and drags the hapless Saiyajin off to his capsule* . . . Deep space.

 

*capsule blasts off automatically before Vegita can stop it*

 

CROCHUNTER: Ahh, what a rush! We were truly lucky to see such a rare sight. . .

 

------------------

"Don't f_ck with the Jedi Master, son." --Mark Hamill

[Red Leader 05]

lol

[milkshake]

LOL