Da_man Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 Third fic, and constructive criticism is always welcome. Anyways, this is set during the battle of Kashyyyk, before Delta Squad storms the blows the bridge in the wookiee city, whose name escapes me. Sev looked down from his perch in the tree. He shifted position, watching Boss and the rest of his squad move from cover to cover in the Wookie slave camp. He looked down the holographic sights of his rifle, and glanced ahead of his squad position. He spied a large group of spindly battle droids setting up an artillery turret in the path ahead of them. “Heads up squad, there some clankers setting up a AA turret ahead of your position,” Boss heard Sev’s voice in his ear. “Roger that. How many can you take down?” Boss replied. He gestured for the squad to stop. “Not very many without giving up my position, and I just got comfortable.” Boss smirked under his visor. “Scorch?” glancing in his demolitions expert direction. Sure enough, Scorch was priming a good-size bomb. “Do we want the turret intact, or a smoking hole in the ground?” Scorch inquired. Boss thought for a second, and replied, “Crater, if you don’t mind.” “Roger, Gimme a sec…done!” Scorch replied, snapping the cover over the detonator. “How are we going to get it there? We can’t just walk in there.” Boss looked at Fixer. “Didn’t you say you were working on some sort of stealth field, Fixer?” “Yes,” replied Fixer,” But its a prototype. It won’t last very long. Give me the bomb, I’ll go plant it, but Sev better be ready to cover me.” Sev replied, "Gotcha covered.” “Wish me luck,” said Fixer, warming up his stealth generator. “Who needs luck?” chimed Scorch. Sev came in over the radio, “Someone carrying a bomb made by a certain someone who blew off his eyebrows.” Fixer chuckled nervously, while Scorch rebutted indignantly, “Hey! It’s not my fault…” “Shove it Scorch,” Boss interjected. “Ready, Fixer?” “As I’ll ever be.” Sev watched Fixer flip a switch and disappear. He followed the little puffs of dirt that indicated where Fixer was. He saw the puffs of dirt stop at the surface of the turret, a bomb appear out of nowhere, and then the dirt puffs rapidly run away. Fixer appeared just outside the perimeter of the turret. “You’re clear, Fixer.” Sev radioed in. “You want me to flip the switch Boss?” Sev heard Fixer say over his radio. “Be my guest.” Immediately afterward, a titanic fireball appeared where the turret was. Several battle droids still stood and looked around to find the source of the explosion. Sev picked off one by one, not even knowing what happened to them. Boss scanned the camp. “All clear. You can come down now Sev. Any more clankers?” Sev replied quickly, “Nope, the bomb fried most of them good, and I blasted the rest of them. “ Boss grinned under his visor, “Excellent, let free those wookies.” All of the other commandos replied “affirmative” at the same time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordOfTheFish Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 Hm, I thought it was good. A bit short, but an interesting story no doubt. If I could give you an constructive criticism it'd be to "space thing out a bit". It was a little hard to read since it was all crammed into that tiny space. Oh well, you can work on it. Good job, though! -Fish- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Da_man Posted February 2, 2009 Author Share Posted February 2, 2009 It was spaced out when I typed it into Word. The forums don't like the paragraph function on Word. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordOfTheFish Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 Oh. That's happened to me before too... Not sure what the problem is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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