Humorous story

[Jedi_Monk]

Anyone remember Pinky and the Brain from Animaniacs? Well, here's a little story I like to call... "Vader and Palpy..." Everyone, sing along!

 

They're Vader and Palpy

Vader and Palpy

One is a genius, the other's wacky

To make their enemies pay

They'll use the Dark Side today!

They're Vader

Vader and Palpy…

Palpy…

Palpy…

Palpy…

Palpy…

 

Senator Palpatine sat with his back to the door of his inner sanctum, his gaze sharp as he beheld the Coruscant skyline and the descending sun. Palpatine's lips curved in a cruel smile as he steepled his fingers. Behind him, he heard someone walk into the room, heard the steady, chilling breathing which identified the newcomer as Darth Vader.

"You summoned me Master?" Vader asked, then added, almost as an afterthought, "NARF!" Palpatine shook his head in exasperation. Come to think of it, his Apprentice hadn't so much walked into the room, as he had skipped into his Master's presence.

"Yes, I did summon you, Vader," Palpatine replied, swiveling his chair around to face his Apprentice, struggling to keep his voice as even as possible. By the seven hells, he hated having such a nitwit for a partner. "We have much to do tonight."

"Why, Palpy?" Vader asked moronically. "What are we going to do tonight? NARF!"

Palpatine groud his teeth together. Again with the 'narf.' He would have to give his Apprentice a good thrashing later. But not now, no, as much as he hated it, Vader knew things about the Jedi order that he did not. "We are going to do what we do every night, Vader. TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!" he concluded with a sweeping gesture which took in everything laying outside the window.

"Oooh!" Vader murmured, impressed, and he clapped his hands wildly at Palpatine's show. "ZORK!" he said on impulse. "Oh... but, no, no, no... don't you always fail misserably when you try to take over the world? Like," he began counting on his fingers, "When you tried to use Queen Amidala as your puppet... or when you tried to use those big-eyed green guys--"

"The Neimoidians," Palpatine supplied, massaging his temples.

"Oh yeah! They talked sooooo funny, Palpy! NARF! ZORT! Anywho... and then there was that time when you sent Mauly-poo to whack those Jedi... or when you tried to make an army of clones and--"

"Enough!" outburst the Sith Master, fed up with his Apprentice's listings of all his failures in the past. Vader gave a startled "Yoink" and shrank in fear. "Are you pondering what I'm pondering, Vader?" Palpatine asked mildly, trying to project his thoughts to Vader.

"Oh... I think so Palpy..." he said, then, "But where are we going to find enough Jell-O to fill up the Senate chamber at this hour?"

"No, Vader!" Palpatine gave Vader a mighty thwap, expelling his annoyance, and his Apprentice reeled. "That is what I was thinking, you nincompoop! If I didn't need you for my plans, I'd..." Palpatine trailed off, letting his threat hang in the air.

"You'll what?" Before Palpatine could answer, Vader added, "Make me dance in a tutu in front of the whole Senate? Oh no, not THAT! Anything but THAT!" he cried out in absolute terror. Palpatine pondered, fingering his chin. If the thought of dancing in a tutu in front of the Senate struck so much fear into his Apprentice, then... no, it was too humiliating a punishment even for his dim-witted Apprentice. "NARF!" Then again...

Palpatine sighed, rose to his feet and approached a dresser sitting in the corner of the room. "Come Vader, I must put my plan into motion, or I will have to wait until tomorrow night!" Palpatine removed from the dresser and long black cloak that he wore whenever he did evil things. No one would ever suspect that Darth Sidious was truely Senator Palpatine! Not with the deep hood covering his eyes and the bridge of his nose. Palpatine cackled in his evil genious, and then thwapped Vader again when the Apprentice started laughing along.

"Ow!" Vader whined, clutching his helmet. "Why'd you do that, Palpy?" Palpatine gave him another whack for calling him "Palpy". He was sure that given time, he could turn Vader into a hard, evil, intelligent mastermind. But at least, he had stopped saying "Yippy."

"Now," Palpatine said, smoothing out his robes and composing himself, as well, "listen as I relate my great plan that will bring the planet to its knees: I have created an army of GRDs!"

"Narf... GRDs?" Vader asked, scratching his helmet in confusion.

"Yes!" the Sith Master cried, his cloaks swirling behind him as he sweapt across the room to a hidden door and opened it. Within the room beyond stood rank upon rank of lanky pink aliens with long bills and floppy ears. "Gungan Replica Droids! With their high-nasal voices, their disgustingly energetic and clumsy attitudes and their general... cuteness--" Palpatine spat the word with rancor--"they are now the most annoying force in the universe! Even more annoying than you, my Apprentice!"

"Ooooh... it boggles the mind!" Vader said, suddenly spinning himself around in circles. "NARF! ZORT! YOINK!"

"I take it back. Nothing can be more annoying than you, Vader."

"Aw! You're so sweet, Palpy!"

"Shut up, Vader!" Palpatine snapped, and his apprentice abruptly stopped twirling and stood at attention. "I will unleash these GRDs upon this world, and then, while the citizens of Coruscant are fleeing for their collective sanity from my creations, we--that is, I--shall take over!" He punctuated his evil plot with a dramatic cackle.

Vader bent over one of the GRDs and examined it. "Say, Palpy, what does this switch that says 'on' do?" he asked, already moving to press it.

Palpatine's laughter died in his throat as horror overcame him. "NO!" Palpatine shouted, but too late as Vader pressed the switched marked 'on' and the GRD sprung to life. It leapt at the Sith Lord and sprang into his arms, yelling "Heyo, Nurse!"

Vader giggled, "Oh, Palpy, I think she likes you! NARF!"

The GRD grabbed Palpatine's face and gave him big, wet kiss. He stuggled against the Gungan Replica Droid, pushing it away from him as he choked and hacked and wiped furiously at his mouth. "I believe that I should rethink my plan," Palpatine muttered, his face even paler than was usual. "Perhaps I should just clone you, my Apprentice."

"Aw, Palpy!" Vader cried, jumping into Palpatine's arms.

 

-fin-