How to become a hopelessly addicted fan

[Mewd]

With the recent debate over the style of Full throttles graphics, and the Common Escape from monkey island bashing, I'd thought it only fair that I write this article dispite having no obligation nor need to.

 

 

Becoming a obsessive franchise addict is a simple task, but is fun to disect in any case, lets break it down into the basic steps.

 

 

1) Pick a franchise, at random, any. Make sure it has enough merchindising and sequals build a collection off on incase you end up liking it. Its not nessisary to need a whole lot of stuff to become a hopeless fan, infact, the more in obscure and unlikely the title, the more forum fodder you have to complain about lack of sequals and merchindising. Cling to it like a parasite and suck the life blood out of it.

 

2) Actually play the game. Deicde whether or not you like it. Immeddietly exclaim to all friends and family that it is the single most wonderous creation man kind has produced and is clearly a divine inspiration to promote joy and well being to all of humanity and existence. Now finish the game maintaining these opinions no matter how awful the ending is.

 

3) If you end up liking the franchise, immedietly buy up all sequals and merchindising avalable. Poke and prod it and debate over its quality in comparison to the orignal. Take the entire Series of titles over serriously since the producers have obviously planned out a 20 title saga of continuous wonderous story telling and they'd never stoop to something like retro fitting to satisfy fans. Even if they came unprepared with a wonderous tale of wit, humour, and drama, to satisfy the continous ranting e-mails demanding that they make more sequals or they'll leave animel heads in their beds and assassinate their family members and so on. Continue this friendly behavior, avoid being arrested for threat of violence.

 

4) Continue to promote the title in question like a walking billboard, tell freinds, family, complete and utter strangers off the streets about its wonders before they have a chance to respond to your 'hello'. Form a religion around it if you have time.

 

5) Manage to beat all the games, own all the current merchindise, await new titles and merchindise impatiently. if none is created within your 42 second patient span, complain on forums, Hold rallies and bingo tournaments at your religions church, and flame the creators by sending them virus' that completely wipe their hardrives. THAT ought to encourage them to work on the titles, or become to dumbfounded to realise what happened and not do anything.

 

6) Try to stop at this point, desperately. If you fail congratulations(?) You're hopeless addicted to something far worse then any illegal substances you can buy on the streets. And proud of it.

 

7)Once the creators of your franchise finnally cave in and make the game, pick and prod at the progress and judge the complete and utter quality of the game threw 4 or 5 screenshots. The odds against you actually being satisfied with the product at any point are nill to slim.

 

8) join a forum at this point, if you havn't already. Be a complete Arse and complain about the games series quality, pick at things and don't enjoy yourself. It dosen't nessisarilly have to be a forum made about the game, however don't be surprised if at the quilting masters forum, hypergrannie23 dosen't have the slightest idea what you're talking about. Get chased off the forum by regulars.

 

9) curl up into a little ball in the corner of your closet with the lights off sobbing uncontrollably hugging a character from your chosen franchise, if no plush toys have been created for the given franchise. Make one out of the hair skin, ripped clothing and blood of the games creator. This can double as a voodoo doll if you're feeling that the game developers are churning out medicore rehashes of the franchise fast enough.

 

10) Finnally crack, and lose it. have friends and family and complete and utter strangers off the streets commit you to your local neighborhood asylum.

 

This concludes the guide on how to become a hopeless fan, I hope no body was offended, if you were, please feel free to flame me in four differnt langauges and twenty various font sizes. My e-mail is mewd_zonian@hotmail.com.

 

Now to the real point of this post. I just wanted to say that as fans, we have high expectations for our franchises. This isn't nessisarilly wrong, its just we're hard to please in the end.

 

Escape from monkey island didn't immedietly mimic is prodecessors, it had its own style. It took itself considerably less serriously. Personally, I think lucasarts realised that most people play the series for the humor, not the story line. (besides, it basically degenerates into humorous fetch quests and a ridiculous showdown at the end anyway)

 

When the first few screenshots for the game came out, alot of people, including myself hated the way Guybrush's character appearance had evolved, but in the end, it really didn't effect the enjoyability of the game. Even if his hair style DID make him look like 9 year old being prepped for a family photo.

 

Full throttle 2 is suffering from a similier problem. Yes, I agree the style dosen't suit it as well as the gritty sprite based gameplay the orignal had, but I'm more then willing to bet a box full of wind up bunnies that lucas will make it work fantastically. Ben dosen't look as earthy, and level headed as he was in the first game, but I really doubt I'll care anymore once that games in my CD-rom drive and I'm waving my heads in the air like a moron while neighbors ponder my sanity.

 

Don't take games so serriously. They're fun, but don't expect a picasso masterpiece breaming with orignality out of the sequal. They're just games, fun games mind you. Enjoy them as they come or you won't be happy.

 

.....I just realised I ranted about this to a group of people of which atleast a majority are starwars fans. should I prepare my coffin or should I just set myself on fire?

 

In closing, HEY! LOOK! A DECOY!

 

*plods off into the sunset*

[Mewd]

I just realised this article is either mildly whimsical, or completely dumbfoundingly stupid and moronic.

 

Oh well, can't make a idiot of myself in enough places. Next stop, quilting masters forum.