CommanderQ

It's not really a joke, i just heard some really funny stuff

Bill Engvall: I believe...that the way to a man's heart isn't through his stomach...it's a little further south

Larry: I believe...guns don't kill people; husbands that come home early do.

Ron White: (Laughing) I believe...that when life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade...and then find someone whose life has given them vodka...and have a party.

Woman in audience: I love you Larry! Larry: I told you to wait in the truck

I never had much of a vocabulary. In fact, my friend Bob Schnieder would still be alive today if I'd known the difference between "antidote" and "anecdote". He got bitten by a copperhead, and I'm telling him funny stories out of Reader's Digest. His head started to swell, I said "This ain't working". He goes, "READ FASTER!!"