Serious Statements (Funny When Taken Out of Context)

[MdKnightR]

Tonight I had a great laugh when I discovered a list at work (my night job) that was a lot of hilarious statements made by 2 particular people who work on day shift. I was told that every time one of them said anything funny (out of context, of course), this other guy would write them down. Below is the list of the funniest ones in the form of a list of book titles. The last one is the best, but don't spoil it until you get there.

 

Check out more exciting books by <insert name here>

 

• I'm Not A Guy, But I Wanted To Cry
   
  
• I Coulda Had A Thousand Babies
   
  
• Straight at 70
   
  
• Let's Go To Lunch And Forget We Ever Existed
   
  
• I Thought Jerry Was Just A Young'un (But I Guess He Knows A Naked
  Woman When He Sees One)
   
  
• I'm Lost Between The Cornhopper and The Tube Dispenser
   
  
• I Got A Little Bit Uh Evrythang In My Draws
   
  
• I'd Burp In Your Face Too If You Wuz Gonna Kill Me
   
  
• Too Doped Up To Be Gay
   
  
• I Might Be Mean, But He's Stupid
   
  
• I Knew It Wasn't Gonna Be A Good Day (When Me & Johnny Couldn't Get a
  Good Batch Of Cow Patties Last Night....They Didn't Come Out Right!)
   
  
• I Ain't Rollin' Around In No Snake Pit With No Man!
   
  
• I Don't Like To Be Alone In The Dark (Especially When I'm By Myself)
   
  
• Tax Break, My Hind Foot!
   
  
• I'm Stupid, But My Horses Are Pretty Anyway
   
  
• I Don't Want a Helmet, I Want A Black Man! There's A Black Man!
   
  
• I Stood Out There For A Minute Lookin' For My Van...and Then It Hit Me...
   
  
• My Nose Is Itchin' and Jessica Has Mess All Over the Living Room
   
  
• I Don't Want To Know What That Sistah Knows!
   
  
• If You Ain't Gonna Be Real, Why Would You Want To Be That Ugly?
   
  
• Rasterize, Durn It!
   
  
• The Weather Did Change This Weekend - Dramastically!
   
   
  And last, but not least....
   
   
  
• I've Run Out Of Toilet Paper. Do Ya'll Know Of A Good Stain Remover For Carpet?
  

 

 

Feel free to add your own out-of-context or situational comedy and remember that its only really funny if its true.