[NSW-Fic] Four Rogues: A Dramedy

[Tysyacha]

Chapter the First: A Thief's Tale

 

"Aye, so I steal," stammered the curly, red-haired little man. "So what?

Haven't you ever pilfered a little something off your brother or sister's

plate at dinnertime? If you haven't--heh--you're either a liar or one

hungry little whelp as a child!" He clutched his belly and giggled.

 

Even though I enjoyed the pint-sized defendant's merry confession,

our town constable was anything but impressed.

 

"Pitney Lightfingers, you stand accused of stealing 1,000 pieces

of copper off of one of the night watchmen. How do you plead?"

 

Pitney scoffed. "Don't you already know that, Your Honor? You

caught me red-handed, you and that tall, armored brute! I was

just plying my trade. You can't expect a little runt like me to go

chopping down trees for a living, now, can you? I may be just

the right size to have a go at the trunk, but it'd take me a year!"

 

"I see that," seconded the constable, "and a year is what you'll

get if you don't show me a little more respect. Hard labor might

be good for you, young chap. Strengthen those arms up a little."

 

"You're kidding, right?" From where I sat, my wrists in chains, I

could see that the fellow looked worried. "One year for ten pieces

of silver? That's not much when you think of it. Not much to you,

anyway. Hee, hee, hee!" The thief laughed again, his face turning

red. "I mean--I only said--oh, brandy-burn! There goes my mouth!"

 

"Indeed," said the constable. "Since you have pled guilty, do you

have anything you wish to add before I sentence you?"

 

"Yes, indeed," smiled the defendant. "There once was a lad who

was terribly bad. Pitney Lightfingers was his name. But the constable

here sent him off for a year to hard labor. Now that's just a shame!

Well, the townspeople cried because poor Pitney died, and they

laid him down low in a grave. But the gods saw his strife and

brought him back to life! What a relief! Now that's a close shave!"

 

Despite myself, I guffawed out loud, wishing I could stifle my

laughter with my hands (which were both in heavy shackles. Akh!)

 

"I demand order," said the constable, "from all in court. Now, then..."