EXzSoldier Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 Chapter 1 A young ShinRa Soldier walked the hall's of the ShinRa HQ in Midgar. he was walking to tell his freind that SOLDIER was now accepting recruits. "Zal! hey where are you?" Taylor Tribal called out. "Right here, just fixing something up for President Shinra." Zal said in a calm voice. Taylor opened a droor and pulled out a filtered cigarete. "Tribal, come with me a 1st Class SOLDIER wants to speak with you." Said an Officer. A tall black haired man stood in front of him. Taylor saluted. "No, need im Zack a 1st Class SOLDIER." "Taylor Tribal, 1st ShinRa combat group." Taylor almost shouted. "You're beign chosesn for a special SOLDIER qalification sqaud. I'll be here tomarrow to get you. Pack up your things recruit!" Zack said smiling at him. The next day Taylor was ready to leave his company. He got into the Transport and headed torwoards a special Midgar facility. SOLDIER Traning Faciliaty Taylor exited the tranport. a SOLDIER 2nd Class stood next to him. "You Recruits, will begin a hard traning. This will decide if you have enough strength to become a member of SOLDIER." Said a man named Sephiroth. "You will experince the hardest traning, it will create the best Millitary Force." Sephiroth continued "Ok, now head to the wepons station to recive your wepon's qualifaction." Said Zack. Taylor was astonished by the way SOLDIER was ran. "Tribal, you and the rest of the grunt's come with me." Said a 1st Class SOLDIER said. They followed the man to a room with table's and posters of President and Hiedgar "This is where you will take a series of test to see if you can enter the ShinRa SOLDIER Traning Academy." The man walked away and into a office he was talking to Sephiroth. "Heh, I guess this is what it's gonna be like." Said Adler, a member from is platoon at the base. Another SOLDIER member walked in the room. He wore a dark red uniforum similar to the other members of SOLDIER. "Im, 2nd Class SOLDIER, Jarg SOLDIER in traning, i will be your sqaud leader, you are in Squad Alpha." Said Jarg. "Jarg these recruits are to be evaluated by 5:00AM or you'll be back in the traning group!" The 1st Class SOLDIER ordered. "Yes, sir" Jarg said saluting him. "Ok, follow Jarg to the iniation area." The men walked to a samll room full of computers. He saw Zack talking to a 3rd Class member wearing a purple uniforum and a helmet. "Attetion recruits, you will begin the iniation process which will take you through you history write down all of your ShinRa information then bring it to me, I'll then give it to 1st Class Zack who will give you your grade's and see if you qualify for the best Millitary Group." Said Jarg he took of hishelmet and sat down at a computor. "Begin" Taylor looked at his test. Q. At what age did you join Shinra? A. 15 Q.What was your Basic Rifleman Marksminship. A.Advance Rifleman. Q.What ShinRa Regiment were you placed in. A. 1st ShinRa Combat Group. Q. Have you qualified for Officer Academy. A. No Taylor Triball wrote the awser's down, he checked the over and over to see if he got the correct awnsers. He finaly got up and handed to Jarg who was asleep. "Huh, are you finnished!" Jarg asked in the loudest voice possible "Yes" "Ok report to 1st Class Zack he should be in his room at the moment." ordered. Taylor headed torwoards Zack's room. He knocked on the door. "Zack, Jarg told me you would grade my test." Taylor said. The door opened. "Ok wait here." Zack said taking the test. Taylor looked at Zack's room it was cluttred and unorganized. "Ok, Good I'll see you tommarow for orientation." Zack said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrPhil2501 Posted August 15, 2008 Share Posted August 15, 2008 Sweet. I'm a Final Fantasy 7 fanatic, so you'll understand my liking of this fic. But some constructive critism is needed for this fic. Your story needs to be a little more descriptive rather than simple. For example: "They followed the man to a room." isn't enough detail for the reader. You have to describe the environment and characteristics of the room. The same rule applies when introducing characters. You always got to consider how this is going to be read by other people. Apart from that, its not a bad start. Hopefully you will learn from your mistakes and improve on the next chapter. I look forward to the next chapter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EXzSoldier Posted August 15, 2008 Author Share Posted August 15, 2008 thanks phantom yea im not good at describing stuff but im hoping to improve chapters coming today Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EXzSoldier Posted August 16, 2008 Author Share Posted August 16, 2008 Chapter 2 Taylor Tribal walked into a class room a poster that had a SOLDIER in a red uniforum and a dog tag saying Soldier Class 1st. The Poster said the power of SOLDIER. "Taylor please sit down, we are talking about a OTJT On The Job Traning. Tomarrow we're going to test your Platoon agianst Wutai Compony of about 50." Zack said. "Jarg will act as Platoon commander." Jarg stood up and saluted Zack. "Taylor will act as Platoon Sergeant, Calin will act as Sqaud A and B leaders, Zax will be the Sqaud leader for Sqaud C, D, E." Zack said. "The rest serve under these RLOTJ, Recruit Leaders On The Job." The next day A the platoon was in position they were in a trench. Several machine guns were manned by the members of the platoon. "Tribal, tell those ShinRa Grunt's to man the Hill trenches." Jarg said to Taylor. Taylor walked over to the ShinRa Grunt commander. "Commander, move your forces to the Hill trenches." Taylor ordered. "Taylor is that you?" The Commander asked. "Za, wow your a commander, already." Taylor said. "Yes, President ShinRa gave it to me yesterday evening." Zal said. "Can you, move your troops up there, 2nd Class OTJRL ordered it." Taylor said. "No problem, see ya on the field and good luck, the Wutai are proably 200 strong." Zal said. "200 Zack just said 50." Taylor said stunned. "SOLDIER dose that for a false sense of security, your leader should get smart and order the right command. It's a test for your Platoon leader." Zal stated. "Well, I have to report to the commander." Taylor rushed back to Jarg "Sir, there are 200 Wutai coming for us Taylor said "Holy!" Jarg yelped out. He saw hundreds of Wutai Infantry coming at them. Machine guns opened fire. Soon the enemy was in the trench. "Switch to mele wepons!" Taylor shouted. Jarg pulled out a thin sword and slashed at a Wutai Swordsman. Jarg got his arm cut. Taylor drew his sword he slashed at the Wutai Swordsman and rushed torwoards the Wutai Commander who was only 10 yards hin front of him. The Commander jumped out of the way of Taylor's sword. "It's over SOLDIER, I have called for reinforcements they will be here soon!" Shouted the Commander. He wore a green varient of the Wutai clothing. Taylor slashed agian, the commander leaped over him. A Wutai spearsmen charged at Taylor, he rolled and stabed the spearsmen in the stomach. Taylor put the sword up to the commander who was now up agianst a wall. He dropped his sword and put his hands in the air. "I Surrender" The Commander said he blew a horn signaling a surrender. about 30 Wutai infantry put their hands in the air. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrPhil2501 Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 Its a definate improvement from the last time. Your sentence structuring seems fine to me, but be careful when using the simple txt language; "Well, cya im off to tell the commander." When writing, you got to use the proper full-length words instead of the short version. Also, use capitals when appropriate. im is supposed to be I'm Good job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EXzSoldier Posted August 16, 2008 Author Share Posted August 16, 2008 ahh thanks phantom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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