Funny stuff

[Joshi]

well, you've probably seen it before, it's all over the place at the moment, but i saw this and just laughed and for those who haven't seen it yet (where the heack have you been!) this is for you.

 

Movie Cliches

 

Binoculars & Glasses

Glasses never collect moisture when you come in from the cold outside.

Computer geeks and "intelligent" persons use them, action heros never have glasses.

Whenever someone looks through the binoculars, you see two joined circles instead of one.

 

Bodily Functions

People never cough, sneeze, blow their noses, or show any other symptoms of being in less than perfect health.

You can eat as much as you want in a film and you'll never EVER have to go to the bathroom.

 

Locks

Any lock can be picked with a credit card or a paper clip. Any safe can be opened in a few minutes with a stethoscope or some high-tech equipment with lots of blinking lights.

 

Women

Women will always have shaved legs and armpits, even in caveman movies.

Women will be worrying about their nails or dresses while people are trying to kill them.

Woman falls to the ground whilst being chased by a bad guy, even when running over level, unobstructed terrain. Note that when a man and woman are being chased, usually the woman falls, then the man pauses and helps her up.

 

 

Scenes From the Movies

1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people--whether they are employed or not.

 

2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

 

3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

 

4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.

 

5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

 

6. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

 

7. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.

 

8. Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

 

9. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

 

10. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

 

11. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

 

12. It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

 

13. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off--even while scuba diving.

 

14. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

 

15. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do.

 

16. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

 

17. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

 

18. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

 

19. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

 

20. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

 

well i thought it was funny.

[Grannen]

21. Cars can´t burn if they fall off a cliff or have a crash. They are always loaded with nitroglycerine and dynamite that explodes.

[Al-back from the BigWhoop]

22- when working on an evil secret plan, u should always try to be some1 really important like the vilain himself or his #2 man, otherwise u will get easily killed with a punch or a kick.

 

23- space ships always makes noises in the outside space, even though there is vacuum in there.

 

24- every innocent female teenager has to run UP the stairs when running away from the killer

 

25- When in a haunted house, DO NOT LOOK AT THE MIRROR.

[Kjølen]

26 - When dangerous menacing people are staring at you, it's best to turn your back and walk away.

 

27 - Grab a parachute when your plane is about to crash in the middle of the sea.

 

28 - When you see this number you should run but your safe in the number '13' Metal junkyard.

 

29 - They say never look a vicious dog in the eye, but if you do, slowly look away.

 

30 - If you are bitten by an animal that has rabies, bring the animal to the vet and go home.

[Joshi]

the hero and villain won't die until at least the second sequal, in which case everyone can die as long as the world is safe in the process.

[Joshi]

32. the villains only employ henchmen who are the stupidest around and couldn't hit the empire state building with a dart if they were standing three feet away.

 

33. the villains lair always has a secret entrance to the side for the heros to get in.

 

34. the villains lair always has a sectret exit for the villain to escape by.

 

35. olden times henchmen had helmets that covered the entire face so a hero could diguise himself in one

 

36. as long as the henchmen weren't looking directly at the hero and his men, the heros could easily stroll passed them into a place they weren't meant to go.

[Rufio]

37. i paid 7 dollars to see 'The Avengers"

[Joshi]

i think you're missing the poi- YOU SAW TEH AVENGERS AT THE CINEMA, I WOULDN'T HAVE EVEN RENTED IT, TI LOOKED SOO CRAP, THEN I SAW IT AND IT WAS EVEN MORE CRAP!!! but anyway i think you're missing the point.