Dagobahn Eagle Posted November 20, 2002 Share Posted November 20, 2002 God to end ”No crime” policy in Paradise, rethink government policies due to costs of MPs, student movement protests. Following the student movement demonstrations against God’s authoritarian regime in Paradise, the Lord has been forced to reconsider the policies of his, according to him, “perfect world with no crime”. Pearl Gates, Paradise: Said Gabriel, head of the Paradise *, “we have for a long time sought to be, and actually managed to be, a world of no crime, but it is now clear that with the cost of the massive force of Military Police units needed to maintain this policy, it’s simply not possible to uphold it.”. Also, many have protested that the policy of burning everyone who is denied citizenship in Paradise “might be a bit too harsh.” ”What we want is a leader who is more like the leader of Nirvana”, said one citizen. ”I mean, if a person is found unsuited for citizenship, they simply send them back to Earth. God insists on punishing them. We realise the resources needed to send people back will take their toll on our beautiful nation, but I believe Hell costs us even more in terms of heating costs.” Another reason for the massive uproar in Heaven is the growing pubic desire for a Democracy. According to an anonymous protester participating in the Pearl Gates Demonstrations last summer, quote, “the people are tired of living under a single leader who refuses to hold elections for other leaders, and who has been known to terrorise Democratic religions with more than one leader, such as the Norse, Aztec, and Greek mythologies, and forced the worshippers of these religions to join his regime.” The fact that God is immortal off course only add further to their concerns, as it rules out waiting until he dies, for then to install a Democratic regime. Despite God’s claims, citizens worry that his new plans might be nothing but lies, and that Paradise might remain a dictatorship for many years yet, and that he might, instead of removing MPs, simply increase taxation to compensate for the loss of money needed to maintain these units. In fact, the very age of Paradise (2,000+ years) makes it one of the world’s oldest regimes, surpassed only by Hinduism and Buddhism. “If he’s held out against protesters for 2 milleniums,” a student worries, “how are we to know he won’t last another 2,000?” Eivind W., Reporting live from Paradise. Disclaimer: This is a work of satire, and not intended to anger worshippers of Christianity, Buddhism, or Hinduism in any way. If you find this offensive, tell me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wacky_Baccy Posted November 20, 2002 Share Posted November 20, 2002 LMAO!! That's fanrtastic stuff! Where did you find it?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dagobahn Eagle Posted November 20, 2002 Author Share Posted November 20, 2002 I hoped some people would find it funny.. it's a bit controversial. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wacky_Baccy Posted November 21, 2002 Share Posted November 21, 2002 True, but if we can't laugh at ourselves from time to time, then this world is in a very sorry state... ...So, where did you find it? ...Or did you write it yourself?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dagobahn Eagle Posted November 21, 2002 Author Share Posted November 21, 2002 To answer your questions, yes, that's a selection of my own tongue-to-cheek views, based on the recent events in China . Anyone else got comments? Personally, I'm working on sending money to the Christian Student Movement in Paradise.. then I'll live here for a while and then when the time comes, I'll emmigrate to Valhalla or Mt. Olympus or some Democratic Paradise . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wacky_Baccy Posted November 21, 2002 Share Posted November 21, 2002 Posted by Dagobahn Eagle To answer your questions, yes, that's a selection of my own tongue-to-cheek views, based on the recent events in China I'm impressed ...A selection of your views, you say? ...So there are more? Personally, I'm working on sending money to the Christian Student Movement in Paradise.. then I'll live here for a while and then when the time comes, I'll emmigrate to Valhalla or Mt. Olympus or some Democratic Paradise . LOL I might just join you ^_^ *wonders when someone other than himself will reply* Come on people, give him some feedback Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dagobahn Eagle Posted November 24, 2002 Author Share Posted November 24, 2002 ...So there are more? Just one: Someplace in the Bible, Jesus walks over to a guy owning a field with at least two guys working on it. One of them have been working for 2 hourse, the other the whole day. The field owner wants to pay them according to their hours of work, but Jesus insists he pays them both the same as they both work for God. In Communism, you also get paid the same no matter how long you work, because you work for the common good. Doesn't that make Jesus Christ a Communist ? Okay, that wasn't meant to be funny, just something I thought off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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