Guest Lord Tirion Posted September 19, 2001 Share Posted September 19, 2001 A LONG TIME AGO ON A SERVER FAR, FAR AWAY... ________LEWT WARZ________ EPISODE IV: A NEW DEWD It is a period of PVP warfare. PC ships, striking from a hidden base, have won their first victory against the KEWL PK EMPIRE. During the battle, PC spies managed to dupe a copy of the plans to the empire's ultimate weapon the "UNRESTRICTED PK STAR." also known as the UPS. But since UPS is trademarked, we will call it the "UP Star" This armored battle station has the ability to make everyone on the server's PVP switch permanently set to "on" Pursued by the PK Empire's Kewl Doodz, Princiz Leah65 (They forgot to take the "name screener" off the sooper sekret test server, so everyone just had to do the best they could with their names) races home aboard her starship, custodian of the sooper sekret planz that will restore PVP choice to the galaxy. An ISD slides into view, rendered in perfect detail. It fires hundreds of lasers at a smaller craft. Then the view switches to the interior of the ship, and changes to the real non-rendered game view. If you squint really hard and tilt your head just right, you can barely tell it's all made of polygons. An explosion rocks the ship. Sea3Peaoh and ~-*RRRtoo/-/Deetwooo*-~ come into view. 3peaoh: Dude, they're gonna PK our azzes for sure. Forget this, I'm logging! RRRtoo: Beep 3peaoh: The princiz is gonna get lewted for sure RRRtoo: Beep Down the hall, the door suddenly burst open, only causing the slightest bit of Lag. Through the open door walks _X~Anikin_Vayderr~X_ 3Peaoh is down the hall, looking for RRRtoo 3peaoh: Dude, did you log? You there dude? He spies RRRtoo down the hall and goes to him. What are you doing down here dude? RRRtoo: Beep In the main hall, Vayderr has gotten ahold of one of the rebels. Vayderr: Where's that freakin Lewt? Rebel: We haven't got any lewt, we just got PK...U got ne credits you can loan me? Plz? Vayderr: If you just got PKed, then where are your corpses?!?!? He PKs the Rebel leader, then quickly loots his corpse. Vayderr initiates a transmission to the rebel he just killed. Vayderr: I owned you dood. Vayder turns to one of his guildmates. Vayderr: Tear this place apart until you've found that Lewt. And then bring me the Ambassador. I heard she's a hottie. Moments later, several stormtroopers spot Leah65 in the hallway. Trooper1: There she is, set for stun! They stun the girl and take her prisoner. Trooper1: Dude, see if you can loot her clothes, I wanna see if she's anatomically correct. Trooper2: I'm F in RL. I don't want to see that. I can tell you we all look like Barbie under here anyhow. Trooper1: That ***xors. Back in the hallway, RRRtoo is pushing 3peaoh into an escape pod. 3peaoh: Quit pushing, Slimo. RRRtoo: Beep. 3peaoh: Yeah, well I liked Episode 1 so sue me! They get into the escape pod and head for the surface. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lord Tirion Posted September 19, 2001 Share Posted September 19, 2001 In the main control room, two Imperial officers see the pod jettison. Officer1: PULL! Officer2 fires at the pod and misses. Officer1: You shoot like my gramma. And my gramma's dead. Officer2: Well, I never played any twitch games, bite me FPS boy. Officer1: Bite your mom. The pod streaks away safely to the surface. On the surface, 3peaoh and RRRToo get out of the pod. 3peaoh: Let's go this way. RRRtoo: Beep 3peaoh: You got a map from SWGStratics? Dude, no way, the game isn't even out yet, and stratics doesn't even have a SWG site. Their Dawn site Roxxors, tho. I can't wait for that game. RRRtoo: Beep 3peaoh: DAWN IS NOT VAPORWARE, SLIMO!!! That's it, you're on your own! RRRtoo: Beep The two droids head off in opposite directions Back on board the starship, Vayderr has brought Leah65 to see him. Leah65: Vayderr, I should have known, only you would PK people for no reason. Vayderr: Don't mess with me, Noob. Now where's my Lewt? Leah65: I'm not a Newbie! Vayderr: Oh shut ufp. Vayderr: I mean shut up. Take her waaya. Vayderr: Away, I mean. The troopers drag Leah65 off the bridge. Commander: Dude, what if the Guides find out? we'll get banned. Vayderr: Leave it to me. I had the whole guild file complaints against every member of the rebellion. If the rebels file against us, it'll just look like they're trying to get back at us. It'll take the Guides months to sort it all out, there are only two of them for all 50 servers. By that time, we'll have already won. Commander: Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeet! Vayderr: Now, let's go down and see if she sent the plans to the surface. There's nowhere else on the server that you can reach from right here, so they must be there. Back on the planet, RRRtoo is slowly making his way across the PK zone of Jundland. Suddenly, a jawa jumps out from behind a rock and fires. Jawa: YOU ***XORS!!!! KILL KILL KILL! RRRtoo explodes violently, but isn't quite dead. Several Jawas run over to loot him. Jawa1: Hey, he ain't got no lewt!!! wtf??? Jawa2: Dude, he IS lewt, grab him and we can sell his whole body! The jawas grab the droid and run off. Back near the pod, several stormtroopers are searching around. Stormtrooper commander: Ok, now every- TrooperBob: Look, sir, droids. Commander: Bob, we haven't even been here 5 minutes, you couldn't have- TrooperBob: Yeah but it's the kewlest line in the movie: Look, sir, droids. Commander: Cut it out bob, it's not even your line TrooperBob: Look, sir, droids. TrooperBob: Look, sir, droids. TrooperBob: Look, sir, droids. TrooperBob: Look, sir, droids. TrooperBob: Look, sir, droids. TrooperBob: Look, sir, droids. TrooperBob: Look, sir, droids. TrooperBob: Look, sir, droids. TrooperBob: Look, sir, droids. Commander: STOP SPAMMING!!! Fine, let's go to that mos esply place or whatever and see if they went there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lord Tirion Posted September 19, 2001 Share Posted September 19, 2001 Cut to the Jawa Sandcrawler...it's zooming across the sands of tattoine, zig zagging all over the place. Jawa1: Dude, look where you're going. Jawa2: Hey, I don't know how to drive yet, I don't even have a permit! in the back, 3peaoh is staggering about. He spots RRRtoo. 3peaoh: RRRtoo! You're alive. They tricked me into climbing in here by telling me there was a map to some Phat Lewt hiden inside. What do you think they're going to do with us. RRRtoo: Beep. 3peaoh: But I'm not even equipped to do that, the picture on that Topps card was a trick of the lighting and scenery! We're doomed! Cut to a scene outside the Lars homestead. There is a flash of brilliant light, and a figure suddenly spawns into view: Lewkk Skyhackrrr: Stoopid name filter, I spent three hours trying to come up with a kewl name... BlueMilkBeru: Lewkk, Leeeeeeewwwwwwwwwkkkkkk Lewkk: What? BlueMilkBeru: Make sure your uncle gets the droids BEFORE he hands over the money this time. You know how those Jawas like to log after they get your cash! Lewkk: I know, I know, you don't have to tell me! Lewkk walks over and sees Unkle_IowenU haggling with the Jawas Lewkk: Unckle, Aunt Beru said- IowenU: Shut up Noob, can't you see I'm busy? Lewkk does the "Bird" emote behind IowenU's back. IowenU looks 3peaoh over. IowenU: I bet you're a protocol droid. 3peaoh: No way dude, I'm a Jedi assassin droid, or at least I will- IowenU: I have no use for any of your BS. I need a translator droid. 3peaoh: Dude, I got mad translation skillz. check it out "Kung foo", "Taco", "G'day Mate!" IowenU: Hmm, can you speak the binary language of moisture thingamajigies. 3peaoh: Sure dude, check it out: "E Chu ta" IowenU: Well, ok. 3peaoh: Cool. E Chu ta. E Chu ta. IOwenU 3peaoh and some red droid begin to walk over to Luke. Suddenly a Guide appears from nowhere. Guide: DUPE! The guide points at the red droid, and it disappears. A moment later so does the guide. Lewkk: Uncle! That R2 unit was duped! IowenU: Hey, what're you trying to push on us? I oughtta PK you right here. 3peaoh: Dood, get that other one, the blue one. He can show porn movies, dood. Lewkk: UNCLE! UNCLE! GET THE BLUE ONE! PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAZZZEEEE?!?!? GET THE BLUE ONE!!! IowenU decides to buy the blue one, and they head back to the homestead. IowenU: Now take those droids and get them cleaned up. Lewkk: (Whispering) Well, Heil Hitler to you too. A few minutes later in the garage, Lewkk is dipping 3peaoh into an oil bath. 3peaoh: Oh, thank the Live Team, this feels so good. Lewkk: Man, this isn't fair. I wanted to be a bounty hunter. 3peaoh: Maybe I can help you. Lewkk: Not unless you can buff me, twink me, and get me a portal to Coruscant. 3peaoh: Sorry, Dood, I'm only a droid. What zone are we in anyhow? Lewkk: The one that ***xors, big time. 3peaoh: Oh, well yeah, that does ***xor. Lewkk begins to try and repair RRRtoo. Lewkk: I should have put more points in droid repair, I knew it. 3peaoh: Yeah. I should have had some mad PK skillz and we wouldn't be like this, it's all the fault of the rebels. I never should have gotten on a ship with the Noobs. Lewkk: You know about the rebellion against the PK Empire. 3peaoh: No, genius, I was talking about the rebellion against the Twilek dancers. What other rebellion is there? Lewkk: Don't be a knob, dude. 3peaoh: Anyhow, why don't you see if you can get some movies of that droid? Lewkk: Ok...hmm, there's something here alright. Lewkk clicks repeatedly on the droid trying to use his feeble droid repair skills. Finally a grainy movie appears, showing Princiz Leah65 3peaoh: Kewl, you got some Lewkk: She's a hottie woohoo! What's she doing, where's the action? Leah65: Help me, Ewan-Wan Kanobye. You're our only hope. This keeps repeating over and over. Lewkk: Who's the girl, and who's Ewan-wan Kanobye? RRRtoo: Beep 3peaoh: He says he doesn't know sir, and neither do I. See if you can find the fastforward. Lewkk fiddles with the droid for a second. RRRtoo: Beep 3peaoh: He says he needs you to take the restraining bolt off. Lewkk: Well, ok, but if he PKs me I'm telling. Lewkk removes the restraining bolt. The image stops playing. Lewkk: hey, bring back the hottie, Dweeb! RRRtoo doesn't respond. Suddenly he starts spinning slowly in circles. 3peaoh: Dude, he's lagged bad. BlueMilkBeru: Lewwwwwk, come get dinner! Lewkk hand 3peaoh some tools Lewkk: See if you can fix him when he logs back on. 3peaoh: Yeah, whatever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lord Tirion Posted September 19, 2001 Share Posted September 19, 2001 To be continued. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Compa_Mighty Posted September 19, 2001 Share Posted September 19, 2001 God, you got imagination to spam creatively!!! (No offense) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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