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The Tao of 26


Darth Eggplant

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1. He who laughs last,

thinks slowest.

 

2. Everyone has a photographic memory,

Some just don'thave film.

 

3. A day without sunshine

is like ... night.

 

4. On the other hand,

you have different fingers.

 

5. Change is inevitable,

except from a vending machine.

 

6. I just got lost in thought,

It was unfamiliar territory.

 

7. Seen it all, done it all,

can't remember most of it.

 

8. Those who live by the sword

get shot by those who don't.

 

9. I feel like I'm diagonally parked

in a parallel universe.

 

10. You have the right to remain silent.

Anything you say will be misquoted

then used against you.

 

11. I wonder how much deeper

the ocean would be

without sponges.

 

12. Honk if you love peace and quiet.

 

13. Despite the cost of living,

have you noticed

how it remains so popular?

 

14. Nothing is foolproof

to a sufficiently talented fool.

 

15. It is hard to understand

how a cemetery can raise

its burial cost and yet

blamed it on the cost of living.

 

17. The 50-50-90 rule:

Anytime you have a 50-50 chance

of getting something right,

there's a 90% probability

you'll get it wrong.

 

18. It is said that

if you line up all the cars

in the world end to end,

someone would be stupid enough

to try and pass them all.

 

19. You can't have everything,

where would you put it?

 

20. The Latest survey shows that

3 out of 4 people make up

75% of the world's population.

 

21. The things that come

to those who wait

are usually the things

left by those

who got there first.

 

22. A fine is a tax for doing wrong.

A tax is a fine for doing well.

 

23. It was recently discovered

that research

causes cancer in rats.

 

24. Everybody lies,

but it doesn't matter

since nobody listens.

 

25. I started out with nothing,

and I still have most of it.

 

26. Light travels faster than sound.

This is why some people

appear bright

until you hear them speak.

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