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As to my comments in the critic's thread, your work is good on the whole, but like any young writer, there are mistakes that are on the technical level that interfere, and I am not talking about what we have previously discussed. I suggest you check out a book on script writng, or better yet, watch a movie from a critic's point of view. Look at the scenes they wrote that don't feel right, and see where even a professional makes mistakes that bother their viewers.
Don't feel depressed by what I have said. My primary job here is to help you grow as an author, not rip you up when you try.