John Skywalker Posted October 6, 2005 Share Posted October 6, 2005 hi ive decide to make short storys to get better at my writing before i move on to big things lol.Anyways this is set near to the end of the war and General Aayla Secura and Commander Bly and their trrops are off on the planet Felucia in one of the many Outer Rim Sieges let e stop blabbing read it. Aayla Secura was in her chair meditating,she never noticed Commander Bly in the room,"General Aayla we are landing on the planet Felucia in any minute our signals say that the are about 1000 droids here", Bly stopped for a minute for Aayla to open her eyes and then he continued,"but the good news is that there is a power station for their shields,its heavily guarded but if we shut it down we've all but wiped these droids from the planet." "Nice work Commander i think ill take a squad of troopers and try and disable the shield power station and you should cause a distraction so the Separatists take most of their droids from there" Aayla replied, Bly nodded did a salute to his general and walked out the door.Aayla looked out of the starships window Felucia was beautiful it had many plants covering loads of the lands and the plants were maybe taller than her.The planet was made up of fungal life-forms Mace Windu had breifed her about this before she left.When the ship landed all the troops came off to hear a talk from their Commander and General the rowed up in lines the was about 800 in all.First Bly spoke,"Droids are here and they will be tough but we have an edge there is a power station that needs to be shut down so we can destroy these pesky droids immediately.",after he spoke he signalled Aayla to speak. "I will take a squad of about 50 men with me to disable this power station we will hide in the underbrush and get to the power station by stealth". "Men we will hold the thought here good luck all of you." and when Bly finished the troops erupted with cheers and Aayla was pleased also searching through the force she couldnt see that the outcome of this battle was bad but she had to take in account that the darkside was making it harder to see things,be weary is what she always reminded herself,you never know what might happen.As Aayla and her droids set of Bly threw a grenade at a droid patrol at this moment they knew the battle was on.Aayla was hoping to do this as quick as possible so she could get back to Coruscant her mind lingered their.The power station wasnt really far from were they set camp but it was heavily guarded."ok men cause a distraction for thes droids while I'll set the charges that will set the power station sky high",Aayla said to them "Yes General", the 50 troops said back and they circled to the other side of the power station and started to use their blaster rifles and grenades on the droid the droid started firing back and moving towards Aayla's troops.This is the perfect opputunity the force told Aayla this and she egnited her lightsaber and started running to the station.Their were stray Droinds which she cut through easily with her blue lightsaber she got to the station quickly and put the charges in place she grabbed her comlink,"everyone retreat!",she shouted.Aayla used the force to run as quickly as possible with the force she done this effortlessly now that the powere station was down it would be easy and so she returned back to Bly. ******************************************* Aayla returned with all 50 men the force had served them well "Commander the station is destroyed tell your men to attack" "Already done general",Bly nodded and his tone was a happy one "Good job Bly i will join the atack now ill be back soon",she turned and started walking and said calmly,"men lets attack". Bly was smiling as he knew Aayla was a good General and just then he got a messge from his comlink.A blue hologram of a man with a cloak which looked like it was owned by a Jedi he had it on and the hood was on his had making his face covered by shadow but Bly knew who it was,"Yes you excellency", Bly said with respect "Execute order 66", the man said with a hint of anger in his voice "it will be done my lord" and the com went off. Bly pointed at Aayla walking into the brushes and told the troops with him,"order 66", they understood immediately.Aayla was walking to the brush when a bolts just missed her she spun round all her troops were putting their guns up at her she was opening her mouth to try and speak when 4 or 5 plasma bolts hit her and she fell she was losing consciousness,all she had worked for all she achieved and she was being taken out by people she trusted.Just before she fell in to the darkness of death she saw all the troops circling around her ready to fire more rounds to make sure they finished the job. END Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Skywalker Posted October 6, 2005 Author Share Posted October 6, 2005 please please please can i have feedback on this lol tell me what you think Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RC-1162 Posted October 6, 2005 Share Posted October 6, 2005 bullet just mist her she spun round all her troops were putting their guns up at her she was opening her mouth to try and speak when 4 or 5 bullets hit her nobody uses bullets in star wars. you want to change that to blaster bolts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Skywalker Posted October 6, 2005 Author Share Posted October 6, 2005 cheers for that i was thinking about the real war lol i edited it now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RC-1162 Posted October 7, 2005 Share Posted October 7, 2005 thats better, and you might wanna edit the punctuations, but its not relly important. punctuations just help make it easier to read, but i understood the story, keep it up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 read Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.