K_Kinnison Posted July 29, 2001 Share Posted July 29, 2001 Well, I am kind of bored so I am goign to do some ranting... I am a shy person.. people who know me would not notice it. But i have the hardest time opening up conversations with people I hardly know. It is a gut-wrenching fear of rejection. Most of you will not be able to comprehend what that is. I could be shut into a room with someone, and only be able to conververse with single or double word sentances. I have gotten very good at killing conversations (un-intentionally) it gets to the point people who avoid me becasue I am not entertaining enuf. It hurts me so much. I am stuck in a closet screaming for people to notice me, and talk to me. Or I am in a crowd feeling so alone. I have many interests, and I am fairly intelligent. But I end up being labeled as a "Nice Guy". What really sucks is that I have not kissed a girl for almsot 5 years. I have not been able to get close enuf (emotionally) to one in all those years. ANd then when there is a CHANCE there might be somethign more i grab on so tight i scare them, and they run away. My biggest fear is that i will end up as a 50 year old, watching TV and eating frozen dinners by myself, becasue i never got to have a family. Oh, I enjoy going out. but who am i to go out with? I often find myself going out to eat, and bringing a book or magazine to keep me company. There is nothing more lonely then going to a resturant, and asking for a table for 1. heck.. outside of family i havn't gone to a resturant with someone for a year. I pray every day to the LORD that he will bring me someone to end my lonelyness like he did for Adam. O' LORD have mercy on me! *sigh* I am sorry for anyone who is depressed by reading this. Unless someone comes over and helps me get out of my hobbit hole, i feel that this will be a standered for me. Why am i writing this? well, for those that are religous I ask you to help me by praying for me. For those that are not. Be assured someone is more miserable then you... and count your blessings. I have accpted who I am.. and often I dont like it. But I have hope it will change and will keep slugging it out every day. again.. I am sorry for anyone if thjis caused you pain.. but i needed to cry out, and get this out so otehrs may see, and maybe help Your brother in Christ K_Kinnison Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cLoAkEdWrAiTh Posted July 29, 2001 Share Posted July 29, 2001 Rest assured, I am praying for you, man. There are times when we all feel lonely. So don't worry, you are not alone in your feelings. Everyone needs to cry out once in awhile, for pain is sadly a given in life. You'll find someone; there is someone for everyone in this world. It may not seem like it now, but remember life is all a cycle. There are always times in life whre we feel at our lowest, but we must also remember the times we feel like we're at the top. We all have these times, but part of life is learning to endure it I guess. So don't worry, you are not alone; we're here for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral Zaarin Posted July 29, 2001 Share Posted July 29, 2001 That's an almost perfect description of me. Anyway, I know what you're feeling. I feel the exact same way all the time. As someone who's been in and out of deep depression, all I can say is to hold on. Something brilliant may be just around the corner. Unfortunately, I know that almost certainly, no amount of what anyone says can make you feel better. In any case, we're always here for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Rogue15 Posted July 29, 2001 Share Posted July 29, 2001 but being lonely rules! you never get grounded from friends!!!!!! instead, you get grounded from computers and games! I remember when i used to live where i had alot of friends. Of course all my real life friends are like 2 years younger than me since everybody my age (except a few online friends) sucks dog crap with worms in it. I've been alone for like uh...5 years and it does suck sometimes, but it was a trillion times worse without the internet. I have more friends online than in real life, most of them came from the roguesquadron.net and jediknight.net forum. I rarely go outside unless it's absolutely necessary or if i want to get something at the mall or store or if i want to ride my bike. I occasionally find myself liking lonliness and finding reasons to like being alone. It's probably 'cause i'm homeschooled. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Zoom Rabbit Posted July 30, 2001 Share Posted July 30, 2001 Oh, wow...where do I start? I think that it's important for you to keep in mind that many (if not most) women are attracted to shy men. They tend to choose mates who aren't likely to stray, whether they're conscious of it or not, and this works in your favor. 'Grabbing on tight' isn't necessarily a bad thing, although it can scare off your prospective mate if done too early. On that, my best advice is to let the female set the pace; don't use the word 'love' until she does, no talk of marriage until she brings it up, etc. So how do you break the ice with them? Beats me--I'm shy, too. My approach is to make friends out of them, ignoring the romantic aspects which would cause my initial embarrassment. Of course...I always wind up being 'just friends' with them, which gets me nowhere. If you're like me, KK, you probably just need to get out a little more. The same kind of woman who digs a shy guy who holds on tight isn't going to want a social superstar, but she needs to be able to meet him in the first place! Do you take advantage of your church's social scene? Any local clubs or societies you might like? What about the bar on a friday night? Anyway. Hope this helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Zoom Rabbit Posted July 30, 2001 Share Posted July 30, 2001 On the spiritual side: There is spiritual advantage to living the 'life of a loner' (although this doesn't mean that solitude is required, just that it makes spiritual growth easier.) When one is alone, one disregards the outer life in favor of the inner; the inner life is, of course, a mirror image of the outer, and learning to deal with one leads to understanding of the other. Monks and ascetics take advantage of this in their own spiritual quests. The wise old hermit living in the cave isn't just holed up within himself--he's exploring the universe from within. Of course, this requires yoga and meditation in addition to solitude. It is possible to quietly go nuts all by yourself, if all you're doing is staring at your own toes... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral Odin Posted July 30, 2001 Share Posted July 30, 2001 The way I'm heading I'll be the old hermit on top of the mountain. The way my life goes with me is that I have really 1 good friend in real life, and few just friends, basically like everyone else who seems to have posted. My trouble is that I go to a small school, and I don't exactly like my classmates. I have no problems talking with girls, just finding out what to talk about (I have very obsucre interest, like Norse mythology, medieval weapons, ect.) So I usually find myself alone and thinking about many different topics. I know what you mean Kk, I'm often alone with a book or maginize, sometimes I just sit by myself and stare off into space thinking. I actually hold your same fear. Those of us who are shy, me included, I'd have to say life is to short to worry about rejection, go out and find someone you like and talk to them it can only hurt for a short time if your rejected , and if you don't do it, you will be granteed not to get anywhere. A little side note, saying this is far easier then actually doing it. (I can give out advice but I myself find it extremely difficult to carry through with it. I hope you luck) A little off topic, if there is a person for everyone, what if that person is in a different country? You not likely to find her. ------------------ "Dulce bellum inexpertis." (Sweet is war to those who have never experinced it.) Roman Proverb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taarkin Posted July 30, 2001 Share Posted July 30, 2001 A problem for me is not small school size(there's like 4,500 at my HS) but the fact that everyone there are assh***s and I'm a nice guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keyan Farlander Posted July 30, 2001 Share Posted July 30, 2001 Since you are a religious guy, I will reply with that in mind. Originally posted by K_Kinnison: I pray every day to the LORD that he will bring me someone to end my lonelyness like he did for Adam. O' LORD have mercy on me! This is your mistake. God, in His infinite wisdom knows what is better for you than you do. Pray instead that His do what He knows is best for you, even though you may not understand at the time. God calls people to many different vocations. Some He calls to the priesthood, as He called Arron. Some He calls to the married life, perhaps to be parents. Others He calls to the single life, to serve Him in that way. So, you must try to discover your vocation through prayer and carefull listening to the Spirit. Keep your faith, keep the commandments, and do works of charity, to help your less-fortunate brothers and sisters. On the other hand, if you want a new car, you don't sit and pray for new car until you get it - you get a job, work for it, and then buy it. So, if it's friends you want - you'll have to work for them. Maybe you should see a doctor if it's as bad as you describe it. After all, there are medical conditions that manifest themselves in this way. I'm sure it'll all work out in the end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JR2000Z Posted July 30, 2001 Share Posted July 30, 2001 So whats the point of praying if God knows whats best for you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nitro Posted July 30, 2001 Share Posted July 30, 2001 Just because he knows what's best for us doesn't mean that he controls us. He gave us the ability to make choices. He might not like our choices, but he knows that he let us make them and he won't interfere. Now, we don't always know what's best for us... That's where prayer come in. Prayer isn't about "God give me this, please!" or, "God, can you please do this for me?" It's, "God, I've got something hard coming up, I know I can't do it on my own, and I'm asking for your help," and, "God, I'm in a real jam, and I don't know what to do... Please show me the path back to the light." It's not about asking him for something, it's about asking him for help. God won't do things for you, but he will give you the strength, courage, and wisdom to do it yourself if you come to him with an open heart and ask for his help and guidance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Sceltor Posted July 30, 2001 Share Posted July 30, 2001 I can usually talk to people, and get to know them some, but if I get to know a girl well enough to ask them out, I usually fall over and die trying to ask them. I can talk to girls, but if it goes beyond the usually stuff towards something more serious, I usually stall, putter, and die. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keyan Farlander Posted July 30, 2001 Share Posted July 30, 2001 Originally posted by Nitro: Just because he knows what's best for us doesn't mean that he controls us. He gave us the ability to make choices. He might not like our choices, but he knows that he let us make them and he won't interfere. Now, we don't always know what's best for us... That's where prayer come in. Prayer isn't about "God give me this, please!" or, "God, can you please do this for me?" It's, "God, I've got something hard coming up, I know I can't do it on my own, and I'm asking for your help," and, "God, I'm in a real jam, and I don't know what to do... Please show me the path back to the light." It's not about asking him for something, it's about asking him for help. God won't do things for you, but he will give you the strength, courage, and wisdom to do it yourself if you come to him with an open heart and ask for his help and guidance. Right. That's not to say it is wrong to ask for something specific (a wife, for example), it just means be prepared for the answer to be "no" and that there is something else that is better for you down the road. Praying for healing, conversion of others, and wisdom are all fine examples of asking for something in prayer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flying Beastie Posted July 31, 2001 Share Posted July 31, 2001 Add me to the li-eeeeeaaaaaarrrrrgh! Sorry. The little kids playing across the street just screeched at something. Since my window is open, my ears are now ringing. As I was saying, I'm on your list too. I know I'm fun at parties, but since I don't drink, hanging out in bars is kinda pointless, so the only girls I ever meet are in class. I tend to get interested in one and then make very slow progress. Too slow. I get to know them (this is where I end up getting interested), start to hang around them, make small talk, and then either (A) find out that they already have a boyfriend, (B) find out that they're frickin' married , © discover the prohibitive age difference (I'm not willing to do with more than 3 years either way), or (D) find out that she's my age, single, and available. By then it's the end of the semester, and I've lost my chance. I've been trying to move faster, but (as I said over in Nute's thread), I 'm not interested in a girl unless I know her well. Right now, I've lucked out and found a girl who's tough, sassy, smart, sexy, good-looking (not always the same thing), fun-loving, interested in philosophy, and an animé-fan ( ), and who seems perfect. Just one problem. She has her circle of friends, and I'm outside it. By the time I get out of class, she (and her gang) are already scattering to their cars. Her Email's down, so we can't converse like we've been doing since November, so my entire time with her is casual conversations that I can slip into when her friends are around during mid-class break. I've tried being obvious (and thus risking an embarrasing scene), but either she's (A) touched, but uncaring, (B) interested, but as shy as I am, © sickened at the thought of me, but too polite to show it, or (D) thick enough to miss the obvious hints I've been dropping (which I sincerely doubt; I've been getting suspicious looks from one of the friends). Worse, since the temp/humidex here is usually around 30, by the time I walk the ~12 blocks to class, I'm sweating, panting, and my hair's a tangled mess. Originally posted by Zoom Rabbit: The wise old hermit living in the cave isn't just holed up within himself--he's exploring the universe from within. Yes, but sometimes the wise old hermit just doesn't have a frickin' car!!! ------------------ It's like I always say: When the going gets tough, the tough . . . switch to artillery. [This message has been edited by Flying Beastie (edited July 30, 2001).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andromeda Posted July 31, 2001 Share Posted July 31, 2001 well i guess this seems to be more of a guy-oriented thread, but i'm gonna stick my nose in anyway one thing i have discovered in life, and it is a rule i live by day by day, is that if it is meant to be, it will be. i know this is something that most people do not want to hear, just like you can't go looking for love, it will find you when it's right. the hardest thing in the world to do is be patient; from what i've seen, the best things in the world are unexpected, and even in some cases, unwanted. so hang in there everybody ------------------ If you live to be a hundred, i hope i live to be a hundred minus one so i never have to live without you! SkirtPower@hotmail.com Official Forum Chick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral Odin Posted July 31, 2001 Share Posted July 31, 2001 Yet history shows males don't like to wait. I vote we go back to the stone age. We see a girl we like hit her over the head and drag her back to the cave. (the easy way) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JR2000Z Posted July 31, 2001 Share Posted July 31, 2001 What if we dont have a cave? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Zoom Rabbit Posted July 31, 2001 Share Posted July 31, 2001 I think the waitresses I work with should be required to have sex with the cooks when they mess up an order... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Sceltor Posted July 31, 2001 Share Posted July 31, 2001 Um, that might not be a good idea where I work...except in a few cases. On the grill baby! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral Odin Posted July 31, 2001 Share Posted July 31, 2001 Originally posted by JR2000Z: What if we dont have a cave? it is simple bring her to your house. ------------------ "Dulce bellum inexpertis." (Sweet is war to those who have never experinced it.) Roman Proverb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nute Gunray Posted July 31, 2001 Share Posted July 31, 2001 Perhaps the phrase "going clubbin'" predates our idea of clubbing and actual references primitive mate selection rather than going to a club I had more to say, but I forgot or something. Who knows. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ike Posted July 31, 2001 Share Posted July 31, 2001 the solution to shyness: karaoke. start doing it. it will work wonders for your self confidence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JR2000Z Posted July 31, 2001 Share Posted July 31, 2001 No. Its BEER! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nitro Posted July 31, 2001 Share Posted July 31, 2001 Learn how to breakdance. It worked for me... You suddenly become a legend/God every time you go to a dance... Half the preps at my school I thought were assh*les turned out to be pretty cool guys once I got to know 'em... And within a matter of weeks I was hanging out with about 40 girls that would have been so far out of my league a month before that it wasn't funny. All you need is something to get yourself noticed. ------------------ We've been going about this all wrong. This Mr. Stay Puft is okay. He's a sailor, he's in New York. We get this guy laid, we won't have any trouble. -Dr. Peter Venkman, Ghostbusters Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nute Gunray Posted July 31, 2001 Share Posted July 31, 2001 Apparently, working in a porn warehouse does wonders for combating shyness. I know a guy that works at a porn warehouse and working at a porn warehouse made him stop being shy and a ton of people I know are trying to get me to go work at the porn warehouse to make me not be shy. That was a long sentence that used "porn warehouse" as much as the the word "to." Did I mention it was a porn warehouse? I dind't know such things existed! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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