[fic] SW: Return From Exile

[DarthDani23]

No, they did not. Sorry.

CRAP!!! Oh well great fic!

[machievelli]

CRAP!!! Oh well great fic!

 

I was trying to avoid emtional entanglements when I wrote both KOTOR and TSL. Both women do end up bonding (Since my version of Revan was Echani herself) but my explanation of such a bond among that race was that you could have someone you cared enough to call love, but it was either familial (excepting that person as a sister) or where sex was not the be all and end all of the relationship (Bastilla bonding to Revan, who then offered to extend the bond to that point). I actually made the bonding process close to what was descirbed in a Star Trek Novel about such a bond between a human and a Vulcan, where they shared thoughts or emotions as well.

[Empress Padme]

Your briiliant....can't find a fic of yours I don't like.

[Darth_Yuthura]

It's been roughly a year since this fic has been long forgotten. I just wanted to tell Macievelli that this was a great piece of work. There were a few aspects of the story I didn't appreciate, but there were several golden moments that were inspiring. This went deep into detail and gave in interesting perspective of the KOTOR II story.

 

This fiction covered the entire game and enriched it to a great extent. I especially liked the last meeting of the Council and how you displayed why the characters followed the Exile. It was very believable to assume all the crew members suffered a loss that the Exile was able to heal. The Mando wars flashbacks added another dimension as well. It was great to understand how brutal the war was and you portrayed it well. I really thought the scene after the Council's death was more gripping than any other... great work on that.

 

I did have some issues with certain character relationships, but that was your choice. I think the Exile lacked self-confidence. If she was a general in the Mando Wars, then she would not look up to the Council or consider herself unworthy of being a jedi. This prevented character growth if she started as a perfect jedi.

 

I hope that this proves that a good fic never dies.

[machievelli]

I did have some issues with certain character relationships, but that was your choice. I think the Exile lacked self-confidence. If she was a general in the Mando Wars, then she would not look up to the Council or consider herself unworthy of being a jedi. This prevented character growth if she started as a perfect jedi.

 

I hope that this proves that a good fic never dies.

 

The way I looked at it was this; The character was a Jedi First, a General second. It is easy to blame yourself when you see it that way. Think of Truman, who as a Quaker (Raised, not accepting) refused to accept war and technology yet used the latter to end the former as president. If the Quakers had convened to condemn him as the Jedi did, would he have been willing to ignore their mandate?

[machievelli]

Why did you decide to skip all of the underground military base on the Telos surface?

I've noticed the spelling you use for the final planet in TSL is consistent. The game spells it Malachor V. Unless you've decided to change this planet's name in your story. But you did spell it the same way as the game does in post #28 and further on in the story so I guess you're going with Malachor V?

I loved this exchange between the HK-50 droids. One assassin droid annoyed with another.

 

I liked the additional background you provided between Bao-Dur and Marai, how she wouldn't let the doctors amputate Bao-Dur's arm without his permission because she knew that Bao-Dur would be devastated at the loss of his limb in that manner.

 

Does this mean in the central area of the Ebon Hawk? I'm sure you're compensating for the fact that Ebon Hawk, as depicted in the game, doesn't have a place to eat. I'm just trying to visualize what part of Ebon Hawk this part of the story occurred in.

A nice add to the story. I enjoy these little tangents because they add a touch of "normal life" to the epic.

So true!

I'm not sure I understand the units of measure in this section. Does 1 ton = 1,000 kilos? I'm just used to 1 ton = 2,000 lbs. or just over 900 kilograms.

Loved this sentence!

So in this story Yusanis was originally married to an Echani woman, the mother of the Handmaiden's elder sisters, but left her for Arren Kae, Brianna's mother?

I believe the home planet of the Miraluka is Katarr. No h necessary. :DAnother great story in progress, machievelli! I look forward to reading more. Your story leaves no doubt about your love for the Echani and Mandalorians. And I'm pleasantly surprised that this story seems to be getting more attention than your original KotOR story did.

 

Dang! Now I've got that song in my head.

"now whip it

into shape

shape it up

get straight

go forward

move ahead

try to detect it

it's not too late

to whip it

whip it good!"

*** whip crack sounds ***

 

The term ton is used in Metrics as tonne, which is pronounced the exact same way. When using metrics, as I do throughout, a tonn is 1000 kilograms, or 2200 pounds.

[Angel's_Guardian]

Amazing, when I read your story on Fan Fiction.com I knew you were good but this is fantastic. All the details, even the little ones. I am beyond impressed. If you could do one about the Mandalorian Wars or even Revan's tale I would be very happy. I give you a well earned five out of five stars.

[machievelli]

Amazing' date=' when I read your story on Fan Fiction.com I knew you were good but this is fantastic. All the details, even the little ones. I am beyond impressed. If you could do one about the Mandalorian Wars or even Revan's tale I would be very happy. I give you a well earned five out of five stars.[/quote']

 

I did post it and started it with only excerpts, then fleshed the full thing out. So check out KOTOR excerpts