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[NSW Short Fic] :: Adorer and Somebody...


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(this one was originaly posted by me at: splinter of the mind's eye)

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…and while she was telling him about how beautiful and charming love is, he decided to break free from his suffocating silence…

 

"I loved you: forty thousand brothers can not, with all their quantity of love, make up my sum. What they will do for you? Show me, what they will do:

will they weep? Will they fight? Will they fast? Will they drink up poison? Eat a crocodile? Will they tear themselves? Well, I'll do…."

 

She was stunned and she couldn’t even think of a word to say, and without giving her a chance to catch up her breath he continued…

 

"…go and ask them one after another, if only one of them is blinded by the shining light of your smile…if his mind that once drowned in a mountain of books and drank from the wine of wisdom is now suffering in the sea of your eyes drinking the salt eisle of his own insanity…if he ever sighed when you move your entire hair to place it on your left shoulder…if he survives his miserable life only to see you again…if he stays awake at night like owls…pacing around in circles at day like a caged bird…"

 

"Stop!!!' she yield "you can not say this. I-I am in love with your friend!!!"

 

"Don’t call him my friend…he is not my friend, never was and never will be!!!"

 

"But!!? How could you say this?! He cares about you…a-and…and he loves me…"

 

"What about me…haven't you noticed my eyes if only for one time?...haven't I loved you too? Or have I loved you just too much? Did he ever suffer the sweet pain you feel when you cough?"

 

He said. Her body trembled. She never saw him angry like that and she couldn’t know what to do…

 

"How could you be so assured?" he continued to question her…

 

"Assured of What?!!"

 

"How could you know that he loves you?"

 

"…his actions…his words…poems…"

 

"Words?!!" he interrupted her "poems?!!"

 

"Yes!!!" she answered

 

"…these are none but pieces of crap!!! They are but hollow and stupid metaphors one wrote in a time between hope and despair…in his journey to find a dim light within shadows of cloud…"

 

"No!!!" she yield "they are the most precious gift I have ever had…you have no right to despise them"

 

"No, you're wrong!!!…I have the whole right milady…because these empty words are mine!!!"

 

"No!!!"

 

"…I imagined them, created them in my thought and gave them to him"

 

"It can't be!!!"

 

"It had been"

 

"You are lying!!!"

 

"no i'm not."

 

"stop it!! stop it!! Stop!!!"

 

"…may the gods place their wrath upon my wretched soul if I am lying!!!"

 

She couldn't take it any more…tears flowed from her eyes and fell down to the ground…

 

"but why??"

 

"because I loved you…" he answered forsaken his high tone to speak with a warm and low one "…I wanted you to be happy…a-and I couldn’t gave it to you because I lied to myself and to my friend and said that I don’t care…you are in my very soul…tormenting me…the thoughts of not being with you is…is intoxicating…and the thoughts of being around you and not being able to touch you is like a constant digging in my heart…."

 

She kept her eyes focused on him. Seeing him differently now…

 

"Sorry…but I can't continue anymore…my head is in pain a-and I have to go…"

 

She left the stage without glancing at him and ran quickly toward the door to slam it hardly. still she could feel his eyes following her steps even through the closed door meaning that he isn’t paying any attention to the director who was praising his acting skills though the fact that his words were not from the script. She was there. And only she knows that this was not what he had written yesterday. it doesn’t matter how many times he will swear that this was just an acting, she will be sure that he is lying, because he is not an actor…never was and never will be…

 

(Praised be Shakespeare!!!)

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  • 2 weeks later...

This was...wow. It reminded me of another play called Cyrano de Bergerac and the setting was just like this. It is very emotional and the words flow together with a quality that is poetic. It stirred up quite a bit of emotions from me.

 

"…these are none but pieces of crap!!! They are but hollow and stupid metaphors one wrote in a time between hope and despair…in his journey to find a dim light within shadows of cloud…"

If you note the bold, I found that to be a hiccup. It interrupted the flow that you had already established. It would have been better if you had said something like, 'These,' he held the letters in his hand, clenched in a fist, 'these are nothing more than bits of paper fit for the fire. They are but hollow...'

that would have brought out the frustrated feeling that he had and would have set uo the stage for how the woman would react.

 

Overall you have a poetic quality to your work and I encourage you to write more.

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