Aristotélēsticus Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 (this one was originaly posted by me at: splinter of the mind's eye) ----------------------------------------------------------------- …and while she was telling him about how beautiful and charming love is, he decided to break free from his suffocating silence… "I loved you: forty thousand brothers can not, with all their quantity of love, make up my sum. What they will do for you? Show me, what they will do: will they weep? Will they fight? Will they fast? Will they drink up poison? Eat a crocodile? Will they tear themselves? Well, I'll do…." She was stunned and she couldn’t even think of a word to say, and without giving her a chance to catch up her breath he continued… "…go and ask them one after another, if only one of them is blinded by the shining light of your smile…if his mind that once drowned in a mountain of books and drank from the wine of wisdom is now suffering in the sea of your eyes drinking the salt eisle of his own insanity…if he ever sighed when you move your entire hair to place it on your left shoulder…if he survives his miserable life only to see you again…if he stays awake at night like owls…pacing around in circles at day like a caged bird…" "Stop!!!' she yield "you can not say this. I-I am in love with your friend!!!" "Don’t call him my friend…he is not my friend, never was and never will be!!!" "But!!? How could you say this?! He cares about you…a-and…and he loves me…" "What about me…haven't you noticed my eyes if only for one time?...haven't I loved you too? Or have I loved you just too much? Did he ever suffer the sweet pain you feel when you cough?" He said. Her body trembled. She never saw him angry like that and she couldn’t know what to do… "How could you be so assured?" he continued to question her… "Assured of What?!!" "How could you know that he loves you?" "…his actions…his words…poems…" "Words?!!" he interrupted her "poems?!!" "Yes!!!" she answered "…these are none but pieces of crap!!! They are but hollow and stupid metaphors one wrote in a time between hope and despair…in his journey to find a dim light within shadows of cloud…" "No!!!" she yield "they are the most precious gift I have ever had…you have no right to despise them" "No, you're wrong!!!…I have the whole right milady…because these empty words are mine!!!" "No!!!" "…I imagined them, created them in my thought and gave them to him" "It can't be!!!" "It had been" "You are lying!!!" "no i'm not." "stop it!! stop it!! Stop!!!" "…may the gods place their wrath upon my wretched soul if I am lying!!!" She couldn't take it any more…tears flowed from her eyes and fell down to the ground… "but why??" "because I loved you…" he answered forsaken his high tone to speak with a warm and low one "…I wanted you to be happy…a-and I couldn’t gave it to you because I lied to myself and to my friend and said that I don’t care…you are in my very soul…tormenting me…the thoughts of not being with you is…is intoxicating…and the thoughts of being around you and not being able to touch you is like a constant digging in my heart…." She kept her eyes focused on him. Seeing him differently now… "Sorry…but I can't continue anymore…my head is in pain a-and I have to go…" She left the stage without glancing at him and ran quickly toward the door to slam it hardly. still she could feel his eyes following her steps even through the closed door meaning that he isn’t paying any attention to the director who was praising his acting skills though the fact that his words were not from the script. She was there. And only she knows that this was not what he had written yesterday. it doesn’t matter how many times he will swear that this was just an acting, she will be sure that he is lying, because he is not an actor…never was and never will be… (Praised be Shakespeare!!!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aristotélēsticus Posted December 26, 2006 Author Share Posted December 26, 2006 THE END Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grey Master Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Nice fic, very deep meaning, looking forward to more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark_Lady Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Very, very good. (And I don't usually go for romantic stuff, so that's a compliment.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aristotélēsticus Posted December 27, 2006 Author Share Posted December 27, 2006 Very, very good. (And I don't usually go for romantic stuff, so that's a compliment.) and that just make me happier ... still, this wasnt meant to be romantic, i find it more tragic. (i like your writings btw ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark_Lady Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Well, it's a tragic romance. That could be why it attracted me. I like a well-written tragedy with a good twist. And thanks for the compliment! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emalin Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 This was very good. I was surprised by the twist at the end! The only thing that needs working on is capitalization and punctuation. In formal writing, exclamation points aren't allowed to be repeated. All in all, good work! Write more! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aristotélēsticus Posted December 28, 2006 Author Share Posted December 28, 2006 thanks for your replys. and you're right i have a problem with the punctuation...( i hate punctuation ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JediMaster12 Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 This was...wow. It reminded me of another play called Cyrano de Bergerac and the setting was just like this. It is very emotional and the words flow together with a quality that is poetic. It stirred up quite a bit of emotions from me. "…these are none but pieces of crap!!! They are but hollow and stupid metaphors one wrote in a time between hope and despair…in his journey to find a dim light within shadows of cloud…" If you note the bold, I found that to be a hiccup. It interrupted the flow that you had already established. It would have been better if you had said something like, 'These,' he held the letters in his hand, clenched in a fist, 'these are nothing more than bits of paper fit for the fire. They are but hollow...' that would have brought out the frustrated feeling that he had and would have set uo the stage for how the woman would react. Overall you have a poetic quality to your work and I encourage you to write more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aristotélēsticus Posted January 12, 2007 Author Share Posted January 12, 2007 thank you JediMaster12. i'm very pleased of your openions, good notes btw. hope you'll keep up reviewing my work Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JediMaster12 Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 Always a pleasure. The written word is my sustenance be it published books or amateur works like fics. I wonder, are you going to make a continuation of this or are you going to write something else? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aristotélēsticus Posted January 18, 2007 Author Share Posted January 18, 2007 Unfortunately no, this post will be left as it was written there. In my site I mean, you know I shouldn’t say something about it, however, you can go there if you want to read more. Nevertheless, right now, I’m working on something bigger Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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