brief Posted May 7, 2001 Share Posted May 7, 2001 Popular European Languages A small survey of some popular European languages: Spanish -- Everything you say makes you sound hungry. Russian -- There are 33 different ways to say, "Comrade, pass the Vodka or I shoot you." French -- Every French sentence carries the implicit connotation that you want to have sex with the person you are talking to. German -- The German word for "hello" is "Echsteinlefahrtengruber". The German translation for "Hey Hans, what say tomorrow morning we climb into our tanks and roll over Poland?" is "Hans, Poland, ja?" ------------------ If God had meant for man to smoke, He'd have set him on fire. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest murta Posted May 7, 2001 Share Posted May 7, 2001 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NiKo Posted May 7, 2001 Share Posted May 7, 2001 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FordPrefect42 Posted May 7, 2001 Share Posted May 7, 2001 Ich habe kiene idee warum du denkst das. Die deutsche wort fur "hello" ist guten tag. (Ich kenne das du lustig sind) Sorry my germans a little rusty ------------------ Everythings cool and froody!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rufio Posted May 8, 2001 Share Posted May 8, 2001 bahhh enuff with the translations, it was funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frenchyd Posted May 8, 2001 Share Posted May 8, 2001 Two men are sitting drinking at a bar at the top of the Empire State Building, when the first man turns to the other and says "You know, last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building, the winds around the building are so intense that by the time you fall to the 10th floor, they carry you around the building and back into a window". The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar. The second guy says, "What, are you nuts? There's no way that could happen. "No, its true," the first man says. "Let me prove it to you." He gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and plummets toward the street below. As he nears the 10th floor, the high winds whip him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar. He meets the second man, who looks quite astonished. "You know, I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke." "No, I'll prove it again," says the first man as he jumps again. Just as he is hurtling toward the street, the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window. Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it. "Well, why not." the second guy says, "It works. I'll try it." He jumps over the balcony, plunges downward passes the 11th, 10th 9th, 8th, floors. . . . . and hits the sidewalk with a SPLAT. Back upstairs the bartender turns to the other drinker and says, "You know Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FordPrefect42 Posted May 8, 2001 Share Posted May 8, 2001 How many frat boys does it take to screw in a lightbulb? > > > > > > > > > > > > > Frat boys don't screw in lightbulbs, Frat boys screw in pools of their own vomit ------------------ Everythings cool and froody!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NiKo Posted May 8, 2001 Share Posted May 8, 2001 i'd share some jokes with you all... but all the jokes i know are "dirty" and i dont wanna risk getting banned again ------------------ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brief Posted May 8, 2001 Author Share Posted May 8, 2001 The Case of the Missing Silver Ladle <table width="97%" border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0"><tr><td><font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="2"><p align="justify">This bishop invites a young priest over for dinner. During the meal, the priest can't help noticing how attractive and shapely the housekeeper is. Over the course of the evening he starts to wonder if there's more between the bishop and the housekeeper than meets the eye. Reading the young priest's thoughts, the bishop volunteers, "I know what you're thinking, but I assure you, my relationship with my housekeeper is purely professional."<p align="justify">About a week later the housekeeper comes to the bishop and says, "Excellency, ever since the young father came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose he took it, do you?"<p align="justify">The bishop says, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write him a letter just to be sure." So he sits down and writes: "Dear Father, I'm not saying that you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying that you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."<p align="justify">Several days later the bishop receives a letter from the young priest, which reads: "Your Excellency, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with your housekeeper, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with your housekeeper. But the fact remains that if you were sleeping in your own bed, you would have found the gravy ladle by now."</font></td></tr></table> ------------------ "Sex is a joke in heaven?" "The way I understand it, it's mostly a joke down here, too." --Bethany & Metatron, Dogma [This message has been edited by brief (edited May 08, 2001).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rufio Posted May 9, 2001 Share Posted May 9, 2001 the joke was ok, but kudos on the dogma reference, u like kevin smith movies? ------------------ STILL ~What could this be, too much MTV? Chalk another fad up for its fall into infamy. What is in a standard if it changes all the time? You’re still having trouble in defining your own kind.-Kling ~Stop pretending that you don't want me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brief Posted May 9, 2001 Author Share Posted May 9, 2001 Well, it was an obligatory "sex joke" (albeit a tame one), but anyway... Yes, I do like Kevin Smith films. Most of them are pretty funny, IMO. Okay, here's another "sex joke": The Brothel Makes Us Strong <table width="97%"><tr><td><font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="2"><p align="justify">A dedicated shop steward was at a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the madame, "Is this a union house?"<p align="Justify">"No, I'm sorry, it isn't."<p align="Justify">"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"<p align="Justify">"The house gets $80, and the girls get $20."<p align="Justify">Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable shop. His search continued as long as you want to draw things out, until finally he reached a brothel where the madame said, "Why yes, this is a union house."<p align="Justify">"And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"<p align="Justify">"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."<p align="Justify">"That's more like it!" the man said. He looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive redhead. "I'd like her for the night."<p align="Justify">"I'm sure you would, sir," said the madame, gesturing to a fat fifty-year-old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has seniority."</font></td></tr></table> ------------------ "Yeah, he can't hire hookers for his own bachelor party!" "Always illegal, Joe." --Joey & Chandler, Friends Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frenchyd Posted May 9, 2001 Share Posted May 9, 2001 Originally posted by NiKo: i'd share some jokes with you all... but all the jokes i know are "dirty" and i dont wanna risk getting banned again omg. be grateful maybe niko. he didn't have to let you back ------------------ FrenchyD Visit my site? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NiKo Posted May 9, 2001 Share Posted May 9, 2001 who said im not!!!!!!!?????????????/ ------------------ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brief Posted May 9, 2001 Author Share Posted May 9, 2001 An old stupid joke I knew: Problems with Coffee <table width="97%"><tr><td><font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="2"><p align="Justify">A man has recently become addicted to coffee drinking... He can't get enough of it, and drinks several cups a day. However, he's also come to realize that another problem has followed since his addiction to coffee.<p align="Justify">Every time he would drink his coffee, there would be a sharp pain in his eye. It didn't matter what brand of coffee he drank, or if the coffee was decaf or not. The pain in his eye would always return.<p align="Justify">After researching on his own about this problem, he finally decided to go see a doctor, to see if they can figure out what's wrong with him. The doctor gave him a thorough checkup, but could not find out why drinking coffee would cause pain in his eye.<p align="Justify">Of course, this was also an unprecedented case, as no one else has ever had eye pains from drinking coffee. So the doctor decides that he should study the patient in the act of drinking coffee, to see if it may reveal some clues.<p align="Justify">So the doctor told the man this, and offered him some coffee. The man received a cup of coffee, added some cream and sugar, and began to take a sip of the coffee. Sure enough, the pain returned.<p align="Justify">At this, the doctor said, "I think I've figured out the problem."<p align="Justify">"Really, doctor? What is it? Do you have a cure?"<p align="Justify">"Next time you drink your coffee," said the doctor, "make sure you take out the spoon first."</font></td></tr></table> ------------------ "Whaddaya mean, no ice? You mean I gotta drink this coffee hot?" --Irrate Customer, Clerks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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