Fettscommander Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 Star Wars Republic Commando Dagobah Mission: In the Swamps By Fettscommander Ok this would be my first fic and I hope it’s under the right category. Anyway here are the main Characters: Gamma Squad: RC-1179 Fi, Technician of the group. Takes war seriously and always tries to command the squad. RC-1798 Eta, Sniper of the Group. Loves to joke and usually ends up with the squad rescuing him. RC-9901 Hannibal, Demolitions expert in the Squad. Likes blowing stuff up and acts like a perfect soldier, but loves jokes. He was named after Hannibal the commander of Carthage (the city who fought 3 wars against the vast Roman Empire.) who he loves to read about in his collection of other universe holo books. RC-1171 Jr, Leader of the group. Has great sorrow for his past squad who died on Genosis, but tries not to think about it. Was born 6” short by birth defect. Would have been killed by the Kaminoans, but was saved and raised by the Great and Legendary Kal Skirata himself. Has more stamina then other commandos. (Gamma squad was an experiment having only three members to see if they perform better. It failed and Jr was added.) General Voen Antilles, Jedi, father of Wedge Antilles, Commander of the 438th legion of clones, nicknamed the Rebels. Big Al, Lone commando, used to be Palpatine’s personal body guard but was put in the commando ranks when he was getting to close to the truth: Palpatine was Darth Sideous. Is hybrid of a clone and a wookie. Can carry a squads worth of weapons and supplies and can fight like a squad too. Loves to boast jokingly, has a good attitude. Captain Prudii, Null Arc Trooper, Fights with the 438th with his Comrade, Null Arc Ad’en Prologue “Man down!” Jr was in the midst of 12 droids with none of his comrades in sight. It was his fault, he didn’t follow orders and now his brother was down. “Who?!” he said spraying a volley of plasma at some droids. “Dee” Andy’s voice said. There was a loud shot on the comlink. .……..then nothing. He attached the grenade attachment to his DC17, fired, and ran to help. Twenty-seven and a half hours later he returned back to Assault ship Infinity. Alone His brothers were gone, and it was all his fault. “You would have been killed too had you gone with them.” It was Captain Prudii. “It’s better then living without them.” “You’ll get over it.” “Never.” And he walked away. Next time: Chapter 1 The Rescue Give reviews. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fettscommander Posted March 23, 2007 Author Share Posted March 23, 2007 Chapter 1 The Rescue: Part 1 Message sent from assault ship Viking to Gamma squad 98 days after Genosis: A month ago two platoons of the 438th Rebels set up a base on Dagobah. One week ago we lost all contact. Yesterday we received an emergency call, they where being overrun by trandos, and only half a squad remains in hiding. We need you to take back that base and save the squad. And we do not know how many trandos. Repeat, Sector 4 of the Dagobah system, sector 4. Over. “Well boys it looks like we have another mission.” Said Eta, “Lets see, it would have to be at least a battalion of trandos to overrun our boys……that would be about 200 to 1 so………lets get packing!” They all laughed. Fi intruded, “Alright, alright, let’s not get carried away. Remember what happened to you at Genosis?” “So I fell into a Sep core ship, I blew it up didn’t I?” “Yeah but we fought about 7 to 1 and I got a bump the size of a holo disk on my head protecting you. Remember?” “Oppps sorry Fi, I thought you were a geonosion.” Eta and Hannibal laughed. Fi leaped at Eta and would have punched him if General Antilles hadn’t come in and stoped him with a force push. “We have no time for games.” the jedi said, trying to talk calmly “You all ship out in 0500 hours. And I’d like you to be in one piece” They all stood and said, “YES SIR!” at the same time. At the space port they were briefed by captain Prudii while running to get to their TIV they were flying. Prudii noticed Hannibal looked content, he had an e-web, a portable rocket launcher, three sets of grenades, four detpacks, and numerous assortments of odd looking weapons. “Can you carry all that?” he asked, “A little heavy but not bad” Hannibal was straining under the weight. The e-web alone weighed at least 30 kios. He collapsed. They all helped him up and the rest of the squad took separate sections of the e-web. Jr’s comlink beeped, and up popped in blue lieutenant, Ad’en “New objective.” he said, “Trandos have captured all the men in hiding except for lieutenant Pain, he sent a message that the trandos where trying to recreate the virus project DR. Uthan was working on, on Quiilura, that Omega squad stopped. They’re using the clones DNA to recreate the virus and use it on them, we can not let this happen. So your new objective is to find lieutenant Pain, infiltrate the trando base, rescue the clones, and kill all trandos. Over” The glove went dead. “Fierfek, now we can’t do a bombing run even if we wanted to.” Jr said. Prudii interrupted before Jr could speak. “Well at least you have the holocharts of the building." Gamma squad grumbled the rest of the way to the ship. Eta started to say something funny, but stopped when Fi slapped him. Making a niece white mark on Eta’s cheek. Returning from hyperspace over Dagobah they headed for a clearing about 2 klicks from the base. Before they could land they were hit by twin aa blasts. They crashlanded it half a klick from the base! “Fierfek!” They said as one. Fi started “get our gear together now! There will be 20 trandos on us any minute. And Hannibal, set the e-web to self destruct; it’s too much to carry.” Hannibal sighed but did it. They ran… Next time… The Rescue: Part 2 Post stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 This Fic looks promising, but Dogobah is spelt Dagobah and this Thread title, Star wars fic isn't that interesting and you should perhaps PM a Mod to change the title, but that is your choice. Dialogue needs improvement. It is all squashed together in a line and even in books, this never happens. To correct this, make sure that there are only one line of dialogue. For those who have poor eyesight, try splitting the dialogue up, like this. "Well boys it looks like we have another mission," Eta told them, "Lets see, it would have to be at least a battalion of trandos to overrun our boys, that would be about 200 to 1 so. Lets get packing!” (Next bit of dialogue here, for when a new person speaks) Also, said is a boring word to use. I recommend words like shouted, explained, etc. Said should be used as a last resort and not for every bit of speech. For your first Fic this is okay and with a couple of edits, etc, it could become a good Fic. Looking foward to more and since I haven't played or read anything to do with Republic Commando, this will all be new to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fettscommander Posted March 23, 2007 Author Share Posted March 23, 2007 Ok I think I fixed it, but can you tell me how to get a name change?And thanks for the review. Send me a PM with what you want it changed to and I'll do it for you. --Jae Onasi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fettscommander Posted March 23, 2007 Author Share Posted March 23, 2007 The Rescue: Part 2 Jr hit the ground. Yellow tinted blaster bolts flew overhead He turned on his stomach and unleashed a clip into the nearest trando. They were being chased by 12 of the rotten things. Fi and Eta went off to find lieutenant Pain; they were not followed because they snuck away while he and Hannibal distracted the trandos. It was very hard to army crawl in 6” mud, but it was better then being dead. Hannibal flung a grenade at four trandos to his six. “Only five left” he muttered under his breath. Two more down with six more shots. One trando got out a comlink. “GO!” Jr yelled as he got up and twisted his vibro blade into the thing. Hannibal did the same to another, and soon It was quiet again. Jr looked down, he was hit in the chest with a shotgun and it only punctured his armor a centimeter or two. Hannibal saw and knew what he was thinking. “Nice stuff this Katarn II armor is in’it” “very nice” Jr exclaimed, very nice.” Soon they where back with Fi and Eta following a trail of ration cubes. At the end of the trail they found a small cave with a small stone wall around it. “Quaint little abode isn’t it?” Joked Eta. Jr signaled to do a rapid entry and secure maneuver. Fi and Hannibal took the flanks of the entry, Hannibal crouched behind the wall, and Jr went on top of the cave. The signal, they rushed in Jr covering them. Two seconds later they came out with lieutenant Pain. “Why such an obvious trail Pain?” Fi asked. "This is what a trando mercenaries quick build tent looks like.” He replied. “Oh, well, anyway, are you healthy?” “Fit to fight.” “Ok here’s the plan, You Pain and Eta stay here and look out for trandos at the base, the rest of us…" He turned on his holochart of the base. “…will go though the main vent here” He said pointing to the map. “Fi will go to set the prisoners free though this duct and bring them back here, and Hannibal and I will set charges on the building, We must not be found out by any cost understand?” They all nodded “Ok and men, look out for patrols. They know we’re here but don’t know how many or where we are.” “We’ll just say we’re tourists” Eta joked, trying not to laugh. “Ok let’s move out” Next time: The Escape Part 1 Please post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fettscommander Posted August 29, 2007 Author Share Posted August 29, 2007 I'm getting a co-auther Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fettscommander Posted August 30, 2007 Author Share Posted August 30, 2007 The Escape Part 1 “We will never get in that thing” Jr sighed “They have 100 trando guards, 2 foot pure iron walls, and I see anti infantry turrets all over” “Relax” Hannibal said doing something to the ground “All we need to do” He lifted something that looked like a key “Is use this” He put the key in the ground, where a grate was suddenly revealed. “What is that and how did you do that?” Jr asked in disbelief. “It’s the main vent…the one you looked at was a laboratory on corucant…These are the plans to this building” He said showing his glove read out” “Ok well go in” They crawled in and navigated to the prison area. “I see it” Jr said “I—AHHHH Jr fell through the floor right on top of a trando guard. Hannibal hit the ground a second later. “Let’s get to the prison area before somebody see’s us” They took a few steps, when sudenly, a dark figure appeared. With their weapons trained on the cloaked figure, they showed no fear firing at it. With a flick of the wrist, the figure was able to deflect the plasma. With another flick of the wrist, Jr. and Hannibal were sent to the ground, paralyzed. It was then that the figure revealed himself. The figure swayed out of his cloak, revealing metallica legs, sharp horns, and a body tattoo that gave off a pure sense of evil. The figure was indeed a Zabrak. His eyes trained on the two commandos. Then, he let out a sinister laugh... “Why haven’t they called yet?” Fi wondered “They couldn’t be done by now” Pain replied “They could have at least called in…something’s wrong. Something must have captured them” “Could it have been about seven feet tall with a blood stained black cloak and a lightsaber with a color no jedi would carry?” “Why do you ask?” “He’s standing right behind you” “What--- Pains head fell to the ground as the commandos fell unconscious. Next time The escape part 2 Please comment (my partner helped in the making of this story) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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