[fic] [FIC] Never Blind in the Force

[JediMaster12]

More suspense and few grammar and spelling errors far and between.

 

With Atrocious it is nice that you give a bit of insight to his character. Backstory is a good way to get a feel for the characters and make the readers believe what they are reading. With Atrocious' character I was always puzzled by the fact that he hated Cade Skywalker but gave no reason for it. Here you do and it was nicely put together though it was a bit remenicent of Jolee's Exar Kun story but that's what usually happens, apprentice turns on the master. That is the way of the Sith. Of course that one vignette was part of the whole that made Atrocious what he is. I hope there are a few more idle moments to tell his story before he comes around and tries to destroy his old master.

 

The scene with the Empress just adds more suspense because you keep putting off exactly what she wants but you feed us enough to keep us ensnared. "Oh this is a bigger jackpot than when the Emperor figured out the formula for great Star Wars dialogue."

Anyway that scene was well written for suspense purposes.In a way you show the guilibility of young people and their naivete. An adult would have been more suspicios of her motives but you did reveal that she wanted to help the Jedi. Still any adult would keep the notion of suspicion alive in their minds. I am curious to see where thios goes and if Jazck will lead the Sith right to them.

 

The last piece was another wonderful foray into what life is like after someone dies. It brings to light that part of the Jedi code: There is no death, there is the Force... Again it answers some specultation as to what it is like in the Netherworld of the Force. Some would say that the last second was cumbersome in that it really didn't contribute to the plot. It was more of a space filling so to speak. While it did provide some insight it really didn't move the plot forward but just reiterated Lyna's fears for her son. Of course that goes to show that a mother always worries about her offspring but in this case it was a repetition. You stated those fears already there really was no reason to unless she appears to Zane or Cade at a critical moment and says it in the form of a warning. Not saying that you should leave them out all together but maybe work them into the main plot like a manipulation of events so to speak or an observation of some sort.

 

Overall it was very good. You are getting batter at the spelling and grammar errors and the plot seems to be moving along nicely. Keep going.

[SkywalkerRules]

Thanks Rev7 and JediMaster12. I really am getting better with the grammer and spelling errors, am I? Thank you for enjoying it.

 

JediMaster12, thanks for the review. There's a lot to be revealed here. And the story gets even better...

 

Don't worry. I'll continue on the with story still. It's just that I had a lot of homework, Exam tests, and all. But I'll continue. Promise.

[JediMaster12]

That's fine. Usually my rule of thumb is that I have one posted, one waiting and one written. When the written one is finished, I post the waiting one. Nice intervals and gives you time to edit. Also works because I have other obligations. Take your time and the ideas will come.

[Empress Padme]

*sneaks back* had to catch up on my fav star wars fanfic writer. great stuff. I've missed your writing.

[SkywalkerRules]

*sneaks back* had to catch up on my fav star wars fanfic writer. great stuff. I've missed your writing.

 

Aww, Padme! We missed you as well! Good to have you back on LF... *runs to give Padme a big hug*

 

And thanks! But have no fear, I'm still working on it.

[Rev7]

Take your time! Great work takes time.

[SkywalkerRules]

Chapter 22

 

Marasiah sat at the end of the dining table with the five teenaged Jedi and 11-year-old boy, pleased to have a conversation. She began to negotiate.

 

"First off, I was thinking that the Jedi and the Empire would be a great thing to handle with. The Jedi are still with the Galactic Alliance, I know for sure, but I was thinking... what if we all come together, and work for a better Galaxy?"

 

Amora glanced down at the table. Then she glanced back up at the Empress. "You mean... work for peace in the Galaxy... right?"

 

Marasiah nodded in response and smiled.

 

Zane rubbed his chin, and closed his grey eyes. In deep thought, he was thinking that this might be good for the future of the Galaxy. If the GA, the Jedi, and Empire finally came together... there would be no war against each other.

 

Zane finally looked up, and grinned. "Sounds like a good plan to me. What do you guys think?"

 

The others looked at each, and thought about it. Then they smiled. "If Her Highness is willing to bring peace with the GA, the Jedi, and the Empire... I'm in," Rosy said.

 

"That goes for me too," Brock said.

 

"And me," Mordy added.

 

"I'm willing to do the right thing for the Galaxy. Count me in," Amora replied, smiling.

 

Jazk thought about it still. If they all did come together... what will that mean for the Sith? "What... what will that mean for the Sith, your majesty?" he asked worringly.

 

Marasiah looked at Jazk, and smiled warmly. "The Sith... well, the Sith are the common enemies. They only want to kill and destroy anything they want."

 

 

* * *

 

 

The Underworld. Finally, Cade and Morrigan made it. Cade sighed in relief. "Boy. I'm sure glad that's over. In these kinds of elevators, it would take days to get to the Underworld."

 

Morrigan smiled. "I agree. Let's proceed on going to Jool's, shall we?"

 

As the two began to walk through the dark streets, Cade could see a sign in Huttese on top of a building. He grinned. "Rik's Cantina. Jool's old crib."

 

The old Imp agent looked ahead. She smiled as well. "Yep. I see it. Let's go."

 

The two stroded towards the old cantina. When they got there, Cade saw an old friend. It was Jak, the old Nautolan and the club's bouncer. "Jak," Cade greeted.

 

"Cade," Jak greeted, as Cade and Morrigan passed him, and went inside. The cantina haven't changed much. It still had dancers, games, and music in it. The only thing that was changed was that Jool had a dance floor for her customers.

 

Cade whistled. "Jool made a little improvement." He glanced around. "So, uh... where is Jool, anyway?"

 

"Right here, my sweet little Cade!" It was Jool, slithering down the short stairs. "I'm so happy to see you again! It's been a while since I saw my handsome old bounty hunter. And greetings to you, Morrigan Corde."

 

Morrigan bowed with a smile. "Hello, Jool."

 

Cade grinned. "It has been a while, Jool. Glad to see you still. But... I came for a reason. I have to ask you a few questions, regarding my son."

 

"Zane Skywalker?" Jool replied, with a grin.

 

"He was here?! Have you seen him? Where is he?" Cade asked, surprised.

 

Jool waved her hands, and chuckled. "Slow down, sweet Patogga! I'll tell you everything I'll know. Come. Sit at the counter and we'll talk. While we're at it..." she turned to Finn, the old bartender. "Finn, sweetie? Make Cade and Morrigan a drink, please? Their drinks are on the house."

 

"Sure thing, boss," Finn responded, beginning their drinks.

 

Cade and his mother sat at the counter, and turned to Jool. "Okay, Jool... tell me all that you know of my son's whereabouts..."

[Rev7]

Its still alive!?!?

 

Good addition.