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[NSW-Fic] The Twelve Days of Fools and Horses


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Only Fools and Horses

The Twelve Days of Fools and Horses

 

On the first day of Christmas,

Del-Boy sold to me

A Kylie Minogue LP.

 

On the second day of Christmas,

Sid gave to me

Two transvestites,

And a David Bowie LP.

 

On the third day of Christmas,

Roy Slater took from me

Three lovely ladies,

Two transvestites,

And a broken Beatles LP.

 

On the fourth day of Christmas,

Uncle Albert told me

Four market stalls,

Three lovely ladies,

Two transvestites,

And a forgotten Elvis LP.

 

On the fifth day of Christmas,

Rodney said to me

Five forged postcards,

Four market stalls,

Three lovely ladies,

Two transvestites,

And a Johnny Cash LP.

 

On the sixth day of Christmas,

Grandad forgot to say

Six life-sentences,

Five forged postcards,

Four market stalls,

Three lovely ladies,

Two transvestites,

And a banged-up motor from Boycie.

 

On the seventh day of Christmas

The parents-in-law didn’t say

Seven Russian tellies,

Six life-sentences,

Five forged postcards,

Four market stalls,

Three lovely ladies,

Two transvestites,

And an old LP from Denzil.

 

On the eighth day of Christmas

Our significant others didn’t tell us

Eight old cigars,

Seven Russian tellies,

Six life-sentences,

Five forged postcards,

Four market stalls,

Three lovely ladies,

Two transvestites,

And a Bachelor’s LP.

 

On the ninth day of Christmas

Some dealer sold to me

Nine plonkers plonking,

Eight old cigars,

Seven Russian tellies,

Six life-sentences,

Five forged postcards,

Four market stalls,

Three lovely ladies,

Two transvestites,

And an ABBA LP.

 

On the tenth day of Christmas

Some idiots sold to me

Ten Triggers dancing,

Nine plonkers plonking,

Eight old cigars,

Seven Russian tellies,

Six life-sentences,

Five forged postcards,

Four market stalls,

Three lovely ladies,

Two transvestites,

And an LP from the top ten.

 

On the eleventh day of Christmas

An auctioneer sold to me

Eleven eager kids,

Ten Triggers dancing,

Nine plonkers plonking,

Eight old cigars,

Seven Russian tellies,

Six life-sentences,

Five forged postcards,

Four market stalls,

Three lovely ladies,

Two transvestites,

And the same bloody LPs as before.

 

On the twelfth day of Christmas

John Sullivan gave to me,

Twelve phoney watches,

Eleven eager kids,

Ten Triggers dancing,

Nine plonkers plonking,

Eight old cigars,

Seven Russian tellies,

Six life-sentences,

Five forged postcards,

Four market stalls,

Three lovely ladies,

Two transvestites,

And an Only Fools and Horses collection.

 

Merry Christmas everybody and a Happy New Year

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