Darth Kalverys Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 * Writer's note... The word Bane in the title means Misery... so Lucifer's Misery Notice: This is a Christian Fiction... Also... this may scare you... so I am in no way liable for any peeing of the pants... ^_^ --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "There are three of us... we are God's children... the chosen few that keep the balance between the darkness and the light. We serve our Lord and Savior... there are the others... the one's who serve the one who's goal is to destroy and demolish." -Rueben Shan Lucifer's Bane: The Night of Reckoning Prologue "THEM! I WANT them!" A figure in a black hooded robe said, pointing to three small children. "Of course, milord." A tall blonde boy replied, bowing to the hooded man. The blonde boy bore a similar robe to his companion, except his hood was down... revealing his perfect features, and his bright, blood thirsty, red eyes. "Go Chris... get them... mark them, BRING them to me!" The man in the dark robe said. "Yes milord..." The tall boy, Chris, said slowly. Chris quickly threw his robe to the ground, underneath the robe he was wearing a Slipknot shirt, a pair of blue jeans, and a pair of vibrant green tennis shoes. "PAIN... DEATH... DESTRUCTION!" Chris mumbled to himself, as he approached the children. His eye color transformed into a bright blue, instead of the blood red that they had been only moments ago. He quickly lost height and his clothes shrank with him, his voice began to get shrilly and childish. "HI! I'm Chris..." Chris said, cheerfully. "I'm new in town... my mommy told me that I need to make some new friends." The three kids looked at the new comer. Chris observed that there were two girls and one little boy. Poor guy... I know what it's like to have an older sister that forces you to play with her and her dolls. He said to himself. "H... h... h... hi." One girl stuttered, she was a very cute little girl with short brunnett hair that she had tied up in pig tails... she also wore a pair of wire rimmed glasses. "You wanna play too?" The little boy said, hopefully. Maybe the two of us could overthrow the girly toys and we all play hide and seek maybe. The little boy's face read, or at least that's how Chris interpreted it. "SURE! But... ummmm... do you think we could play hide and seek?" Chris asked. "But there's no place to hide." The last girl said. This girl wasn't a very cute kid, she had golden brown hair with freckles dotting all over her face... she was wearing make-up as well, that she had just caked on to her face. "Don't worry about that... I know where this wonderful park is... it's just through that alley over there... we could go to the park." Chris said. "My mommy will be with us..." "OK! That sounds like fun!" The little boy said, standing up. "YAY!" Chris replied. He turned around and rolled his eyes. Ignorant brats... he said to himself. Chris led the three kids into the alley, then darted away and transformed back into his older self. Chris snuck up on the kids and shoved them into a large black sack that Lucifer, the man in the black hood, had left for him. He dragged them to his car and took off, headed deep into the woods, where their lair was hidden away from prying eyes. When he pulled up to their blood stained alter, Satan himself appeared by his car door. "Do you have them?" The fallen angel asked. "Of course, my master." Chris replied, pulling his hood up and covering his face. "Do you think I would fail you? Have I ever failed you?" "No... otherwise you wouldn't be here right now! You'd be spending the rest of your life... eternal and mortal... in my domain, in the place HE thrust me into, in HELL!" The beautiful angel replied, his face darkening to meet the truth behind him. His skin burned away, his hair faded till it was the darkest black, his eye sockets filled with fire instead of eyeballs. "Prepare them for the Marking... I will do it personally, as I did with yours." "Of course, my lord." Chris said, smiling. His smile would make any mortal man, aligned with the light or neutral, shock into coma, but his venomous smile had no effect on the darkened souls of the cult members that surrounded him and his master... Lucifer. His blood red eyes were ready for the carnage... his throat was burning to drink the blood of the one slain. "This will be fun." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rev7 Posted February 2, 2008 Share Posted February 2, 2008 Very interesting fic. Is this a short fic? There is only one question that I have. Aren't Lucifer and Satan the, I guess person? Other than that, good job! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Kalverys Posted February 2, 2008 Author Share Posted February 2, 2008 Heh... I can't believe someone actually replied to this. This thing is so old... I haven't even written the second chapter yet. Which I probably need to do. But I keep finding something wrong with the Prologue and first chapter, so I go back and re-write them. But to answer your question (I think), yes, Satan and Lucifer are the same people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Catto Posted February 2, 2008 Share Posted February 2, 2008 I didn't see this thread otherwise I would have replied sooner! This is really a concept that I can relate to (not the whole, uhm .. Satan, or child of Satan and .. stuff ... but the idealistic side of it) I would really like to see where this story goes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Kalverys Posted February 2, 2008 Author Share Posted February 2, 2008 Heh... here's the new Prologue (that will probably change in a few days though) Prologue "THEM! I WANT them!" a tall dark figure said, pointing to three small children. His face was covered in the blackest shadow anyone could have ever seen, the man wore a plain black robe. “Ahhh… look, their parents are going back in the house… it’s the perfect time to act!” "Of course, milord," a tall blond boy replied, bowing to the man. The blond boy wore a black hooded robe, but his hood was down. Without the hood up, his perfect features were revealed. However, with the hood down it revealed the one thing in contrast to his perfect face… his bright, bloodthirsty red eyes. "Go, Chris... get them... mark them, BRING them to me!" The man said impatiently. "Yes milord…" the tall boy, Chris, said slowly. Chris quickly threw his robe to the ground, underneath he was wearing a Slipknot shirt, a pair of blue jeans, and a pair of vibrant green tennis shoes. Chris mumbled a few ancient words that very few people knew to himself as he approached the children. His eye color transformed into a bright blue, instead of the blood red that they had been only moments ago. He quickly lost height and his clothes shrank with him, his voice began to get shrilly and childish. "HI! I'm Chris..." he said, cheerfully. "I'm new in town... my mommy told me that I need to make some new friends." The three kids looked at the newcomer. Chris observed that there were two girls and one little boy. Poor guy... I know what it's like to have an older sister that forces you to play with her and her dolls. He said to himself. "H... h... h... hi." One girl stuttered. She was a very cute little girl with short brunette hair that she had tied up in pig tails... she also wore a pair of wire rimmed glasses. "You wanna play too?" the little boy asked, hopefully. Maybe the two of us could overthrow the girly toys and we all play hide and seek maybe, the little boy's face seemed to say. "SURE! But... ummmm... do you think we could play hide and seek?" Chris asked. "But there's no place to hide." The last girl said. This girl wasn't a very cute kid; she had golden brown hair with freckles dotting all over her face... she was wearing make-up as well, that she had just caked on to her face. "Don't worry about that... I know where this wonderful park is... it's just through that alley over there... we could go to the park." Chris said. "My mommy will be with us..." "OK! That sounds like fun!" The little boy said, standing up. "YAY!" Chris replied. He turned around and rolled his eyes. Ignorant brats... he said to himself. Chris led the three kids into the alley, then darted away and transformed back into his older self. Chris snuck up on the kids and shoved them into a large black sack that Lucifer, the man in the black robe, had left for him. He dragged them to his car and took off, headed deep into the woods, where their lair was hidden away from prying eyes. When he pulled up to their blood stained alter, Satan himself appeared by his car door. The dark angel had long flowing beautiful blond hair, just like any other angel of God had. His eyes were a strange shade of gray, his face and features flawless. The dark lord, Lucifer, wore a stainless white robe, trimmed with shining gold that could only be found behind the pearly gates of Heaven. A bright yellow halo hovered over his head, and a set of wings were attached to the inhumanly strengthened body. The wings a texture of sky blue and white mixed together. "Do you have them?" The fallen angel asked. "Of course, my master." Chris replied, pulling his hood up and covering his face. "Do you think I would fail you? Have I ever failed you?" "No... otherwise you wouldn't be here right now! You'd be spending the rest of your life... eternal and mortal... in my domain, in the place that HE thrust me into, in HELL!" The beautiful angel replied, his face darkened to meet the truth behind him. His skin melted away, his hair faded till it was the darkest black, his eye sockets filled with fire instead of two eyeballs. His robe turned the darkest of all blacks, and the golden trimming turned into blood. His halo disappeared and a set of horns sprouted from his skull, and the wings turned an ashen black before disappearing altogether. "Prepare them for the Marking... I will do it personally, as I did with yours." "Of course, my lord." Chris said, smiling. His smile would make any mortal man, aligned with the light or neutral, shock into coma, but his venomous smile had no effect on the darkened souls of the cult members that surrounded him and his master. His blood red eyes were ready for the carnage... his throat was burning to drink the blood of the one to be slain. "This will be fun." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rev7 Posted February 2, 2008 Share Posted February 2, 2008 Good remake! There is one thing though... [align=center]"The dark angel had long flowing beautiful blond hair, just like any other angel of God had."[/align] Lucifer (Satan) was the most beautiful angel in Heaven, not like any other angel. Minor thing though. Great job and keep up the good work! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Kalverys Posted February 3, 2008 Author Share Posted February 3, 2008 Meh... Chapter 1 ain't too great imo... I've got chapter 2 written though, I'l release it when I get chapter 3 written... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 1 The three teenagers sat on their couch, they had moved in together ever since their parents had mysteriously disappeared... the taller boy on the right side, the tall boy in the center, and finally the shortest one in the group a girl on the left. The three of them had created an organization known as Lucifer's Bane... their main goal was to oppose Satan and his followers, and to spread the word of God. The Lord had come to each one of them and requested that they meet each other and forge an alliance with each other, there is power in numbers after all. Then there were the others, the one's whom they fought. A Satanic cult that went by the name of Satan's Patrons, rumor had it that Lucifer himself was aiding his followers. Every now and again, the cult would lash out and outright attack Lucifer's Bane, but here recently they've been focused on stealing children from their homes and turning them into their mindless drones. However, they would wait about a year before kidnapping a new kid or kids, but that too was changing. The taller boy had light brown shaggy hair with a bright amber colored eyes set into his handsome features, his name was Brian Robinson, he had just turned 16 on November the 20th. Nearly every girl at school wanted to get to know him and be his girlfriend, but there was of course only one girl he was interested in. They had gone to the same church for as long as the church had been alive, and her name was RayDawn. The not so tall girl on the end had black hair and had a deep set brown colored eyes, she looked like a natural born Native American. People would have believed that she was, had her parents not come from Russia. The girl's name was Shelley Tener, Shelley had only just turned 15 the previous month, in November. Then finally the boy in the center, he was about 15, soon to be 16. He had near shaggy dark brown hair with a set of odd eyes, they changed colors on him everyday... one day he'd wake up and they were gray, and by the end of the day they'd be shining bright blue or a brilliant Green. He wasn't near as handsome as Brian, but because of his friend, nearly every girl in school was trying to follow him home... his name was Rueben Shan. "Great, they're at it... again. Look here... three young kids have just mysteriously disappeared, without a trace." Rueben said, watching the TV. Brian, who was staring out the window, looked directly at Rueben then averted his gaze to the TV... while Shelley who was staring at Rueben in the first place turned a bright red and looked at the TV, when Rueben smiled at her. Rueben and Brian both sighed at the same time then looked at each other. "This has got to stop... we've got to do something." Brian said. "There is nothing we can do right now... except confront them at school." Rueben said, shrugging. "Besides, I never expected them to retaliate this quickly. It's only been about five months since the last..." He hesitated and searched vaguely for the right word. "Abduction." "I suppose... but still we could try-" Brian started. "Those poor kids will already be marked by that time." Rueben replied, sadly. Rueben and Brian locked eye contact and used facial expressions to express themselves. Rueben shook his head vigorously and Brian hung his head, ashamed that they could do nothing at this point in the process. "Maybe there is... I remember... he said something about it." Shelley said. Rueben and Brian both gave Shelley a strange look. "Ok... so I went out this guy once who was part of it... I didn't know he was until after we broke up." Shelley said. "Well okay... he told me everything, and then I broke up with him... he wanted me to join it. He said something about a ceremony. Two days after they were 'kidnapped,' it is a very strange process... but they shan't be marked until then." "Then we have a little time, but not much... we MUST hurry." Brian said, in a frenzied voice. "I agree..." Rueben replied. "They leave a nasty after taste..." "For their VICTIMS!" Shelley replied. "Especially the ones that they... well you know, kill." Brian finished. "Let's go, before they have the chance to do anything to anybody." The three friends grabbed their jackets, along with their bibles, and hurried out the door to find the bane of their existence, Lucifer's right hand cult... Satan's Patrons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rev7 Posted February 3, 2008 Share Posted February 3, 2008 Very interesting, nice integration with your username. I didn't think that the chapter was bad, although you used shaggy several times, but that is okay. Good work, and keep writing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Kalverys Posted February 3, 2008 Author Share Posted February 3, 2008 Well... I considered using my real name, but then decided to use the name that several people know me as... on this forum and even at school, people call me Rueben Shan. They used to call me Jasper Hale, but that got on my nerves... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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