Hawkstrong16 Posted December 29, 2008 Share Posted December 29, 2008 My second fanfic. Please be kind. Leave your thoughts please, and helpful hits are always welcome. EDIT: Thank you to Rev7 for telling me to space it, I hope it makes things much easier to read. And to Chevron 7 Locke for pointing out a misspelled word, that has been fixed Enjoy! This short story takes place just after Star Wars episode 3 during a senate meeting. When the former Jedi Knight Carter attempts to destroy the emperor. Death Of A Jedi Carter walked in to the senate chambers wearing the old style of clone trooper armor; it was scorched from multiple explosions hitting it all at once. It was a wonder the man inside at been able to survive, but he had; just barely. He was standing on one of the highest platforms holding a blaster rifle and looking vary grim. With a single thought Carter used the force to pull the fire alarm. And as the different senators began filing out he took aim for one man in particular. The man he was aiming for was standing on the center podium; he wore a long hooded clock to conceal his deformed fetchers. It was the Emperor Palpatine. And with one fluid movement Carter pulled the trigger three times, each shot moving straight for the Emperor’s head. The Emperor drew a red lightsaber from seemingly no where and deflected the shots. Just in time for Carter to draw his own green blade and; drawing on the force to assist, he jumped feet first at the Emperor. He landed with a thud on the center podium and their lightsabers clashed. “You have caused much death. My Lord!” Carter spat at Palpatine, his eyes a fire with carefully controlled anger. Their lightsabers danced back and forth as they fought. Carter was swinging wildly and without form, delivering blows with bone crushing force. He jumped back and forth on the small podium before finally jumping to one of the floating platforms to the side of where they were fighter. Carter moved the platform up and away, deactivating his lightsaber as he did so. “You are brave young Jedi,” Palpatine said coolly, jumping to his own floating platform to follow Carter. “And you are foolish to think that you could ever hope to beat me. It is I who defeated the Jedi Masters Mace Windu and Yoda, among others of course. You are but a child with a toy compared to my powers!” “Because you’re not full of yourself or anything,” Carter said sarcastically. “Really I thought you would be just a little less confident seeing as how I got in here and attacked you with out you’re knowing about it. Very clumsy on your part.” By this time Palatine had his platform hovering even with Carter’s at a distance of about 4ft. “What is it you came here to do, young Jedi?” The Emperor asked “Sorry no Jedi here,” Carter said with and evil grin. “Just a man with a lightsaber and in a Very bad mood.” And with that Cater ignited his lightsaber and jumped at Palpatine with every intention of ending the whole thing right there. But Palpatine had other plans. He shot a bolt of lightning at Carter; who then flew backwards. Falling towards the bottom of the senate chambers, Carter was able to slow himself with the force enough to grab a hold of the center podium. Carter then started jumping back up. One platform at a time. The Emperor began throwing the other platforms at Carter with the force. He was dodging them the best he could be he couldn’t keep it up for long. Carter reached the same level as Palpatine and jumped on to the same platform Palpatine was on. Holding his bright green blade to the Emperors neck. “What was that you were saying about defeating me?” Carter asked Without warning a strong farce blast sent Carter flying off the platform. His lightsaber flew from his hand and he fell. Carter bounced off of the broken platforms. When Carter finally hit the floor he coughed a deep cough from his chest, and he spat blood, he knew his ribs had broken and punctured vital organs. He was dead, plain and simple. It was time for him to become one with the force. He stood with a grunt as the Emperor Palpatine landed a few feet away his lightsaber ablaze. Well…” Carter coughed up more blood. “You’ve won for now, but mark my words you will be defeated one day. And the Jedi shall come again. Carter called his lightsaber to him and ignited it, the green blade shining proudly. And he drew him self up straight and held the lightsaber directly in front of himself. And Emperor Palpatine swung his red lightsaber threw Carters middle, laughing. Carter disappeared in to thin air leaving only a shell of empty armor and a ringing laugh that said*I've beat you, by killing me you bent to my will* and that laugh filled the senate chambers. Carter had become one with the force. And was at peace. End. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chevron 7 locke Posted December 29, 2008 Share Posted December 29, 2008 I thought this was pretty good. The only mistake I saw was that you spelled the word "very" wrong. It should be very instead of vary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hawkstrong16 Posted December 29, 2008 Author Share Posted December 29, 2008 Thank you Chevron 7 locke! I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for pointing that out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rev7 Posted December 29, 2008 Share Posted December 29, 2008 Yeah, it wasn't bad at all, though it mirrored ROTS. Wasn't bad at all. You could have spaced more: Show spoiler (hidden content - requires Javascript to show) Well…” Carter coughed up more blood. “You’ve won for now, but mark my words you will be defeated one day. And the Jedi shall come again. Carter called his lightsaber to him and ignited it, the green blade shining proudly. And he drew him self up straight and held the lightsaber directly in front of himself. And Emperor Palpatine swung his red lightsaber threw Carters middle, laughing. Carter disappeared in to thin air leaving only a shell of empty armor and a ringing laugh that said*I've beat you, by killing me you bent to my will* and that laugh filled the senate chambers. Carter had become one with the force. And was at peace. It just makes it easier to read. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hawkstrong16 Posted December 29, 2008 Author Share Posted December 29, 2008 Thanks for the review Rev7. My original idea hadn't been to mirror ROTS but thats how it turned out. The idea for one of the last Jedi fighting the Emperor and or Vader had been floating around in my head for some time. and when I got around to writing something about it it turned out like ROTS. I'm young I'll learn As for the spacing. It had been spaced when I wrote it, but when I copy/pasted from MS word it did something weird. Before I posted it was spaced nicely. And I was really tired of looking at the computer to try and fix it. I shouldn't be so careless....Oh well that's how I am. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rev7 Posted December 29, 2008 Share Posted December 29, 2008 Ya, I understand what you mean. I look forward to reading more from you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hawkstrong16 Posted December 29, 2008 Author Share Posted December 29, 2008 I look forward to reading more from you! Never thought I'd hear that. Now I need to come up with ideas.............lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 read; and the words is features. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
knight 12167 Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 cool Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordOfTheFish Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 I thought for only a second fic it was great! The descriptions seemed good. I agree with Rev that it mirrored ROTS, but that's OK. The one suggestion I'll make to you is re-read it yourself, or better yet, proof-read it before posting to the best of your ability's. You'd be quite surprised some of the elementary errors you make while typing, but don't think I'm criticizing you, we all do this. Nothing I saw was bad, just a few letters and words such as "the", "a", "he" were left out every here and there. But I thought it was a very good story. I look forward to more of you work! Cheers, -Fish- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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