Guest Lord Tirion Posted October 26, 2001 Share Posted October 26, 2001 A long time ago, in a cyberspace near, near, here... It is a period of pk war. Rebel spaceships, striking from a hidden firewall, have won their first victory against the evil Galactic PK Dewds. During the battle, Rebel kids managed to steal Vader's lunch money and the secret plans to the Empire's ultimate weapon, the Death Round Thingie, an enormous vending machine with enough power to destroy an entire cow. Pursued by the Empire's meanie bad dewds, Princess Leia races home in her '69 Corvette, custodian of the stolen lunch money that can save her people and restore freedom to cyber space... The awesome yellow planet of Tatooonmybutt emerges from a total eclipse, her two moons glowing against the darkness. A tiny silver '69 corvette, a Rebel Blockade Runner firing lasers from the back of the mufflers, races through space. It is pursed by a giant Imperial Land Cruiser. Hundreds of deadly laserbolts streak from the Imperial Land Cruiser, causing the main solar spoiler of the Rebel car to disintegrate. To be continued... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Khameir_Sarin Posted October 26, 2001 Share Posted October 26, 2001 hahahahahaha:laughing: - Now who took my lunch money!? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hannibalscipio Posted October 26, 2001 Share Posted October 26, 2001 GO NEXSIS! GO NEXSIS! That rocks! I eagerly await the next section. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lord Tirion Posted October 26, 2001 Share Posted October 26, 2001 INTERIOR: REBEL '69 Corvette -- MAIN PASSAGEWAY. An explosion rocks the car as two robots, R2-D2 C-3PO struggle to make their way through the shaking, bouncing passageway. THREEPIO: Did you hear that? R2D2: Beep THREEPIO: No I did not fart! There'll be no escape for the Princess this time. Tension mounts asloud metallic latches clank and the scream of heavy equipment are heard moving around the outside hull of the car. THREEPIO: What's that? EXTERIOR: SPACECRAFT IN SPACE. The Imperial craft has easily overtaken the Rebel '69 Corvette. The smaller Rebel car is being drawn into the underside dock of the giant Imperial Land Cruiser. INTERIOR: '69 CORVETTE. The nervous Rebel kids aim their water balloons. Suddenly a tremendous blast opens up a hole in the main passageway and a score of fearsome armored spacesuited stormtroopers make their way into the smoke-filled corridor. In a few minutes the entire passageway is ablaze with laserfire and water. Stormtroopers scatter and duck behind storage lockers as pieces of deadly balloon explode by them. Laserbolts hit several Rebel kids who scream and stagger through the smoke, holding shattered arms and faces. An explosion hits near the robots. THREEPIO: I should have known better than to join the Rebels. We ***xor! R2D2: Beep! INTERIOR: REBEL '69 CORVETTE -- MAIN HALLWAY. The awesome, seven-foot-tall Dark Lord of the Sandwich makes his way into the blinding light of the main passageway. This is Darth Vader, right hand of the Emperor. His face is obscured by his flowing black robes and grotesque breath mask, which stands out next to the fascist white armored suits of the Imperial stormtroopers. Everyone instinctively backs away from the imposing warrior and a deathly quiet sweeps through the Rebel kids. Several of the Rebel kids break and run in a frenzied panic not wanting to give back Vader his lunch money. INTERIOR: REBEL '69 CORVETTE. A woman's hand puts a card into an opening in Artoo's dome. R2D2: Beep! Woman: No I will not touch you down there you pervert! INTERIOR: '69 CORVERT. Threepio stands in a hallway, somewhat bewildered. Artoo is nowhere in sight. The pitiful screams of the doomed Rebel kids can be heard in the distance. THREEPIO: Artoo! Artoo-Detoo, where are you? A familiar clanking sound attacks Threepio's attention and he spots little Artoo at the end of the hallway in a smoke-filled alcove. A beautiful young girl (about sixteen years old) stands in front of Artoo. Surreal and out of place, dreamlike and half hidden in the smoke, she finishes adjusting something on Artoo's computer face, then watches as the little robot joins his companion. R2D2: Beep? Woman: I said no dammit! THREEPIO: At last! Where have you been? Stormtroopers can be heard battling in the distance. THREEPIO: They're heading in this direction. What are we going to do? We'll be sent to the spice mine of Kessel or smashed into who knows what! Artoo scoots past his bronze friend and races down the subhallway. Threepio chases after him. THREEPIO: Wait a minute, where are you going? R2D2: Beep! INTERIOR: REBEL '69 CORVETTE. The evil Darth Vader stands amid the broken and twisted bodies of his foes. He grabs a wounded Rebel kid by the neck as an Imperial Officer rushes up to the Dark Lord. IMPERIAL OFFICER: Your lunch money is not in any of their pockets and their Death Round Thingie plans are not in the main computer. Vader squeezes the neck of the Rebel kid, who struggles in vain. VADER: Where is my lunch money you stole? Vader lifts the Rebel off his feet by his throat. VADER: What have you done with my money *****? I'm hungry! REBEL KID: We did not take your lunch money! This is a racing car. We are not allowed any food in it! VADER: If this is a racing car then where is the spoiler? REBEL KID: You blew it off you dork! VADER: Oh yeah... The Rebel refuses to speak but eventually cries out as the Dark Lord begins to squeeze the kid's throat, creating a gruesome snapping and choking, until the soldier goes limp. Vader tosses the dead soldier against the wall and turns to his troops. VADER: Commander, tear this ship apart until you've found my lunch money I want my damn fries! The stormtroopers scurry into the subhallways. To be continued.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth_Rommel Posted October 26, 2001 Share Posted October 26, 2001 You have a gift, Tirion... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Darth G Posted October 26, 2001 Share Posted October 26, 2001 u'll really funny, man... bring more on man... u shld publish this stuff on someone's site:D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lord Tirion Posted October 26, 2001 Share Posted October 26, 2001 Sometimes I wonder just how few of us have a sense of humor on these boards =P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darthfergie Posted October 26, 2001 Share Posted October 26, 2001 Water ballons vs. Lasers...who will win:D LOL I agree Tirion you should Publish a book or something You have seen Sports follies...Listened to the follies of commanders and their armies...well now there is another folly...Star Wars Follies written by the unknown author named Tirion...COMING TO A STORE NEAR YOU we are not responsible if you brain explodes from large amounts of laughter. You should not read this book if you have heart trouble or problems with your lungs. This book has many harmful side effects such as reading and insite into Tirion's mind. This is not liscensed by Lucasarts so please don't sue us. The unknown publisher Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lord Tirion Posted October 27, 2001 Share Posted October 27, 2001 I am already just about done with my first fantasy novel as we speak. I hate 9-5 jobs and offices. I want to be a writer =P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Luke Skywalker Posted October 27, 2001 Share Posted October 27, 2001 And that conludes another fabulous story telling time with Tirion. You should write childrens book Tirion. j/k. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lord Tirion Posted October 27, 2001 Share Posted October 27, 2001 INTERIOR: REBEL ‘69 CORVETTE-- SUBHALLWAY. The lovely young girl huddles in a small alcove as the stormtroopers search through the car. She is Princess Leia Organa, a member of the Alderaan Senate, and member of the Lunch Money Stealing Foundation. The fear in her eyes slowly gives way to anger as the muted crushing sounds of the approaching stormtroopers grow louder. One of the troopers spots her. TROOPER: There she is! TROOPER2: Look at the size of her... TROOPER: Shaddup newb! Set for stun! Leia steps from her hiding place and pk's a trooper with her laser pistol. She starts to run but is felled by a paralyzing ray. TROOPER3: Haha! I owned joo newb! The troopers inspect her inert body. TROOPER2: Think I can touch her... TROOPER pks TROOPER2. TROOPER: She'll be all right. Inform Lord Vader we have a prisoner but still not his lunch money. INTERIOR: REBEL ‘69 CORVETTE-- SUBHALLWAY. Artoo stops before the small hatch of an emergency lifepod. He snaps the seal on the main latch and a red warning light begins to flash. R2D2: Beep? THREEPIO: Na, I dont think the GM's caught you hacking cheats. The stubby astro-robot works his way into the cramped four-man pod. THREEPIO: Hey, you're not permitted in there. It's restricted. You'll still an newb and not uber enough! You will be deactivated for sure.. R2D2: Beep! THREEPIO: Don't call me a noob!, you overweight glob of Viper fodder! Now come out before somebody sees you. Artoo whistles something at his reluctant friend regarding the mission he is about to perform. THREEPIO: Secret mission? What lunch money? What are you talking about? I'm not getting in there! Artoo isn't happy with Threepio's stubbornness, and he beeps and twangs angrily. A new explosion, this time very close, sends dust and debris through the narrow subhallway. Flames lick at Threepio and, after a flurry of electronic swearing from Artoo, the lanky robot jumps into the lifepod. THREEPIO: I'm going to regret this. INTERIOR: IMPERIAL LAND CRUISER. On the main viewscreen, the lifepod carrying the two terrified robots speeds away from the stricken Rebel car. CHIEF PILOT: There goes another one. I'm gonna pk its arse! CAPTAIN: Hold your fire ya boob. There are no life forms. It must have been short-circuited. Fooking developers. Think they would have worked out all the bugs by now... sigh INTERIOR: LIFEPOD. Artoo and Threepio look out at the receding Imperial Land Cruiser. Stars circle as the pod rotates through the galaxy. THREEPIO: That's funny, your butt doesn't look as big from out here. R2D2: Beep! THREEPIO: Shut up newb. Are you sure this things safe? To be continued... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darthfergie Posted October 27, 2001 Share Posted October 27, 2001 LOL:D Keep it up Tirion... Don't call me a noob!, you overweight glob of Viper fodder! Now come out before somebody sees you VIPER FODDER LOL!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EndSub Posted October 27, 2001 Share Posted October 27, 2001 ROTFLMAO! Viper Fodder.....hehe...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lord Tirion Posted October 27, 2001 Share Posted October 27, 2001 INTERIOR: REBEL ‘69 CORVETTE-- HALLWAY Princess Leia is led down a low-ceilinged hallway by a squad of armored stormtroopers as they continously pinch her butt. Her hands are bound and she is brutally shoved when she is unable to keep up with the briskly marching troops. They stop in a smoky hallway as Darth Vader emerges from the shadows. The sinister Dark Lord stares hard at the frail young senator, but she doesn't move. LEIA: Lord Vader, I should have known. Only you could be so uber. The Imperial Senate will not sit for this, when they hear you've attacked my roxxoring corvette ... VADER: Don't play games with me, Your Hiney. LEIA: Thats Your Highness spank you very much! VADER: You weren't on any mercy mission this time. You passed directly through a restricted lunch zone. Several transmissions were beamed to this car by Rebel spies. I want to know what happened to my lunch money they sent you. LEIA: I don't know what you're talking about. I'm a member of the Imperial Senate on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan and I always bring my own lunch money... VADER: You're a part of the noobie Rebel Alliance...and a traitor...and a thief! You took my damn lunch money! Take her away! Leia is marched away down the hallway and into the smoldering hole blasted in the side of the car. An Imperial Commander turns to Vader. COMMANDER: Holding her is dangerous. If word of this gets out, it could generate sympathy for the Rebellion in the senate. They already ***xor as it is! VADER: I have traced the Rebel spies to her. Now she is my only link to find my lunch money! COMMANDER: She'll die before she gives you it back. VADER: Leave that to me. Send a distress signal and then inform the senate that all aboard were killed when they hit some roadkill and spun off and crashed into a nearby star! Another Imperial Officer approaches Vader and the Commander. They stop and snap to attention. SECOND OFFICER: Lord Vader, your lunch money is not aboard this ship! And no transmissions were made. An escape pod was jettisoned during the fighting, but no life forms were aboard. Vader turns to the Commander. VADER: She must have hidden my fooking lunch money in the escape pod. Send a detachment down to retrieve it. See to it personally, Commander. There'll be no one to stop me from getting my lunch money this time. COMMANDER: Yes, sir. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lord Tirion Posted October 27, 2001 Share Posted October 27, 2001 I'll try to write a new installment tonight for you guys, wont be home till late =) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darthfergie Posted October 27, 2001 Share Posted October 27, 2001 LOL:D Send a distress signal and then inform the senate that all aboard were killed when they hit some roadkill and spun off and crashed into a nearby star! Space Road Kill *LOL* I can only imagine what that could be:D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hannibalscipio Posted October 28, 2001 Share Posted October 28, 2001 You should get a multi-million $ deal to do this, man. You're a genius! Put me in somewhere! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darthfergie Posted October 28, 2001 Share Posted October 28, 2001 Bump... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Fergie Posted October 28, 2001 Share Posted October 28, 2001 THIS IS GREAT STUFF TIRION!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silenthunter Posted October 28, 2001 Share Posted October 28, 2001 Now that's quality! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lord Tirion Posted October 28, 2001 Share Posted October 28, 2001 EXTERIOR: SPACE. The Imperial Land Cruiser comes over the surface of the planet Tatooonmybutt. EXTERIOR: TATOOONMYBUTT -- DESERT. Jundland, or "No Man's Land", where the rugged desert mesas meet the foreboding dune sea. The two helpless astro-droids kick up clouds of sand as they leave the lifepod and clumsily work their way across the desert wasteland. The lifepod in the distance rests half buried in the sand. THREEPIO: How did I get into this mess? You're a fooking tart! Thats the last time I listen to you noob! It's our lot in life. R2D2: Beep! THREEPIO: Oh yeah? Well you can go beep yourself too! Now I've got to rest before I fall apart. My joints are almost frozen. R2D2: Beep! THREEPIO: You can kiss my brass arse too! Suddenly Artoo whistles, makes a sharp right turn and starts off in the direction of the rocky desert mesas. Threepio stops and yells at him. THREEPIO: Where are you going? A stream of electronic noises pours forth from the small robot. THREEPIO: Well, I'm not going that way. It's much too rocky. This way is much easier. Artoo counters with a long whistle. THREEPIO: What makes you think there are settlements over there? Your sensors ***xor! Artoo continues to make beeping sounds. THREEPIO: Don't get technical with me. Artoo continues to make beeping sounds. THREEPIO: What lunch money? What are you talking about? I've had just about enough of you! Go that way! You'll be malfunctioning within a day, you nearsighted Viper fodder! Threepio gives the little robot a kick and starts off in the direction of the vast dune sea. THREEPIO: And don't let me catch you following me begging for help, because you won't get it. I hate noob beggars asking for uber lewt! Artoo's reply is a rather rude sound. He turns and trudges off in the direction of the towering mesas. THREEPIO: No more adventures. I'm not going that way. And I dont give a DAMN about somebody's lunch money! Artoo beeps to himself as he makes his way toward the distant mountains. EXTERIOR: TATOOONMYBUTT -- DUNE SEA. Threepio, hot and tired, struggles up over the ridge of a dune; only to find more dunes, which seem to go on for endless miles. He looks back in the direction of the now distant rock mesas while realizing he just stepped in a huge pile of bantha fodder. THREEPIO: That malfunctioning little twerp. This is all his fault! He tricked me into going this way, but he'll do no better. I hope he rolls into a huge pile of sheet as well! In a huff of anger and frustration, Threepio knocks the sand from his joints while wiping the crap off his foot. His plight seems hopeless, when a glint of reflected light in the distance reveals an object moving towards him. THREEPIO: Wait, what's that? A transport! I'm saved! The bronze android waves frantically and yells at the approaching transport. THREEPIO: Over here dorks! Help! I know you see me! Get your fargin arses over here and help me! EXTERIOR: TATOOONMYBUTT -- ROCK CANYON -- SUNSET. The gargantuan rock formations are shrouded in a strange foreboding mist and the onimous sounds of unearthly creatures fill the air. Artoo moves cautiously through the creepy rock canyon, inadvertently making a loud clicking noise as he goes. He hears a distant, hard, metallic sound and stops for a moment. Convinced he is alone, he continues on his way. In the distance, a pepple tumbles down the steep canyon wall and a small dark figure darts into the shadows. A little further up the canyon a slight flicker of light reveals a pair of eyes in the dark recesses only a few feet from the narrow path. The unsuspecting robot waddles along the rugged trail until suddenly, out of nowhere, a powerful magnetic ray shoots out of the rocks and engulfs him in an eerie glow. JAWA_darthfergie: Haha! I owned joo noob! R2D2 manages one short electronic squeak and to give darthfergie the bird before he topples over onto his back. His bright computer lights flicker off, then on, then off again. Out of the rocks scurry three Jawas, no taller than Artoo. They holster strange and complex weapons as they cautiously approach the robot. They wear grubby cloaks and their faces are shrouded so only their glowing eyes can be seen. They hiss and make odd guttural sounds as they heave the heavy robot onto their shoulders and carry him off down the trail. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JEDI_MASTA Posted October 28, 2001 Share Posted October 28, 2001 Hillarious man Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silenthunter Posted October 28, 2001 Share Posted October 28, 2001 ROFL! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darthfergie Posted October 29, 2001 Share Posted October 29, 2001 LOL!!! JAWA_darthfergie: Haha! I owned joo noob! R2D2 manages one short electronic squeak and to give darthfergie the bird before he topples over onto his back. ROTFL!!! ROTFL!!! ROTFL!!! ROTFL!!! ROTFL!!! ROTFL!!! ROTFL!!! ROTFL!!! ROTFL!!! ROTFL!!! ROTFL!!! ROTFL!!! ROTFL!!! ROTFL!!! ROTFL!!! ROTFL!!! ROTFL!!! ROTFL!!! :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lord Tirion Posted October 29, 2001 Share Posted October 29, 2001 EXTERIOR: TATOOONMYBUTT -- ROCK CANYON -- SANDCRAWLER -- SUNSET. The eight Jawas carry Artoo out of the canyon while all the time singing... "Dink Dink! Dink Dink Dink Dink Dink Dink!" to a huge tank-like vehicle the size of a four-story house. They weld a small disk on the side of Artoo and then put him under a large tube on the side of the vehicle and the little robot is sucked into the giant machine. Jawa_darthfergie: Haha! We roxxored him! The filthy little Jawas scurry like rats up small ladders and enter the main cabin of the behemoth transport. INTERIOR: SANDCRAWLER -- HOLD AREA. It is dim inside the hold area of the Sandcrawler. Artoo switches on a small floodlight on his forehead and stumbles around the scrap heap. The narrow beam swings across rusty metal rocket parts and an array of grotesquely twisted and maimed astro-robots. He lets out a pathetic electronic whimper and stumbles off toward what appears to be a door at the end of the chamber. INTERIOR: SANDCRAWLER -- PRISON AREA. Artoo enters a wide room with a four-foot ceiling. In the middle of the scrap heap sit a dozen or so robots of various shapes and sizes. Some at one time were uber.. but others, were just plain ol' noobs. Some are engaged in electronic conversation, while others simply mill about. A voice of recognition calls out from the gloom. THREEPIO: Artoo-Detoo! It's you! It's you! A battered Threepio scrambles up to Artoo and embraces him and then gives him a swift kick across his metallic arse. THREEPIO: You fooking dork! You set me up! You knew the whole time that there was nothing in my direction when I went off didn't you? I got cyber raped eight times by these little Jawas and one of them seemed to really enjoy it! R2D2: Beep? THREEPIO: No I will not give you their phone numbers! EXTERIOR: TATOOONMYBUTT -- ROCK CANYON -- SANDCRAWLER -- SUNSET. The enormous Sandcrawler lumbers off toward the magnificent twin suns, which are slowly setting over a distant mountain ridge. EXTERIOR: TATOOONMYBUTT -- DESERT -- DAY. Four Imperial stormtroopers mill about in front of the half- buried lifepod that brought Artoo and Threepio to Tatooonmybutt. A trooper yells to an officer some distance away. FIRST TROOPER: Someone was in the pod. The tracks go off in this direction. And one of them stepped in a HUGE arse pile of bantha fodder! Haha! A second trooper picks a small bit of metal out of the sand and gives it to the first trooper. SECOND TROOPER: Look, sir -- droids. TROOPER3: No sheet Sherlock. SECOND TROOPER: Look, sir -- droids. TROOPER3: WE KNOW! SECOND TROOPER: Look, sir -- droids. FIRST TROOPER: Will somebody shut TrooperBob up?! SECOND TROOPER: Look, sir -- droids. TROOPER4: Give him a break guys. It was his only line in the movie and he just wanted more lines... EXTERIOR: TATOOONMYBUTT -- DUNES. The Sandcrawler moves slowly down a great sand dune. Then they suddenly throw it into gear and it rockets over 100mph as the Jawas pass around the Dink Beer and smoke huge stogies while chalking up points for each Bantha and Tusken Raider they plow over. INTERIOR: SANDCRAWLER. Threepio and Artoo noisily bounce along inside the cramped prison chamber. Artoo appears to be shut off. THREEPIO: Wake up! Wake up! *BAM* THREEPIO: Looks like one of them scored another point. That must have been one fat Tusken... Suddenly the shaking and bouncing of the Sandcrawler stops, creating quite a commotion among the mechanical men. Threepio's fist bangs the head of Artoo whose computer lights pop on as he begins beeping. At the far end of the long chamber a hatch opens, filling the chamber with blinding white light. a dozen or so Jawas make their way through the odd assortment of robots. "Dink Dink! Dink!' THREEPIO: We're gonna be pk'd for sure! A Jawa starts moving toward them. THREEPIO: Do you think they'll melt us down? Or do you think they will.... Artoo responds, making beeping sounds. THREEPIO: Don't shoot! Don't shoot! Will this never end? JAWA_darthfergie: Dink! THREEPIO: Oh no! Its that jawa again! He was the one that really seemed to enjoy it! To be continued... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.