Guest podguy the gamer Posted January 10, 2001 Share Posted January 10, 2001 Hey guys. Anyone got any Appropiate Jokes? By appropiate i mean nothin dirty. ------------------ podguy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jawamaster Posted January 10, 2001 Share Posted January 10, 2001 No dirty? Man! ------------------ Jawamaster Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jawamaster Posted January 10, 2001 Share Posted January 10, 2001 "Well Wayne and the cat seem to be allright. . . thank goodness for the heimlech meneuver!" ------------------ Jawamaster Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest podguy the gamer Posted January 11, 2001 Share Posted January 11, 2001 dude, i mean like nothin sexual or somethin stupid like that. Like: How many knees do you have? How do you get an elephant out of a tree? Got it? ------------------ podguy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest podguy the gamer Posted January 11, 2001 Share Posted January 11, 2001 This is a song from Whose Line sung by Ryan) Today Las Vegas just went broke, All because of one tiny bloke, They never thought that they would see this day, But that's what happens when Drew Carrey eats buffet! Like it? ------------------ podguy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jawamaster Posted January 11, 2001 Share Posted January 11, 2001 Here is another song sung by Ryan Oh I am so ugly, I'll never have a lover! When ever I come out, The dogs all run for cover! I'm really really ugly, I'm short, fat, and hairy! Oh yes, now you've guessed it, My name is Drew Carey! ------------------ Jawamaster Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest podguy the gamer Posted January 13, 2001 Share Posted January 13, 2001 what do you get when you cross Fed-Ex and UPS? Fed-Up! Ha ha aha ha ah hooh oohahaha heeeee heee ha! HOw do you make time fly? throw a clock out the window! ahoo ha ha ah heee ha ahahahahah! ------------------ podguy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest podguy the gamer Posted January 13, 2001 Share Posted January 13, 2001 I got some yo mama jokes: 1) Yo mam's so fat, when she stepped in the road and I tried to swerve around her, I ran out of gas! 2) Yo mama's so cross-eyed she threw a rock at the ground and missed! 3) Yo mama's so old, she farts dust! Like em? Again, go to cool-jokes.com ------------------ podguy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jawamaster Posted January 14, 2001 Share Posted January 14, 2001 You don't have to ask us if we like them or not, we'll keep that to ourselves. ------------------ Jawamaster Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gamer13 Posted March 25, 2001 Share Posted March 25, 2001 A man is struck by a bus on a busy street. He is lying near death on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around. "A preacher. Somebody get me a preacher!" the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd - "A PREACHER, PLEASE!" the dying man says again. Then out of the crowd steps a little old Jewish man of at least eighty years of age. "Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a preacher. I don't even really go to church. But for fifty years now I'm living behind the church on First Avenue, and every night I'm listening to the sermons. Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man." The policeman agreed and brought the man over to where the dying man lay. He kneels down, leans over the injured and says in a solemn voice: "B-4. I-19. N-38. G-54. O-72. . ." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gamer13 Posted March 25, 2001 Share Posted March 25, 2001 One day, a mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, chemical engineer, and computer engineer were driving down the street in the same car when it broke down. The mechanical engineer said, "I think a rod broke." The chemical engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I think it's not getting enough gas." The electrical engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something's wrong with the electrical system." All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?" The computer engineer said, "I think we should all get out and then get back in." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gamer13 Posted March 25, 2001 Share Posted March 25, 2001 oh i'm new hi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Redwing Posted March 25, 2001 Share Posted March 25, 2001 ------------------ At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have revenge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Boba Rhett Posted March 25, 2001 Share Posted March 25, 2001 First rule Redwing, always be nice to the new guys!! Hi gamer!! I liked the jokes. Here are some funny sigs. - Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. - Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it? - Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak? - Who is General Failure, and why is he reading my disk? - If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it? A simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way A sin is two sins when it is defended All extremists should be taken out and shot All that glitters has a high refractive index All things are possible. Except skiing through a revolving door Appreciate me now - and avoid the rush Bald spot? No - solar panel for brain power Everyone has the right to be ugly, but some abuse the privilege Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner Everything is just chemistry! Evolution: God's way of upgrading the hardware Excuse me, but isn't assassinating your professor technically cheating? Experience enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again Experience is directly proportional to ruined equipment Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it Experience is what you get when you don't get what you wanted Extinction is the ultimate fate of all species Extreme sorrow laughs; extreme joy weeps Fact. Stranger than any science fiction Facts are stubborn things Faint hearts never win in love nor sell life insurance Fame: Chiefly a matter of dying at the right moment Famous last words: This is the safe way to do it... Fear is no great respecter of reason First Rule of Holes: if you're in one, STOP DIGGING! For peace of mind, resign as general manager of the universe FOR SALE: Iraqi rifles. Never fired, dropped once For Sale: One parachute. Used once. Never opened. Small stain Ford, you're turning into a penguin. Stop it Forget everything you just heard, and go back to sleep Forget patience! I'm gonna kill something... Friends may come and friends may go, but enemies accumulate From the committee to use professional politicians as lab animals! Funny, it worked when I had it plugged in Get too many irons in your fire and you'll put it out God is absolute. You are conditional God must love the common man; He made so many of them Gotta run, the cat's caught in the printer Guns don't kill. Fast-moving projectiles do Happiness is a warm modem Have a nice day unless you have other plans Have you clubbed an ignorant human today? He who laughs last probably made a backup He's dead, Jim. Kick him if you don't believe me Health is simply the slowest way to die Hell of a way to travel, having a man's molecules spread across space Help stamp out vandalism, or I'll break all your windows Help stamp out, eliminate, and abolish redundancy! History has shown us that strength may be useless when faced with terrorism Hold on boys, you can't all die at once Honest ociffer, there's no blood in my alcohol content! Honor would best be served if you were to become my mate How can I fail when I have no purpose? How can I miss you if you don't go away? How could man have evolved from a species as organized as the apes? How do I set my Laser printer to "Stun"? How do you get cat hair out of a hard drive? How do you tell if a bagpipe is out of tune? How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise_my_hands... Human beings were created by water, to carry it uphill I am always exact and precise (more or less) I am free of prejudices. I hate everyone equally I am sweet and lovable at all times I can do anything, given the satisfaction that it's annoying someone I can resist everything except temptation I can't use Windows. My cat ate my mouse I could be chasing an untamed ornithoid without cause I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you I didn't claw my way to the top of the food chain to eat vegetables I didn't do it, nobody saw me do it, you can't prove it! I DO NOT repeat gossip, so I'm gonna say this once I do not think you will accept my help, as I'm waiting to kill you I drank from the fountain of knowledge, you just gargled I fight evil wherever it may be! Except in dark, scary places... I have a firm grip on reality. Now I can strangle it I have a photographic memory but I'm out of film I just want to be a lover not a red eyed screaming ghoul I know the speed of light - what's the speed of dark? I wouldn't touch the metric system with a 3.048 meter pole Caffeine - the ultimate debugging tool ************************************************ Could anybody tell me why? Common sense is instinct. Enough of it is genius Courage is fear holding on a minute longer Creativity: Not referenceing your sources Crime is merely politics without the excuses Damn the documentation, full speed ahead! Dangerous Exercise: Jumping to Conclusions Devoted to the study of cat bathing as a martial art Don't be so humble...you aren't that great Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep till noon Don't meddle in the affairs of Wizards... Due to lack of interest tomorrow is cancelled Dumb questions are better than smart mistakes Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jets Even the most faithful believer can serve a false god Ever lob a live grenade into a basket of kittens? Everybody's death simplifies life for someone Everyone has the right to be ugly, but some abuse the privilege Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner Experience enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again Experience is directly proportional to ruined equipment Fact. Stranger than any science fiction Facts are stubborn things Fame: Chiefly a matter of dying at the right moment First Rule of Holes: if you're in one, STOP DIGGING! FOR SALE: Iraqi rifles. Never fired, dropped once For Sale: One parachute. Used once. Never opened. Small stain Forget patience! I'm gonna kill something... Guns don't kill. Fast-moving projectiles do Happiness is a warm modem Have a nice day unless you have other plans Have you clubbed an ignorant human today? He who laughs last probably made a backup He's dead, Jim. Kick him if you don't believe me Help stamp out vandalism, or I'll break all your windows Help stamp out, eliminate, and abolish redundancy! Hold on boys, you can't all die at once Honest ociffer, there's no blood in my alcohol content! How can I miss you if you don't go away? How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise_my_hands... I am always exact and precise (more or less) I am free of prejudices. I hate everyone equally I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you I didn't claw my way to the top of the food chain to eat vegetables I DO NOT repeat gossip, so I'm gonna say this once I drank from the fountain of knowledge, you just gargled I fight evil wherever it may be! Except in dark, scary places... I have a firm grip on reality. Now I can strangle it I have a photographic memory but I'm out of film I just want to be a lover not a red eyed screaming ghoul I know the speed of light - what's the speed of dark? I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one I often daydream about my inability to fantasize I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed person I still miss my wife - but my aim is improving! I swear, the cat was like that when I found it I think ... therefore I am overqualified I think I shall now be sick I tried to drown my problems but they can swim! I tried to get a life, but they were out of stock I used to be disgusted; now I'm just amused I wouldn't need another haircut if you'd done the job right the first time I wouldn't touch the metric system with a 3.048 meter pole I'm a modemer & I'm OK, I post all nite & I sleep all day I'm as confused as a baby at a topless bar I'm not arrogant, I'm just better than you I'm not worthless! I can always serve as a bad example! I'm omniscient, omnipotent, and omnivorous I'm so environmental, I buy paper to recycle it I'm sorry, but if you want to argue, you'll have to pay the fee If at first you don't succeed, call it v1.0! If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried If at first you don't succeed, redefine success If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you If at first you don't succeed, try the reset button If at first you don't succeed, work for Microsoft If at first you succeed, hide your astonishment If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane If I want your stupid opinion, I'll beat it out of you If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway If it screams, it's not food yet If it walks out of the refrigerator, let it go! If it works, rip it apart and find out why! If it's obvious, it's obviously wrong If it's Tourist Season, why can't we shoot them? If the enemy is in range, so are you If you are feeling good, don't worry; you'll get over it If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead? If you can't tell fact from opinion, you belong in government If you cannot convince them, confuse them If you don't care where you are, then you can't get lost If you don't like my opinion of you - improve yourself! If you meet someone without a smile, give them yours. :^) If you try to please everybody, nobody will like it In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday Life is lived forwards, but understood backwards ------------------ I calculated the odds that this would work versus the odds that I was doing something incredibly stupid...and I went ahead anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Redwing Posted March 25, 2001 Share Posted March 25, 2001 I'm at the dumb jokes, not the new guy. Wazzup Gamer13? ------------------ At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have revenge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Uutont Fær Uulion1587246497 Posted March 27, 2001 Share Posted March 27, 2001 Hey I got one: a drunk blond walks into a bar HAhahahahahahahahooheeehaaharkHugggggghaaaaaaa Okay I'm fine ------------------ Ooh Wah Fah Pah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wombat31587246510 Posted March 30, 2001 Share Posted March 30, 2001 How old are you podguy? ------------------ I wish computer stuff wasn't so expensive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Uutont Fær Uulion1587246497 Posted March 30, 2001 Share Posted March 30, 2001 We probably don't want to know P.S. hey nothing personal podguy ------------------ Ooh Wah Fah Pah Kneblowac Mi Kims Lyska Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pedro The Hutt Posted March 30, 2001 Share Posted March 30, 2001 Hmmm... perhaps this whole topic is a bit ------------------ No! I am your father. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jedi SuperBuen Posted April 5, 2001 Share Posted April 5, 2001 *wonders how to do the little rolling eye smiley* Hey anything that makes us laugh is kewl with me! ------------------ And if I close my mind in fear, Please pry it open. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pedro The Hutt Posted April 6, 2001 Share Posted April 6, 2001 : rolleyes : but without any spaces. like this ------------------ No! I am your father. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jedi SuperBuen Posted April 6, 2001 Share Posted April 6, 2001 umm kewl... anything else I should know? ------------------ And if I close my mind in fear, Please pry it open. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Boba Rhett Posted April 6, 2001 Share Posted April 6, 2001 <font size=5><font color=blue><marquee>Nope.</marquee> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Uutont Fær Uulion1587246497 Posted April 7, 2001 Share Posted April 7, 2001 hey I found a cool site of 832 ways to be annoying www.concentric.net/~etskippy/annoying.htm ------------------ Ooh Wah Fah Pah Kneblowac Mi Kims Lyska from Uutont Fær Uulion the Cookie Maker, Jedi Knight Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Redwing Posted April 7, 2001 Share Posted April 7, 2001 Oh, great. ------------------ At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have revenge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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