Jaster21801 Posted July 8, 2002 Share Posted July 8, 2002 LMAO!!! Btw, nice avatar ET Warrior... ok next one... Owen: Where are you going? Anakin: To find my mother. Cliegg: *thick redneck accent* You get your @$$ back here, you're not goin anywhere until you fix my speeder! Anakin: But it's my mother! Cliegg: You can waste time with your mom when your chores are done! so that's where Owen got it from... or.... Anakin: You're going to have to stay here. These are good people Padme, you'll be safe. Padme: Anakin, no. I can't stay here... Your step-brother. Well... He really freaks me out! He looks like he always wants to touch me... oh wait, that's you... hmm... maybe it is safe here... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaster21801 Posted July 9, 2002 Share Posted July 9, 2002 come on... don't let this post die! It can be so funny! I know we have some hilarious people in here.. Let's get crackin! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AgentSmith Posted July 9, 2002 Author Share Posted July 9, 2002 Overly sexual tinted scene at the Homestead. Cliegg : 30 of us went at her, only 4 came back. After I lost my leg, I just couldn't ride her anymore until I heal. Anakin : *Big vain on his forehead starts to throb.* Excuse me??? Cliegg : Well do you think it's easy missing half a leg? We'll see how you'd do riding that Senator of yours here missing an arm or a leg or something! Padme : Excuse me??? Anakin : Argh!!! *Ignites lightsaber and slaughters the Lars family like animals.* (This is more perverted that funny. But I do my best! ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AgentSmith Posted July 9, 2002 Author Share Posted July 9, 2002 Longer dialogue during Geonosis battle between Count Dooku and Poggle the Lesser. Poggle : The Jedi must not discover what we are conceiving, it would be disastruous! *Hands Death Star plans to Count Dooku.* Dooku : I will take the designs back to my Master on Coruscant, they will be safe with him. ... Hang on, this design is flawed, look at all those expensive and useless features ... an armored cover for the exhaust vent? Who needs that? Like some idiot will ever attack that battle station with a small fighter and manage to shoot a torpedo into an opening that small!?! Sheesh!!! Alternate dialogue between Obi-Wan Kenobi and Count Dooku. Dooku : You must join me Obi-Wan and together we will destroy the Sith! Obi-Wan : I will never join you Dooku! Dooku : All right, you leave me no choice ... Obi-Wan, I am your father ... . Obi-Wan : No you're not! Dooku : Ah nuts! Alternate dialogue between Anakin Skywalker and Count Dooku. Dooku : Haven't you learned your lesson by now? Anakin : I'm a slow learner. Dooku : You must not fight me Anakin ... join me! Join the Dark Side ... you know it is your destiny ... as I am your father! Anakin : What? Dooku : It is true my son. I'm your daddy!!! Cause I did it to your momma when she was drunk during girls night at the Mos Espa singles bar!!! Anakin : *Big vain on his forehead starts to throb again.* Argh!!! *Chops Dooku up into little pieces.* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaster21801 Posted July 9, 2002 Share Posted July 9, 2002 LMAO!!!!!! OK, maybe I can do another... Yoda: What help can I be Obi-Wan? Obi-Wan: I'm looking for a planet described to me by an old friend. I trust him but the systems don't show in the archive maps. Yoda: Mmmm... Lost a planet Master Obi-Wan has. How embarassing... How embarassing... Liam, the shades. Gather round the map reader. Clear your minds and find Obi-Wan's wayward planet we will. *map projects* Obi-Wan: It ought to be... here! But it isn't, gravity is pulling all of the stars in the area towards this spot. Yoda: Hmmm. Gravity's silouhette remains, but the star and all the planets disappear they have. How can this be? Hmmm? A thought? Anyone. Youngling: Master? Because someone erased it from the archive memory. Yoda: *laughs* Truly wonderful the mind of a child is. And truly retarded. Impossible it is. Now come here you must and slap you like a little red-headed stepchild I will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HellFyre69 Posted July 9, 2002 Share Posted July 9, 2002 Originally posted by Jaster21801 LMAO!!!!!! OK, maybe I can do another... Yoda: What help can I be Obi-Wan? Obi-Wan: I'm looking for a planet described to me by an old friend. I trust him but the systems don't show in the archive maps. Yoda: Mmmm... Lost a planet Master Obi-Wan has. How embarassing... How embarassing... Liam, the shades. Gather round the map reader. Clear your minds and find Obi-Wan's wayward planet we will. *map projects* Obi-Wan: It ought to be... here! But it isn't, gravity is pulling all of the stars in the area towards this spot. Yoda: Hmmm. Gravity's silouhette remains, but the star and all the planets disappear they have. How can this be? Hmmm? A thought? Anyone. Youngling: Master? Because someone erased it from the archive memory. Yoda: *laughs* Truly wonderful the mind of a child is. And truly retarded. Impossible it is. Now come here you must and slap you like a little red-headed stepchild I will. LoL now thats a good one... and thats wut yoda should have done to obi1...lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaster21801 Posted July 10, 2002 Share Posted July 10, 2002 Dooku: It is obvious this contest will not be decided by our knowledge of the Force, but by our skills with the lightsaber. Yoda: True this is. Going down you are Dooku. *sabers ignite* Dooku: I see your Schwartz is as big as mine. Indeed you are powerful. Now we must see how you handle it! *Yoda uses his saber to cut Dooku's in half* Yoda: Ha! Small you are Dooku. And greatly impotent you have become. *Dooku turns tail and runs for his life* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ET Warrior Posted July 10, 2002 Share Posted July 10, 2002 Obiwan and anakin in the cantina Anakin: "I think he's a she...and i think She's a changeling. ObiWain: "Then we'll have to be extra careful....go look for her" Anakin: "Where are you going?" ObiWan: "All your whining and complaining has driven me to alcoholism...i need a drink. Does anybody here have any deathsticks for sale?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MotionMan Posted July 10, 2002 Share Posted July 10, 2002 Originally posted by ET Warrior Obiwan and anakin in the cantina Anakin: "I think he's a she...and i think She's a changeling. ObiWain: "Then we'll have to be extra careful....go look for her" Anakin: "Where are you going?" ObiWan: "All your whining and complaining has driven me to alcoholism...i need a drink. Does anybody here have any deathsticks for sale?" Later on that scene... -(Obi-Wan): So I says to that ..*hic*..assasin you better not run from me*hic* cause ill tear your heart out with my *hic* bare hands. -(Bartender): sir, I think you had enough to drink today. -(Obi-Wan): WHAT!?*hic* You dont tell me when I have too much to driinkk . Im a Jedi knight. Ill show you. *ZZZuuuaaa* Obi-Wan ignites his lightsaber* *Obi-Wan swings for the bartender, but he misses and he cuts off Zam Wessel's hand off. -(Obi-Wan)- That will show you to not mess with the king of Rome..hic* -(Anakin)- (whispering)Master! Please put yourself together. We got the assasin. We have to find out who is behind this. -(Anakin) Jedi affairs, Go about your business. later outside the club... (Obi-Wan)-Whoo sent ya missy!!!*hic* (Zam) I ..I..I Ccaant say (Anakin) WHO SENT YOU! shoofvv!!!! *Zam dies because of a dart shot by an invisible assailant* (Obi-Wan) AHHH She is a lizard woman....*hic* ....Hey baby im half lizard . want to go to my place *hic* (Anakin) Master! she is dead! (Obi-Wan) You will learn your place my *hic* young padawan. Go to your rrooommm....... *Obi-Wan knocks out in the street. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ET Warrior Posted July 10, 2002 Share Posted July 10, 2002 Later in the movie we see an obviously drunk ObiWan spying on the secret meeting on Geonosis...... ObiWan: "Holy S***, what are all these crazy A**holes doin here?" *suddenly he slips and falls down on the middle of the meeting table* Dooku: "What the..." ObiWan: "Issokay, I was just here, uh, cleanin dem chimneys....i'm the, uh, chimney *hic* sweep heh heh heh, fooled em " Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AgentSmith Posted July 10, 2002 Author Share Posted July 10, 2002 Lol! Let's make it a 'What if Obi-Wan were drunk during the entire movie?' thread! Stare-down scene between Obi-Wan Kenobi and Jango Fett on Kamino. Jango : 'I'm just a simple man trying to find his way in the universe.' Obi-Wan : 'Really? *burps* Ever make it as far as Coruscant?' *staggers* Jango : 'Once or twice.' Obi-Wan : *burps* 'Recently?' *leans closer to Jango staring at him with bloodshot eyes* Jango : 'Possi ... sithspit what is that foul stench? Oh man, what have you been drinking?!? You smell like a freakin' Hutt!' *Pinches his nose.* Obi-Wan : 'Me? Drinkin? No way man ... I just had some Correllian Ale ... *burps* but my bottle ran out halfway through the trip ... I just slugged down some anti-freeze from my starfighter and all *burps* ... taste like crap though but it gives ya a buzz.' *staggers and exhales straight in Jango's face* Jango : 'This is ab ...' *Jango faints from the stench.* Obi-Wan :'Man is you ok? *burps* I knew I'd geddem!' *drags the unconsciuos Jango to his Jedi starfighter in his drunken stupor* *Activates his deep space communicater for his holo-image to appear in front of the Jedi Council* Obi-Wan :'Yo! I goddem!' *burps* Mace : 'Master Obi-Wan are you drunk again?' Obi-Wan : 'Na!!! What makes you *burps* say that? I ain't drunk.' Yoda : 'How embarassing this is. Go pick up Obi-Wan we must ... not drink and fly he must.' Mace : 'Any volunteers to go and pick up Obi-Wan?' *All the gathered Jedi start to look at the ceiling or walls, whistling or just trying to look busy.* Yoda : 'Anyone? Master Ki? Master Plo?' Ki-Adi Mundi : 'I have to go visit my wives!' Plo Koon : 'Oops! Time to change the filters on my mask, gotta run!' *Yoda and Mace look at the others.* Luminara : 'My padawan needs more practice. Urgently.' Aayla : 'No way! He kept on trying to grope and grab me last time!' Shaak Ti : 'Eeuuh ... I need to go ... shopping with Adi!' Adi Gallia : 'Yeah, that's right ... and besides the hyperdrive ring on my starfighter is in for repairs!' *Yoda shakes his head dissapointingly* Pablo-Jill : 'He mocks me, always! Says I look like a duck! I can't take it anymore!' *starts to cry for show* Kit Fisto : 'He yanks at my headtails! It hurts!' Mace : 'Fine! Fine! I'll go get his drunk ass again!' *Mace walks off mumbling something about 'great vengeance and furious anger'.* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaster21801 Posted July 11, 2002 Share Posted July 11, 2002 On Kamino.... Obi-Wan: *hic* Mace! When I left you *buuurp* I wash but a learrner *hic* Now I am the mashter or shomething like that.... Mace: Mutha***** what the hell is wrong with you?? You gotta learn to control the liqua like a smooth Jedi Master like me.. You'll never be a Master Kenobi *Mace slaps Kenobi out of his drunken stupor* Obi-Wan: I needed that. At least we got Jango. Mace: No, you let him go while you were drunk. How many times I gotta drag yo' drunk @$$ back to the council Kenobi? Obi-Wan: Well perhaps if you'd teach me to hold my liquor. Mace: Possibly... Come with me. We got a bar to go to... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ET Warrior Posted July 11, 2002 Share Posted July 11, 2002 in the geonosis arena. ObiWan: "oh great, now you *hic* showup, probibably didn't even get that message i sent you. Anakin: "Master, the message you sent was you dancing in front of the transmitter.....naked. " ObiWan: "I was ENCRYPTIN' it with the *hic* dance and stuff..." Anakin: "Well we figured you were drunk off your ass and needed our help" ObiWan: "I'm not even DRUNK STUPID! I'm just foolin them, *hic* so they don't 'spect me to save myself....*Passes out* Anakin: "I hate it when he does that." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AgentSmith Posted July 11, 2002 Author Share Posted July 11, 2002 Rotflmao! You guys are killing me with those! Geonosis Arena, Jango Fett going after Obi-Wan Kenobi instead of Mace Windu. *Jango fires both of his guns frantically at Obi-Wan who in his drunken stupor staggers so much he doesn't walk or hold up straight. Jango can't get a shot to hit.* Jango : 'Jedi poodoo! The guy's so drunk I can't even hit him!' Obi-Wan : 'Is you bounty hunter! *burps* I'm gonna saber your ass!' *Staggers towards Jango knocking against the other Jedi. Obi-Wan : 'Scuze me!' *burps* Mace : 'Damnit Obi-Wan! Watch yourself!' *Jango shoots at Obi-Wan and hits Coleman Trebor.* Plo Koon : 'He's going to get us all killed!' Mace : 'I can handle that bounty hunter!' Plo Koon : 'I meant Obi-Wan!' *Mace attacks Jango and chops his head clean off.* Obi-Wan : 'Not soo *burps* tough now ah mr. bounty hunter?' *Plo Koon moves in to kill the rampaging Acklay that is stalking Obi-Wan.* *Obi-Wan turns around and burps right in front of the Acklay, the poor animal passes out and gags on the toxic alcohol breath of Obi-Wan.* Plo Koon : 'What the???' Obi-Wan : 'I iz the greatest *burps* Jedi ever!' *Obi-Wan stumbles against Ki-Adi Mundi and Aayla Secura.* Obi-Wan : 'Hey wazzup baby? Wanna ... *burps* get busy with da master?' *Obi-Wan tries to grope Aayla.* Aayla : 'That's it! Perverted drunk!' *Aayla elbows and knees Obi-Wan who passes out on the Arena floor.* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rogue Nine Posted July 11, 2002 Share Posted July 11, 2002 In the bar scene... Death stick boy: Hey, wanna buy some death sticks? Obi-Wan: You don't want to sell me death sticks. Death stick boy: (Entranced) I don't want to sell you death sticks. Obi-Wan: You want to go home and look up naked pictures of Senator Palpatine on the Holonet while touching yourself inappropriately. Death stick boy: I want to go home and look up naked pictures of Senator Palpatine on the Holonet while touching myself inappropriately. (Goes off) Obi-Wan: I love this Jedi Mind Trick thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ET Warrior Posted July 11, 2002 Share Posted July 11, 2002 Or..... Elan: "Wanna buy some deathsticks?" ObiWan: "You don't want to sell me deathsticks." Elan: "I dont want to sell you deathsticks." ObiWan: "You want to GIVE me ALL of your deathsticks." Elan: "I want to give you all of my deathsticks..." ObiWan: "now if i can just sell a few of these baby's i'll be able to pay off my Jedi Loans......and have a few leftover for myself" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AgentSmith Posted July 20, 2002 Author Share Posted July 20, 2002 What would have happened if Obi-Wan would have let Anakin listen to rap music? (No offensive stereotyping meant! ) Scene on Naboo at the lake retreat. *Anakin in his oversize jedi robe pants and white sneakers,a big golden necklace on which his lightsaber is hanging.* Anakin: 'Girl you looks good! Why don't you back that ass up!?' Padme: 'Excuse me?' Anakin: 'Quit playing Paddy! Call me big Ani and back that ass up!!!' Padme: 'What are you saying?' Anakin: 'Yo no ho or pigeon, so need to be trippin'. We just be chillin'. Ya know I mean to aks ya somethin'.' Padme: 'What?' Anakin: 'Yo wanna jump in my lowspeeder and rotate them turbines?' Padme: 'I most certainly will not!' Anakin: 'No need to diss da man baby! Yo know I be treatin' ya good!' Padme: 'I wish I had brought my migraine medication.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AgentSmith Posted July 20, 2002 Author Share Posted July 20, 2002 Scene in Coruscant club. Obi-Wan: 'You look around.' Anakin: 'Yo nizel!? Where ya schizel da mizel?' Obi-Wan: 'I'm going for a drink ... and for the Force's sake speak basic!' *Obi-Wan is weary and drained and in desperate need for a drink. He gulps it down, fast.* *Anakin passes Ayy Vida.* Anakin: 'Whoohee!!! Baby got back!' Ayy Vida: 'Sorry, I only speak basic, Twi'leki and huttese ...' *Looks puzzled.* Anakin: 'Baby it be cryin'! Time to go to war, I got da tank!' *After Obi-Wan disarms Zam Wessel they move outside of the club where they await to take Anakin's Mercedez Benz airspeeder with chrome 21" rims...* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MotionMan Posted July 20, 2002 Share Posted July 20, 2002 *Obi-Wan and Anakin chasing after Count Dooku* -Anakin-"Master, we will take him together" -Obi-Wan-"No you go ahead hot shot. Didnt you say you were a better swordsman than Master Yoda?" -Anakin-"Ya I guese. Were are you going master?" -Obi-Wan"To get a drink!" *Later* -Obi-Wan- "*hic* Ookk soo were is ani?" -Dooku-" over there on the floor, I fried him with my sith lighning" -Obi-Wan-"Ok old man that does it*hic" *Obi-Wan proceeds to fight with one of the tall pillars* -Dooku-"What in blazez are you doing man?" -Obi-Wan-"Takkee that*hic* traitor!" -Dooku-"*sigh*I had heard good things about you" *Dooku slashes Obi-wan in the arm and leg* -Dooku-"I had to do that so you could stop making a fool of yourself" *Anakin wakes up and rushes Dooku again* -Obi-wan-"hey that was cheap man*hic*.....take this!" *Obi-wan throws his saber at dooku. Anakin catches it* -Anakin-"hey, you almost hit me with that!" -------------------------- page 2 ----------------------------------- ill finish later:) or if someone want to finish it go ahead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Breton Posted July 21, 2002 Share Posted July 21, 2002 Elan: Wanna buy some death sticks? Obi-Wan: Do I look like I want to buy death sticks? Elan: ehhh... Obi-Wan: I mean, you don't even tart them up and call them something nice...like happysticks! Obi-Wan: Look, I'm a Jedi Knight...I could use a mind trick to stop you from selling these things... Elan: Sounds ok... Obi-Wan: Or, I could beat you with my lightsaber until you cried for mercy... Elan: ... Elan: I think I'd better rethink my life Obi-Wan: That's right, push off...bloomin' star trek extra... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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