New Words

[Darth Eggplant]

NEW WORDS FOR 2002 -

Essential additions for

the workplace vocabulary:

 

BLAMESTORMING:

Sitting around in a group,

discussing why a deadline

was missed or a project failed,

and who was responsible.

 

SEAGULL MANAGER:

A manager who flies in,

makes a lot of noise,

craps on everything

and then leaves.

 

ASSMOSIS:

The process by which

some people seem to absorb

success and advancement

by kissing up to the boss

rather than working hard.

 

SALMON DAY:

The experience

of spending an entire day

swimming upstream only to get

screwed and die in the end.

 

CUBE FARM:

An office filled with cubicles.

 

PRAIRIE DOGGING:

When someone yells

or drops something loudly

in a cube farm, and people's

heads pop up over the walls

to see what's going on.

 

MOUSE POTATO:

The on-line answer

to the couch potato.

 

SITCOM:

Single Income,

Two Children,

Oppressive Mortgage.

What yuppies turn into

when they have children

and one of them stops working

to stay home with the kids.

 

STARTER MARRIAGE:

A short-lived

first marriage

that ends in divorce

with no kids,

no property

and no regrets.

 

STRESS PUPPY:

A person who seems

to thrive on being

stressed out and whiny.

 

SWIPEOUT:

An ATM or credit card

that has been rendered useless

because the magnetic strip

is worn away from extensive use.

 

XEROX SUBSIDY:

Euphemism for swiping free

photocopies from one's workplace.

 

IRRITAINMENT:

Entertainment and media spectacles

that are annoying but you find

yourself unable to stop watching them.

ie:

The O.J. trial

Bill Clinton's Grand Jury testimony

 

 

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE:

The fine art of whacking the ****

out of an electronic device

to get it to work again.

 

VULCAN NERVE PINCH:

The taxing hand position

required to reach all the appropriate

keys for some computer commands.

 

ADMINISPHERE:

The rarefied organizational layers

beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate

or irrelevant to the problems

they were designed to solve.

 

404:

Someone who's clueless.

From the World Wide Web error message

"404 Not Found,"

meaning that the requested document

could not be located.

 

GENERICA:

Features of the American landscape

that are exactly the same

no matter where one is,

such as fast food joints,

strip malls,

subdivisions.

 

OHNOSECOND:

That minuscule fraction of time

in which you realize that

you've just made a BIG mistake.

 

WOOFYS:

Well Off Older Folks

[Sanspoof]

FISHERMEN

Managers who randomly pick an employee for anything others dislike.

 

SLACKS

People who pretend to work but really aren't.

 

MINOR DOCKERS

Low-salary employees.

 

WACK

Salary.

 

HIGH LIVERS

High-salary employees.

 

LOCKER UPPER

A stiff janitor who can stop a conversation cold.

 

PIDGEON

An employee.

 

PIDGEON SHOOTER

Director of Human Resources.

 

STAMPEDE

When thousands of employees all rush out of the building at the end of the day at once.

 

NOT NOW NINNY

Someone who has information you want but won't give it to you no matter what.

 

GULL

Like a pidgeon, but paid more.

 

SEAGULL

A gull that leaves the building once every few minutes.

 

DART HUNTER

Someone who hides behind corners just to jump out and scare you.

 

LOO LOVER

An executive that comes to meetings late with the excuse of 'going to the toilet'.

 

BLUE WHALE

A fat person.

 

BITING GOATS

Like dart hunters, but instead of scaring you they bite you.

 

CUBE FARMERS

Managers who move people from cubicle to cubicle with no reasons.

 

SINKER SWIMMERS

Foolish optimists who gamble everything and always lose.

[JofaGuht]

ANTIFILER

Cops who pick on old ladies

 

The phrase, "IDIOT IN THE SUN."

A stupid person everyone labels a genius. i.e. George W. Bush and every poser punk band out there getting money

 

The phrase, "GENIUS IN THE DIRT."

A genius everyone labels as a stupid person. i.e. me and the bands Dimmu Borgir, Cradle of Filth, and most of all Therion.

 

KILOFOOT

A person with such a long body he streches from the U.S. all the way across the Atlantic Ocean to Europe

 

PURRTERGIST

My dead cat I can hear purring and grooming itself as I go to sleep. Its really freaky.

 

The phrase "MAD BRILLIANCE"

I thought of this word while reading Edgar Allan Poe's biography. He was brilliant, but he had some problems. It basically mean Dementia.