Jump to content

Home

God to rethink government policies and reduce MP funding following civil disobedience

Dagobahn Eagle

By Dagobahn Eagle
in Yoda’s Swamp

Recommended Posts

Dagobahn Eagle Newbie

Dagobahn Eagle

Posted
Posted

God to end ”No crime” policy in Paradise, rethink government policies due to costs of MPs, student movement protests.

 

Following the student movement demonstrations against God’s authoritarian regime in Paradise, the Lord has been forced to reconsider the policies of his, according to him, “perfect world with no crime”.

 

Pearl Gates, Paradise: Said Gabriel, head of the Paradise Parliament, “we have for a long time sought to be, and actually managed to be, a world of no crime, but it is now clear that with the cost of the massive force of Military Police units needed to maintain this policy, it’s simply not possible to uphold it.”. Also, many have protested that the policy of burning everyone who is denied citizenship in Paradise “might be a bit too harsh.”

 

”What we want is a leader who is more like the leader of Nirvana”, said one citizen. ”I mean, if a person is found unsuited for citizenship, they simply send them back to Earth. God insists on punishing them. We realise the resources needed to send people back will take their toll on our beautiful nation, but I believe Hell costs us even more in terms of heating costs.”

 

Another reason for the massive uproar in Heaven is the growing pubic desire for a Democratic government. According to an anonymous protester participating in the Pearl Gates Demonstrations last summer, quote, “the people are tired of living under a single leader who refuses to hold elections for other leaders, and who has been known to terrorise Democratic religions with more than one leader, such as the Norse, Aztec, Mayan, African, and Greek mythologies, and forced the worshippers of these religions to join his regime.” The fact that God is immortal off course only add further to their concerns, as it rules out waiting until he dies, for then to install a Democratic regime.

 

Despite God’s claims, citizens worry that his new plans might be nothing but lies, and that Paradise might remain a dictatorship for many years yet, and that he might, instead of removing MPs, simply increase taxation to compensate for the loss of money needed to maintain these units. In fact, the very age of Paradise (2,000+ years) makes it one of the world’s oldest regimes, surpassed only by Hinduism and Buddhism. “If he’s held out against protesters for 2 milleniums,” a student worries, “how are we to know he won’t last another 2,000?”

 

Øyvind Wallentinsen aka Dagobahn Eagle, reporting live from Paradise.

 

Disclaimer: I was christian when I wrote this

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...