The Man I Wanted to be.

[Paragon_Leon]

Havoc, i think a lot of people have already made some very valid points, but i'll leave you with a tip:

 

see if you can find "The Way I Am" from Jennifer Knapp. That CD has the song "No Regrets" on it. Nonono, i know what you think judging the title, but trust me: it's MADE for you and probably will sum up the most part of your dilemma. I mean it; FIND THAT CD (the music's not too shabby either) ! It deals with all the questions you struggle with and more, but delivers no easy answers on this one; i suppose you're right in the middle of where mercy and guilt clash.

 

I WILL say, however, that we tend to divide certain 'trespassings' in certain 'scales', thinking how hypocrisy in our eyes is a much bigger issue in God's eyes than being an all-out thief. Vice versa, we believe in actions to 'make good' on those trespassings, even though we know Christ's sacrifice inside-out since most of us grew up with it. What if it would apply in your situation? What if God would look down, see you in your state and say: "I know how you feel. Here. I've dealt with that. Won't you move on with Me ?"

THAT is mercy, and THAT is something we simply cannot fathom in rules, regulations or even logic. It defies logic; especially our own. And that is by far the most hopeful news i can think of in anyone's situation... I'd say this mercy is for those who are aware of their state and don't sit well with it. If we could lift ourselves out of that pit, how could we ever claim to 'need' saving ? And yes, we need it more than once. You had a calling ? Think you have left it ? Well, there's a BIG road ahead of you that has all the mercies on it that you need to pick up where you feel like you left off. But that might not even be what you need to do right now. Maybe right now you're finding a new purpose through a painful process.