Homuncul Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 Q: Where does the stork go when he has brought a baby A: Back in the pants Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sam Fisher Posted November 14, 2003 Author Share Posted November 14, 2003 Yep, it needed revival *************** President Dubya was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon. "Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely able to contain himself, "there's good news & bad news." "Oh, no," muttered the President, "Well, let me have the bad news first." "The bad news, sir, is that we've been invaded by creatures from another planet." "Gosh, and the good news?" "The good news, sir, is that they eat reporters and pee oil." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IG-64 Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 Originally posted by Sam Fisher Yep, it needed revival *************** President Dubya was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon. "Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely able to contain himself, "there's good news & bad news." "Oh, no," muttered the President, "Well, let me have the bad news first." "The bad news, sir, is that we've been invaded by creatures from another planet." "Gosh, and the good news?" "The good news, sir, is that they eat reporters and pee oil." and i just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to gieko:p ********* Bob was in some legal trouble and was being sued for all his money, if Bob was sued he would be bankrupt, so Bob came up with a plan... And it worked! He called his plan "Sue-Aside" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sam Fisher Posted November 14, 2003 Author Share Posted November 14, 2003 Ehehe... ****************** An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life, when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes. ''Well, now,'' says the old lady, ''I guess I would like to be really rich.'' *** POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold. ''And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess.'' *** POOF *** She turns into a beautiful young woman. ''Your third wish?'' asks the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of them. ''Ooh - can you change him into a handsome prince?'' she asks. *** POOF *** There before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine. She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear, ''Bet you're sorry you had me neutered.'' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cekaikay Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Here's some silly jokes I got in an email a few days ago... 1. Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was asalted. 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." 3. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here." 4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra. 5.A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road." 6. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was great. 7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?" 8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not unusual." 9. Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy. 10. (Not appropriate for younger eyes. I left this one out. ) 11. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..." 13. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What?, Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy" 14. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad, or maybe my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha Chu. But I'm pretty sure it's Colin. 15. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. 16. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him $50 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. He said, 'no, the steaks are too high.' 17. A man came to the hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut off your arms". 18. I went to a seafood disco rave last week and pulled a mussel. 19. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sam Fisher Posted November 15, 2003 Author Share Posted November 15, 2003 Upon dying, Bill Gates went to purgatory. St. Peter said to his, “Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things. Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go". So, Bill takes a look at hell and see's these beautiful women running around, in 80 degree temperature, on beautiful beaches. Then he took a look at heaven and it was nice, you know harps and singing and worship and stuff like that. So he said to St. Peter that he would like to go to hell. About a week later, St. Peter went down to hell to check on Bill. There he saw him, being whipped by demons. He said to St. Peter, “What happened to all the beautifull women, and the beaches and the 80 degree temperature?” Peter replied, “That was just the screen saver.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IG-64 Posted November 23, 2003 Share Posted November 23, 2003 joke thread needs a BUMP iv'e noticed that lately there have been more and more christmas advertisements and decided to kick off the holiday season with this nice joke: How many women does Santa have? 3, ho ho ho well, maybe its not that nice but, hey, I didn't make it up :noel:santsmilsantsmil Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sam Fisher Posted November 23, 2003 Author Share Posted November 23, 2003 Thanks IG ******************** A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband. Now he had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to his senses, he motioned for her to come near him. As she sat by him, he said, ''''You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?'''' ''''What, my dear?'''' she asked gently. ''''I think you bring me bad luck.'''' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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