Doomie Posted July 11, 2004 Share Posted July 11, 2004 ... For wish of a better name. Anyway, this story is about a Stormtrooper squad, or actually about their leader in particular. It will go from around just before ANH untill some vague moment somewhere behind ROTJ that isn't determined yet. That is, if i don't screw it up and get myself into positions that i can't write myself out off... Thanks to Cecuiel (or something) for giving me idea's and hopefully allowing him to learn from his writing style. Though i'll try to do it as unobvious as possible... Oh for crying out loud... I need to find a starwars name generator these days... Let's just say Domen is a pretty common name okay? STARWARS - EPISODE ?: A STORMTROOPER'S STORY It was a fairly quiet time in the galaxy. No planet could resist the tremendous power of the Imperial Navy, and soon, most of the galaxy was under Palpatine's control. Almost every trace of the Republic had been erased, but a new threat was about to emerge... A group of intergalactic terrorrists calling themselves the Rebel Alliance. They worked mostly underground, and had great numbers, forming a considerable danger to the Empire. But, the Imperial intelligence has recently found out the location of a hidden rebel base, somewhere on Dantooine, by means of a tracking device stowed away on a freighter. Sergeant Doman of the imperial Navy is in charge of the striketeam that will investigate there... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sabretooth Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Well, atleast people will know that stormtroopers do have minds and brains of their own! Good Luck, Doom! (Though personally, I think you rush a bit ahead with stories) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doomie Posted July 12, 2004 Author Share Posted July 12, 2004 Ah well. Maybe i do. But when i have an idea, i just write it down. When i have more idea's the story hets longer. When i'm out of ideas for the story, it stops. That happened to a mercenary's tale. and episode seven is also a bit dried out. but when i think of something, they will continue. And i do this to get away from boredom. I've been making up all kinds of stories since i was six or something, it's what i do. Apart from playing games that is, so when battlefront arrives i'll probably be gone for a while. and that was just the intro. I think i'm going to delay this story for a while, actually, untill i thought it out some more, but as long as it's up here i can't forget about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evil Dark Jedi Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 Originally posted by Doomgiver so when battlefront arrives i'll probably be gone for a while. Same for me.This sounds good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doomie Posted August 7, 2004 Author Share Posted August 7, 2004 hmmm... I've got no ideas for this story... shame, cause it's got some nice potential... Maybe we could make it a collaborative story, i wrote the beginning, the next one writes something else... Only that might be considered a forum game instead of a story, so i'm not quite sure. Anyway, this isn't like roleplaying, since everyone get's to be the 'Dungeon master'. You can control all characters, think up plot twists, etc. At least, if this idea get's approved... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katarn07 Posted August 7, 2004 Share Posted August 7, 2004 Make them Sandtroopers first of all. And then, you can have their ship crash before they even get to the base. Make a few get killed off by a hit and run guerilla Rebel force. Have Doman be in charge of new, freshly recruited soldiers who can work their E-11 and kill the target but can't seem to work together just yet. Doman should also be fresh from the Imp Academy so he too is a bit unexperienced in the field. They're teamwork can unify them or something but it won't be easy. There is one guy in the group who is a real hard ass and hates Doman. He thinks he's unexperienced and that he should be leader instead. They settle their differences after Doman saves his life or something. They eventually get the the base and begin a raid. They get through a sector of security before they reach the first sealed blast door. They call up for their engineer and await his arrival. While waiting, Doman can see the corpses of the men and women he has just killed. He can look into their frightened eyes which stare off blankly into infinity. He sees some of them are younger then him and he's barely a man himself. He questions what he has just done. The engineer arrives and blows the door for them and takes up a rear position so they won't have to wait for him anymore. They begin another raid, this time Doman orders their weapons on stun and to take as many prisoners as possible, no matter how unimportant their victims are for questioning. The hard ass stormie questions his orders but reluctantly obeys. By the time they get to the command center of the base, the hard ass has convinced some men to help him overthrow Doman for breaking some of their orders. Some join him, others team up with Doman. That's all I got. I'd kill off Doman personally somehow just to make the story seem more real. He should maybe sacrifice himself for the Rebels after maybe talking to one of their prisoners face to face. Characterization is key if you want the reader to care the protaganist has died. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redwing Posted August 7, 2004 Share Posted August 7, 2004 Originally posted by Doomgiver hmmm... I've got no ideas for this story... shame, cause it's got some nice potential... Maybe we could make it a collaborative story, i wrote the beginning, the next one writes something else... Only that might be considered a forum game instead of a story, so i'm not quite sure. Anyway, this isn't like roleplaying, since everyone get's to be the 'Dungeon master'. You can control all characters, think up plot twists, etc. At least, if this idea get's approved... That's just fine. XD It's not considered a forum game unless it's one sentence per post, or worse one word then it's not really a story, is it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doomie Posted August 7, 2004 Author Share Posted August 7, 2004 Thanks, redwing. And katarn, those are some good story points. Alright, i'll see what i can do with that. And i have some interesting plot twists up my sleeves as well... Doman and his strike team of seven men were already in the Lambda-class shuttle. Strike team two was also ready. Their shuttle would leave jsut after theirs. Once the Star Destroyer got out of Hyperspace, they'd launch. Trough the front window, Doman could see the blue Hyperspace tunnel fade away. There was Dantooine. The shuttle took off and flew out of the Hangar bay. This would be Doman's first mission. Before that, he was assigned to active guard duty a small outer-rim outpost. After the outpost was attacked by rebel terrorrists, Doman was promoted to sergeant... 'We'll be landing in about four minutes.' The pilot said. They broke trough Dantooine's atmosphere. 'Three minutes.' The pilot said. At that moment, Doman heard a loud bang, and the shuttle shook on all sides. 'What the hell was that?' He asked. 'Anti-Air fire.' They pilot replied. 'I can't figure where it's coming from. Brace yourselfs, i'm gonna try and dodge it!' The commlink beeped. 'This is shuttle Gamma-2, we've been hit and we're going down, i repeat, going down!' 'Dammit.' The pilot said. 'We're on our own now...' The shuttle's left wing was hit, and it went spinning for Dantooine's surface. They crash-landed on top of a hill. Doman lost consciousness. One of the troopers woke him up. 'Sir?' He asked. 'Are you alright?' 'Ugh... I think so... How many casualties?' ' One, and the pilot, sir. We don't know about second team though. We've lost contact with them.' 'I'm sure they'll be just fine. We'll just have to make our way to the objective without them.' Doman said. 'We should at least get off of this hill, we're sitting ducks for airstrikes here...' Later that day, somewhere on the vast plains that stretch across Dantooine... The group of troopers Were trying to make their way to the rebel base... 'We're lost, aren't we, Sir?' A trooper asked. 'Shut up, TK-423, We're not lost.' Doman answered. 'Then how would you call it, Sir? Spatially displaced?' The trooepr replied. Doman turned around. 'Alright. So we're lost. Smart-talk ain't gonna help us there. So you got any better ideas?' He asked. 'Yes.' A trooper by the designation of TK-425 said. 'We shouldn't follow this fool anymore, like i've been telling you from the start. He's too inexperienced. ' 'Well, Mister experience, why don't you come over here and show us rookies how it's done.' Doman replied. 'Shut up!' Another trooper shouted. 'What?' Doman asked. 'He is pretending like he... 'Just shut up! I think i hear something behind that hill.' 'Alright then, Tk-423, 425, go check it out...' I think this is a fine start, dontha think? Of course, TK-425 is going to be the Hard-ass, as you may have noticed... But it's your general storyline so just say it if you wanna add/change anything... Also, other people, feel free to join in... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katarn07 Posted August 7, 2004 Share Posted August 7, 2004 The plot points I gave you were ripped from an unfinished story of mine. I just adapted it to fit your Datooine thing. Do what you want with it. Kill Doman or don't. Your characters, your story I like it so far. It's short and simple. I usually end up going on and on over nothing and it bores the readers. I only feel comfortable writing dialogue and a basic story and not the setting and descriptions of stuff. Your dialogue's a tad dry but at least you have dialogue. You need them to have more words and give them some actual character. What they say and do makes or breaks a good story. I wrote a short screenplay for school (I posted it here a couple days ago). If you like that, I suppose I can contribute some more stuff to this project of yours if you want but not at the moment. I can do it later if you'd like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black Knight of Keno Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 Check it: http://www.theforce.net/theater/shortfilms/troops Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katarn07 Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 Originally posted by Darth Tepe Check it: http://www.theforce.net/theater/shortfilms/troops There aren't many people who haven't seen it. That is a great video Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black Knight of Keno Posted August 12, 2004 Share Posted August 12, 2004 Hilarious resemblance to the start of your ideas, Katarn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShadowTemplar Posted August 13, 2004 Share Posted August 13, 2004 Interesting angle. I hope it takes flight. Personally I don't like the 'green recruit' scheme. It just doesn't fit with the Stormtrooper fluff. These guys are supposed to be hardcore, brainwashed fanatics. But the Imps have many other troops at their disposal. Some are a little more... well sane and human. Oh, and having the Imps discover the base on Dantooine seems like a bad idea, because they are completely unaware of it at the beginning of A New Hope (at which point it has already been deserted for some time). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doomie Posted August 13, 2004 Author Share Posted August 13, 2004 I've got it all covered, thanks to some interesting plot twists... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShadowTemplar Posted August 18, 2004 Share Posted August 18, 2004 I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Paint me the picture. I'm not going to believe that the guy in the side alley is afraid of the streetgang unless you show his fear. Heartrate, sweating, bloodpressure, etc. Similarily, simply relaying information about a crash doesn't do much to convey the feeling of 'oh crap' associated with it. Details, details, details. It is very hard to go overboard on them (although it is definitely possible: I've had to fix a couple of paragraphs in my own stuff because the details obstructed the flow of the story). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doomie Posted August 20, 2004 Author Share Posted August 20, 2004 Well, i'm only learning... And the best way to learn this kind of thing is to do it... whenever i have inspiration... But keep posting commentary, i like to know what i'm doing wrong... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evil Dark Jedi Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 This is pretty good.Nice and funny avatar by the way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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