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one battle for the whole galaxy


Jet Jedi

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( Jacen De Koras,a jedi from the time before hyperspace flipped up and thrust down at his target... the greatest lord of the sith to date)

Aaaaaaaargh!

( He fell as a lightsaber blade smashed into his knee)

Sto...p thi...s. Why do I have to turn... to the si..th? I may be... a loner from... the jed..i ord...er but i'll nev..er be a sith! Aaaaaaaaaargh stop! Stop! Stop!!!!!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaargh! ( as you may have noticed hed was being seduced to force lightning)

EDIT: (someone be the sith plz)

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  • 1 month later...

Sorry to be a critic, but you won't get amny members here.

 

1) No character sheet

 

2) No plot line

 

3) No objectives

 

4) You should write authoritavely. Example:

 

Instead of saying this:

(thrusted a bolt of force lightning) come to the dark side.(more force lightning)JOIN THE DARK SIDE. you will have ultimate power.

 

try this:

Slane thrust a bolt of force lightning at the jedi. "Join us. Join the dark side. You will have the ultimate power." He attacked with more force lightning.

 

 

Look at the RPGs called the Phantom. I joined it because it had the best story line, a good plot, objectives, rules...

Pardon me please, lately I've been a fanfic/rpg critic.

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