machievelli Posted April 30, 2010 Author Share Posted April 30, 2010 Elevation of an Outcast Mandalore Reborn Improper word usage, lied instead of lay, as slight instead of a, baring instead of bearing. These are editing problems, nothing, more. The battle was well done except the enemy ships were too weak. You wax lyrical about the strength of the battleships, yet they went down relatively easy. An enjoyable read. Fanfiction.net Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic Bits Chochos KOTOR on Tatooine: You did not need most vainiest unless you switched the postions making him the most arrogant. While accord and agree can mean the same thing, you should have had them agreeing to meet. It’s remind instead of remember, I feel that English is not your first language, and I was proven correct when I looked at your profile. Since I could not string even a simple sentence together in Spanish, I am impressed. Death of the Academy JP McClendon KOTOR on Dantooine: Malak takes his revenge on the Academy Unfortunately, I did not have time to read all six postings. From what I did see This is a fairly journeyman work, the writing smooth, the pace fast. The action becomes a bit overwhelming, and the primary problem I had was with the almost constant usage of the game terms for the moves. If he stretches out his hand and the opponent is thrown backwards, I know it is a force push, while my way is a bit more wordy, it doesn’t sound like I am merely reiterating the game orders given. Imperfectly Ada Evol TSL on Peragus: The adventure flashes back to it’s beginning The piece is fun because of the irreverence. The Exile snarling about the fact that only her underwear is there, mourning the loss not only of pants but lingerie as well. Her reaction to her own name was indicative of someone who feels it besmirched by her supposed crimes. Two Tarisian Ales Wraithfighter Post KOTOR: Carth wait’s the one night of the week he allows himself, hoping she will return. For a moment, I thought I had read this already, then I discovered it is the prequel to the third bottle which I did read back in 2007 over at kotorfanmedia. Like the other story, it shows the descent into depression of Carth as he waits for his love to return. The sheer stubbornness of his actions tell of someone unwilling to admit defeat, right down to the ring he carries. Pick of the Week Redemption Wraithfighter Post TSL: The final confrontation between a light side Revan and a dark side Exile does not go as she had planned This was light sabers and psychoanalysis mixed. The Revan we see is wed to the light side so firmly that nothing fazes him. The catalog of ills the Exile has done flows over him like water, and like water, does no appreciable damage. His last words to her in this all to brief work, are telling. I am a pagan, but the best description would be of Saul of Tarsus after he was redeemed and became Paul. Pick of the week. kotorfanmedia Light Side Male Revan Lipstick and Lekku, Part 1 Ryl00 KOTOR aboard Ebon Hawk: Mission tries to relieve her boredom The writing is smooth and flows well. The theme was fun, mainly Mission’s reminiscing, but the kid is bored. Like any good prologue, I expect the fur to fly very soon. Double Whammy Renee Enderson Pre KOTOR: Bastila captures Revan, but with a twist The piece flows well, and the humor was light, yet funny. You have to admit, the red crystal is a bit of hot pink, and Revan focusing on that was very silly. Dark Side Female Exile Play Inyri Post TSL: The one sport both the Exile and Atton enjoy The piece is nice and dark, Atton and the Exile drawing people to them like a pair of spiders so they can ‘play’ with them. The scenes make you a bit nervous about them. Pick of the week All the Time Reltran Post TSL: Coming now for the last of her old companions The piece was a bit confusing, though the last paragraphs helped explain it. The repetitive ‘he killed me’ was bit wearing after a while. It does not require a lot of work, but it could have used a bit more back story, since every death she caused was merely recorded except for the two men. Cold Scream Post TSL: All he feels is cold The piece is a frozen bit of horror at what they have become. A balancing act between her red hot fury, and his icy cold regard of her. His last question pushes perilously toward the brink, for he cannot imagine being alive yet so cold. Chilling. Pick of the week Soft SmileMandalore Post TSL: Even now, she is still soft The piece is a little snippet of life, a reunion neither expected. Having merely sampled the author’s work, I do not know who Jakkie is, but I can feel the Exile torn apart all the same. Pick of the week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted May 7, 2010 Author Share Posted May 7, 2010 Excerpt From A War Journal RC1162 Set during Clone Wars: A young Jedi wishes for another life The piece is a bit depressing, because you know that in every group there are those who really don’t make the cut. Putting a boy this age in charge of troops reminds me of the commanders in Eurpe during the 11th to 14th century when the commanding officer was the one with the highest social rank, regardless of their competence. Welcome back, you just need to remember to polish, RC. kotorfanmedia Light Side Female Revan Destiny's Pawn: Dantooine, Prologue Allronix KOTOR on Dantooine: Juhani’s past is revealed. The piece is a bit disjointed, but well worth the effort to read. The author has taken elements we knew already, and woven them together to give us a before and after vision of Juhani’s life before she is met in the game. Light Side Male Revan Past Times TheJediSentinel Post KOTOR on Coruscant: Revan receives part of his past Last week was the end of the Dark Side Exile category, so this week, the other characters from KOTOR Other KOTOR characters On the Brink JediQB Pre KOTOR on Sith flagship: The Jedi strike team captures Revan The piece is good covering pert that we knew, and the events leading up to it. It is odd seeing Vrook as a strategist when he had stood so vehemently against the war before. Having Bastila save Revan’s mind suddenly was perfectly done. She sets the stage for what we know will happen. Pick of the Week Foresight Prologue Arrow Critiqued originally 5 November, 2005. That review is below; Set during interim between Kotor 1 and 2 As Revan and the Onasi family settles into ‘marital bliss’ old memories start to surface. Well written, an excellent read. Reprise Pick of the Week Trapped wingedrevan Originally reviewed 18 November 05. That review is below; Set after the events of KOTOR1. Revan deals with her love of Bastila, and her acts as the Dark Lord. A well-written piece with an excellent view of the angst of the character. Reprise Pick of the Week Fanfiction.net A Friendly Wager Sebastian DeLaOsa KOTOR after the Star Forge: Three unlikely people get together to settle a little bet. The piece is short but fun. The bet, even the explanations as to why they are together, is choice. Pick of the week Heaven and Hell Rawtooth TSL Aboard Ebon Hawk: Atton’s dreams merge past and present The piece was darkly disturbing, mixing someone he had brutalized with the present Exile. His words to the Exile a bit rushed, making him more the fool than he appears normally. Call it a Lapse Sibella TSL on Dantooine: Neither expected it. The piece is warm and gentle, lovingly describing the scene and the events. The ‘lapse’ was smoothly done, and well portrayed. Pick of the Week A Warm Reception Sebastian DeLaOsa Post KOTOR: At the wedding reception, Canderous had to find something to do… The piece is soft and mellow, relaxing together while they make fun of Revan and his bride. Canderous as the unofficial ‘head of security’ and in by play with the one Jedi guard were just icing on the cake Jedi01 Lone Fighter Darkmonkeybishop During Imperial Era: One boy flees disaster The piece is too short to do a full review on, but having read the author’s profile, I see what needs to be done. I wrote an article over at Lucasforums in the Expert Forum http://www.lucasforums.com/showpost.php?p=2079274&postcount=25 where I explain the standard nomenclature of fighters and combat. Your battle scene was disjointed and confusing. Check this out, and see what I mean. Keep 'Em Coming JediExile TK-421 Post TSL: Two men commiserating in a bar… The piece is fun in that two people who never really meet in the game come together to share the one thing they do have in common. Both fell in love with their women, and both are now alone in their misery. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted May 14, 2010 Author Share Posted May 14, 2010 Fanfiction.net The Choices You Make nonchalance TSL On Peragus: The Exile begins her journey The only real problems I saw were that there is no description or characterization. You also spelled scratched without an r. These are editing problems. The piece was basically a generic retelling up to freeing Atton from his cell. Revan the Barbarian The Karlminion KOTOR aboard Endar Spire: The battle to survive Remember conversation breaks. The piece needs polishing, the action is too fast paced sometimes, then drags as the armor and weapon are lovingly described. The points I have made are editing problems, not major dings. Remember to reread, edit, and rewrite. Revan as a Mandalorian is a bit of a switch. Especially considering he is accepted by both Carth and the Jedi who seems to have attached himself. Carth at least should have recognized the armor. The Revan Show The Demon Phoenix Post KOTOR aboard the Star Forge: When you’ve taken the entire Galaxy, can you afford to look a bit silly? The piece is disorganized, confusing, and thoroughly entertaining. Revan as a buffoon with his mortal enemy a pillow, complaining because a super laser still hasn’t been installed, trying to collect rent from people who live aboard, even blowing holes in his own station to make himself look more cool. Betrayal of Hearts Firera TSL on Malachor V: A New Dark Lord begins her ascent The piece is fun in that part one doesn’t really link to part two, or does; but has a fun plot twist at the end. Understanding noneko KOTOR aboard Ebon Hawk: They speak and things get better. The piece could have used some polishing, but that’s all I noticed in the way of reviewing. With Juhani Mission has something no one else on the ship has, someone who has been there, done that, and lived to tell the tale. It’s a problem soldiers have a lot when they come home. Everyone wants to ‘hear’ the war stories, but how many of them have experienced it? That experience is a bond nothing can break. The Solo Journals morgancrow POST KOTOR: Revan deals with being the hero and having someone try to kill her. I started reading this, and when I was done, remembered the old Lays potato chip commercials; bet you can’t read just one… The star of the show is well wrought, the situations smooth and the burgeoning relationship between her and Carth enjoyable. Her explanation of why no one is noticing her segues and explains why an assassin might. The council seems to have gotten it’s head out of it’s respective rear ends, and things are looking bright. My only complaint.. Where’s the rest of it! Pick of the week kotorfanmedia Light Side Female Exile Your Move, Babe A-Tarkheena TSL aboard Ebon Hawk: One memory segues into the present. The piece is well done, this is not the Jedi you remember from the story. It’s the normal human in a life or death struggle, and making the wrong choice. The pieces fit well together. I just wondered how she got away back then. Pick of the Week Other KOTOR characters From the Ashes Prisoner 24601 Reviewed originally on 25 November 2005, that Review is below: Starting 72 hours before the KOTOR game. The style is crisp and clean, and the small amount of background (Giving Carth a rank for example) helped a great deal. Reprise Pick of the Week One night on the Ebon Hawk... Yggdrasil KOTOR aboard Ebon Hawk: Hanky-Panky in the women’s quarters The piece is short, blast it. I enjoyed it as I have everything of this author’s I have read. Juhani’s guilty little secret is so, I hate to say it, cute. Pick of the Week Struggle: Chapter 1 Yggdrasil Originally reviewed 4 July, 2006 That review is below; After the destruction of the Star Forge, a Jedi out for revenge meets Revan and her crew. I was hooked three paragraphs into this. Outstanding work, the angst of the main character is haunting. Reprise Pick of the Week Chasing Redemption, Prologue: A Hard Truth Prisoner 24601 Originally reviewed 2 Dec 05. That review is below: Direct sequel to the author’s From the Ashes . The style is still excellent, and the segue from sad memorial for a fallen enemy to arrest by special operations troops is well done. The readers on Kotorfanmedia gave it ten thumbs up. Add mine to it. Reprise Pick of the Week Common Ground Prisoner 24601 Pre KOTOR: Carth meets the woman he marries, and later mourns The piece was wonderful. We get to see Morganna not as an ideal he mourns, but as a scruffy student intent on her work. His fascination with the woman is immediate, and their fumbling through his asking for a date was perfectly portrayed. Pick of the Week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted May 21, 2010 Author Share Posted May 21, 2010 kotorfanmedia Other KOTOR characters Thinking 'Bout It : Not Your Average Wake-up Call ( Part 0I ) Fnord KOTOR aboard Endar Spire: She’s had a bad day without coffee already… The piece is amusing, the heroine too busy whining about her day so far to worry about minor things like Sith trying to kill her. Family Ties Prisoner 24601 Pre KOTOR aboard Leviathan: A family reunion with an odd pair as family The piece takes two disparate characters and joins them as family in a way that is unique and thought provoking. Laying the entire blame for Telos on Malak, and making Mira’s mother the ‘bad guy’ is the opposite side of the coin. It is an interesting tableau worth reading Demure Arrow 2 years Post KOTOR on Citadel Station: Two teenagers deal with the situation in time honored fashion The only problem I had was picturing Mission in a pink dress. From there it was easy and fun. Two ancillary characters getting along as you might expect of a pair of awkward teens. Their subtle and not so subtle putdowns are the perfect foil to what is really happening. Pick of the week Inevitabilities Athenaprime Post KOTOR: A revelation from Bastila; and what do you mean there’s a list…and a bet? The scene is well set. The revelation as it always does, surprises the male part of the equation, and makes the scene amusing when he tries to recover. His immediate comment that he was ‘faster on the draw’ brought to mind some things that made me want to laugh in delight. Pick of the Week Differences Envoy Coolis KOTOR aboard Ebon Hawk after Leviathan: How can you deal with it? The piece is excellent, the angst of what he might do wearing on Onasi as he considers. The end a bit abrupt, but thought provoking. As another reviewer mentioned, the fact that Carth does not speak Shriiwook is a problem. Pick of the Week Debt, Chapter 1 - Innocent Captive Lastofthelineage Originally reviewed 15 December, 2005; review below Set after KOTOR I A redeemed Malak must prove Revan is innocent of a heinous crime. There aren’t many stories out there where Malak was redeemed, and this was the first I have read. The style is excellent, and only needs editing to make it first class. Reprise Pick of the Week Fanfiction.net Star Wars Republic Commando: Delta Force Pulse5 Set in Republic Commando: A team goes to rescue some hostages Cumbersome sentences. As an example "That's them taken care of." The primary problems I have with the piece are technical. Technical, Priorities: Tatooine is a Hutt owned world, and as such is neutral. What you have done is drop an assault team into say Mexico around Quintana Roo to capture a drug lord. A police operation, not a military one. A major heavy-weight terrorist would be worth that effort, but not some Hutt doing what Hutts seem to do naturally. A failure of this mission could bring the Hutt in on the Separatist side. Military procedure: You sent a pretty small team. Could they pull off the mission, sure. But they’re going about it wrong. The first rule of special ops like these is intelligence. You don’t even pick the team until you have the target clearly defined and located. Think of Osama Bin Ladon right now,; do we have teams ready to take him? Yes. Do we deploy them? No! Having your team wander around a town means every one who sees them is a possible conduit to the enemy. Having them tell everyone they talk to what their mission is a recipe for failure. The Republic should have had a specific location, numbers of enemy troops, and if possible a layout of the location for them to pore over and work out operational plans before the first boot hit dirt. Remember, the first stage of the newest Gulf war was nicknamed shock and awe because we told them ‘we’re going to take you down piece by piece and there’s nothing you can do to stop us’, then did exactly that. But they did that by clear intelligence of targets and those target’s capabilities. Operations; For this you need to be sneaky, not lethal. If I were one of the interior gate guards, I would have immediately set off the alarms because the external security force reported nothing at all even though that is their job. Someone knocks, I wouldn’t open the door, I’d alert the others, and set up an ambush, only then opening the door. If there is only one way in the Commandos should have pulled back and considered alternatives. Republic Commando: Tip of the Spear Metalguru Set in the Clone wars: An operation to take down the power supply to an enemy force. I hate to do it, but the term is whittled (cut away) not whiddled (urinated) away. The piece is interesting in that the operations are smooth, and the by-play between the two teams clear. The ‘new’ team made up- as Omega had been- of survivors from destroyed teams, is just shaking down again, and are a bit rough because of it. Technical note: The Jedi who supposedly ordered the clone army was Sifo-Dyas. Jedi Bathrobe OldSmoke Post KOTOR: Revan has two things he must deal with; Carth borrowed his expensive armor, and Darth Bobo? In spite of a rendered twisted and repulsive would read better as; ‘In spite of being rendered twisted and repulsive‘ recalled ‘itwheneverhe neededto lift his spirits‘. Shouldn’t this be separate words? It isn’t the first or last time this happened. The piece was cute in that there is a lot of subtle humor. Carth talking to himself about his choice. Revan wearing of all thing a Jedi bathrobe then later what sounds like a zoot suit. Journal of a Soldier Ragnarok2 Pre KOTOR: Carth Onasi’s diary The piece is rambling and a bit incoherent. Carth and the Republic seem to drift along doing nothing of use until Revan arrives, then goes back to drifting when Revan died. A journal would be deeper in covering more of the back stage rather than just the headlines three years apart. Drenched Shike77 TSL Aboard Ebon Hawk: A game of pazaak and therapy The piece was good but not good enough for me to go on to the other chapters. The one thing in the game I loathe (Beyond the Disciple) is Pazaak, and having them play a game as this goes on did not endear it to me. The part at the end, where she suggests that others had wanted to be her lover and died for it was intriguing. Layers of Deception Sera Terranova KOTOR On Taris: The memory is like an onion The piece is interesting in the layers and layers of memory created for our heroine. Her present, romances in the past, her childhood, all lovingly layered like pain on a ship’s hull. But there are cracks in it, things noticed by her companion. Pick of the Week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted May 28, 2010 Author Share Posted May 28, 2010 Underworld Canderis No specifc era given: Pursuit of a murderer. The piece is really too short to get a handle on. The action is moving too fast, with little direction as yet. Fanfiction.net Walking Wounded Sibella Post TSL: The two crews along with a few surprises join forces to find the two missing Jedi. The piece is fun in that we find out about some of their lives in the process; Jolee has done yet another vanishing act, Mission and Dustil are married, the Exile has three brothers, two of whom are going along. I wish that there were more. One Breath Allison E.L. Cleckler TSL on Malachor V: The Exiles faces Sion. The piece is well wrought, with a definite path it follows. The fight is drawn out, the pacing fitting the mood. The end is almost anticlimactic. Pick of the Week Different from the rest Halo Lady During the Clone Wars: This trooper is different from the rest. An interesting premise. The character feels left out, not surprising. Stowing away would have made sense if the difference could have been hidden that readily. Having others in the squad ignore the character wouldn’t work very well for long. A combat team has to work together. My problem with it was how clueless are these guys? Pick of the week Hell to Pay The Karlminion TSL at the beginning: T3 works to save the ship Except for the demanding voice telling it what to do, this is a generic retelling of the introduction to the game. You leaned too heavily into the game itself, turning the mission into a scavenger hunt of ‘open box, get goodies’ which in the game is all right, but as a literary work is not. Star Wars, KOTOR: Jedi Scriptures Dante Cross Post TSL: A pair of young thieves decide to raid an old Jedi enclave… The piece is confusing, there is no character development, and everything is moving too fast. You go from being shot at by bounty hunters to being shot at by droids with very little pause, with no rhyme nor reason for it. kotorfanmedia Knights of the Old Republic III: Force of Echos WebMistressGina Originally reviewed 12-30-05 That review is below: Revan is getting together a few good people... The style is well done, the story easy and fun to read. The readers on Kotorfanmedia gave it twelve thumbs up. It deserved them. Reprise Pick of the Week Star Wars KoTOR: Behind the Game Karacat KOTOR Behind the Scenes: You don’t think the game just got made, did you? I don’t know what I expected from the title, but what I got was a riot! HK as a flaming queen, Bastila having a photo shoot done by Maxim, Some of the worst bad guys being either flirtatious or busy with of all thing, lighting, camera, and catering. It was as if the author had merely turned the scene around so we’re seeing the entire crew with their hair down (Or in Saul’s case, showing off his new ‘Hair club for men’ do). I especially loved Revan’s complaint about Malak because she really wants to be part of the sequel. Pick of the Week The General Clue Skypilot Post KOTOR: One clue gives Carth a reason to find Revan. The only real negative I have is that is is a womp rat, not a wompa. The piece is dark and foreboding, the clue minor, but Carth at this point is feeling like a fool for staying when Revan left. The messenger has his own agenda, and you can understand his disquiet at Carth’s reaction. KOTOR: Defiance KOTORFanForLife Pre KOTOR: Just like any two kids… The story is well written, and gives you two squabbling kids in a nut shell. The fight they do have is minor, and really what you expect of them from later in life, and the scene where she subtly helps him excellent. Pick of the Week Foretelling of a Wet Wedding Charys Originally reviewed 02 03 06 that review is below; Set a year after KOTOR. A reunion with a few extra twists... Charys starts you off thinking it’s just a simple assassination. Before you know it you’re dragged along as the entire crew gets behind Carth’s attempt give Revan not only a bracelet, but also some quality time together. Ambushing the reporters was a nice touch. Reprise Pick of the Week The Language of Love Seraterranova Originaly reviewed 15 December, 2006, That review is below; Set approximately a year after the Star Forge: Some in depth look at Telosian society, Revan’s reaction to it, and what really happened. The work is well done, the in depth look at the character is sublime, and the end a definite giggle. 24 readers gave it a thumbs up, and I understand why Reprise Pick of the Week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted June 4, 2010 Author Share Posted June 4, 2010 Dragon Age: Bargaining with Sten! Tysyacha Set in Dragon Age: Doing laundry after the battle The piece is, as she said, short. The end was actually more fun then the rest, because the admonition to ‘wash it twice’ suggests something other than sweat. I did like the dog’s name, because I’ve heard two year olds trying to name something. kotorfanmedia Coming of Age: Malak Wook Pre KOTOR: Malak has a vision he refuses to allow. The piece is interesting in a number of ways as others have commented. First having Malak and Revan be siblings is different, explaining the tattoos well done, and the vision chilling. Pick of the Week New Ties Arrow Post TSL aboard The Ebon Hawk: Are there really rules? The piece is light and fun. Jolee merely slapping down the idea that there were actual codified rules. That they pretty much muddled along than actually trying for hard and fast rules makes more sense than setting tight rules. As Jolee points out. Making it forbidden would actually make it more desirable. My question is, who is Mira setting her sights on? Pick of the Week Every Hour On the Hour Jiara Originally reviewed 3 Feb, 2006. Initial Review is below Set in KOTOR. HK’s daily routine with some amusing twists. 65 readers on this site gave it a thumbs up, 41 thought it was worth commenting on, and after reading it I can understand why. HK is himself, and the exchanges between him and the other members of the crew were hilarious. But not half as funny as his own internal dialogue. His equating snoring (Observation: Human male Jedi is producing a rasping, grating nasal emission similar to that of the human female Jedi.) with Force powers caused me to snicker. It wasn’t the first either. If I didn’t have to worry about him slaughtering anything and everything, I would love to have him around just for the entertainment value alone. Reprise Pick of the Week The Facts of Life Kosiah Pre KOTOR in the Sith Academy: Even with the death of a Dark Lord, things go on. The piece is well done, the animosity all so low key, yet just as acrimonious as they would be. We’re looking not at the Jedi, but the Sith yet the kids are the same, just tweaked by their philosophy. Giving Dustil’s lost love a family is just icing on this cake. Pick of the Week A Discussion Envoy Cools Originally reviewed 3 Feb, 2006. Initial Review is below A dueling challenge response set three years after the end of KOTOR. There is a feeling of letting go as the two characters (Revan and Dustil) talk about allowing their animosity to flow away. The piece is short, but very well done. Reprise Pick of the Week Fanfiction.net It's All Fun and Games Kitterpillar Pre Mandalorian Wars at the Academy: Like any game, it can go too far. The piece is fun, with Jedi kids acting like kids, and the adults, well, in one case being himself, the other being as much as kid as the one he speaks with. The age old admonition about putting someone’s eye out was just too much. The Troublesome Student mushroom-hunter-d Pre Mandalorian Wars at the Jedi Academies: From troublesome to delightful. The story flows well, the relationship growing in a logical manner from teacher to student to finally lovers. Atris, who is the focus goes through what you might expect; the original irritation, to caring about the boy, to being unwilling to let her feelings flow. The end is sublime, and his statement that they are no longer teacher and student, merely allows her to let go. This is in two parts, and I didn’t even think of time as Iwent from one to the other. Pick of the Week Like Wolves Phoq Originally reviewed 10 Feb 2006 at kotorfanmedia, that review is below: Set six years after KOTOR: The exile tracks down Revan to gain revenge. Back in January I reviewed Phoq’s Wounds of the Past. At that time I commented on a stilted style, and that it would improve. I am happy to see that I was correct. Like Wolves flows gently like butter, smooth and delightful. 17 readers on the site gave it a thumbs up. Add mine. Reprise Pick of the Week Lost Brother Skulls Clone Wars during ROTS: A Strike team joins Obi Wan and Anakin in the rescue of Palpatine The biggest problems I had were with the flow and the jumping of scenes from Kashyyk to Coruscant. The flow problem is because you forgot conversation breaks. Picture a stream flowing over rocks, then throw a lot of rocks into it suddenly. The flow is the story moving from beginning to end, and the rocks are when the reader, who is floating along with your story being pummeled by confusion as to who is talking and what it is about. A story should flow naturally and carry the reader along. As much as they do it in the movies, travel from planet to planet is not going to be that fast. The Knight and the Princess Kaiju Moth About 7 years after KOTOR: Revan tells his son a bedtime story based on truth The piece has Bastila and Revan settled down into marital bliss, and him using the tale we all know as a backdrop for the story of how they got together. More slice of life than anything else. Kotor: Beginnings xInuyashaxangelx Pre Mandalorian Wars: Just two typical kids I only had time for the first chapter, but the flow moved like a river with little or no disruption to the end, and I wished i could read on. The unlikely pair of Revan and Bastila sniping at each other as teenaged children, and flirting as they did so was a lot of fun. Make it better? Polish it a bit, like Bastila’s boots. Pick of the Week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted June 11, 2010 Author Share Posted June 11, 2010 Chronicles of James Vreson, hero of the colapsing republic exoduz No specific era given: Just a day in the life of a street gang. Remember that proper names are always capitalized. Also remember that some foods are not generic, they achieved that name or nicknames due to specific events, like hot dogs. You’re rushing the story too much, with too little detail. If your character is Han Solo, or Admiral Ackbaar, even Admiral Daala, we have a vision of what that person looks and acts like. All we get from the main character’s name is that he is human and has an attitude. I’ll admit JV sounds confident, but is it the confidence of a street tough who thinks he’s bad? Or is he like Han Solo, who takes risks? Technical notes: First, You do not have one side saying ‘your leader is dead, go home‘ to the other. Wars are fought on the morale of the troops and their leaders, not on the political level. This would have been like the US Telling the Japanese, ‘Your great Admiral Yamamoto is dead, so go home‘. That war ground on for two and a half more years. Second, there is an old saying that the standing nail is the first to get hammered. No matter how good you think you are, you do not attack a police patrol and stay where they can get you. As I told my stepdaughter after she had done something stupid but not completely illegal, the police are like a radar grid. You don’t want to come out where they make a note of you, because once you have done so, they will remember you. When Louie in Casablanca said ‘round up the usual suspects’, he meant people who had come up on his radar and deserved to be hassled even if they had done nothing. Again, the piece is far too short to get a grip on the characters or even the situation. the lost lord exoduz Ten years Post TSL: A young banished Jedi returns to fight again. As I said above, remember capitalizing. Technical note; Since one of your characters is screaming that the other should kill Malak you have HK 50 droids being used in combat about three or four years before they were even built. You also have the council, which was willing to abandon the Exile because they only thought the person evil yet at the same time, they are saying ‘a little bit of evil is all right here and now‘. Though they have the same members, is this the same council? As for the Chiss, how is it that you have the characters meeting a race that according to the EU were not contacted until right before the Clone Wars? And even then not officially contacted until 20 odd years later? After all, the region of space they live in is not called the Unknown Regions for nothing. The length is improving but again you have almost no characterization especially of the main character. We know more about his sidekick Rose than we do about Exodus. His best friend is a man and Jedi, but what color hair does he have? As for Rose, beyond introducing her, was there a reason for the confrontation between Exodus and Elrigo? Did he want to ‘buy’ as in take the engine? Was he a bounty hunter hired by the merchant who figured out he’d been mind controlled? Was he just a thug who saw a chance to do a little smash and grab? The dialogue told us almost nothing about him. Tysyacha said it best, you’re confusing your readers. kotorfanmedia Light Side Female Revan Carth's Message LS Angel Post KOTOR: She thought she had made a clean escape. The piece is smooth, and as much as you say it, you do angst pretty well. The only question I have is why she didn’t sell the Ebon Hawk as well then. We now have to wonder how the ship, and the droids happened to be together again when the Ebon Hawk arrive on Peragus. Pick of the Week Light Side Male Revan The Holocron Confessions: The Outer Rim TheJediSentinel Pre-Mandalorian Wars: A group of Jedi discover some alarming information The style is choppy and conversational, but since it is the equivalent of a dairy, that is not surprising. It could use polishing, but most people who write diaries never expect them to be read, so that is no problem. The progression of events is well thought out. The piece is good because a sense of foreboding creeps in. The idea that the enemy is communicating intentionally with sounds that the average human could not hear was not only well thought out, but brilliantly proven. The rather abrupt way they dealt with the second incursion by security was chilling in their ‘don’t mess with us’ mentality, but as a Mando’a phile, it bothers me a bit. Pick of the week Other KOTOR characters Innocence Lost Prisoner 24601 PreKOTOR at the Sith Academy; What will you do to never be helpless again? Prisoner always turns out good work and this is no exception. The piece flows well the characterization of both Dustil and Yuthura well interwoven. The only negative I have is why is Dustil going through his own final test unless this is AU? Pick of the Week Above the Ruins - Chapter One HCF Post KOTOR: Surveying a shattered world with two of our old friends The piece is excellent with it’s before the action feel. We see three of the old crew, Mission, Carth and Bastila having settled into their new lives, but trouble is brewing. The meeting planned between Carth and Mission underscore Bastila’s feelings of failure. One of those I wish I had time to read all the way through. Sadly, Canon has determined that Taris would remain a ruin, since in Old Republic it is one of the planets you can visit. Pick of the Week The Second Jedi Order: The Beginning Darth Exile Originally reviewed 10 Feb 2006, That review is below; Set in the interim between Kotor and Kotor II. Revan departs to find an evil even darker than the Star Forge. The writing is excellent, the pacing smooth and crisp. The ending leaves you wanting more. Reprise Pick of the Week Fanfiction.net Dead Eyes kaizokunami Pre TSL: Atton gets a good look at what he really is, and it isn’t pretty The piece flows well. His inner voice marks his victim and takes her, but he finds himself now caught in a web not of anger, but of forgiveness. This is the turning point in his life, and his actions make sense later in the game. Pick of the Week Letting Go Jiara Anatalis Originally reviewed 9 Dec 2005 at kotorfanmedia That review is below; Carth learns to let go of his hatred In interim between Kotor and Kotor II The writer is intense from the first few sentences, Jiara pushes the pace, as would any woman in the situation she is describing. Excellent Reprise Pick of the Week That Old, Familiar Feeling Wraithfighter Post TSL; Atton, being trained by Bastila, reveals his past to her The piece started off rather odd, and for a moment, until he called her Princess, I wasn’t sure who the master was. Weaving the old crew in seamlessly, the revelation of what he had done, and the small talk between Bastila and Mission afterward. All neatly aligned. It feels like it needs polishing, but for the life of me I can’t understand why. I liked it exactly as it is. Pick of the Week When All is Said and Done Caritas O Post KOTOR: The interrogation we all assumed would happen when they returned After reading chapter one, I was going to complain about Caritas only writing one story until I click the link for the next chapter and found almost 30 more. The piece is a bit disjointed, though primarily because of the subject matter, a full scale interrogation lasting weeks. This is one of those I wish I had a complete copy of. The humor, the ditzy main character who didn’t even notice that Bastila fell in love. The unwillingness to admit that maybe she had as well. It was just too choice. Pick of the Week Atton's Redemption Silvershadow667 TSL after Dantooine, en route to Nar Shaddaa: Neither one will admit it… Like I said about Carita above, I reached the end of this to find 18 more chapters. Just from what I have read I know I’m going regret not reading the entire thing. But unimportant stuff like a real life and trying to write my own stuff stops me cold. The undercurrent, neither willing to say what they think and feel is more fun than you can imagine. Pick of the week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted June 18, 2010 Author Share Posted June 18, 2010 Gagnerai et Perdrai (I'll Win, I'll Lose) Tysyacha NonSW Fiction: A retelling of an old fairy tale. The piece is spiced up by the author inserting herself into the story. Tysyacha liks to do this kind of thing, and I tend to like her work. One day I am going to have to read this tale. Fanfiction.net Knights of the Old Republic: Ways of the Jedi Faltallon During TSL: Wanton destruction to break one man’s spirit. The piece is an orgy of destruction with little rhyme nor reason until the end. From what I have seen of war ala Star Wars, it is fitting that you gain control of the government rather than the entire planet, and slaughtering an entire city is perfectly acceptable to ones such as the Sith. The Chancellor is merely another pawn to break to your hand, and if you must, you must. The Destruction of all he holds dear does not bode well for the planet. KotOR II: After the Credits Rolled DarthSpock Post TSL: After their flight from the destruction of Malachor V, the now reawakened Exile begins to try to remember it all. Remember a conversation break when the speaker changes; even when it is just dialogue and internal dialogue. I was able to keep track, but only just. The piece is confusing with the Exile falling into and our of unconsciousness, and the crew running frantically to repair enough to escape. When she does finally awaken, it is to confusion of the events in the recent past, a not uncommon reaction to the howling mess of war. The Fall of Malak Kusco Pre KOTOR on the Star Forge: The fallen Revan makes his old friend over. The piece is excellent, Revan driving a still loyal Jedi into the dark with words and anger. Striking off his jaw at the last is merely the period in the last sentence of Malak’s Jedi life. Pick of the Week Will It Ever End? The Creators Approximately 5 years after TSL: The new Council has settled in, but the Galaxy is not yet done with them Some problems with word usage. It is taught, not teached, like instead of liked, meet instead of meat passed out, not past out, peeked, not peaked. You teach some one, not learn them On the whole you get the calm before the storm feeling from the piece. Things have settled down, but new dangers loom on the horizon. Dawn of the Tuskens SawHawk No specific era given: Tusken raiders make an attack You are using words in a manner that suggests that English is not your first language sour (bitter) when I think you meant sure. Vary (alter) rather than very (definitely). Remember conversation breaks. The battle is disjointed; first, grenades are designed to have a specific delay time, so rolling it down a hill would only work if you’re sure it would take only the amount of time that delay is. I worked in one non SW story and developed a grenade with everything from 30 seconds to impact detonation. But you made no mention of such a fusing option so I figured a standard 3 second delay, meaning if it were falling less than 30 meters. On an incline, it would be about half of that, and on sand, less than a third. The basics are good, but we find out little about their society we have not already known. A Storm of Troopers Sawhawk No specific time, but in the Imperial Era; A scout trooper on a normal day The piece was far too short to get a grasp on it. Beyond his name and some of his skills, we find out little about the character, and nothing about the situation. kotorfanmedia Light Side Female Revan HK-REDUX - Part 1 – BAD MEMORIES Ghostie KOTOR aboard the Ebon Hawk: HK has some interesting memories in that head… It was wondering what was happening, I got the feeling of an action adventure drama with HK stuck in the role of the cop chasing some criminal. Pick of the Week Light Side Female Exile Him, Again Exile499 KOTOR on the Outer Rim: The Exile meets someone she had not anticipated. The piece is funny with her complaining about dead man giving her the wrong code, even though she had felt it wasn’t right. The only part that was confusing was that we have her meeting Atton long before Peragus. Other KOTOR characters Rixis Jan's True Tales of Bounty Hunter Glory - Episode One - "The Golden Age" HCF KOTOR ending on Korriban: A young man sort of drifts through life. The character reminded me too much of Griff, and his feeling of apathy seems to infect everyone. Manaan, Tatooine, finally Korriban, he couldn’t seem to get enough together to even try to make a difference. The long, sad death of Canderous Ordo, pt.1 TwilightMan Two Years Post KOTOR: Canderous has a new reason to live. The piece was small, but like a piece of Balkava, tart, sweet, and making you want more. Pick of the Week A Bedtime Story Prisoner 24601 Pre KOTOR: Mission’s brother abandons her The piece is good because even if she doesn’t trust him, Mission does love her brother. When he abandons her, stealing her stash, laying it off on Lena, she still dreams of the day they get back together. Pick of the Week KOTOR Fairy Tales: Puss in Boots Karacat Originally reviewed 10 February 06 That review is below; A fairy tale using the characters of KOTOR With a screen name like Karacat, you wouldn’t be surprised that she’d pick Puss in Boots. Having written a children’s story, I know how hard it is. Yet she does it seamlessly right down to the interjections you would expect from an audience listening to such a story. Well worth the time to read it. Reprise Pick of the Week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlytNerooN Posted June 21, 2010 Share Posted June 21, 2010 Hi, Thank You machievelli for the kind words reviewing part 1 of my story. Been nearly five years since i wrote it and i have a bit of a guilty conscience for those who left positive comments :-). Maybe i'll play through the game once more, and if i can find my notes, continue the story. Looking forward to SW:TOR, maybe this will be a good way to prepare :-) Thanks again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted June 21, 2010 Author Share Posted June 21, 2010 Hi, Thank You machievelli for the kind words reviewing part 1 of my story. Been nearly five years since i wrote it and i have a bit of a guilty conscience for those who left positive comments :-). Maybe i'll play through the game once more, and if i can find my notes, continue the story. Looking forward to SW:TOR, maybe this will be a good way to prepare :-) Thanks again. Glad to hear it. Keep writing, and I'll keep reading. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mawsh Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 machievelli, Hey! I am the original author of The Revan Show, which you posted on May 14th. I want to say I am honored and thrilled that my humble little piece received some recognition. It's funny, because I wrote that story YEARS ago, that I should have just happened to check up on it recently and to my surprise that it would get posted somewhere else! I do want you to know that my writing ability has improved dramatically since then. Though I am very glad you seemed to enjoy it! I originally wrote it just for fun and for laughs and I'm ashamed of it, but also proud that it would get posted on a couple of star wars sites. Thanks again! - Mawsh (formerly The Demon Phoenix) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted June 24, 2010 Author Share Posted June 24, 2010 machievelli, Hey! I am the original author of The Revan Show, which you posted on May 14th. I want to say I am honored and thrilled that my humble little piece received some recognition. It's funny, because I wrote that story YEARS ago, that I should have just happened to check up on it recently and to my surprise that it would get posted somewhere else! I do want you to know that my writing ability has improved dramatically since then. Though I am very glad you seemed to enjoy it! I originally wrote it just for fun and for laughs and I'm ashamed of it, but also proud that it would get posted on a couple of star wars sites. Thanks again! - Mawsh (formerly The Demon Phoenix) Thanks for the comment. I would hope your skills had improved, after all it's been five years. As for why, if it weren't fun, all of us would have gotten real lives by now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted June 25, 2010 Author Share Posted June 25, 2010 Ten Years of Redemption Lord Spitfire Pre KOTOR at the end of the Mandalorian Wars: The Exile seeks his future The piece is drab and dreary. The scene is like any bus station I have ever been in, and the cashier just as caring. kotorfanmedia Other KOTOR Characters Malsel and Revtel Arrow Post Mandalorian war: Revan and Malak have to deal with a very pushy narrator The piece was uproarious from start to finish. The Narrator making Malak bald just because she could, then threatens Revan with toad sex. Kreia changing her name mid-stream because this is the wrong savior/destroyer of the galaxy, and complaining about Czerka, who sold her the oven. Worth every minute of the read. Pick of the week The Lightsaber In the Gizka Statue Charys Post TSL: The combined crews land on another planet, and find a message from Revan and the Exile The piece has some interesting interplay between the characters. Brianna wanting to be teamed with Mical because both spent so much time being called by a title rather than name. The one confusing point, why both are together in the same story is explained rather neatly. The entire thing seemed to be centered on a contest, but ends rather abruptly when Bastila takes a weapon that is sort of lying around, and ends it. But we know the search will continue. Bedtime Story Wook A lot of good things have been said about this story, and I agree with most of it. Perhaps Revan is having visions of the future when she tells it. Mission constantly interrupting is perfect characterization, though sucking the thumb is a bit much. Pick of the Week Imago: A Tale Of Two Sith. Midnight Hawk Alternate Universe post KOTOR: Revan tells of her own birth The story starts out as you might expect, but as it goes on, you are drawn into the first young, then mature Revan doing everything with ulterior motives, like her mother. By the end you see the daughter is the same as well. Pick of the week Once upon a time... Phantom Post KOTOR: It might have been interesting… It was short, blast it. The story within being told started out so well, told from Jolee’s perspective, so who else could have been wise? Bastila is so upset that she takes what might have been and reduced it to terse sentences, assisted whether she wished it or not by HK47. Revan is a lot like the Jedi younglings in his amusement. Revan's Gift Allronix Originally reviewed 5 March 2006. That review is below; Set during the interim between KOTOR and KOTOR II. Three years after Revan left her crew to travel alone, Mission finds a gift. The style is clean and well rounded. The story excellent. 15 readers on the site gave Allronix a thumbs up, and they are well deserved. Reprise Pick of the Week Fanfiction.net the Mission with in SawHawk Ten years Post KOTOR: Mission dreams of might have beens. The same problem with word usage. The only saving grace is that the previous works were posted on the same day. One note, the author was young when these were written, and is now an 11 Bravo stationed in Iraq. Everyone wish him the best. Star Wars and the Honey Pot SawHawk No specific era given: Winnie the Pooh as a Sith lord? The piece was amusing primarily because of the subject. I keep trying to visualize Winnie in dark robes with a honey pot in one hand, and a light saber in the other. Then I noticed this short piece was just the beginning, there were two more sections and with a bit of trepidation, I went on. By the time I reached this line; "This is Star Wars not Star Trek! This is not fair!" I was well and truly hooked. Not to mention suddenly remembering the scene from Space Balls with the ‘jamming’ missile. I had to finish. It was sheer comedic genius. The captain arguing that being the good guy and hero is good, but being just one of the lower level good guys sucks, and Winnie upset at the waste of honey fighting such a foe. Pick of the Week In your Dreams, part 1 of 2 gekkeiju Originally reviewed 8 Dec 2006 over at kotorfanmedia, That review is below During TSL: The revelations of Atton’s past. gekkeiju had done another excellent piece here. Alike and different from the above reviewed work (Release by the same author). The setting is excellent, the piece sublime in that you fully understand why the characters are arguing, and learn more about them in the telling. Well worth a read. Reprise Pick of the Week Exiled No Longer Wook Post TSL: One last link drains away the Exile The piece is well wrought, the people worried about their leader, everyone trying their best to heal her, but one final link must be severed. A Jedi's Redemption Fallen Sith Lord Post TSL: The Exile is reunited with Revan Remember conversation breaks. The scene has a calm before the storm feel to it. The reunion very low key. HK47 monologue Childe at Heart Your forgot a word in ‘a young man in a Republic, and a young woman in Jedi robes.’ The piece is a terse recitation of the entire first game from when he met Revan, ending when he is finally reactivated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted July 2, 2010 Author Share Posted July 2, 2010 in the eyes of the hunter: tales of the bounty hunter lern Alviin Exoduz During KOTOR on Nar Shaddaa: A bounty hunter takes a new mission The piece has a lot of the same problems you have displayed before. No characterization, no description, and extremely short. Fanfiction.net Distance kaizokunami Post TSL: Atton finds his mind wandering The piece was interesting in that everything is inside Atton’s head. He is attracted by the sleeping woman, but he’s both afraid she will say yes, and afraid she will say no. HK tell little jokes Aliisza During TSL: Yeah, you can die laughing The piece starts out amusing, each character telling jokes, and the Sith assassins falling into the banter right up to the point where they die by thermal detonator. Atton’s Mandalorian joke I think was the best of the lot. Dark Changes The Lady Revan Pre KOTOR on Deralia: A little housekeeping. The piece starts of slowly with a few friends in a new place. The change is so swift that there are four dead bodies even before you realize it. The end crips and neat. Pick of the Week Result of Mandalore's death The Lady Revan Pre KOTOR: Revan takes a break, and Saul Karath chafes. The piece was idyllic in it’s own way. The war is almost over, and Revan takes a little break, which drives Karath crazy because he wants to finish the job. Each character is well defined, and the relationship between Malak and Revan before KOTOR clarified making the subsequent betrayal that much more shocking. The Darkness Endures Criann Onasi Beginning of KOTOR, Alternate Universe: As Lord Revan goes down to Taris to hunt Bastila, Malak strikes. The piece brings them all together at the beginning but in a skewed form. Revan is still dark Lord, Bastila is hiding alone, and Carth a prisoner. An interesting take on the scenes we know. Straying from the Light Writers Ambition Pre Clone Wars: A failed Padawan chooses the dark Path The piece is abrupt in it’s transition. The young man having failed his third trial, being left by his master who had become a council member, goes Columbine and decides to kill everyone. kotorfanmedia Other KOTOR characters Denouement David Gaider Originally posted March 3, 2006: That review is below After the Star Forge is destroyed, and the Republic celebrates, Revan decides what she wants in life. David Gaider is an anomaly among us. He works for Bioware, and wrote this piece at the request of fans he knew. He immediately disclaims a lot of things. He denigrates his own work more than the most vicious critic. Yet 34 readers gave it a thumbs up. 21 reviewed it. Not bad, eh? Reprise Pick of the Week Ask HK 47 Zk273 Originally posted October 28, 2005: That review is below A parody with HK from KOTOR fame as an advice columnist. While I thought the ‘just kill him’ attitude HK always displays would pall, it is remarkable funny. One of four in a series. Reprise Pick of the Week When All is Said and Done Caritas0 Originally reviewed 10 March 2006; That review is below In the interim after KOTOR. While being interrogated Ciara (Once Revan) is forced to reminisce about the events of the voyage including emotional attachments. Well written, mixing the drama of the events, the humor and romance of memories, with a full blown court of inquiry style interrogation. Excellent work. Reprise Pick of the Week A Bad Day in Paradise Faltallon Post KOTOR: The old crew from Ebon Hawk search for Revan, and find a garbage chute. The piece is action packed, and the mix of stand to the death, and ‘run away’ is outrageously funny. Pick of the Week Jabba's Palace - Original Cut Scythe404 Set in ROTJ: What if these two droids had been there instead… I wasn’t sure what to think when I started. HK47 and T3 instead? Then the action began and I was hooked. The same scenes we know so well, but with HK as the protocol droid with his satirical commentary on everything from Luke Skywalker to the director. Boba Fett defending his present employment because he had to pay the bills, and the face (And life) saving decision, hey, let’s cast them in a video game instead! Pick of the Week May the Farce Be with You Jiara During KOTOR: A scene I would have loved to see. The regular characters delightfully skewed. Vrook being told by someone that he has a twin sister (Kreia) Mission deciding to nickname Zaalbar Chewie, Bastila starring in a loop ala Princess Leia, and all of it a dream caused by fried gizka. As always Jiara makes me want to laugh out loud. Pick of the Week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted July 9, 2010 Author Share Posted July 9, 2010 Ultimatum Tysyacha Non SW Fiction: It all begins with an assassination The piece is a good build up, Tys. The descriptions give us two men one respected, the other venal, and with one shot the better man is removed. I wonder where it’s going from here? kotorfanmedia Light Side Female Revan Vacation, my foot! SaturdayInAugust Post KOTOR: The vacation has to end some time The piece is funny because of circumstance. Only a few months after KOTOR, and Revan is inundated by paparazzi and still madly in love with Carth. Jolee as a master is not surprising, but considering most of the masters we meet, refreshing. Pick of the week Dragon's Wisdom Ellagne KOTOR on Tatooine: A different take on the Krayt Dragon scene An interesting view of the scene, especially with Revan having used the force to move him from his cave rather than having to fight him. The dragon being as intelligent as the mythical version helped. I thoroughly enjoyed this work. Pick of the Week Destiny's Pawn: Kashyyyk Chapter 1 Allronix KOTOR en route to Kashyyk: The crew has yet to settle into a smooth team The piece flows well, and we get a good look at all of them. Bastila comes across almost as a clone of Kreia, opinionated and pushy; the idea that Kairi (Revan) has yet to know about Carth’s being widowed and unsure of her own feelings for him when alone. Bastila’s plan is easy to figure out, and just as unsettling to me as it is to Juhani. A good read. Playing Light on Dark - Chapter 1 Ellagne KOTOR on Taris: The pair is unlikely, but intriguing… I have rarely seen such an odd couple. Carth seems a bit out of his depth, and our Revan a smart aleck, but the pace is good, the scenes well wrought. Summer to Winter SummerWinter1990 Post KOTOR: What to do, what to do… It comes across as a rich family taking a not too serious vacation. Going to Tatooine where it begins because it’s there. Telos because Tatooine was boring, and now bound for Hoth. The cursing matches was cute, and I nearly cracked up at Polly. Light Side Male Revan Cornered TheJediSentinel Post KOTOR: The masters get blindsided by…a wedding? This piece was amusing, especially the discussion of whether our heroes should be allowed to marry. There are some of the usual ‘we can’t have attachments’ talk, and I was merely surprised that one master, Vima Sunrider was able to turn all of the arguments on their head with a few pithy remarks. Fanfiction.net KOTOR II: Mysteries in the Darkness Lexington's Hammer Post TSL: As four of the companions go on to other duties, the Exile and a small team go in search of Revan. The piece flows well, though the flowery speeches given by some of the characters is out of character for all of them. Jumping to the edge of the Unknown made sense, and the secret Revan had hidden there for a follower to find was reminiscent of a pirate’s treasure map. Destiny's Knight Sith Lord Darth Revan Pre KOTOR: Bastila’s first day at the Jedi Temple The only disagreement I had with the story was having her go from a child being sent to the Academy to being buried in lessons before a single day had passed. Having her smooth over the feelings of her new friend was well done; as someone once said, if you don’t know it’s impossible, you might try it anyway. An interesting read, a pity I do not have time to read the entire thing Langauge of Love Sera Terranova One Year Post KOTOR: Say it with flowers, but is that really the custom? It starts just like any normal pre marital piece might, and the explanation of the language of flowers is very much fun. The ending however is outrageous and even more fun, since I do know the Wookiee prize kill ritual mentioned. The piece is perfect as it sits. Pick of the Week Lucky Code Name Adania TSL on Nar Shaddaa: It looks like Atton’s lucky day… The piece is lightly amusing, and as the author herself said, you can almost feel the fan girl drool. The end is light and amusing. Chasing Redemption Prisoner 24601 Originally reviewed 2 Dec 2005 at kotorfanmedia, that review is below Post KOTOR: Direct sequel to the author’s From the Ashes . The style is still excellent, and the segue from sad memorial for a fallen enemy to arrest by special operations troops is well done. The readers on Kotorfanmedia gave it ten thumbs up. Add mine to it. Reprise Pick of the Week Another View Trevor X KOTOR on Taris: The pair of would be rescuers set up to find Bastila in their own ways. The piece was interesting in the changes made. However in a bar away from the main entertainment areas, and the Lower City would qualify, how hard would it be to find a local? Living in Las Vegas, I know the most foolish question is to ask when off the Strip is ‘so are you from around here?’. The Author admits it is a bit disjointed, and the additional character makes it intriguing, but at the same time, has added little to the story as yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted July 16, 2010 Author Share Posted July 16, 2010 Fanfiction.net The Long Journey Criann Onasi KOTOR on Taris: The story begins A lot of the background has been clipped out but most of it is admittedly unnecessary. The piece rambles a bit more than I like, but that is just me. A Jedi's Sacrifice Stella Anon TSL Aftermath: The Exile makes her decision and her next sacrifice Deep introspection, examining her own reasons from the Mandalorian wars to the present. Her decision is logical, though obvious. Coming Home Xenzen Pre KOTOR: A slice of military life, medical leave The piece is a bit of perfection because the worry about what might have happened is right there where every mother wife, lover would feel it. The worry about why he’s home now rather than at other times; communicating even to the son who has to go to school instead. Naming the soldier in question was left to the perfect place, so that you get all the worry before you know, and it gives us that extra insight into who waits. Pick of the Week Punishment The Lady Revan Post TSL; The Exile is captured as an act of revenge The piece had me a bit confused because the enemy is unclear. They are reminiscent of the Yuuzhan Vong of later years with their bio-engineered tools, yet seem to have some past with the people of the KOTOR period. The Fallen Apart FireTeam Torch Pre TSL on Telos Station: If the rules don’t work, break them An interesting read. The part I enjoyed was someone deciding to add additional directives and those causing the malfunction. Especially when the directives, to save the republic and obey the laws, are even in a human mind sometimes mutually exclusive. The road to hell Sirval TSL on Dantooine: The title says it all if you finish the quote The introspection goes well with interring the bodies of three people. Burying them also buries the past, and give her a reason to go on. kotorfanmedia Light Side Female Revan A Mandalorian's Daughter Chapter 1 - Canderous Galaxy Girl Pre KOTOR assumedly on Taris: Canderous has dreams of his adopted daughter The piece is vague in that a lot of backstory is created, but does not fit in well with what is known. It is a good read that notwithstanding. Other KOTOR characters Payback Allronix Originally posted 24 March 2006, that review below; Starting 2 years before KOTOR, segueing into the escape of Ebon Hawk. A young Twi-lek girl finally pays off on a debt to Canderous. An excellent well written piece. The style is Allronix at his best. 13 readers gave it a thumbs up. Reprise Pick of the Week The Sith Lords: Behind the Game Karacat TSL on Dxun: The cast behind the set A companion piece, since she had done the same thing for KOTOR, Karacat had a lot of fun with this, I can tell. From Brianna signing autographs, to a pink rifle for HK47, commenting on Sith assassin garb, the Exile as a movie machine star because of daddy’s money, it flowed well I especially enjoyed the cookies; Double Dark Side Deluxe! Pick of the Week Bingo Kitome Pre KOTOR: So that is why she was exiled… The piece is short sweet and cute. The idea that they play bingo (The auto randomizing cards were a good touch) and it was being caught cheating that got Kreia kicked out was a riot. Pick of the Week Final Days Jedi Boadicea 4 years Post KOTOR: An old man and his student greet some guests The piece flows well, and the characters are lovingly portrayed. Jolee is more cantankerous than ever, and Dustil while still sullen but starting to grow out of it. Mission now at 18 teaming with Canderous was a nice touch, and the Mando’s way of dealing with someone who appears to have given up on life was just too choice. Pick of the Week The Passing of Mandalore RogueLadySabyne Post TSL: The end o an age, the birth of a new The piece, like most death watch ones, was depressing. I agree that you would have expected him to go out in a blaze of glory, but even dying he didn’t whimper. The line about death as a commander tickled me because it fit’s the mentality so well. Pick of the Week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted July 23, 2010 Author Share Posted July 23, 2010 Coruscant Entertainment Center Harbinger of Fate Viridian Bandit Non-SW fantasy: The hero jumps down the rabbit hole twice The piece is interesting with the twist of going trough the same thing twice even though he had himself warned them not to do it. Not much has happened as yet, but I would like to see more. Welcome to the forum. Knights of the Old Republic - War in the Shadows Penguin Unit Post TSL: A year after the Exile’s departure, three of her trainees follow. The piece moves smoothly, though a bit forced in it’s progression. Everything is in past tense so we do not get a feel for how the expedition members are feeling. Technical note; A single ship would be ignored most of the time, but you’re sending two warships, which would not. It would cause more problems later. I tend to agree with the author; they built an entire era that stands alone, then threw it away to do TOR. From what I have heard so far there are few links to the two eras. kotorfanmedia Dark Side Male Revan Second Chances - Prologue Renee Enderson Pre-KOTOR on Dantooine: Bastila speaks of her captivity under Revan The piece take a diverging course from what we know, and the divergence is into interesting ground. What if she had been held by Revan before the capture of the dark lord? How long had it been, and is the claim by Vrook of Stockholm Syndrome remotely valid? I for one, want to see more. Dark Side Female Revan Sic ‘em Ninjer Pre-KOTOR: Fighting fire with fire Knowing what I do about black operations, the piece is well done. In every war the ‘just’ side has consider taking a leaf from the enemy’s book. Rotterdam (albeit only a threat carried out accidentally) and the bombing of Coventry led to the terror bombing of half a dozen German cities, and the firebombing of Japanese ones, because the Allies felt it was proper to answer terror with terror. An excellent dark side piece. Pick of the Week Other KOTOR characters Leave it Arrow Pre KOTOR: Malak says goodbye The piece is smooth, the characterization perfect. As another said Revan is just an adjunct to the story as this is Malak’s big scene. The Gift Jiara Originally reviewed 31 March 06 That review is below In the interim between KOTOR I and II On Carth’s birthday, he gets a very special present from Jolee. The style is crisp and clean, drawing you in and keeping you going. 38 readers on the site gave it a thumbs up. Reprise Pick of the Week Consequence Jedi Boadicea Pre KOTOR: Her training had never covered this The story flows from the dragging agony of the escape, to the preparations for the Endar Spire’s departure, and every step you can feel Bastila’s weariness. The last line is perfect, because it is not something you would expect a Jedi to learn. Pick of the Week Fanfiction.net Wild Guess Kitterpillar Pre Mandalorian Wars: A possible separation sends Malak into a tizzy. The piece is light and cute. As for the end, take a wild guess. Let Your Hair Down Helena L KOTOR at Tatooine: Sometimes you need to learn to relax The piece is a nice bit of smooth fluff, the main character taking Bastila out for a drink, and Bastila getting into the relaxation. Some downtime few authors give their characters. Well done. Kyros Orion xInuyashaxangelx Post KOTOR: The son of Revan follows his father’s path The piece is good, but the idea that he is the Exile as it appears it will be does not fit the time frame. If you accept that time frame, he would have been exiled at six. The fall of Earth The rise of The Republic DarkLordMandalore Pre Republic: The Rakatans invade… Earth The writing style is crisp and journal like, and well done. All of the problems are technical, andI will address them next Technical; Remember all of the movies begin ‘Long ago, in a galaxy far, far away’ which precludes a technological Earth to be part of it. As often as it has been suggested that humanity has built technological empires which later collapsed, and started over from barbarism, there is no evidence that it has occurred. Second, having someone other than a linguist find and read a journal purported to be 25 millennia old assumes the language had survived. English is a relatively new language, and even Chinese which is much older is believed to be less than 13,000 years old and has changed dramatically when you consider their writing system is only 4,000 years old. Languages are in a constant state of low level flux with words changing meanings. The word awful which we think of as terrible was considered s compliment in the 16th century; it was applied to Queen Elizabeth speaking of the awe people felt at her presence. In my own lifetime the word Pagan which meant the hicks who lived outside the Roman cities has come to mean atheist. Third you have an interstellar war, a very long haul proposition without a method of faster than light travel. Having the Surtins go to the ‘neighboring’ planet implies that they came from say Alpha Centauri, a trip of about six years. No one has contemplated a war on that scale for the simple reason that there is no way to have command of your troops over such distances. The Mongol invasion of Europe stopped because the Great Khan had died, and their law required the leaders of the various assault forces to come bring their men home and swear fealty, but the month to six weeks it took for a dispatch rider to start near Ulaanbaatar and ride to Vienna Austria is nothing compared to six years if the Surtins had the same custom. That invasion never resumed. I surmise that faster than light travel is not common because everyone is astonished when the Rakata use it. Finally, you have two resources that are functionally inexhaustible in the story, the crystal the Mandalorians have and the Thagreium fuel from Pluto. Either the is something observable that causes renewal or resources are exhaustible. My Promise risokura Ebon Hawk after the Leviathan: Haunted by her own past and sensing another evil to fight, Revan says goodbye to Carth. The piece is well wrought, with a flow that draws you along. The internal arguments between her past and present selves is well done, each speaking with their own voice and attitudes. Pick of the Week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted July 30, 2010 Author Share Posted July 30, 2010 Coruscant Entertainment Center The tainted love of a blind doll Revan sama No specific time: Revan and Visas in love The piece holds you warm in it’s grasp, bringing the two characters together, and allows you to see Visas’ heart yearning. Her inner argument, that it is selfish doesn’t stop it from being poignant. Welcome to the forum Pick of the Week Wine and Pointless Blabbering Mr_BFA NonSW fiction: How to get past a writer’s block The piece is as the title suggests, merely drink and pointless words. The introduction is frenetic in his wish to write, only the end result is rather sad. Fanfiction.net Destiny on the Front Editor Jen Star Wars Battlefront: A player get trapped inside the game The piece is confusing if you don’t know the game, as the author said. However the scenes flowed very well, and the character using her own capabilities to bypass the systems was well done. Something I would like to see more of. Dark Knights Djinn Slashfen Pre KOTOR: Revan and Malak travel to gather the location of the Star Forge and fall toward the darkness in the process The piece is convoluted, Revan at times the Jedi still, but more the soldier she has been and will be. She is reaching the ‘ends justify the means’ level of reality, and Malak finds himself drawn along willy-nilly. Pick of the Week Almost Dawn Allronix Originally reviewed 21 April 2006 at kotorfanmedia, that review is below: A missing scene from Kotor II. Carth and Canderous team up to rescue Revan This is the fifth time Allronix has been reviewed by me. It just keeps getting better. Reprise Pick of the week. Knights of the Old Republic: The AU Story Booksaboutnothing KOTOR on Taris: A generic retelling of the beginning of the game I did not have time to read very far, but the piece seems to be pretty much what you would expect. There is little character interaction beyond the expected. The Mandalorian Wars DarkLordMandalore PreMandalorian Wars: The stage is set Remember conversation breaks. At one point you had three different people speaking in the same sentence. Memoirs of the Exile OldSmoke Post TSL: The Exile Dark Lord reminisces The piece is diary style, so you would anticipate it is dry, but this was too dry for my liking. kotorfanmedia Before the Dawn, Part 1 Binary Star Pre KOTOR: Hell comes to Telos The piece sneaks up on you. A normal day is shattered by war, and Dustil finds in himself some of his father’s strength. The boy automatically assuming command in the crisis could some day be his father’s image. Pick of the Week A Jedi Restored RogueLadySabyne KOTOR on Dantooine: An exiled Jedi has her status returned The piece was confusing as I had no background for it. According to dialogue, this is just after Taris, but there are two new faces, only one of which we see, and this one remembers Revan as a man, so it cannot be Revan. The basis of her exile is almost trite and insulting; being removed from the order just from an accusation. Brothers Mantle of the Force Post TSL: An odd pair of brothers reunited The premise, that Atton and Carth are brothers, was an interesting way to bind the two games together. The piece is too short to see much interaction between them. The only negative is to remember conversation breaks The Coming Darkness, Chapter One: Darth Kronos TSL on Malachor V: The Dark Exile strikes not at Revan, but at her friends The piece flows well, and the rationale behind his attack is cold and cunning It's My Life Wtftastic Post KOTOR on the un-named planet: Revan drops a bomb shell on Canderous The piece is short and sweet. The build up is steady until the bomb lands, and the only problem is we never hear his reply. Plot Twists, Prologue Snugglebunny KOTOR aboard Endar Spire: The story begins with a twist… The piece sneaks up on you, and the twist of having a foursome of college students instead of Revan is cute. Their interplay as they fight the first battles is funny. ‘The force beats guns’ is cute considering what Trask had done. I agree with Luna; Where’s Darth Tater when you need the spud? Pick of the Week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted August 6, 2010 Author Share Posted August 6, 2010 Coruscant Entertainment Center Iron Heel, Iron Hand: Chapter I Tysyacha Non SW fiction: Chess as a metaphor Not being into chess, I had some rough going, but understand the concept well enough to enjoy it. The idea that someone god alone knows where is going to set you up on a date is new enough to the modern world that we can have fun with it. I’ve always enjoyed the idea that I’ll find my ‘true’ love halfway around the world and it would be impossible for us to get together. Bedtime story Star wars KOTOR version Revan sama Post KOTOR: There are reasons men dread telling children bedtime stories… The situation is fun, three friends telling their ‘nephew’ a story. The mother being upset is a given, especially when young children are little digital sound recorders when you don’t want them to use the words is bad enough, but I think the explanation of what the words meant, lying like a Persian rug, didn’t help. Pick of the Week kotorfanmedia The Darkness of Loss Charys KOTOR Aboard Leviathan: Carth has flashbacks of exactly why he is there to kill Karath The piece is perfect from the vengeance angle. He knows why he is there, and everything is perfect. The Real World RogueLadySabyne KOTOR on Taris: Carth remembers his own loss, and plots his revenge The piece is like a gem laid on a piece of silk, revealing it’s perfection. Carth’s pain is balanced perfectly with the necessity. What is the Force? Kitome PreKOTOR: Do we have the right person? The piece suggests that anyone could play the part… But the choice doesn’t work for me. Father Figures Eliavyn KOTOR on Manaan: What does it mean? The piece delves into different views of the same scene, and leaves you considering the same scene from different views. I promise Qas KOTOR in the sewers: Mission learned her work ethic from somewhere… The idea that Griff, that total loser actually taught his sister something was astounding. The piece flowed so well I wished I could have read their entire life story. Plot Twists, Chapter One Snugglebunny KOTOR on Taris: A continuation of Plot Twist The scene is funny in that with four main characters taking the Revan role, you have a chance to do all of the things you might have considered or refused. The idea that they have a backstory themselves leads to wondering what their counterparts are doing back at the university. By the way, does anyone else have a provenance on the name of that university? Fanfiction.net No Good Deed Anonymous-cat TSL on Malachor V: The title says it all The piece is poignant in that what the Exile says is true; her good deeds led to pain and death for others. Her fury at the end with this simple fact is borne out in the last sentence Carth's Obsession Evil Hobo Post KOTOR: He is a little obsessed… The piece is short and strange From Memory Fireteam Torch KOTOR on Taris: There are good reasons they memory wipe droids. The piece is funny in that most of it is from the droid’s point of view. Suggesting that T# had been programmed to be stubborn is cute, and having him automatically break her out of jail was perfect. An exiles tale Phoenix 13X TSL on Peragus: Generic retelling of the beginning of the game The piece as I said is merely a generic recount of the starting portion Shadowlands Strict31 PreKOTOR on Taris: Zaalbar’s first Lifedebt The piece is interesting because we have a woman as lethal as Revan having Zaalbar commit himself to a life debt to her. We do not know what happens from this point on but it sounds interesting. Pick of the Week I'm Getting Too Old For This Affirmation26 Pre Mandalorian Wars: Jolee at home The idea that the Jedi knew where Jolee was is interesting, and having Master Vrook treat him like a maiden aunt dragooned into baby sitting was cute. Having dealt with Revan once before, it gives you an idea of why he is so cantankerous. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Catto Posted August 9, 2010 Share Posted August 9, 2010 Thank you for your review Mach. As I replied in the thread, it was a rather "spur-of-the-moment" type of piece and much unlike many others that I have done like that, I don't mind this one. Once again, thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted August 13, 2010 Author Share Posted August 13, 2010 Coruscant Entertainment Center KotOR Film SithLordDrew KOTOR aboard Endar Spire: The retelling from a new angle The piece is good journeyman work. As to how it is done, to quote Tom Lehr, ‘This I know from nothing’. The integration of two new characters, the Selkath Jedi and the extremely nasty Twi-Lek female makes some interesting twists. Millennial: Chapter I Tysyacha NonSW: A quiet little dinner with an interesting group meeting The piece is well wrought as all of Tysyacha’s work is. The evening is a normal dinner party except for the guests, and even the youngest human in the group has her own special ability to enliven it. Pick of the Week Fanfiction.net The Darker Side of the Mirror Lady Azar de Tameran Post KOTOR: Bastila looks back The piece is short, but poignant. He aversion to mirrors is because she doesn’t want to see what she has become. There is little regret, and almost no remorse, but part of her seems to wish she could turn back the clock enough to fix this. Midnight Miss Becky TSL enroute to Korriban: Bao Dur contemplates the last act in his life…trying to kill the one he admires. The piece is excellent in it’s darkness. Both Bao Dur and the Disiple know what must happen, and while they regret it, will stand and die. Pick of the Week Rand, Atton Rand Fox Lupine TSL on Onderon: A surprise when someone leaves. The piece was a bit confusing because while she is acting like a dark Jedi, the Exile’s reactions are also more like a child who feels betrayed, first by a mentor, now by a friend. It leaves you wondering what will happen next. Imaginary Childe at heart TSL Aboard Ebon Hawk: Attom remembers the last Jedi he killed. The piece has some interesting twists. The Exile having been informed of what Atton had been, but backing off. Then the revelation of the relationship that dead Jedi had with the Exile. A very enjoyable piece A souleating problem Aliisza TSL on Nar Shaddaa: A soul eater targets Atton The piece flows well and foreboding looms. I didn’t have time to read more than the first segment, but it’s looking good. Pick of the Week Falling away The Lady Revan Post KOTOR: Revan gives one last gift The piece is poignant, the struggle to save both Revan and the child, the fall, and her end. Then the boy now a young man remembering what he had been told as a toddler. Pick of the Week kotorfanmedia The Way Things Were, Prologue amoinete KOTOR: Revan receives a disturbing vision. The piece is dark and disturbing. Closer Turtle Pre Mandalorian Wars: A rather intriguing scene The piece suggests so much, and I should slap my dirty minded little self. Bastila doing something stupid (Go figure) to impress Revan. Both Revan and the Exile frantically covering it up, and all of them scrubbing floors afterward was choice. Pick of the Week Confession Rose07 18 years Post KOTOR: Carth dies, and is reunited with his first love The piece is poignant, with Morgana who, like we imagine the afterlife seeing what happened after she had left the stage. She is still bitter that Carth had moved on, and Carth only hopes that when Revan dies, she will be as easy to love for Morgana. Where the Light Begins Chapter One JadenOnasi PreKOTOR: A twist in the same old story The piece was good because suddenly Revan was demoted from the Dark Lord to a bit player by her own twin. The idea is accepted a bit too readily, but the end leaves you with a ‘what is going to happen next feeling. I would love to read it all, but may never have the time. Sithy Sithy Heart RogueLadySabyne KOTOR on the Unknown Planet: What torture really made Bastila turn to the dark side? The answer will surprise you. The piece starts off pretty generic, Bastila being tortured, but then it segues, and horror of horrors, it becomes something out of a Country Western Honky-tonk bar. Since I feel the same way about most Country Western music, I can understand why she pleads to be a Dark Jedi rather than endure it. Just the start of the scene was enough to make me grin, and by the end I was laughing. Pick of the Week Doubt Rex Pre-Mandalorian Wars: Revan departs, but not before talking with those left behind The piece flows well, and it is a logical scene. Others have commented on the strange unwillingness to fight within the council, and I have always wondered about it myself. If you are sworn to protect a group, why do they force you to stay out of what would be the fight of their lives? The explanations given in the games makes little or no sense; especially when you consider that if the few Jedi that had gone were to have stayed home, neither game would have happened. There would have been no Malachor V, no Jedi Civil War, no Darth Nihilus or Sion. Pick of the Week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted August 20, 2010 Author Share Posted August 20, 2010 Coruscant Entertainment Center Snow White: Mass effect 2 version Revan Sama Set In Mass Effect universe: A really fractured fairy tale. The piece is absurd, and fun. The author throwing his weight around to make the characters knuckle under. Shepard in a dress, A magic mirror with an attitude, an evil queen who is supposed to be his step sister, even putting up with Young and the Restless partial synopsis for a couple of paragraphs. I only had time to read the first two chapters, but it was worth the time Millennial: Chapter II Tysyacha Second chapter of Millennial: The after dinner entertainment The piece flowed along very well. The schools of magic are interesting and the explanation of the vortex with how and why it is the ultimate punishment intriguing. Millennial: Chapter III Tysyacha Third chapter of Millennial: The after dinner entertainment continues As the piece continues, it becomes more a tale of foreboding than entertainment. Meeting a ghost should always be so simple. kotorfanmedia Provocation Yggdrasil KOTOR aboard Ebon Hawk: The crew has a…discussion The piece is funny primarily because the author tweaked the stereotypes, then let them run with it. The ending interchange, where everyone thought someone else had invited Canderous into the party was choice. A Necessary Crime Eliavyn KOTOR on Taris: Just a usual night at Jayvar’s The piece flows well, the interplay between Mission and the others in perfect character. The author filled out some background on who I assume is Canderous, and fleshed out Jayvar himself. Skin Deep Eliavyn KOTOR aboard Ebon Hawk: Revan learns some of her own path before her redemption. The piece is rambling and at time confusing. The story, and the scar that goes with it sear deep into the reader. Revan’s reaction to both fit well with the character. Pick of the Week Judgment Day Prisoner 24601 Pre Mandalorian Wars: Sometimes, justice is not served enough The piece is smooth like aged whiskey, and burns through the pain. Jolee wants to be punished for what he has done, and the Council will not give him that. It explains a lot about why Jolee ended up on Kashyyk, and why he has a deep distrust of the Order when we finally meet him. Pick of the Week Finding A Way Jiara Originally reviewed May 5th 2006 That review is below Follows the escape from Leviathan. Carth has to deal with his feelings for the woman he knows, and the hatred he has for Revan as well. Jiara is no stranger to these pages, and I hope she always has something else for me to see. The irritation of the crew with Carth, the argument in the cargo hold between him and Revan, even Canderous’ laughter and HK’s sarcasm is choice. 31 readers gave it a thumbs up. Add mine. Reprise Pick of the Week Mandalore Dinah Lance KOTOR: A look into Mandalore’s mind The piece is bland, merely a recounting. But the feeling is there, the determination not to falter. The end is perfect because the reason is all because he was asked. Fanfiction.net Until the End VanillaLatte KOTOR on the Rakata home world: Abandoned by the newly risen Dark Lord, Carth tries to fight back The piece is smooth and choice. The one change, Mission surviving, was worth the effort The Force Titans: Advent of Power MrGuy08 Pre KOTOR:A new way to manipulate the Force The piece is lackluster. The situation is intriguing, but the piece left me feeling unsatisfied. The Seminar Sera Terranova 4 Decades after TSL: An interesting twist on how the Jedi Code works and why. The piece is bland, but filling. The idea that the Padawan get a chance to judge how well their own teachers are doing their jobs is refreshing. I think in my mwo mind that this was probably a creation of the new order started after TSL. I cannot see Master Vrook being judged well by such a group, because of his angry stance against any transgression, and his narrow view of what is right and wrong. But I can’t picture Mira marrying the jerk! A Simple Life Zealit TSL on Malachor V: Binding his wounds, Visas and Brianna speak of love, and who deserves it. It is anatomy, not atonamy Remember conversation breaks. It can get confusing when there is no break to tell the reader that someone else has interjected. One minor note on anatomy, there are two bones in the lower leg. The piece flows very well. The frantic movement of a team making sure their injured member is taken care of well done, and the reactions of both Visas and Brianna in the penultimate scene smooth. Skills and Fools Shadows Run TSL aboard Ebon Hawk: A brief tender moment The game had few such scenes, and made me wonder sometimes how many were playing in the background. By the time the ship has the full party you can imagine all sorts of things happening in the background. Beautiful Shadows Run Post KOTOR, enroute to Telos: The band of brothers relaxes The piece is a nice slice of life that is amusing and calm in turn. The drinking contest was a lot of fun, along with the song parody that ended it. Pick of the Week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Revan sama Posted August 20, 2010 Share Posted August 20, 2010 Thank you Machievelli, Lord of the criticism (Sorry for the exaggeration). I am honored that you decided to review my parody Snow white: mass effect 2 version (considering the nonsense that inside). And even if you didn't red all the others chapters, I am still glad you took time to read the two first chapter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted August 27, 2010 Author Share Posted August 27, 2010 Fanfiction.net KotOR III: The Orior of the Provectus Sith Sevac Post TSL: The Exile with his crew go in search of Revan, yet behind them the evil begins again. The piece forebodes, but having Sion and Traya arguing after they are supposed to be dead needs an explanation. Letting Go Fearthainn Two years Post TSL: At her call two of Revan’s old crew make a slight detour. The piece is good with plenty of concern shown for the situation. Carth dropping everything to go fit’s the character, and Bastila feeling out of her depth was a good touch. I wish this had gone further. Pick of the Week Like Father Like Son qt3.14159 Post KOTOR on Coruscant: A meeting between father and son Like most such meetings, estranged family getting together, it is both gentle and biting. The idea that Dustil had intentionally avoided being found, then went off to Korriban on his own shows that like his father, he can focus of vengeance with the best of them. Being cut adrift, first by Selene’s death, then finding that the objects of his vengeance were already gone left an interesting choice for the boy. Jail House Humor Catoni15 KOTOR on Manaan: A frustrated crew awaits their day in court The piece does skew things a bit. Having Revan skating on the edge of the Dark Side again, the force lightning surprised me as much as it did Carth. Everyone was well and truly in character, and it shown through. The Confession Trillian4210 TSL on Nar Shaddaa: As he lays dying, Atton tells the Exile of his crimes It looked for a while like Atton would take his bow and leave the stage, perhaps it was that part that made it so poignant. His death bed confession fit with the character we know so well, and the past that he had endured was crystal clear. Hiding Helena L Post KOTOR: Bastila deals with the trauma of her fall The piece went well. None of us knows what really happened to Bastila, most times you see some character fall it’s the normal person one minute, then the Dark monster the next. Knowing as much as I do about torture without actually picking up an implement to carry it out, using such an inducement especially with a woman would fit with the Sith mentality. Pick of the Week kotorfanmedia A Different World Kosiah Pre KOTOR on Taris: She became a Sith because she was bored? Lashowe is one of those characters you see and really can’t see them being anything but what they are. She is strident, aggressive, and about as cuddly as a bear you accidentally woke from hibernation. This delves into her past, and remembering all of what led her to the Korriban Academy, her answer was so choice. Pick of the Week The Watchmen of Deralia JediDHW Originally reviewed 12 May 06 That review is below: Briane Moran (Revan) muses on her past. A very well done vignette into the past Revan remembers. I had fun with her molding Gizka out of her synthesizer slush. Reprise Pick of the Week Weakness Qas Pre KOTOR on Korriban: Dustil is given an extra nudge The piece is excellent in that a psychological knife is buried in the young man then turned twice, once by the girl he loves, again by what we know will happen to her. Selene’s characterization is perfect as another reviewer commented. There are several right, kind or nice things to say in a situation like this, but by the same token, they are excellent goads to drive someone the wrong way. Pick of the Week For Honor Marin Dakari Originally reviewed May 12th 2006, that review is below The confrontation between Jagi and Canderous from KOTOR I. As a reader I enjoyed it. As an author, this scene has always left me cold. Perhaps I just think there was a more light side way to end it. Look for it if I ever write a KOTOR II novel. Reprise Pick of the Week Source of Origin: Chapter I siempre Originally reviewed 26 May, 2006, that review is below; The events aboard Endar Spire from a drunken Revan’s point of view. The style is crisp and clean, the story well done, the combat scenes the flashing images you would expect from someone not tracking too well. This is siempre’s second review, and it is the best I have seen from the author so far. Reprise Pick of the Week Could You Really? JediDWH Originally reviewed 26 May 06: Review follows: During the battle aboard Leviathan; What went through Carth’s mind? This is JediDWH’s second appearance in these pages, and like the first, it is a well done work. The interplay within someone’s mind is easy to do. All you need to do is write down every thought and memory it invokes. JediDWH does it here with Carth trying to reconcile Revan with who he sees. When done well, it is outstanding reading. Reprise Pick of the Week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted September 3, 2010 Author Share Posted September 3, 2010 Coruscant Entertainment Center Pazaak Joan Bud No specific Era given: It’s diamond cut diamond as two cheats at Pazaak square off… Done in first person and well done at that, the piece has two people you know are cheating facing off. The +20 card is a cute trick, and how the main character explains how a cheat could get a fake card onto the table is masterfully done. Unfortunately, I did not read this story in it’s original incarnation, primarily because I did miss stories written back in the first couple of years I was doing this gig. I’m not going back, I have enough stories of my own written when I was 13 I can denigrate without looking in someone else’s past. Welcome back. Pick of the week The frozen maiden and The Dark Lord. Revan sama Post KOTOR: An off the wall romance Others have covered the things I would have commented on. It was the first I heard that the author is French, and like Tysyacha, I applaud anyone wiling to write in something that is not their own language. I am in my 50s and I would not even try, primarily because I would need books on the spelling of the language, the grammar, and the syntax. That is why Tysyacha assisted me so well when I need some Russian phrases for one of my Faerie books. kotorfanmedia For Identity Marin Dakari Originally posted 9 June 06 Original review below During KOTOR: After the confrontation with Jagi, Revan struggles again with her identity The style is excellent, the subject matter near and dear to my heart. How do you deal with discovering everything you remember is a lie? Reprise Pick of the Week 10 New Beginings, Chapter 1 Darth Pernicious Post KOTOR: Even a Jedi can be taunted into doing something. The piece is amusing in that if they had both been ten year olds it would have turned out exactly the same. It seems some people never grow up. Escape Arrow Pre Mandalorian Wars: Jolee and his prisoner decide some skinny dipping is in order. The interplay between two characters, one spoken of only in the past tense, and one we remember much later, is choice. Scars Arrow During KOTOR on Korriban: A litany of injury, and what it has made of Dustil. The piece flows well, the litany of scars and how they came to be teaches, as any survived injury will, to avoid the circumstance the next time. Friendly Competition Dinah Lance Originally reviewed 16 June, 2006. That review is below: During the voyage to Kashyyyk, Ana (Revan) gets a chance at comparison shopping... As one of the 67 thumbs up and 31 comments said; Boys will be boys. The scene is still in my mind as I write this, and I can only say this: Great work! Reprise Pick of the Week Parting Shot Tim Radley Originally reviewed 23 June 2006. That review is below: No specific time given. Possible after KOTOR II: Revan assigns missions as she struggles to deal with her treatment by Republic Intelligence. The piece is dark, worrisome, and made me angry. Not at the author or the characters, but because of the treatment of the main character. We look at war in our time as something reprehensible, that is to be avoided, but sometimes necessary. The savagery of war is always something the other guys do. Here we have the Republic portrayed as bad as if not worse than the Sith. The reason it pisses me off, is I know the ‘good guys’ are just as capable of all that barbaric treatment. This merely highlights it. Excellent work. Keep it up. Reprise Pick of the Week Fanfiction.net Traitor Revan’s Pet Duck Post KOTOR: Revan may be the Dark Lord again, but she still wants Carth RPD has turned out some quality work, and this belongs amongst them. The torture interspersed with heavy necking is well done. I cannot see him breaking this readily, but it is well done. Pick of the Week End of the Sith Carrat Post TSL: The two crews gather together to face the revived Sith threat Remember conversation breaks, it disrupts the read to have to wonder who has just spoken. The piece gets off to a slow start. The idea that Malak had a twin was interesting in it’s own way, and that like his brother he would try to lead the Sith obvious. I read five chapters into it before I had to stop. Delta Squad: Forming Up Dominus Princeps Pre Clone Wars: The Delta team of commandos begins their training The piece flows well, but is not long enough yet to get a good feel on how it will go. The running gag of 62 being unable to recognize 38 was getting a bit old. Mechanized Noneko Pre KOTOR: Two different views of the ubiquitous droid The droids are like a current in the ocean, unnoticed until you actually meet on, and both views are equally valid. You can agree with both of the characters because they are incredibly irritating and incredibly useful at the same time. The Children Rangermike Roughly 30 years Post KOTOR: The children of Revan and the Exile stand before the council Your droid has a special program for clandestine meetings? That is what assignation means after all. The piece is well done, the confrontation what you would expect when the children of two men exiled return. The situation is well delineated, and being member of Clan Ordo doesn’t hurt. I wish I had time to read it all… Pick of the Week Upstaged by Amateurs DWH Pre TSL: Beware the argumentative characters… The piece struck me as incredibly funny. Every writer has nights when his characters won’t let him sleep because they don’t like the way they are portrayed; I once had an argument with three of the characters in my own Family of Choice because of a scene I had already blocked out that they changed to suit them. I was not surprised that the characters decided to take their complaints to the writers, I was just surprised by one of them threatening to delete a mass of her own programming as a counter threat. Pick of the Week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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