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The Critic's 2 cents

have I been honest and not overly critical?  

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  1. 1. have I been honest and not overly critical?

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Revan's Revelation



KOTOR AU: A series of shorts by the same author about Revan discovering the truth.


I rarely have time to read further in stories that have more than one chapter. This is one of those where I wish I did.


Pick of the Week


All Eyes On Me

The Raider


KOTOR After Leviathan: After discovering the secret, Revan holds on to one memory.


The piece is short, and sweet. Converting a holocron into the equivalent of a throwaway camera was a bit much, however.


SWTOR Origins: Zoei



Pre SWTOR: A Jedi with a unique gift


The piece was well done, the characters believable, and the situation well wrought. Addressing the idea that Jedi steal babies yet again, this adds additional weight against the idea, and since they are again needing to accept older students, addresses family as well.


Pick of the Week


It Is Enough

Cleopatra Antoinette


SWTOR: A confession


The piece was well done, but I am upset not with the author, but with the developers of the game. And that is with one specific race being used.


The Killik.


I used to have an extensive library of the Star Wars Books, and the first mention of the Killik (New Republic era) also said they were extinct. They were part of a piece of art and one character said that they were either imaginary, or were a legend. Of course a book later, they are found to be still existing.


First Night



Republic Commandos era: One night alone


The piece is definitely fluffy as the author describes it. Merely two young people having fun.


Universe Hopping

A Revanchist


KOTOR on Taris: A boy from Earth finds himself embroiled in the game


Remember to sight edit, especially for grammar and spelling. Paranoid is not spelled parinoid for example. Also watch that your sentences make sense. When commenting on the party Sarna invites the team to, you have the phrase 'party Sith her and some other Sith were having'. Remember that to a reader, the story is supposed to flow.


The piece is basically a bit of fun. I couldn't see Carth giving all the information he did to someone he just met, but if you figure the game mechanics are still working, you can ask questions of the other characters and they automatically answer. I also liked the idea that you had time passing, rather than being static. While the game lasts several hours from start to finish, for the characters hours and days are passing. However once someone wakes up at that party, they are going to notice that clothing and armor is missing, so waiting until the next day is not a good idea.





SWTOR Following Smuggler storyline: One more run


Having never played SWTOR, I don't know the characters that well. This is basically a scene where someone meets a person they think is attractive, and has fun with it.


One negative, you usually cutaway the holster rather than the weapon, and as much as people were and are enamored of a hair trigger, it takes getting used to. A friend named Lou Zocchi created an RPG set in the old west, and he dealt with things like cutting away the trigger guard, fanning the gun in real life, and hair triggers. All of them have very bad drawbacks making them more dangerous for the person using them. Picture the stereotypical movie with someone doing a fast draw with an automatic. Almost always, the actor is doing it with your finger on the trigger. All you need is about an ounce of pressure to pull it, so it would probabyl fire in the holster.


Hurting Where It Hits



SWTOR Following Smuggler storyline on Ord Mantell: One bad turn deserves another.


Again, the piece is nicely done, though it needs work as mentioned above. The scene is mentioned, and I watched it on youtube, so I know which belonged to the author, and it still comes across a bit trite. As the author said, the way the scene is written, there pretty much is nothing for the character to do but kill her.


The Balance A Star Wars Story



SWTOR No specific period given: A young Force User finally meets her tormentor


Remember to sight edit especially for grammar. You have the character throughing instead of throwing. And while a hungry animal will try to eat, a pack hunter which a wolf is, will attack directly rather than pacing about it's target if it is alone. You also ignored the animal completely once her master agreed to release her, which means you still have a hungry animal you have turned your back on.


The scene and situation makes little sense. Why is this being used as a test if it is obvious even to her that it should have been over long ago.



Epona's Chosen


Set during 501st: Two lovers play


The piece is interesting because we can see the divergence in personality more and more. When you think of clones usually, you picture them, as one author had them say derisively, as 'meat droids'. One size fits all, and no way to tell them apart. Unfortunately a lot of authors treat them about as well.


SWTOR: Angles Leverage and Betrayal



SWTOR At end of Legacy Quest: Things did not go quite as planned


Again, I have never played SWTOR, but I understand what's happening. The twist was how the attempt worked out, and I kinda wish I knew what happened from here.


Rhy'a's Adventures in the Old Republic

Talisman Casedine


KOTOR on Taris: A personal Journal look at the events


The piece had me rolling around laughing by the end of chapter one, especially when he comments on Canderous and what they can do with those straps, segueing into a threesome.


A nice end to my week


Best of the Week

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Tempting the darkness



SWTOR Follow on to the Sith Inquisitor storyline: Something finally breaks through a young Jedi's shell


The basics are generic, but the internal dialogue and interplay are different. We have a young girl who has a logical reason for her hate, a man stopping her from being too foolish, and his wife a Sith Lord savoring that first break in her victim's shell.


Days of the Old Republic I: Shalanna



SWTOR on Dantooine: A Padawan is worried about her master's attitudes


The piece is set during a rather nasty war, and the main problem with any war is people become inured to what must be done. Her master has, in my view, stepped over the line and her worry seems to be valid. The end of the first chapter had me wondering because the second Padawan is also suffering from the same thing, and no explanations are forthcoming.


SWTOR Origins: Jegan



SWTOR Origin Story: A young Force User is saved from the Sith


The piece is interesting because the boy who has been saved, and the one who saved him, have far too much in common. If these are the people being inducted into the Jedi now, I can understand the callous nature suggested in the previous review.


Revans and Exiles

Gone Rampant


Post TSL AU: A great first meeting


Remember to sight edit. There were a number of times where I had to pause while reading to understand the sentences.


This was done for a first meeting challenge, and the author knew we might be a bit confused with two different people thinking. So it was done using bold for one person, and italics for the other.


All explanations aside, the piece was fun from the start. Both trying to prove to the other who was the baddest in the cell yet when it come time for the 'daily fun', they were in agreement. Loved it!


Best of the Week





SWTOR Smuggler's story line: The things she'll do for a little extra cash


The piece was something that I liked, but I have always hated about the games. You have someone start a fight, surrounded by enemy troops, but everyone else pretty much ignores it. The first time I played KOTOR, I wondered what the Sith Guards were even walking around for. At one point I had three people brandishing some pretty heavy weapons, and not a single guard stopped us, tried to disarm us, or even fought us.


Gentlemen, Please Be Sithed



SWTOR: There are problems with deliveries...


There are few times I actually read the entire work when it is broken into chapters. I clicked in to see this one, and the entire first chapter was only about a hundred words. But I saw it, and wondered, how far is the Author willing to take this?


The answer was every step of the ridiculous way, and I am lucky I had finished my coffee because at times I was laughing. Especially when I found out where the furniture was supposed to come from!


Pick of the Week





SWTOR Smuggler's line: There is a story about it...


The piece is funny because you see a lighter side to the basic storyline, telling a humorous story, especially when the character mentions additional scars she doesn't show everyone!



Pick of the Week




SWTOR Smuggler's line: Turnabout


Once they started in the last story about explaining scars, this one made sense. The story is not as interesting, but why he did it fit the character.





Post TSL: A little explanation about their scars


Unlike Fyrebrande above, this author spread it between both of the lovers in the piece, and the explanations fit the characters. Having the Jedi be excellent with a lightsaber, but inept with a kitchen knife was a nice touch.


The Korasa Trial



Post TSL: A confrontation


After reading the first chapter, I was torn. The basic style is good, but you have only set the scene. The characters are cardboard cut outs, with little or no background to explain why there is a conflict.


For The First Time

Epona's Chosen


Imperial Stormtrooper era: A case of mistaken identity.


The piece surprised me, especially the end. I know they have the Spaarti clones popping up after the war, and didn't expect to have one with two of the older clones. The situation is pretty much what you'd expect from someone who is totally focused on the mission, and only a year old to boot. It takes years for someone to understand even the simplest interactions, and having Rede in a situation like this reminds me of the first time I ever kissed a girl lo so many years ago.


And having the irate girl slap the wrong guy made sense when Rede parsed it out.


Pick of the Week



Epona's Chosen


Clone Wars: Two of the clones deal with their loss in different ways


The piece is well done, the hope still there.

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