[Fic]Star Wars: The Past Secrets

[Daft Adidas]

Wow you have created the most brilliant characters anyone could imagine. Your mind is bursting with thoughts. I know it can be hard but try and get some of your books published! I will buy from you!

[HK-42]

Darth Aida: Thank you for your praise. But why buy it when you can just print the chaps out? And I know quite a few fic writers better then me.

 

All:

 

Chapter 3: Past Missions

 

Vandar boarded his ship again preparing to leave the planet again, this time with Gormo at his side.

 

“Vandar, we will find the secrets of your past.” Gormo told him.

 

Vandar stopped setting the coordinates to listen.

 

“I promise.”

 

Vandar turned to look at him. “Then what are we waiting for?”

 

“Right, where to first?”

 

“Zonama Sekot, a planet near here.”

 

Gormo nodded and slithered out of the room. Vandar turned and followed him as the ship jumped to lightspeed.

 

Revan watched in horror as Valk’s body was stabbed by Darth Ferio. He had saved Bastila’s life. It seemed to Revan that he could not hear or see anything but Ferio, Valk, and Bastila. Then he came to his senses. He reactivated his lightsabers and charged at Ferio to avenge Valk. The saber clashed against Ferio’s, but Ferio simply whisked it away.

 

Revan grinned. “You lose Ferio,” he sneered.

 

Ferio raised his eyebrow mocking him. “You think so,”

 

Bastila shot up from behind him and stabbed her saber in his back.

 

“Yes I do,” Revan told him.

 

Ferio groaned and fell to the ground dead.

 

“Bastila retreat the troops we’ve met our goal… I’ve seen there forces.”

 

“As you wish, my love,” Bastila told him.

 

Revan turned away with the ideas for his new troops still in his head.

_______

I know its short but it comes with a bonues:

 

ESCLUSIVE PREVIEW

 

star wars: Gizor Dellso's Victory:

 

Prologue

 

Although the Clone Wars were over, some people never seem to get the message. The worst case of denial was Gizor Dellso, a Geonosian Separatist who'd somehow escaped Lord Vader's efforts to wipe out the remnants of the CIS. Lord Vader tracked him to Mustafar and brought us in to finish the job. It seemed like a simple enough mission, but when we saw the fleet of droid ships hovering over the planet, we suddenly realized that Dellso's denial mechanisms were more dangerous than we'd imagined.

The slight whiff of nostalgia the 501st had enjoyed fighting the droid fleet over Mustafar had already grown sour by the time we'd established orbital positions. Now it was time to find out what this was all about.

 

_____________________________________________________________________

 

“Commander Bow,” A 501st Menber named “Fox” started. “We have engaged the CIS Remnant Forces,”

 

“Good, I’ll be ready soon.” Bow told him.

 

Fox nodded and ran to out of the life support room to get in TIE fighter.

 

Bow stopped to replace his ground armor to the normal Imperial Pilot suit. Then he called over a group of 7 pilots.

 

“You there, Come here.”

 

“Yes sir?”

 

“I need you to bomb the enemy ship once I disable the shields.” Commander Bow told them.

 

“Yes sir.”

 

“Good,” Bow said. Then he turned and entered the hanger and jumped into a TIE fighter.

I’m ready for this, Gizor’s ships are toast, Bow thought.

[JediMaster12]

Never mind the shortness but I still think that there is still quite a bit too much dialogue and not enough description. I am one of those people that likes to be dazzled with description. It also paints a clearer picture of what you have in mind of your plot. Slow down and read through each chapter again and find a way to describe the particular scene. Dialogue alone cannot achieve this. What is not being said is the big help. I am not saying that you should describe everything down to the last button on a shoe, no. What I am saying is that you need to feed your reader the description of your character and often the motions, the facial expressions, all that tell of personality, the type of situation, the things that make a scene. You have a good idea I suggest you run with it but I thik you need to slow down and think more of how you are presenting your characters and ideas to your audience.

[Diego Varen]

I have to agree with JediMaster12 on this one. I've learnt that description helps any story or in this case Fanfic, to flow more. Still, it was a good Chapter and I liked the Gizor Delso Shortie too. Is that all of it?

[HK-42]

No its not all of it. It just the preview.

[HK-42]

I'm sorry to say. In two more chapters this saga will end temperaily. maybe for a while maybe permently. The reason is because A new idea popped into my mind. Sorry for any dissappointment. But It will continue once i get this idea out of my head for good.

[Diego Varen]

Please don't stop this Saruman. I once had a new idea to do a Trilogy based on Jedi Academy, but I thought I'd stick with the Sera Tana Saga. It's your choice though.

[HK-42]

i will continue it after i get this idea out of my head. Which will hopefully be soon.

[Daft Adidas]

Oh well get this idea out of your head fast! Because i like your fics.

[HK-42]

I promised Topsite and others I would finish this. The War will end shortly noted in my last chapter. So i'll say theres about 5 more chaps left in this. Just be patient. Both LOTC and this will be complete, this one shortly then I will focus everything i have on LOTC with some short fics here an there.

[HK-42]

Chapter 4:The New Armor

 

Revan sat at the work bench customizing the Sith Armor so it could wipe out the True Sith. The TS Trooper was able to use a gravity field to copy the Force Push. So why not have his troops copy a force power. With the new technology Revan had made his troops should be able to shoot lightning out of there finger tips. But first he had to do a practice round.

 

“Bastila!” Revan called.

 

“Yes, my love?”

 

“Bring me 2 sith troopers, very loyal ones.”

 

“As you wish.”

 

A second later 2 sith troopers walked in. Bastila was nowhere in sight.

 

“What are your names?” Revan demanded.

 

“Namak, sir, and this is Laros.”

 

“Are you willing to be a test in my latest weapon?”

 

“If I serve the Empire when I do,” Namak commented.

 

“Same with me,” Laros told him.

 

“Good now let me see your hand armor.”

 

The troopers handed him there armor. Revan placed his devise in the armor and handed them back to Namak only.

 

“Now extended your arm out facing Laros and imagine lightning coming out of your hand.”

 

Namak did so and a second later Laros clasped to the ground in a smothering heap.

 

“Perfect it works,” Revan said laughing in triumph. “Now take this armor and come back with others to carry these other boxes to the rest of the army. Make sure everyone knows how to use them.”

 

“Yes sir,” Namak said quickly. Then he ran off. Bastila walked in as he left.

 

“What’s wrong you seemed disturbed?”

 

“Vandar is close to discovering the secret of his species, I must stop him.”

 

“You know it?”

 

“I stopped his species from knowing it,”

[Diego Varen]

Nice to hear you're returning to work on this again Saruman. Personally I find it easier to write one Fic only, but I can talk. Anyway, good Chapter as always (My only critism being that there is a lot of dialogue). I'm looking foward to more.