Rabish Bini Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Hello, this is my 3rd short fic, about Revan finding out who he truly is. Enjoy. ------------------------ Rob, Bastila and Carth ran along the Leviathan to the hangar. Carth was furious for something he kept hidden from Rob. Somehow, Bastila knew what it was. They were approaching the hangar. As they were half way down the corridor, the door opened, Malak walked through. Bastila noticably gulped. "Down you go!" Yelled Carth as he shot Malak with his blasters. Malak merely deflected the fire with his hand and laughed. He froze Carth with a stasis. "So good of you to come to this reunion, I thought you were gone for good, but the pathetic Jedi saved you." He said. "What are you talking about?" Asked Rob. "HAHAHA! You mean you haven't figured it out, all this time and you don't know, why don't you think about it." Suddenly, Rob had a vision. Bastila was standing on a cliff on Dantooine, "What greater weapon is there then to use their own knowledge against them?" Then Carth, "I heard that the Force can do terrible things to a mind, it can take away your memories, and destroy your very identity." Then Master Vrook, "I fear this quest to find the Star Forge, will lead you down an all to familiar path." Then Master Zhar, "You are a rather special case." Finally, the vision showed Revan before he got attacked. Rob fell on his knees. "You cannot escape who you once were, Revan." Rob stood up. "Rob, are you alright?" Asked Bastila, knowing that his feelings are all but destroyed. "You, how could you, you kept the biggest secret of my life away from me! In some ways, you're no better than the Sith!" Rob yelled back at her. "How could you say that!? The Jedi gave you a second chance at life." "And when you give someone a second chance you don't make them forget their first!" Rob snapped back at her. "HAHAHA! Some people thought I attacked you from space because I was scared, now I will prove them wrong. We shall settle this in Sith tradition, Master versus apprentice." Malak ignited his red lightsaber, Rob did the same with his blue one. Malak froze Bastila in a stasis as well. Rob immediately attacked Malak. He swung ferociously but Malak blocked all his attacks with ease. Rob tried to swipe at Malak's chest but Malak moved to the side and attacked with a swift stab to Rob's side. Rob managed to move in time to avoid serious injury. He pushed Malak into the next room. This gave him some breathing space before continuing his attack. Rob lunged at Malak but he got pushed away with a Force wave. Bastila came rushing into the room. "This isn't over Malak! Go, find the Star Forge and stop the Sith!" She yelled as the door closed behind her. "No, you can't defeat him!" Rob yelled, but it was too late. "C'mon, we have to go." Said Carth, they ran to the hangar were the rest of the group were waiting in the Ebon Hawk. "'Bout time you got here, where's Bastila" Asked Canderous. "We ran into... an unexpected guest." answered Rob."And we have something bigger here." Said Carth, "Should I tell them, or should you?" "I will, i'm really..." he hesitated, "I'm really, Revan." An awkward silence came across the Ebon Hawk. Mission was the first to speak. "Well I don't see a Dark Lord of the Sith standing there, I see the man who helped me with my problems, i'll stand by you." "What about you Canderous?" Asked Rob "Revan was the only one who could defeat us in battle, it is an honour to fight by you." "T3?" "Beep-beep-bwooop." He also joined them. "What about you Jolee?" "What about me, I knew who you were, so i'll be with you anyway." "Zaalbar?" You saved me from the Gamorreans and reunited me with my father, i'll join you. He said in his Wookie growl. Everybody else also joined him. "You guys are all nuts," said Carth, "You're joining a Sith Lord, and he blew up my home planet." "Everybody knows that that was Malak." Said Canderous. "Well, i'll join you, but i'll still kepp my eye on you. And it's late we should all get to sleep." Everybody went to there beds. Rob got up after everyone was asleep, he just couldn't do it. He walked into the cargo hold and sat on one of the crates. Tears ran down his face. It was all too much for him to handle. The loss of Bastila, the one he loves, and the sudden revelation, but he has to carry on, he is the only one powerful enough to stop Malak and the Sith. He spent the rest of his sleepless night in the cargo hold... THE END ------------------------- Please leave comments, thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aurora Starfire Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Mmm, not bad. I did notice a couple spelling errors, though. Bastila noticabely gulped. It's noticeably "I fear this quest to find the Star Forge, will lead you down an all to familiar path." It's too "In some ways, your no better than the Sith!" It's you're "How cou you say that!?" It's could "And when you give someone a second chance you don't make them forget there first!" It's their Malak froze Bastila in a stasis aswell. It's as well Rob sung at Malak's chest but Malak moved to the side and attacked with a swift stab to Rob's side. It's swung "Well, i'll join you, but i'll still kepp my eye on you." It's keep Everybody went to there beds. It's their And almost every "I'll" and "I'm" had a lowercase "I"...... It was a good fic, though, overall. It was really well written, and I just wanted to point out a couple things that will improve it. Feel free to use, or not use, any of my suggestions, I don't mind if you ignore them. I'm just trying to help! You brought out Revan's feelings really well, especially there at the end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KotO[REvan] Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 As Aurora Starfire said there were a lot of spelling errors, but all are common to make. But I didn't really enjoy reading this fic, since it's already in the game and I've seen it plenty of times. You changed some things but mostly all of it was the same, not worth reading once again in my opinion. Try to be a little more creative and show things that weren't said in games. - Evan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Catto Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 I enjoyed it. Yes there were some spelling mistakes, but other than that. A very well done shortie. Hope to see more of them from you in the future p.s I dont mind reading things which were in the game. It dosent really matter to me, i just like the quality of what im reading. And in this case, the quality was pretty dang good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Titanius Anglesmith Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Other than just the few spelling mistakes, I liked it. True, it's in the game, but we don't really know what Revan was feeling. It's nice to see what he might have felt like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rabish Bini Posted January 16, 2007 Author Share Posted January 16, 2007 Heh, sorry about the spelling mistakes, but I was pretty tired because of a poor nights sleep and I couldn't be bothered proof-reading. @Aurora Starfire - I typed I'll as i'll because that's the way I was taught. And thanks for the comments, a new fic out shortly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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